LoLo!

Please don't let Her Royal Divaness's egomania make you commit suiTYde! We need you!

These recaps are almost as bracing & fun as a brisk salt water enema!

besos from yr sister in Gasmia
LLB
RHOA & MELROSE PLACE

I wish TVGasm had a posting function similar to YouTube's, that in being able to call down spammers such as icemayer here.

Seriously. Please stop.

"Tyra warns Ashley that she's over thinking things, perhaps because of her dancing background (which she was praised for last week, but if we're looking for consistency from Tyra, we might as well chug a gallon of Windex right now"

Hallelujah, I'm glad someone else said it. Seriously, I have to hide every time she is on screen because she is so embarassing and judging never makes sense. Also, what the french toast is "smiseing"? It seems just like a stare at the camera and think about purses look to me...

Yay, I've been waiting for this one! My children screwed up my recording while trying to FF the Wipeout commercials, so I only got 23 minutes of it. Unfortunately, the 23 minutes included Super Smize (goes up there in the Qristyl Spelling Hall of Fame), otherwise known as the latest "Tyra is fucking crazy and shameless" segment. On the one hand, having seen that, I can totally see what your title means (do I ever see - and agree!) but on the other hand, since last Wednesday I am a little deader inside thanks to Tyra. Not to mention fucking ashamed that I still watch this show. There are so many parts of it that are so bad that they are good, but anything involving Tyra is just plain evil and soul-sucking.

So I have to say having your Tyra-hate-filled recaps to read afterwards is like a sweet sweet balm to my poor abused soul, LoLo...

OK, I'm done reading the recap, and I feel so much better now (deep sigh...)

About Bianca's look for the photoshoot, it reminded me even more of E.T. in the blond wig and the little black bowler hat.

P.S. Good luck googling that image, damn it was hard to find. But I won't give you the URL, because the last time I did, writing a loooong post in Top Chef, I tried to enter one for an image from Ratatouille, and poof! my post was gone.

P.S.2 Good job on getting rid of the tall troll post so quickly!

Three times! Three times during that Smizing (or however she decided to spell that nonsense) challenge I said "Oh, Good Lord", grabbed the remote and hit buttons until Tyra was not on the screen. It was painful to watch.

Your recaps make it almost worthwhile (sorry, only almost. You're good but she's just very, very bad). Great job!

A broken foot? Ptosis? That's it? That's the best they can come up with this season?

I call a rat. On other seasons they've had a burn victim, a clitorectomy victim, and a pre-op (never-op, more like) transexual. And that's just from the two seasons I've watched.

So I'm left believing that short girls just have shorter problems than tall girls.

LoLo, honey... "Seabisclit: The Dirrty Story of the Horse Who Knew How to Pump His Stuff." is now going on my Netflix list for sure. That was priceless! Awesome job on the recap, you've clearly found your rhythm (method) with this show! If only being subjected to bullshit like "smeyes" didn't give us all such "frowth".

Much love to you, again, so glad you're back.

love, J-Mo :)

Itchy, one of the girls is a single mother who was "assaulted" (raped?)--Rae. Bald Bianca shaved her head after her boyfriend (now ex) beat her up. And I think Sundai has parental drug abuse and foster care in her background.

Maybe not as bad as burn scars or a clitorectomy, but they'll have plenty of scars after this experience.

I thought that Brittany and Nicole had the best shots. Erin looks like a tranny with those bleached eyebrows.

Why are they suddenly so picky about a wonky eye? Doesn't Tyra have one?

Lolo, please please PLEASE come back to Gossip Girl. The recapper that took over last season sucks balls, and I have lost some of the enjoyment of the show without having your recaps to read(sad, pathetic, I know).

ANTM is another guilty pleasure...ur fug jewelry comment got me. And it is a good recap overall.

But ur best work is still in GG. Come back!!

I was surprised to see Sean Patterson on the show. And it wasn't because he is the president of one of the top modeling agencies... it was because he is a judge on Bravo's ANTM rip off show, Make Me a Supermodel. I would have thought he was taboo!

I was also surprised to see Rachel leave. I thought she had one of the most interesting faces and it is so early in the competition, she would have learned a lot. But maybe they didn't want another big eye girl this season after having one last season. Anime Eyes, you SHOULD HAVE WON GIRL! Yes, I'm still bitter.

Thanks for a great recap!

Kara’s eyebrows are caterpillar crazy in the opening sequence. Who’d she piss off to get such a bad edit or have Wonky Smizes the new Black?

“So you get to emphasize your shortness AND invoke thoughts of bestiality.”

Lolo, you rock. Totally loving the Tyra hate.

