Truthfully, I do feel a little bad for Fo Ho and MeeMaw, but then Fo Ho starts crying and whining again about how she wants this soooooo bad, and how much she neeeeds to win this competition, and yup, I'm right back to hating her again. MeeMaw is at least trying to look at the positives, saying "Her wardrobe needed a face-lift, it was in dire need of a face-lift!" She's feeling the pressure to have a great photo shoot, though, or she's afraid she'll be heading home for sure.
Correio Da Tyra Número Dois! Fo Ho reads (while wearing her night-cream!), "Top Models get maximum exposure! Tomorrow you'll know what that feels like!" AmINuts and Teyomboy take one look at each other and shout in unison, "Baaaathiiiiing suuuuuuits!", which brings out a priceless expression on Anime's bunnyface...

...dunh-dunh-DUUUNNNNNNH!...
Sure enough, Anime says she feels she doesn't have as much of a "swimsuit body" as some of the other girls, and *gasp* she's going to feel awkward if that's what they have to wear! You know, that makes two of us, but I take the attitude that people don't have to look at me if they don't want to see me in a swimsuit (a.k.a. mostly naked). Plus, Anime has the added ability of being able to stand sideways, at which point she mostly disappears anyhow. Of course, that would make it hard to take her photo, but that's her problem.
It's the next morning, and the girls have been bussed the 45+ miles to the ocean to meet Gay-Jay for "a day at the beach", which is exciting enough by itself, but they become even more crazed when Sex-God comes walking up, holding a map and pretending to not know where the beach is. Instead, why doesn't he pretend not to know where his pants are? Of course, this means that he will be the photographer for today's photo shoot, which does turn out to involve the girls modelling "high-fashion swimwear" (sorry, Anime!) There will be several other models in the shot, as well, so the girls will have to make sure they stand out in their photos. This could get ugly...

...and I love it!...
The girls head off to hair and makeup where the fabulous SlutAnn is on hand to help make them look pretty... his bitchy little one-liner of the night is tossed out towards Teyomboy: "If it seems like I'm ignoring you... It's because I am."...
...besides, he needs all of his strength to try and do something to Anime's face that will give the illusion of boobs...
Actually, I don't blame the queen if he's ignoring the girls, because all of a sudden there is an awful lot of pixellation going on on my TV screen. OMG, all of those swimsuits are T-backs! They're putting MeeMaw in a thong!!!...
...except white would completely disappear and she'd look naked...
She's pretty nervous about it, too, saying she has to get a "number one picture" in this shoot or she's "completely doomed"... along with millions of innocent corneas all over the nation that will be sizzling and blackened if she's not careful.
But the first one to go today is AmINuts, and she's in a yellow bikini that looks fabulous against her skin-tone, and her body is mighty incredible, she's got long legs and a pair of nicely shaped breasts, and I can't believe I just wrote that sentence. She looks hot.
She arrives at the set on the beach where Sex-God introduces her to her co-stars in today's shoot. Nutsy says that they all thought they were going to be competing against several other high-fashion Brazilian models, but it turns out that they are...

...my kind of sexy people (for a change!)...
AmINuts describes them as "These are just local... just, a really interesting mix of people!" Yes, I think so, too, because there's nary a protruding bone in sight (except for the one in my pants over the chubby daddy there). To be fair, AmINuts isn't resting on her pretty just because these aren't a bunch of badass Brazilian bitches she's working with... she knows she still has to find a way to stand out.
Sex-God says he's been looking forward to shooting her because she's the epitome of a "swimsuit model". She starts off pretty good, and Sex-God's liking her poses, but then things turn awkward when she strikes a knock-kneed bowlegged pose. Now she's pretending to ride one of the extras and almost falls off! Still, she looks pretty hot...

...although I am slightly distracted by the guy in the red swimsuit who looks like he's ready to start sucking on the silver cougar's toes...
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Comments (15)
Let's play a game! What else PAINS MeeMaw...
I'm guessing eating a Fruitloop pains her. All those calories.
1 of 15 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on May 4, 2009 10:43 AM
And apprarently the breeze from helicopter blades pain MeeMaw...I thought she was gonna get blown right off the building.
BRILLIANT recap. The translations made me laugh 'til my sides hurt...in a good way.
