It's MeeMaw's turn, and Tyra fills her in on her results: she booked 3 out of 4 castings, but was late and "missed the helicopter". Wait a minute, that's not what happened! She was late and they denied her the helicopter. Get your own shit right, Ty-Ty! Regarding her performance in the photo shoot, Sex-God says she seemed distracted, unfocused, and didn't really come with any particular attitude...

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...except the one of "trying to detach her own head"...

He wants to know what happened to her, and MeeMaw admits that she practiced beforehand "for hours". A collective gasp from the judging panel! Porizkunty enunciates carefully, "Never ever practice a lot before the actual shoot... you always wanna sleep on it!" Tyra blasts her for having "fallen into corniness" with the cheesy way she was playing with props and interacting with the extras. The dark clouds are gathering...

Time to see how AmINuts did! She booked 2 out of 3 go-sees (she's happy to hear that) but her photo was just kinda meh...

AminatCloseup050109.JPG

...she's getting to be as bad as Anime!...

Porizkunty and Miss J.Moe compliment her on how "slammin'" her body looks (and now I have that Prince and Sheena Easton duet "U Got The Look" stuck in my head... thanks, Miss J!... U sho'nuff do be cookin' in my book!) but they feel like she kind of wasted it in the picture by not doing better poses. Then Tyra does a little name-dropping by telling her that if Nutsy makes it in the modelling industry she would have a body to rival Naomi Campbell's...

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...and something tells me that AmINuts has far more deadly aim with her cell phone...

However, she also goes on to say that she doesn't think Nutsy really knows what she's got and that in pictures Ty-Ty is seeing a "waste of a body".

Speaking of people who would kill for AmINuts' body, it's Fo Ho's turn in the hot-seat. Sex-God tells her straight up that it was very hard to shoot her, especially because of the weird crouchy pose she kept doing. Cris Barros says she looks unnatural, Miss J.Moe says she looked "mooshed" and Porizkunty flat-out blasts her, "This is the worst shot of you yet!"...

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...I hate to say it, but I'm getting less "model" and more "oiled-down video skank" here...

Tyra insists on coming out in front of the Judge's Table to give all of the girls a lesson on proportion, telling them that same line about how things closer to the camera look bigger and blah blah blah. She also forgets to mention the widespread use of a little thing called "Photoshop" which can also help to maximize (or minimize) certain body features. At any rate, once the lesson endeth, Ty-Ty runs back to her seat to drop the bomb that Fo booked zero out of five go-sees! Ouch! Tyra flat-out asks Cris why she didn't book the girl, and she answers honestly that she needs more practice, and that for a fashion show she just isn't tall enough.

This leads to Tyra-Lecture #982, entitled "How To Overcome Your Physical Limitations (The Most Obvious Of Which Is That You Are Not Tyra Banks)" where she points out that if Fo Ho had walked in to the go-sees acting like she was six feet tall, then those silly designers would have never actually realized that she was only 5'8" and they'd have booked her. She goes on to point out that MeeMaw's handicap is her age, AmINuts and Teyomboy's is the color of their skin, and Anime's is her "quirkiness".

At this point I probably would have pointed out one of Tyra's new handicaps is her saddlebag thighs and been promptly beheaded, but it would have been almost worth it to see the look on the bitch's face. This is all such bullshit anyhow, heels or not, confidence or not, designers know when someone is not tall enough, or too old, or too fat, or too weird-looking. Poor Fo Ho, I kinda feel sorry for her again.

Oh well, last in line is Anime-Eyes, and Sex-God gives her unexpected kudos for being such a surprising joy to shoot this week and for working a large variety of the extras. Tyra says she was expecting another cute wide-eyed picture... "but there is sexuality, there is like sexual mermaid that washed up on the shores of Brazil..."

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...and I totally could go along with the "sexual mermaid" thing...

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...until you look at the entire photo and realize that there is "sexual blowjob" about to happen to the muscle-man...

On the downside, she only booked 1 out of 4 go-sees, but she did get an unsolicited offer to appear at Brazillian ComiCon, so it all evens out.

Time for deliberations!

