SandraBoogerGif041309.gif

...because "ladies" industriously go prospecting for green gold on TV...

She quickly realizes what she just did and apologizes to America for having picked her nose on TV (Ha! Like that's the worst of the dreck that the CW trots out for our viewing pleasure!) Besides, I think she more urgently owes America an apology...

SandraGumbyCut041309.JPG

...for attempting to revive the Bobby Brown Gumby Cut...

Hey, remember how AmINuts, MeeMaw and Queenie won that fabulous sparkle-glitter mascara challenge at the Amazing Wall O' Mart, and their prize was to have their photo taken together and put on WalMart.com? No, really, they did. I'm not kidding, that was the prize. Anyhow, here's how it turned out...

WalMartDotCom041309.JPG

...like a big bony bitchy Hatred Oreo™...

Even better, at the end of the shoot, as an extra-special super bonus prize, they got to cadge a bunch of l.e.i. clothes from Wal-Mart. No, really, they did. Armfuls and armfuls of them. Try wearing that shit to Judges Panel and you too can watch your own head tumble down off your smoking neck-stump.

We haven't heard much about Rich-Bitch, and that's because apparently all she does (when she's not busy shilling for the Palos Verdes Chamber Of Commerce and looking down on everybody else) is sleep. Lots and lots of sleep. MeeMaw thought it would be super-funny if the producers made a montage of Sleeping Rich-Bitch around NYC and the world. So they did...

NatalieSleepGif041309.gif

...MeeMaw's idea of cutting-edge humor...

...sometimes there's a reason shit doesn't actually make it onto the show. Those cut-and-paste jobs are worse than mine (and I'm stuck using MS Paint for all my stupid little pics!) See what happens when MeeMaw gets put in charge?

I also was not aware that the enterprising trio of MeeMaw, Anime-Eyes and Portlie came up with an idea to market their own America's Next Top Bird Feeder (patent pending) made out of a cardboard box and hung with dental floss outside one of the windows (they helpfully printed the words "Welcome birds" on the inside). Okay, that was super-lame (and I hope that it draws a bunch of birds that will shit on them as they leave their house every day) but the reason I absolutely had to mention it was because of what MeeMaw was wearing during this segment...

CeliaGrannyGlasses041309.JPG

...I fuckin' knew she had a pair of Granny Glasses!...

All she needs now is to have them on a beaded chain (so she won't lose them) and to wear them slightly askew all the time and she's got my actual MeeMaw down! Oh yeah, and she needs to smoke a lot and complain about everything and fart loudly once in a while, too.

Things must be soooo boring in that house, because one day Jesus-Freak, Portlie, Anime-Eyes and MeeMaw decided to have a fake-crying competition...

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...Jesus-Freak wept!...

Of course, Jesus-Freak won because of her actual acting abilities. They should have had a stigmata competition, then she could have really shown how holy she is. And Anime would have had an orgasm. On the real crying front, of course, we had Fo Ho and her earth-shattering butch-cut...

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...she must have seen MeeMaw in her Granny Glasses, too!...

At the Blondes Pose-Off Challenge with Benny Ninja, it seems our girl Teyomboy had a particularly graceful runway exit...

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...Oooooh, Teyomboy faw down go boom...

However, girlfriend got right back up, gave a pose and continued on her way. After the competition, the creepy Blondes gave the posing winner MeeMaw the choice to either keep the dress she was already wearing, or she could snatch a dress from off one of the other girls. We all know that she kept the one she had on (and wore it incessantly for the next week until it stank like stale Diet Coke and Correctol, and tried to run away on it's own) but what we didn't get to see was when Phillipe Blond (the drag queen of the pair) told her she had done so well that she could "pick a friend to keep their outfit, also."

Wow, that was pretty generous of them! So it's kind of surprising when MeeMaw gets a huge toothy grin and suggests "I could either snatch two for myself or pick a friend to keep theirs?" After being taken aback for a moment, Benninja and the Blondes are impressed, "Oooooh, that's bitchy!" giggles Phillipe-As-Titless-Madonna...

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...with an ever-so-slight peen-bump shadow...

America's Next Top Model: Remixed, Reworked, Restyled and Remodeled Sections:  1  |  2  |  3  |  4  |  5  |  6 

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Comments (12)

itchy:

What, no comments yet?

Well, I almost didn't watch this one either, since it's a recap episode. But I had work to do, so I needed something on in the background. And this one had the merit of actually showing lots of new stuff--and especially scenes that are kind of important for the rest of the show (which makes you wonder why they didn't show them on the episodes themselves?).

Weird how there's practically nothing at all about Jesus Freak there. I'm guessing she's smart enough not to provide any reality tv material.