2 of 15 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on May 4, 2009 10:56 AM
OHMYLORD, I just put your Portuguese in a translator. lolololol :D
3 of 15 | Posted by qupert | Posted on May 4, 2009 1:16 PM
I have to say it... I like MeeMaw. I think she has a fabulous sense of style and carries herself very well. I also think that Anime is beyond cute and I want to hang her from my rear view mirror. I don't really like AmINuts though she does have a fantastic body. Her face just doesn't do it for me. As far as Teyomboy goes, when I see her normally, I don't get it. I don't think she is pretty at all. She is all teeth and chin. But she does look stunning in photographs. She will probably win this thing, but I still prefer Meemaw (for now at least).
I also put the caption in babelfish. Hee hee! Funny recap as always, J-Mo! Thank you!
4 of 15 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on May 4, 2009 1:40 PM
The go-see assignment always makes me so nervous! You's think that they'd never watched a season before, because every single frackin' time one of the girls is late. It's so bad it actually stresses me out a little bit. Just skip a go-see girls! Also, every time that Teyona showed up behind someone there was twisted little part of me that was happy. She's such a foregone conclusion at this point that I can't help but get irritated by her (plus, I find her boring, and the DON'T TOUCH was super obnoxious after she won). Anime for the win!
I felt like this judging may have been one of the most hypocritical yet. I mean, doesn't Tyra *always* tell the girls to practice in the front of the mirror. Now, suddenly, practicing is somehow wrong? Je confused.
Oh, and Pepto-Jaysmol...hilarious.
5 of 15 | Posted by LAjane | Posted on May 4, 2009 5:54 PM
I feel stressed out with those Go-Sees and I didn't watch that episode. IMO, the whole show is becoming boring and I only to care about reading J-amor's recaps! Thanks, J!
I wonder if they'll ever go to Rio de Janeiro or to some exotic place in the Northeast!?
6 of 15 | Posted by detinha | Posted on May 4, 2009 8:50 PM
Fo's height suddenly becomes an issue 11 episodes into the season? Why bother having her on the show at all? For that matter, if MeeMaw's age is going to prevent her from winning this thing, why bother letting her on?
Unless of course...this isn't (gasp) a real modeling competition?
7 of 15 | Posted by itchy | Posted on May 4, 2009 11:31 PM
Good point, Itchy, and you reminded me of something... isn't the season they are filming right now only for people shorter than 5'8"? So wtf?!
8 of 15 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on May 5, 2009 6:47 AM
and who knew 5'8" was too short for a model . . . didn't it used to be 5'7"--heck, what do I know . . .
J-mo, dahling, I thought of you that whole shoot, and I am unsurprised to see lots of caps of that hot, speedo'ed bear!!! I myself was captivated, and when Sex God came over to take part in the groping, I was in shock!!! Funny that the first time he does something like that involves stroking an almost naked fuzzy, Brazilian bear!!! And Anime, going in for him, almost straight away was noted!!! Good to see her growing in this, and tho she doesn't seem like the winner I'll root for her anyway (and maybe we can meet her for drinks at the chubby chaser club, right J-mo!?)
Pity about Fo, but she did bone that one, I don't know how it works, but I think there must be divisions in modeling that allow for girls like her to work. Someone ? . . . and All this time I thought Aminuts was a tad too tall . . . silly me. I did think this was her best shot, and Teyomboy is coming from no where, but looks like the chosen one, with good reason, tho she was obnoxious behind the scenes--couldn't believe she kept leaving designers to waste time going to another to leave, and then she wins . . . harumpph!!!
Well, thanks as always for a thorough cap of the epi, and lots of gratuitous grabs . . . you're my guy!!!! xoxoxoxoxo
I'm off to try the translator!
9 of 15 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on May 5, 2009 11:09 AM
J-Mo,
Honey you are such a riot. Reading your recaps with my morning coffee is the best thing ever!! Your voice comes through your writing so well that it feels like your sitting across the table from me sipping on a mocha and dishing on these ladies : ) Luvs it!!
I have to say that I'm not convinced that any of these ladies would really stand out on any runway show that I've seen (except for not being able to walk). I am curious to see who ultimately wins, and if we ever hear from then again...
