Way to shave there, El Schlubbo. Fo Ho's waiting in the cab, she's stressed because she knows time is of the essence here, and since the traffic is so bad that it's eating up the minutes rapidly, "I almost wanna cry! [shocker!] I hope this really doesn't screw me over!" Honey, forget about the clock, I think it's your genetics that are about to do you in!
Suddenly they only have an hour and ten minutes left, and Fo Ho's still trapped in the back seat of a taxi, and pestering the driver every 10 seconds with "Are we there yet?" I wouldn't be shocked if she wound up in Rio De Janeiro. Or Ecuador. She's really losing her shit, "I'm very nervous right now, I have all these go-sees to go see. I'm not sure what time it is right now and I'm freaking out!" Well, perhaps she should have tried purchasing one of those teeny-tiny clocks that you can actually wear on your wrist!...

...it might have proven a tad more useful than that friendship bracelet...
She's meeting with Glum-Face over at Osklen, and admits to him that she's a little short, but that she gives it her all (since she gave up half-assing). He has her attempting to walk while wearing an iridescent-green lampshade from the 60's! That dress is fugly and moves about as well as sheet metal. Glum-Face no likuh! "Fo... hair bodee nott forr ketwokkeeng... Aiwood zay shee eez muchmorr forr, maiybee commairshill dan forr hai-fashunn." Still, she gives him kissy-smoochies as she leaves.
Now they're down to 55 minutes, and Teyomboy has decided to return to Huis Clos to meet with Yoko Onozco, who is immediately smitten, "Mai furzz imprayshon ovv Teyona izzde baiste! Ailike hair styull, vayree sheekuh!" Teyomboy rocks her walk for Yoko, who loves it so much she begins to break things and caterwaul and paint herself in chocolate while chanting "Number 9? Number 9?"...
..."Os povos precisam de parar de responsabilizar-me pela dissolução do Beatles!"...
Now Anime's about to meet with Bitchy Caio and Adriana Degreas, and after she gets done stilting her way around in a swimsuit, Adriana tells her to relax. Anime tries the "I'm so nervous!" line again. Now she's in another one of their flimsy sexy muumuus and Caio's trying to tell her to do a little bit of an arm-twirl to show off how erotic mosquito netting can be... the results are about as expected...

...I dunno about you, but I'm sure turned on...
Watch out, Anime, that hanger could have been another model on the catwalk! Except the hanger is way too fat. At any rate, Anime asks for a do-over and tries again, managing to miss whopping that giant rack of clothes with her stick-like arm this time. Caio tells us "Udriana woood boook Alleesonn mayeebe forr add compaiyeen, sommteeng liguh dat, nodd forruh fashunn-shouww!" Ever graceful to the end, Anime gets caught in the dressing room curtain on the way out. *forehead-slap*
Now they have just over 30 minutes left! AmINuts is meeting with Cris Barros and trying on dresses when MeeMaw shows up. Cris asks her to "wait some meenuts?" which MeeMaw agrees to do, and while she's waiting, she's watching Nutsy stroll in a purple explosion of ruffles and says "Her walk is beautiful, she has an amazing walk!" However, AmINuts confesses, "I would like Celia to go home... no offense to her, but she looks old! You know, she doesn't look young, she doesn't look fresh." Yeah, and suddenly she doesn't look like as much of a bitch, either.
Cris herself says she likes MeeMaw and her confidently elegant walk, and believes the old girl has a great career in front of her. And guess who shows up on the doorstep now? Teyomboy again! Dayum! Denied a third time at the hands of MeeMaw! Teyomboy's already got 3 go-sees under he belt, so she thinks about it for a minute and decides to high-tail it back to the rendezvous address so as to make it there on time. "I'd rather be 20 minutes early and only see 3 than see 4 and be late, so..." She arrives at 3:19pm and is the first one there.
10 minutes left and AmINuts and Anime are racing back towards the rendezvous address. Anime is freaking out (natch!) and asking the cab driver if they'll get there soon...
...this was my dad's standard response to that same question (except it was often accompanied by a backhand as well)...
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Comments (15)
Let's play a game! What else PAINS MeeMaw...
I'm guessing eating a Fruitloop pains her. All those calories.
1 of 15 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on May 4, 2009 10:43 AM
And apprarently the breeze from helicopter blades pain MeeMaw...I thought she was gonna get blown right off the building.
BRILLIANT recap. The translations made me laugh 'til my sides hurt...in a good way.
