This week on America's Next Top Model, the girls finally get catty and my friends can take a break from suicide watch as Tyra's big yapper takes a backseat for once. Instead, we get an impromptu performance from The Supremes.
"Stop! In the naaaaaame of Tyra!"
The girls return to the house after Courtney's elimination, with Bianca telling us that she knows that she needs to work on her face. Knowing what the problem is and fixing what the problem is are two different things, honey. I can't even give her credit for self-awareness, as the judges basically told her that she looked like an angry dude two weeks in a row. Meanwhile, Ashley's upset that her dancing training might be a hinderance to her posing. I think the fact that she looks old and average might be the bigger issue, but that's just my two cents. Ashley then begins bashing Bianca to LuLu, with Bloody Eye Nicole telling us that Ashley and LuLu do this a lot and that it's SO below BEN's standard for mature behavior. She's got a point, but I feel that BEN's standard aligns more with the shuffleboard playing, denture wearing sect than it does other teens and 20-somethings.
The girls get Tyra mail, hinting strongly that their challenge will involve runway walking. Sure enough, they arrive the next morning for their lesson to find Miss J and a little kid walking a runway together. Okay, this kid's name is supposedly Diva (what, was ArrogantTwat too many letters, mom?) and she's been walking runway since she was four. I don't know about you, but I was still eating my boogers when I was four. All mocking aside, the kid really CAN walk and it will come in handy when she's working for tips on the stage at the Heavenly Bodies Gentleman's Club.
Miss J sends the girls in the back to get changed, while Brittany tells us that she needs to show she can be sexy. What? This is the girl who got yelled at for masturbating with a PixiStick week 1, and who laid down naked on a horse week 2. I think she's good with the sex appeal. Memory, maybe not so much. They all put on hideous dresses, of which there are only five styles, creating four sets of twins and then The Supremes. Teams, perhaps? Rae walks first, and the dress ages her a couple decades. Miss J criticizes her walk by saying that her arm is too stationary.
Oof. So maybe it's not the dress...
Jennifer's wonky eye needs more oomph, Miss J mistakes BEN's staring down her nose at people for her arching her back too much, Sundai looks bored, LuLu's stride is too short and serial killer-esque but she refuses to change it (great. idea.), Brittany gives a sexy walk that Miss J likes, VampirErin "walks as if her right leg isn't hers" (??), Kara (whom I think I'm going to start calling Karl due to her man-face) leads with her chin like an angry ape, Bianca's is a bit controlled but otherwise good, Ashley's also a bit controlled and needs more sexiness (Miss J also mentioned Ashley's dancer training, I'm sensing a future bottom 2 trip for her on that basis). Finally, Laura reinforces her possible dark horse status with a fairly impressive walk.
After everyone gives the runway a try, Miss Jay announces they will be now have to walk at the same time as the girl(s) wearing the same dress. He tells them that they have to match the walking pace of their partner, because models often walk side-by-side with another girl. Hint, hint, challenge! These go smoothly enough, other than Ashley cattily telling us that Brittany's walk is forgettable and that her proportions are off, making her look shorter than she is. How's that loser's edit treating you, Ash?
Back at the house, the melancholy music plays and Bianca sadly tells some of the other girls that she misses Courtney because they were good friends. Really? Since when? Sundai not only shares my disbelief, but she does it one better -- by informing Bianca that Courtney used to shit talk her. Hahaha. Bianca's like one of those girls that gush about how amazing her boyfriend is, when everyone but her knows that Mr. Perfect has been shoving his dick in more cooches than has Bret Michaels' bald ass. According to Sundai, Courtney was only friends with Bianca because of LuLu (no idea on that logic but okay), and now Bianca's not only pissed at Courtney, but she's pissed at LuLu too!
"What'choo talkin' 'bout, Willis?"
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Comments (22)
I always liked BEN. But then I've also always been weird.
:-)
1 of 22 | Posted by WizeChiklet | Posted on September 26, 2009 10:19 PM
I always liked BEN. But then I've also always been weird.
:-)
Kara/Karl reminds me of Amis from Cycle 10.
2 of 22 | Posted by WizeChiklet | Posted on September 26, 2009 10:21 PM
No pictures? :(
3 of 22 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on September 26, 2009 11:15 PM
Oh, sorry, I skipped pg. 4. To tell you the truth, it was that dumb "Bing" box that pops up every time the cursor gets too close to "America's Next Top Model"--which is right next to the page numbers. So I thought I clicked on 4 when I had clicked on 5.