Poor Bianca, I think it was B.S. to say she was in the bottom two again. It wasn’t her fault that the makeup artist/weave designer made her out to look like Mini-RuPaul in the Boystown donkey show. Does she have an attitude? Hell yes. She bitched about makeup last time, and this time the makeup artist was like, "WTF? You wanna bitch, I'll give you a reason to bitch, bitch" and kitted her out as a shemale. She looked like she wanted to cut-a-bitch, and you could hardly blame her. That wig had to itch and the poor jockey at ground zero for stiletto impalement looks suitably cowed by her fierceness.

But as for her having the worst attitude on the show? Well, most of these girls have bad attitudes that I can tell. I mean, if I had subjected myself to Ty Ty ridiculing and model house conditions to get a shot at one modeling job with Wilhelmina, I would be pissed, too. Jennifer, who seemed sort of sweet the first week, has become a bit snooty, even with her drunk eye (though she is blankly gorgeous staring in the wrong direction from the camera, to be sure); Courtney was a right cow (with great legs, boot and all; she looks much taller than 5”4) and Nicole continues to elude ennui (which shoots surprisingly well, but maybe all models should pose vaguely bored with life).

Should Courtney have gone home for being a cow? Well, she wasn’t going to win if she couldn’t walk a runway – they have to have one of those early RWs soon – so the producers were probably looking for a reason to cut her. Bootgate was gravy for them.

It’s not like they can get rid of Ashley, she who was handpicked from the Tyra talk show audience (by an assistant, but Tyra saw the potential, y’all, and the assistant will miraculously disappear if Ashley gets far in this competition to the point where Tyra will most likely to have picked her out from a bunch of homeless people living in the dumpsters behind her show’s filming location). I do hope that Ashley isn’t this year’s Saleisha (Tootie). I never got that girl’s appeal, at all (but I always preferred Jo anyway).

Laura, accent aside, has the right face for modeling; Nicole, as well. I really liked their shots, and Brittaney’s (it’s hard to look comfortable lounging on a horse, but she pulled it off pretty well). Erin could definitely win … a part as a Bitchy Heroin-Junky Seattle Vampire in New Moon for sure, but a model? Eh.

Great recap!

I also had to hit fast forward during the stupid Super Smize crap. Not only was I livid that Tyra was wasting precious ANTM time with that stupid bit but I was also cringing in embarrassment for her. I could just picture Joel McHale from The Soup in his editing room rubbing his hands together and laughing manically.

For some odd reason Coutney’s look reminded me of a white version of Eva. Their faces look very similar. I was sad to see her go over Bianca.

So...the winners of the first challenge got a "dinner"? Way to save money on production, since we all know the winners just split one salad between them.

Great Recap!! Too funny!

I'm sorry, but Bianca's picture looks like a Dennis Rodman/Mrs. Jay love child! She MUST know that the only reason she is there is for the drama so she insists on ramping it up every week - there is really no other explanation.

I wonder if Tyra secretly has dreams at night where she totally tonya-harding-style kicks Heidi Klum's ass not only out of post-model career jealousy, but also because Heidi's body is more bangin' at 8 months pregnant than Tyra's is on any given day?

Im dwoning heah in the office today, and I hate to read in bits and spurts, but alas. Thanks for the recap and the comments--keeping me sane under serious stress. Laura came up a bunch of notches this epi, agreed on Ashley being spared coz of selection (or she's throwing it now so she can arc later and win ala Tootie!) I think boot's was a liability coz she kept risking her foot for the comp, and if she got re injured, well . . . Super Smize can't have that!!! She was a better contendah than Bianca, and speaking of, well . . . let's not insult the fabulous Ru Paul, she could never look that trashy. It seemed like a set up, becoz anyone with dark skin would look redonk in a yellow wig, half of people with light skin couldn't pull off that fug, so yeah, I cry set up--and frankly, she handled it pretty well, and I took her to be joking when they did her reveal . . . XOXOXOXO

juddfan: You are too right about wig. The only way anyone could pull that wig off is to actually pull it off their head and burn it. :) Boystown was too good for it.

I'm sorry Lolo, I'm afraid you've triggered Tyra's wrath by misspelling "smize." It was on Super Smize's cloak and we were forced to see a close up of it... I advice you get hold of a tyctionary before Super Smize vaporizes you with her Smizing Power tonight... And I don't want that to happen because I love your recap.

I love Grandma Brittany, and I don't care if she looks old with that jaw and the wrinkles around her smiling mouth. Castrator Laura and BEN are great too. But I see that Wonky Eye's getting the winner's edit........

This show has always been somewhat of a 'guilty pleasure' for me. It's hard to explain why I enjoy it so much being that I'm in my 30's and find all these young girls so annoying sometimes! But lately this show has less and less of the pleasure and more and more of the guilt. I also finally fast forwarded through that Super-Smize crap. Tyra's ego is becoming too much. I keep telling myself "Maybe I'll make this season my last." But yet I still get sucked in. Thanks for the great recap!