2 of 15 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on May 4, 2009 10:56 AM
OHMYLORD, I just put your Portuguese in a translator. lolololol :D
3 of 15 | Posted by qupert | Posted on May 4, 2009 1:16 PM
I have to say it... I like MeeMaw. I think she has a fabulous sense of style and carries herself very well. I also think that Anime is beyond cute and I want to hang her from my rear view mirror. I don't really like AmINuts though she does have a fantastic body. Her face just doesn't do it for me. As far as Teyomboy goes, when I see her normally, I don't get it. I don't think she is pretty at all. She is all teeth and chin. But she does look stunning in photographs. She will probably win this thing, but I still prefer Meemaw (for now at least).
I also put the caption in babelfish. Hee hee! Funny recap as always, J-Mo! Thank you!
4 of 15 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on May 4, 2009 1:40 PM
The go-see assignment always makes me so nervous! You's think that they'd never watched a season before, because every single frackin' time one of the girls is late. It's so bad it actually stresses me out a little bit. Just skip a go-see girls! Also, every time that Teyona showed up behind someone there was twisted little part of me that was happy. She's such a foregone conclusion at this point that I can't help but get irritated by her (plus, I find her boring, and the DON'T TOUCH was super obnoxious after she won). Anime for the win!
I felt like this judging may have been one of the most hypocritical yet. I mean, doesn't Tyra *always* tell the girls to practice in the front of the mirror. Now, suddenly, practicing is somehow wrong? Je confused.
Oh, and Pepto-Jaysmol...hilarious.
5 of 15 | Posted by LAjane | Posted on May 4, 2009 5:54 PM
I feel stressed out with those Go-Sees and I didn't watch that episode. IMO, the whole show is becoming boring and I only to care about reading J-amor's recaps! Thanks, J!
I wonder if they'll ever go to Rio de Janeiro or to some exotic place in the Northeast!?
6 of 15 | Posted by detinha | Posted on May 4, 2009 8:50 PM
Fo's height suddenly becomes an issue 11 episodes into the season? Why bother having her on the show at all? For that matter, if MeeMaw's age is going to prevent her from winning this thing, why bother letting her on?
Unless of course...this isn't (gasp) a real modeling competition?
7 of 15 | Posted by itchy | Posted on May 4, 2009 11:31 PM
Good point, Itchy, and you reminded me of something... isn't the season they are filming right now only for people shorter than 5'8"? So wtf?!
8 of 15 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on May 5, 2009 6:47 AM
and who knew 5'8" was too short for a model . . . didn't it used to be 5'7"--heck, what do I know . . .
J-mo, dahling, I thought of you that whole shoot, and I am unsurprised to see lots of caps of that hot, speedo'ed bear!!! I myself was captivated, and when Sex God came over to take part in the groping, I was in shock!!! Funny that the first time he does something like that involves stroking an almost naked fuzzy, Brazilian bear!!! And Anime, going in for him, almost straight away was noted!!! Good to see her growing in this, and tho she doesn't seem like the winner I'll root for her anyway (and maybe we can meet her for drinks at the chubby chaser club, right J-mo!?)
Pity about Fo, but she did bone that one, I don't know how it works, but I think there must be divisions in modeling that allow for girls like her to work. Someone ? . . . and All this time I thought Aminuts was a tad too tall . . . silly me. I did think this was her best shot, and Teyomboy is coming from no where, but looks like the chosen one, with good reason, tho she was obnoxious behind the scenes--couldn't believe she kept leaving designers to waste time going to another to leave, and then she wins . . . harumpph!!!
Well, thanks as always for a thorough cap of the epi, and lots of gratuitous grabs . . . you're my guy!!!! xoxoxoxoxo
I'm off to try the translator!
9 of 15 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on May 5, 2009 11:09 AM
J-Mo,
Honey you are such a riot. Reading your recaps with my morning coffee is the best thing ever!! Your voice comes through your writing so well that it feels like your sitting across the table from me sipping on a mocha and dishing on these ladies : ) Luvs it!!
I have to say that I'm not convinced that any of these ladies would really stand out on any runway show that I've seen (except for not being able to walk). I am curious to see who ultimately wins, and if we ever hear from then again...
