The next day the girls take a bus to the Headquarters for Sao Paulo Fashion Week where they meet up with the Director Paulo Borges, who comes right out and starts speaking Portuguese to the girls... who have no idea what he's saying at all...

...luckily for Anime, the captions appeared right in front of her...
Fortunately he has a translator there by the name of Fabienne Muzy, who explains to the girls, "Toodaiy wiwill immolate a daiy indelaife uvva reel warking modull... anduh, we havuh praypaireduh forjoo fife guh-seez!" So the girls will be setting themselves on fire while attempting to play the Brazilian National Anthem on a tiny flute. No, wait, that's not right. OH, they've set up five go-sees for the girls to embark upon! Well, thanks for that crystalline translation Miss MuzzyMouth! You're almost ready to go to work at the United Nations, but you need to watch some more reruns of Roseanne so you can learn how to talk American betterer. And stuff.
OMG, Anime just let loose with a small fudgy jet all down the back of her Holly Hobby UnderRoos, the very thought of having to do go-sees makes her super-nervous! "And I don't know why!" she wails. MuzzyMouth doesn't make things any better for her as she blabbles on, "De Brasilian deezainairs een Sao Paulo arr lucking forra modull weestyull... pairsunulttee... ansull..."...
...they might as well have substituted the "Waw waaaaw waw waaaaaw wawwaw" sounds from Charlie Brown...
So they need soul, huh? MeeMaw and Anime are so screwed. Nevertheless, MeeMaw is all business now because she understands the extreme importance of this challenge, "You have to impress all these people, because ultimately they're who give you your jobs!" Oh, wait, Paulo's speaking some more Portuguese... shhh, let's listen!...
..."Você precisará de visitar estes desenhadores quando vestido na roupa das prostituta. Você pode ter o sexo com o alguma deles a fim convencê-los para dar-lhe um trabalho. Ao executar o sexo da boca, seus bordos devem estar separados distante húmido e seu os dentes mantido. Ninguém gosta de seu pénis ou clitóris de começ dano com abrasões. Seja certo trazer também hortelã da respiração!"...
MuzzyMouth translates that Paulo said they can go to all five designers in any order they like, but they need to meet back with her at the designated address no later than 3:30pm! Their taxis await, so, Boa sorte, cadelas! The girls each grab their portfolio book (helpfully made up of only their ANTM challenge photos... I'm sure that paint-on-the-face shit will be helpful.) and head out to the taxis with their mapped out locations to begin the challenge!
Aaaaaand ten seconds in they are all immediately bitching about how baaaaad the traffic is... AmINuts proves she's nuts when she claims it's worse than L.A and NYC combined. I dunno about NYC, but I can tell you that I have spent days inching along La Cienega, Santa Monica, Highland, Sepulveda, Hawthorne and Balboa Boulevards (not to mention hanging out in the parking lots known as I-10, the 101, I-5 and the 405) so I'm very familiar with the phrase "six hours to get milk and a pack of smokes". In other words, leave the hyperbole to the experts, Nutsy.
They've only got a total of four hours, and MeeMaw's got a strategy planned, she's going to work from the furthest location backwards, so she heads over to Adriana Degreas first. Teyomboy apparently had the same thought, because she goes there, too, just in time to see MeeMaw exit her cab and get in the door first! Damn, she's pissed and fumes, "I'm not tryina wait for anybody, they needa wait for me!" so she leaves to go elsewhere. Feeling victorious, MeeMaw meets with Adriana, and the first question out of their mouths is...
...based on this ultra-flattering picture, I would have guessed "somewhere between menopause and corpse-decay"...
When she tells them she's 25, Adriana's assistant Caio has to stifle a giggle. MeeMaw says that go-sees are so nerve-wracking "because you don't know what the designer wants!" I would assume they want someone born in the 1990's. Still, they let her try on a diaphanous curtain that has the image of the famous Rio De Janeiro "Christ The Redeemer" statue on it...
...there are so many things wrong with this picture, the worst of which is the fact that MeeMaw's ass-cheeks appear to have given Christ a pair of low-hanging boobs...
After she's finished Caio says "Ceeliyah haz ayvreytheeng to beecomm liyeek a supairmodull bot shee haz problaym ovv Ceeliyah's ayge..." Still, he claims Adriana would book her. For what, I dunno. Do they have an AARP Newsletter in Brazil?
« Hell's Kitchen: Finale, Part the First | Main | America's Next Top Model: Tyra Almost Dies »


Comments (15)
Let's play a game! What else PAINS MeeMaw...