Fo's a very cute crier. She'd definitely win every argument we'd have together.

AnimeEyes seems to have the same vaguely absent personality as McGee. So I pick her to win this thing.

I can't help liking MeeMaw...don't know why. I'm certain she was one of the popular girls who (tried to make) my life miserable in high school (didn't work, I was too wacked out). But I still can't help liking who she is...and if 15-year-olds can make a career modeling clothes for 30-year-old women, then a 25-year-old should be able to make a career for the 50-year-old set, right?

LisaMay:

I'm confused, when did this episode air???? I can't believe I missed it.

sayhuh:

LisaMay, I think this one aired right after the regular episode. I didn't watch it because it was up against Lost and (I think) Bones and there's only so much my DVR can handle, and enough already anyway, and in any case it will be a million times better when what I get is something that has been through J-Mo's wringer. More after I actually read it!

juddfan:

I missed this too, in utter unawared's, but I'm oh so happy to see it all through J-mo's trusty eyes!!!

After last night's new epi, i'm more confused than ever . . . good to have Queenie back for a day, hee, I still think she was the most modelesque in look, maybe in the real world she'll get some work since she's not being edited into a stupid sounding biotch!!! I feel like I'm defending her, but alas, I'd have to care for that!

Have fun J-mo, we'll miss ya!!! xoxoxo and thanks for the tasty and witty bon mot!

pixielated:

I tried to comment last night, Itchy, but I had an early onset senior moment and briefly couldn't remember my password.

I can understand why Tyra egged Meemaw on in trashing the other girls and then shut her down at the panel. The first time, it was general bitchery, which Tyra is always up for, where in the second instance, Meemaw was inserting herself into the 'sacred' judging process. Also, it's one thing to trash your competition behind their backs and another to do it in front of them. That's the whole basis of gossip!

Wow, Meemaw looked better with long hair. I thought that in the posing challenge but this picture just reinforces it.

I wish they'd shoot Anime-eyes in profile for a change; that might give her a different "look." Also, she should show more of that saucy bitchiness that she has in the interviews in her photo shoots.

I like Fo and Teyomboy. Fo is actually much prettier, but Teyomboy will probably win.

TheVoiceOfReason:

Please to enjoy a tidbot from the internetz about Allison/Anime/Samara:

www DOT mamapop DOT com/mamapop/2009/03/a-love-letter-t DOT html#more

LAjane:

Strangely enough, Rich Bitch actually makes the Great Wall look pretty comfy.

Moving on - I hadn't realized just how deep into her nose Queenie was until you slowed it down a little. Plus, the look on her face is pretty priceless. She's *loving* the nose-picking.

LAjane:

Thanks for giving that link voiceofreason! Actually, the snarkier Anime gets the more I like her. She's definitely my favorite contestant.

thatswhatshesaid:

J-Mo: You do such a great job on these recaps!! I couldn't even get through eating my dessert b/c I was laughing so hard! And NOTHING comes in between me and my banana pudding!
I almost didn't watch this Cycle Rewind, but in the end I did. Did anyone else notice that when they recapped the elimination ceremonies, Tyra's opinion of different girls changed? Most noticeable was Anime Eyes. How many times have they complained she gives one face? Especially the last week with the pink paint all over her face. But in the cycle rewind, Tyra just said it came out beautiful. It seemed like she was re-writing history so that when the winner ends up being someone they previously trashed, viewers won't cry foul! But people will cry foul anyway b/c this show is rigged and most people probably didn't see the rewind since it aired right after a new episode.

yentapatrol:

J-Mo you are awesome,

I loved the Anime Eyes cap!! Thanks for recapping the recap epi and managing to make it fun : )

What? No pics from Pride? Sigh!
Heart,
Yenta

PottyMouth:

I didn't know this was on either! Well, it's a win/win for me. I didn't have to sit through it, and I didn't have to sit through it. We all know your recap was FAR better than watching it.

How lucky can a girl get?

J-Mo, I second Yenta's question - where are the pix from Pride? Puh-lease?

SWAK, Pottymouth

arizonatom:

Great recap J-Mo!

Although this epi was filled with a lot of what we already saw, it was nice to see some of the stuff that ended up on the cutting room floor - makes it easier to understand some of what we have seen.

Looking forward to the end of this train wreck!

By the way, for the non-Phoenicians, Pride is currently taking place (Sat 4/19-Sun 4/19) so after performing, J-Mo probably hasn't had time to come home from the bar yet. I am sure he'll post pics in the next few days. (I'm just taking a break from the sun and sweat to relax a bit in the A/C - this is Sun and the last I saw it was 96 degrees! Not the 115 we're used to in the summer, but still a bit too early to be that hot!

Lots O' Love

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