Hugs,
Yenta
10 of 15 | Posted by yentapatrol | Posted on May 5, 2009 11:16 AM
Arrgh, what an episode. First of all since when does being 5'8" suddenly to you into a charter memeber of the Lollypop Guild? That's an above average height, right? Jesus they made it sound like Fo Ho couldn't leave the room unless someone reached up and turned the door handle for her. And shouldn't it say something to a designer if the only way their clothes look good is on a giant bag of sticks that's half a foot taller and 30 pounds lighter then the people who are actually going to buy your clothes?
Still it was a great episode. I love gosees. Actually I love putting any American in a cab in a foreign country, and watching them reinforce every negative stereotype about our country; it's TV gold.
I also love that judging by this season of ANTM it seems everyone in Brazil did as well in high school Enlish as I did in high school Spanish. Is it possible for an enitre nation to get a pity C?
There was one thing I didn't like this week, the gloves with teeny tiny bikinis. What, were they handling food? I've got news for you, unless you're a Disney character with only four fingers, you don't wear gloves with a bathing suit. Ugh!
A great recap J-Mo, laughed all the way through, please keep them coming!
11 of 15 | Posted by Waffleboy09 | Posted on May 5, 2009 11:21 AM
I think Aminuts would tear it up on the runway. What a body, and legs five miles long.
Lil Anime sure came out of her shell. That hair mostly overwhelms her, though. I'd like to see her in a bob, either wavy or straight.
Poor Meemaw--so close to being a "supairmoduhl" yet so far.
Fo IS short for a model. The runway girls are mostly 5-10 and up nowadays, I believe. And in Brazil they want tall and THIN. She can model in print though. She is very pretty, that's why they say "no hiyah fasheeeahhhn" or whatever.
Hey, I tried to get with the Portuguese accent.
12 of 15 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on May 5, 2009 8:03 PM
Does anyone else feel that each show had been created by a film student who just learned about the avante garde/surrealist art movement. One of the photo shoots from a previous season was to dress the girls in meat bikinis in a slaughter house- how much more proof do you need that someone drop out from NYU was hired to write this show. I swear sometimes that photo shoots, comments, and theme of the show makes less sense then Un chien andalou. Who is the film student now? Me that's who.
And thank you for the shot of all the ironing boards in the thongs. Is there anything that isn't anthromorphized these days?
13 of 15 | Posted by reckless_saturn_11 | Posted on May 9, 2009 8:37 AM
cattyfan... Ooh, I LIKE your game idea, that is BRILLIANT! LOL, glad you liked the Hooked-On-Phonics portions... xoxo :)
qupert... LOL, I hope Babelfish made sense of it! xoxo :)
Snootchy Bootches... Actually, I agree with you about MeeMaw's fashion sense, she always looks like a million bucks, which is something you can't say about Teyomboy or Anime a lot of the time. And ROFL at hanging Anime from the rear-view mirror! xoxo :)
LAjane... honey, I was right there with you, I'll never understand why these girls don't just meet with a couple of designers and high-tail it back to be on time no matter what! And Teyomboy definitely lost some cool points in my eyes for not even letting the other girls TOUCH her precious winnings, that was trés selfish! xoxo :)
detinha... awww, shucks, thank you! I wish they would explore more of Brazil, but you know that would require a car trip and these girls just aren't up to being driven anywhere! xoxo :)
itchy... word up. xoxo :)
juddfan... LOL, I knew you'd be enjoying this episode just as much as I was, I just wished they had had more episode shots of him on the CW's website, but I guess that would have been too much to ask for. :( xoxo :)
yentapatrol... LOL, that sounds like so much fun, Sunday morning bagels and schmeer and coffee and talking shit about people! I'm glad my voice comes through, because you're right, that's exactly how I talk! love to you! xoxo :)
WaffleBoy09... "Pity C" Best. Grade. Ever. I was losing my shit over the weird Michael Jackson single-glove thing, too! Talk about random accessories, that looked totally last minute! BTW, have you considered auditiongasm? love to you! xoxo :)
pixielated... your Portuguese accent is just fine, it's the show that makes no sense! xoxo :)
reckless_saturn_11... Hahaha, I was looking for the perfect adjective for the girls in their thongs, and couldn't find it, but you sure did! THANK YOU! xoxo :)
Thanks again for all the comments guys, as always I appreciate it!
love, J-Mo :)
14 of 15 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on May 11, 2009 9:39 AM
first hot picture of anime, i'd say. really nice picture composition that she stood left next to fatty guy.
15 of 15 | Posted by mila superstar | Posted on May 18, 2009 12:57 PM