America's Next Top Model: Allemande Left And A Go-See-Go! Sections:  1  |  2  |  3  |  4  |  5  |  6  |  7  |  8  |  9  |  10 

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Comments (15)

cattyfan:

Let's play a game! What else PAINS MeeMaw...

I'm guessing eating a Fruitloop pains her. All those calories.

cattyfan:

And apprarently the breeze from helicopter blades pain MeeMaw...I thought she was gonna get blown right off the building.

BRILLIANT recap. The translations made me laugh 'til my sides hurt...in a good way.

qupert:

OHMYLORD, I just put your Portuguese in a translator. lolololol :D

Snootchy Bootches:

I have to say it... I like MeeMaw. I think she has a fabulous sense of style and carries herself very well. I also think that Anime is beyond cute and I want to hang her from my rear view mirror. I don't really like AmINuts though she does have a fantastic body. Her face just doesn't do it for me. As far as Teyomboy goes, when I see her normally, I don't get it. I don't think she is pretty at all. She is all teeth and chin. But she does look stunning in photographs. She will probably win this thing, but I still prefer Meemaw (for now at least).

I also put the caption in babelfish. Hee hee! Funny recap as always, J-Mo! Thank you!

LAjane:

The go-see assignment always makes me so nervous! You's think that they'd never watched a season before, because every single frackin' time one of the girls is late. It's so bad it actually stresses me out a little bit. Just skip a go-see girls! Also, every time that Teyona showed up behind someone there was twisted little part of me that was happy. She's such a foregone conclusion at this point that I can't help but get irritated by her (plus, I find her boring, and the DON'T TOUCH was super obnoxious after she won). Anime for the win!

I felt like this judging may have been one of the most hypocritical yet. I mean, doesn't Tyra *always* tell the girls to practice in the front of the mirror. Now, suddenly, practicing is somehow wrong? Je confused.

Oh, and Pepto-Jaysmol...hilarious.

detinha:

I feel stressed out with those Go-Sees and I didn't watch that episode. IMO, the whole show is becoming boring and I only to care about reading J-amor's recaps! Thanks, J!
I wonder if they'll ever go to Rio de Janeiro or to some exotic place in the Northeast!?

itchy:

Fo's height suddenly becomes an issue 11 episodes into the season? Why bother having her on the show at all? For that matter, if MeeMaw's age is going to prevent her from winning this thing, why bother letting her on?

Unless of course...this isn't (gasp) a real modeling competition?

Snootchy Bootches:

Good point, Itchy, and you reminded me of something... isn't the season they are filming right now only for people shorter than 5'8"? So wtf?!

juddfan:

and who knew 5'8" was too short for a model . . . didn't it used to be 5'7"--heck, what do I know . . .

J-mo, dahling, I thought of you that whole shoot, and I am unsurprised to see lots of caps of that hot, speedo'ed bear!!! I myself was captivated, and when Sex God came over to take part in the groping, I was in shock!!! Funny that the first time he does something like that involves stroking an almost naked fuzzy, Brazilian bear!!! And Anime, going in for him, almost straight away was noted!!! Good to see her growing in this, and tho she doesn't seem like the winner I'll root for her anyway (and maybe we can meet her for drinks at the chubby chaser club, right J-mo!?)

Pity about Fo, but she did bone that one, I don't know how it works, but I think there must be divisions in modeling that allow for girls like her to work. Someone ? . . . and All this time I thought Aminuts was a tad too tall . . . silly me. I did think this was her best shot, and Teyomboy is coming from no where, but looks like the chosen one, with good reason, tho she was obnoxious behind the scenes--couldn't believe she kept leaving designers to waste time going to another to leave, and then she wins . . . harumpph!!!

Well, thanks as always for a thorough cap of the epi, and lots of gratuitous grabs . . . you're my guy!!!! xoxoxoxoxo


I'm off to try the translator!

yentapatrol:

J-Mo,
Honey you are such a riot. Reading your recaps with my morning coffee is the best thing ever!! Your voice comes through your writing so well that it feels like your sitting across the table from me sipping on a mocha and dishing on these ladies : ) Luvs it!!