4 of 22 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on September 26, 2009 11:18 PM
I thought BEN had the best picture. Erin would probably be the strongest girl if it weren't for the hair. Jennifer also looked good.
5 of 22 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on September 26, 2009 11:24 PM
No no, give Anne Shoket some credit for remaining an actual person and not yet another piece of retouched silicon.
Of all the idiots that show up on this shitfest, she's about the only person who seems like a reasonable, intelligent and (gasp) possibly decent person, and not just another stereotype of what a member of the fashion industry is supposed to be like.
Of course, that just means that in real life she's one wicked nasty bitch.
Also, maybe BEN claims to be more mature because she....is more mature? I'm starting to believe that quote from her was taken only from AFTER she'd been living with the rest of this crew gaggleheads for several weeks.
There's something just unseemly about all this jesus love. Like they're all secretly fantasizing about giving him head or something. It's just plain weird, and I really look forward to the day when humanity will move on.
About Jenniptosis... doesn't Heidi Klum have a weird eye too? It looks that way in Project Runway. Of course, she never had much luck in modeling either.
6 of 22 | Posted by itchy | Posted on September 27, 2009 12:38 AM
Not only that, itchy, but I believe that Tyra has a wonky eye as well.
7 of 22 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on September 27, 2009 1:38 AM
Why do you have to bash people because they love or appreciation of Jesus? I know it's par for the course with recaps, but Bianca was not nearly as bad as Jesus Freak. She only invoked religion at the behest of Mr. Jay and didn't mention it at panel. Bianca just thought of something that made her feel good, and that's what Jesus generally represents (when faith in yourself fails, place your faith in Him and He won't let you down.)
I got the feeling that Bianca and BEN were talking, because they are both kind of the outsiders of the season and that BEN would ACTUALLY listen to Bianca, rather than dismiss her and treat her like garbage (although sometimes it is deserved, her treatment by Lulu/Ashley was unwarranted and unnecessarily nasty).
8 of 22 | Posted by slutty_whore | Posted on September 27, 2009 5:12 AM
BEN has been a favorite of mine since the first episode. I think she is absolutely stunning and I like people who are not afraid to be weird. However, she seems to be much less weird than she was at the beginning. I suspect she uses her weirdness with unfamiliar people as a guard against them getting too close or her getting hurt. Now that she has lived with these girls a while, she has let down her guard. And I agree with Itchy that she may just be more mature acting than the others.
I also really like Laura. She just makes me smile. I hope she goes far.
Regarding Bianca and Ashley, I would say that both are bitches but in different ways. Bianca has a hard shell from her previous experiences so that hardness sometimes translates as bitchy. But I don't see it as a malicious bitchiness. Ashley, on the other hand, is just a mean ass bitch. She obviously feels threatened in the competition so she has to pick on those who a) she perceives as weaker than her because it makes her feel superior and b) those who she perceives as being better than her hoping to tear them down a peg. If I had to choose between the two, I would choose Bianca any day. Bianca will get better as she breaks down that wall. Ashley will always been a mean ass bitch.
Thanks for another great recap!
9 of 22 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on September 27, 2009 5:49 AM
Hey Lolo did you giggle a bit when you received the pro-Jesus diatribe from the person named "slutty_whore"? I just thought that was funny!
Great recap as always!
10 of 22 | Posted by perfxcked | Posted on September 27, 2009 7:23 AM
As long as we're 'bashing', let's remember that Mary Magdalene, a 'slutty whore', became one of Jesus' very closest friends.
Loving Jesus is not about being a good person or morally superior. It's about knowing we are able to come to Him just as we are, no matter how low that may be.
11 of 22 | Posted by WizeChiklet | Posted on September 27, 2009 8:31 AM
Actually, the Mary Magdelene was a whore theory was debunked AGES ago. It is far more likely that she was a woman of means possibly a widow.
12 of 22 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on September 27, 2009 8:42 AM
Not that I am a bibilical scholar, but Mary Magdalene, was never a "slutty whore". Way back in the day of the Catholic Church, some pope thought that there was mention of too many woman in the New Testament. He then made edits which then combined three women, one a prostitute, into one woman - Mary Magdalene. Mary Magdalene was never a prostitute, in fact it is now widely believed that she actually had quite a high social status. Her last name being the region of her birth; somewhat akin to Eleanor of Aquitaine (revered medieval queen). Sunday school lesson is over now, go forth and be fruitful. :)
13 of 22 | Posted by oldmomoftoddlerboys | Posted on September 27, 2009 8:55 AM
To be specific, it was a 6th century Pope (Gregory maybe?) who first said that Mary M was a prostitute. There is not a single biblical scripture which supports it.