Hugs,
Yenta
10 of 15 | Posted by yentapatrol | Posted on May 5, 2009 11:16 AM
Arrgh, what an episode. First of all since when does being 5'8" suddenly to you into a charter memeber of the Lollypop Guild? That's an above average height, right? Jesus they made it sound like Fo Ho couldn't leave the room unless someone reached up and turned the door handle for her. And shouldn't it say something to a designer if the only way their clothes look good is on a giant bag of sticks that's half a foot taller and 30 pounds lighter then the people who are actually going to buy your clothes?
Still it was a great episode. I love gosees. Actually I love putting any American in a cab in a foreign country, and watching them reinforce every negative stereotype about our country; it's TV gold.
I also love that judging by this season of ANTM it seems everyone in Brazil did as well in high school Enlish as I did in high school Spanish. Is it possible for an enitre nation to get a pity C?
There was one thing I didn't like this week, the gloves with teeny tiny bikinis. What, were they handling food? I've got news for you, unless you're a Disney character with only four fingers, you don't wear gloves with a bathing suit. Ugh!
A great recap J-Mo, laughed all the way through, please keep them coming!
11 of 15 | Posted by Waffleboy09 | Posted on May 5, 2009 11:21 AM
I think Aminuts would tear it up on the runway. What a body, and legs five miles long.
Lil Anime sure came out of her shell. That hair mostly overwhelms her, though. I'd like to see her in a bob, either wavy or straight.
Poor Meemaw--so close to being a "supairmoduhl" yet so far.
Fo IS short for a model. The runway girls are mostly 5-10 and up nowadays, I believe. And in Brazil they want tall and THIN. She can model in print though. She is very pretty, that's why they say "no hiyah fasheeeahhhn" or whatever.
Hey, I tried to get with the Portuguese accent.
12 of 15 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on May 5, 2009 8:03 PM
Does anyone else feel that each show had been created by a film student who just learned about the avante garde/surrealist art movement. One of the photo shoots from a previous season was to dress the girls in meat bikinis in a slaughter house- how much more proof do you need that someone drop out from NYU was hired to write this show. I swear sometimes that photo shoots, comments, and theme of the show makes less sense then Un chien andalou. Who is the film student now? Me that's who.
And thank you for the shot of all the ironing boards in the thongs. Is there anything that isn't anthromorphized these days?
13 of 15 | Posted by reckless_saturn_11 | Posted on May 9, 2009 8:37 AM
cattyfan... Ooh, I LIKE your game idea, that is BRILLIANT! LOL, glad you liked the Hooked-On-Phonics portions... xoxo :)
qupert... LOL, I hope Babelfish made sense of it! xoxo :)
Snootchy Bootches... Actually, I agree with you about MeeMaw's fashion sense, she always looks like a million bucks, which is something you can't say about Teyomboy or Anime a lot of the time. And ROFL at hanging Anime from the rear-view mirror! xoxo :)
LAjane... honey, I was right there with you, I'll never understand why these girls don't just meet with a couple of designers and high-tail it back to be on time no matter what! And Teyomboy definitely lost some cool points in my eyes for not even letting the other girls TOUCH her precious winnings, that was trés selfish! xoxo :)
detinha... awww, shucks, thank you! I wish they would explore more of Brazil, but you know that would require a car trip and these girls just aren't up to being driven anywhere! xoxo :)
itchy... word up. xoxo :)
juddfan... LOL, I knew you'd be enjoying this episode just as much as I was, I just wished they had had more episode shots of him on the CW's website, but I guess that would have been too much to ask for. :( xoxo :)
yentapatrol... LOL, that sounds like so much fun, Sunday morning bagels and schmeer and coffee and talking shit about people! I'm glad my voice comes through, because you're right, that's exactly how I talk! love to you! xoxo :)
WaffleBoy09... "Pity C" Best. Grade. Ever. I was losing my shit over the weird Michael Jackson single-glove thing, too! Talk about random accessories, that looked totally last minute! BTW, have you considered auditiongasm? love to you! xoxo :)
pixielated... your Portuguese accent is just fine, it's the show that makes no sense! xoxo :)
reckless_saturn_11... Hahaha, I was looking for the perfect adjective for the girls in their thongs, and couldn't find it, but you sure did! THANK YOU! xoxo :)
Thanks again for all the comments guys, as always I appreciate it!
love, J-Mo :)
14 of 15 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on May 11, 2009 9:39 AM
first hot picture of anime, i'd say. really nice picture composition that she stood left next to fatty guy.
15 of 15 | Posted by mila superstar | Posted on May 18, 2009 12:57 PM