I have to say that I'm not convinced that any of these ladies would really stand out on any runway show that I've seen (except for not being able to walk). I am curious to see who ultimately wins, and if we ever hear from then again...
Hugs,
Yenta

Waffleboy09:

Arrgh, what an episode. First of all since when does being 5'8" suddenly to you into a charter memeber of the Lollypop Guild? That's an above average height, right? Jesus they made it sound like Fo Ho couldn't leave the room unless someone reached up and turned the door handle for her. And shouldn't it say something to a designer if the only way their clothes look good is on a giant bag of sticks that's half a foot taller and 30 pounds lighter then the people who are actually going to buy your clothes?

Still it was a great episode. I love gosees. Actually I love putting any American in a cab in a foreign country, and watching them reinforce every negative stereotype about our country; it's TV gold.

I also love that judging by this season of ANTM it seems everyone in Brazil did as well in high school Enlish as I did in high school Spanish. Is it possible for an enitre nation to get a pity C?

There was one thing I didn't like this week, the gloves with teeny tiny bikinis. What, were they handling food? I've got news for you, unless you're a Disney character with only four fingers, you don't wear gloves with a bathing suit. Ugh!

A great recap J-Mo, laughed all the way through, please keep them coming!

pixielated:

I think Aminuts would tear it up on the runway. What a body, and legs five miles long.

Lil Anime sure came out of her shell. That hair mostly overwhelms her, though. I'd like to see her in a bob, either wavy or straight.

Poor Meemaw--so close to being a "supairmoduhl" yet so far.

Fo IS short for a model. The runway girls are mostly 5-10 and up nowadays, I believe. And in Brazil they want tall and THIN. She can model in print though. She is very pretty, that's why they say "no hiyah fasheeeahhhn" or whatever.

Hey, I tried to get with the Portuguese accent.

reckless_saturn_11:

Does anyone else feel that each show had been created by a film student who just learned about the avante garde/surrealist art movement. One of the photo shoots from a previous season was to dress the girls in meat bikinis in a slaughter house- how much more proof do you need that someone drop out from NYU was hired to write this show. I swear sometimes that photo shoots, comments, and theme of the show makes less sense then Un chien andalou. Who is the film student now? Me that's who.

And thank you for the shot of all the ironing boards in the thongs. Is there anything that isn't anthromorphized these days?

J-Mo:

cattyfan... Ooh, I LIKE your game idea, that is BRILLIANT! LOL, glad you liked the Hooked-On-Phonics portions... xoxo :)

qupert... LOL, I hope Babelfish made sense of it! xoxo :)

Snootchy Bootches... Actually, I agree with you about MeeMaw's fashion sense, she always looks like a million bucks, which is something you can't say about Teyomboy or Anime a lot of the time. And ROFL at hanging Anime from the rear-view mirror! xoxo :)

LAjane... honey, I was right there with you, I'll never understand why these girls don't just meet with a couple of designers and high-tail it back to be on time no matter what! And Teyomboy definitely lost some cool points in my eyes for not even letting the other girls TOUCH her precious winnings, that was trés selfish! xoxo :)

detinha... awww, shucks, thank you! I wish they would explore more of Brazil, but you know that would require a car trip and these girls just aren't up to being driven anywhere! xoxo :)

itchy... word up. xoxo :)

juddfan... LOL, I knew you'd be enjoying this episode just as much as I was, I just wished they had had more episode shots of him on the CW's website, but I guess that would have been too much to ask for. :( xoxo :)

yentapatrol... LOL, that sounds like so much fun, Sunday morning bagels and schmeer and coffee and talking shit about people! I'm glad my voice comes through, because you're right, that's exactly how I talk! love to you! xoxo :)

WaffleBoy09... "Pity C" Best. Grade. Ever. I was losing my shit over the weird Michael Jackson single-glove thing, too! Talk about random accessories, that looked totally last minute! BTW, have you considered auditiongasm? love to you! xoxo :)

pixielated... your Portuguese accent is just fine, it's the show that makes no sense! xoxo :)

reckless_saturn_11... Hahaha, I was looking for the perfect adjective for the girls in their thongs, and couldn't find it, but you sure did! THANK YOU! xoxo :)

Thanks again for all the comments guys, as always I appreciate it!

love, J-Mo :)

mila superstar:

first hot picture of anime, i'd say. really nice picture composition that she stood left next to fatty guy.

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