14 of 22 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on September 27, 2009 9:01 AM
You mean -gasp- the jesus story was just an...an ...invention? Gee-whillikers!
Oh okay...I'll let it lie. As long as she doesn't start high-fiving the allmighty when she does good. If she does good.
The only reason they let her on the show was for the shaved head anyway. It's not like she could ever seriously become a model.
Although with this season, it's kind of hard to take any of the girls seriously, I guess because they're so short. They just seem like... girls.
There's only a couple who seem to have that little bit extra (Bloody Eye, Wonky Eye, No Eyebrows, and the Cowgirl) . Which makes me think that most tall models rely on their height.
15 of 22 | Posted by itchy | Posted on September 27, 2009 9:49 AM
Yes, Bloody Eye has totally grown on me. I really liked the way she handled Ashley and LuLu. She didn't say anything about their behavior which would have caused them to turn on her, which I think is what most of the other girls would have done. But she let them know that their behavior was inappropriate by cutely commenting on the atmosphere. I thought it was great. Also she's freaking gorgeous and I don't understand how she managed to look like she was 8 feet tall in that picture.
I'm a big fan of Laura too. I wonder if they'll tell her to tone down her accent the way they have other girls...
16 of 22 | Posted by fycin | Posted on September 27, 2009 10:17 AM
Okay, I accept due correction on my misconceptions, but I repeat my point:
Loving Jesus is not about being a good person or morally superior. It's about knowing we are able to come to Him just as we are, no matter how low that may be.
17 of 22 | Posted by WizeChiklet | Posted on September 27, 2009 11:25 AM
MMphph! GRmmmmph!!! Armphh!!!
(I'm holding myself in here...could someone else please make the bullshit proselytism go away?)
Grrmph! Aummphfff! Rrrrgggg!
18 of 22 | Posted by itchy | Posted on September 27, 2009 12:18 PM
Didn't you know, Itchy, that every time you hold your tongue, you make the baby jeebus cry. And kill kittens. :p
19 of 22 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on September 27, 2009 2:30 PM
Mmmphhh! MrwWRRonggssssh! aRMcghresh!
(translation: just wrote out another long diatribe then deleted it...you're welcome, everybody! Have a grrreeattt day!)
20 of 22 | Posted by itchy | Posted on September 28, 2009 12:31 AM
My comment was directed this way:
"perfxcked:
Hey Lolo did you giggle a bit when you received the pro-Jesus diatribe from the person named "slutty_whore"? I just thought that was funny!"
I wanted to remark that so what if someone has a username like that: it doesn't mean they are NOT entitled to love Jesus. THAT was my point.
21 of 22 | Posted by WizeChiklet | Posted on September 28, 2009 1:28 PM
I'm sure we're all a bunch of slutty whores, that's why I love it here on the 'gasm!!!
Itchy, it is noted your lack of interest in Jebus etc . . . let's all agree to disagree, I appreciate your hard held discretion at letting this one go.
I'm fascinated with biblical stuff . . . I don't know why, but the Mary Magdalene story is rife with mystery, and YES, misogynist, male dominated, religious rulers edited the context of the bible to suit their prejudices . . . hmmm, that male dominated seems out of place . . . is it me!?
There are gospels withheld that she may have written, and that mention her as an apostle, and it's not just the Dan Brown stuff . . .
Okay, the show . . . thanks for the witty cap, Lo . . . "Who me? Or the other girl wearing hideous blue shoes?" had me giggling.
I've always like BEN too, and easily see her top 3. Laura has become one of the one's to watch, and is so pleasant, but too Carrie Dee? I like Brittany and Erin enough, and Jennifer. Kind of tough to call the third in the top. I think I would like Bianca in real life, even with the hard edge . . . the think she and BEN are more "real" period.
Ashley is boring, and not worth my energy, but sadly, when I see such things, I am reminded how often I get so petty complaining about so many things, so it's hard for me to judge, and good for me to not go on TV . . . hee . . .
XOXOXOXOXO
22 of 22 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on September 28, 2009 1:52 PM