I'm guessing eating a Fruitloop pains her. All those calories.
1 of 15 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on May 4, 2009 10:43 AM
And apprarently the breeze from helicopter blades pain MeeMaw...I thought she was gonna get blown right off the building.
BRILLIANT recap. The translations made me laugh 'til my sides hurt...in a good way.
2 of 15 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on May 4, 2009 10:56 AM
OHMYLORD, I just put your Portuguese in a translator. lolololol :D
3 of 15 | Posted by qupert | Posted on May 4, 2009 1:16 PM
I have to say it... I like MeeMaw. I think she has a fabulous sense of style and carries herself very well. I also think that Anime is beyond cute and I want to hang her from my rear view mirror. I don't really like AmINuts though she does have a fantastic body. Her face just doesn't do it for me. As far as Teyomboy goes, when I see her normally, I don't get it. I don't think she is pretty at all. She is all teeth and chin. But she does look stunning in photographs. She will probably win this thing, but I still prefer Meemaw (for now at least).
I also put the caption in babelfish. Hee hee! Funny recap as always, J-Mo! Thank you!
4 of 15 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on May 4, 2009 1:40 PM
The go-see assignment always makes me so nervous! You's think that they'd never watched a season before, because every single frackin' time one of the girls is late. It's so bad it actually stresses me out a little bit. Just skip a go-see girls! Also, every time that Teyona showed up behind someone there was twisted little part of me that was happy. She's such a foregone conclusion at this point that I can't help but get irritated by her (plus, I find her boring, and the DON'T TOUCH was super obnoxious after she won). Anime for the win!
I felt like this judging may have been one of the most hypocritical yet. I mean, doesn't Tyra *always* tell the girls to practice in the front of the mirror. Now, suddenly, practicing is somehow wrong? Je confused.
Oh, and Pepto-Jaysmol...hilarious.
5 of 15 | Posted by LAjane | Posted on May 4, 2009 5:54 PM
I feel stressed out with those Go-Sees and I didn't watch that episode. IMO, the whole show is becoming boring and I only to care about reading J-amor's recaps! Thanks, J!
I wonder if they'll ever go to Rio de Janeiro or to some exotic place in the Northeast!?
6 of 15 | Posted by detinha | Posted on May 4, 2009 8:50 PM
Fo's height suddenly becomes an issue 11 episodes into the season? Why bother having her on the show at all? For that matter, if MeeMaw's age is going to prevent her from winning this thing, why bother letting her on?
Unless of course...this isn't (gasp) a real modeling competition?
7 of 15 | Posted by itchy | Posted on May 4, 2009 11:31 PM
Good point, Itchy, and you reminded me of something... isn't the season they are filming right now only for people shorter than 5'8"? So wtf?!
8 of 15 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on May 5, 2009 6:47 AM
and who knew 5'8" was too short for a model . . . didn't it used to be 5'7"--heck, what do I know . . .
J-mo, dahling, I thought of you that whole shoot, and I am unsurprised to see lots of caps of that hot, speedo'ed bear!!! I myself was captivated, and when Sex God came over to take part in the groping, I was in shock!!! Funny that the first time he does something like that involves stroking an almost naked fuzzy, Brazilian bear!!! And Anime, going in for him, almost straight away was noted!!! Good to see her growing in this, and tho she doesn't seem like the winner I'll root for her anyway (and maybe we can meet her for drinks at the chubby chaser club, right J-mo!?)
Pity about Fo, but she did bone that one, I don't know how it works, but I think there must be divisions in modeling that allow for girls like her to work. Someone ? . . . and All this time I thought Aminuts was a tad too tall . . . silly me. I did think this was her best shot, and Teyomboy is coming from no where, but looks like the chosen one, with good reason, tho she was obnoxious behind the scenes--couldn't believe she kept leaving designers to waste time going to another to leave, and then she wins . . . harumpph!!!
Well, thanks as always for a thorough cap of the epi, and lots of gratuitous grabs . . . you're my guy!!!! xoxoxoxoxo
I'm off to try the translator!
9 of 15 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on May 5, 2009 11:09 AM
J-Mo,
Honey you are such a riot. Reading your recaps with my morning coffee is the best thing ever!! Your voice comes through your writing so well that it feels like your sitting across the table from me sipping on a mocha and dishing on these ladies : ) Luvs it!!
I have to say that I'm not convinced that any of these ladies would really stand out on any runway show that I've seen (except for not being able to walk). I am curious to see who ultimately wins, and if we ever hear from then again...
Hugs,
Yenta
10 of 15 | Posted by yentapatrol | Posted on May 5, 2009 11:16 AM
Arrgh, what an episode. First of all since when does being 5'8" suddenly to you into a charter memeber of the Lollypop Guild? That's an above average height, right? Jesus they made it sound like Fo Ho couldn't leave the room unless someone reached up and turned the door handle for her. And shouldn't it say something to a designer if the only way their clothes look good is on a giant bag of sticks that's half a foot taller and 30 pounds lighter then the people who are actually going to buy your clothes?
Still it was a great episode. I love gosees. Actually I love putting any American in a cab in a foreign country, and watching them reinforce every negative stereotype about our country; it's TV gold.
I also love that judging by this season of ANTM it seems everyone in Brazil did as well in high school Enlish as I did in high school Spanish. Is it possible for an enitre nation to get a pity C?
There was one thing I didn't like this week, the gloves with teeny tiny bikinis. What, were they handling food? I've got news for you, unless you're a Disney character with only four fingers, you don't wear gloves with a bathing suit. Ugh!
A great recap J-Mo, laughed all the way through, please keep them coming!
11 of 15 | Posted by Waffleboy09 | Posted on May 5, 2009 11:21 AM
I think Aminuts would tear it up on the runway. What a body, and legs five miles long.
Lil Anime sure came out of her shell. That hair mostly overwhelms her, though. I'd like to see her in a bob, either wavy or straight.
Poor Meemaw--so close to being a "supairmoduhl" yet so far.
Fo IS short for a model. The runway girls are mostly 5-10 and up nowadays, I believe. And in Brazil they want tall and THIN. She can model in print though. She is very pretty, that's why they say "no hiyah fasheeeahhhn" or whatever.
Hey, I tried to get with the Portuguese accent.
12 of 15 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on May 5, 2009 8:03 PM
Does anyone else feel that each show had been created by a film student who just learned about the avante garde/surrealist art movement. One of the photo shoots from a previous season was to dress the girls in meat bikinis in a slaughter house- how much more proof do you need that someone drop out from NYU was hired to write this show. I swear sometimes that photo shoots, comments, and theme of the show makes less sense then Un chien andalou. Who is the film student now? Me that's who.
And thank you for the shot of all the ironing boards in the thongs. Is there anything that isn't anthromorphized these days?
13 of 15 | Posted by reckless_saturn_11 | Posted on May 9, 2009 8:37 AM
cattyfan... Ooh, I LIKE your game idea, that is BRILLIANT! LOL, glad you liked the Hooked-On-Phonics portions... xoxo :)
qupert... LOL, I hope Babelfish made sense of it! xoxo :)
Snootchy Bootches... Actually, I agree with you about MeeMaw's fashion sense, she always looks like a million bucks, which is something you can't say about Teyomboy or Anime a lot of the time. And ROFL at hanging Anime from the rear-view mirror! xoxo :)
LAjane... honey, I was right there with you, I'll never understand why these girls don't just meet with a couple of designers and high-tail it back to be on time no matter what! And Teyomboy definitely lost some cool points in my eyes for not even letting the other girls TOUCH her precious winnings, that was trés selfish! xoxo :)
detinha... awww, shucks, thank you! I wish they would explore more of Brazil, but you know that would require a car trip and these girls just aren't up to being driven anywhere! xoxo :)
itchy... word up. xoxo :)
juddfan... LOL, I knew you'd be enjoying this episode just as much as I was, I just wished they had had more episode shots of him on the CW's website, but I guess that would have been too much to ask for. :( xoxo :)
yentapatrol... LOL, that sounds like so much fun, Sunday morning bagels and schmeer and coffee and talking shit about people! I'm glad my voice comes through, because you're right, that's exactly how I talk! love to you! xoxo :)
WaffleBoy09... "Pity C" Best. Grade. Ever. I was losing my shit over the weird Michael Jackson single-glove thing, too! Talk about random accessories, that looked totally last minute! BTW, have you considered auditiongasm? love to you! xoxo :)
pixielated... your Portuguese accent is just fine, it's the show that makes no sense! xoxo :)
reckless_saturn_11... Hahaha, I was looking for the perfect adjective for the girls in their thongs, and couldn't find it, but you sure did! THANK YOU! xoxo :)
Thanks again for all the comments guys, as always I appreciate it!
love, J-Mo :)
14 of 15 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on May 11, 2009 9:39 AM
first hot picture of anime, i'd say. really nice picture composition that she stood left next to fatty guy.
15 of 15 | Posted by mila superstar | Posted on May 18, 2009 12:57 PM