This week on America's Next Top Model, the girls head off to Vegas where a fan favorite slips up a bit, and a dumb bitch thankfully goes home instead.
"HAHA, BEN, you've got to be kidding me! For the last time, I do not have any weed!"
We begin the episode with Asshatley telling us how difficult it was to be in the bottom two -- and especially hearing Tyra telling her that she was the most difficult to shoot. Well, try not sucking next time, sweetheart. Back at the house, the girls tease BEN about talking like a stoner at panel. Hello, that's how super mature people talk. BEN tells us that she can't put any inflection into her voice, and seems a bit worried that it may become a problem. Yeah, I'm thinking that CoverGirl commercial isn't going to go too well for her. By the time the 30 seconds are up, she won't be through the first line.
Speaking of BEN, Karl is bitching to WonkEye Jennifer about the definite possibility of either BEN or VampirErin winning the cycle. Karl doesn't want people to remember her as "the girl who was on VampirErin or BEN's season." Karl, if you think anyone's going to remember your dumb ass, you're deluding yourself. Unless you want to keep behaving like a total bitch. Then you might be worthy of our memories. It certainly won't be due to your modeling skills.
The girls pile into their limo to head off for their lesson. Tyra Mail works in that dreaded s-word again, and suggests that the girls will be focusing on body poses. They arrive at a dance studio and find Benny Ninja, wearing a kilt as a poncho, and waiting for them to teach them about dancing. Karl is worried, but Asshatley is ecstatic since she's a dancer. I can only hope that Tyra uses that against her once and for all this week and eliminates her. BEN also seems a bit nervous, and tells us that she doesn't dance -- toking up under the bleachers is way more mature than going to prom.
Benny announces that he has someone to help them, and introduces Lil Mama. I don't know much about this chick other than she's the poor man's Lil Kim and she is a judge on ABDC. Evidently she's a successful rapper as well. I'm sure her stuff's swell. Lil Mama asks each girl to come up and demonstrate an emotion with her body. Sundai is first and is asked to show "sad."
This doesn't look said, it IS sad. Maybe she misunderstood...
After BEN also fails miserably, Lil Mama calls in the JabbaWockeeZ dance crew to perform. I've actually seen these guys live -- they opened up for New Kids on the Block this summer -- and they're pretty good at what they do. Still, I'm not watching ABDC so get off my screen, assholes. They more mime than dance the emotions of happy, sad, and angry, and Lil Mama and Benny announce that the girls will be split into groups of three and performing those same emotions tonight in a competition. The winners get $17,000 in jewelry. Not bad, but could I have that amount in a check instead, please?
The teams of WonkEye/Karl/Rae, Laura/Brittany/Sundai, and VampirErin/Asshatley/BEN are given one hour to choreograph a "dance." LBS looks awkward and unsure, whereas WKR is jumping around, giggling and flailing. Good thing BEN's not on that team -- she would have an aneurysm with all that flagrant immaturity. Meanwhile, Asshatley immediately takes control of VAB, deciding that they should do salsa dancing, and groaning bitterly over the lack of coordination she sees in the other girls. Maybe it's because you're arrogantly trying to teach them complicated dance steps in under an hour? BEN admits to us that she has a hard time remembering things and hopes that she won't "black out" during the performance. Okay, maybe this girl really IS a pothead. Either that, or a raging alcoholic like myself.
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Comments (7)
Wow...who the hell did Benny Ninja piss off? I love it when he's on. Instead, he got a few lines and they bring in that ABDC chic to coach. How disapointing. I enjoy his brand of crazy.
1 of 7 | Posted by HandyManda | Posted on October 11, 2009 10:29 PM
What kind of person can't put any inflection in their voice? I think Nicole's problems extend beyond having been born with a bloody eyeball and may include brain damage. Either that or she's the worst pothead I've ever seen. (Would it be worst or best? She'd be the best at being a pothead, wouldn't she?)
2 of 7 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on October 11, 2009 11:49 PM
Thanks for squeezing lemonade out of the lemons the show gave you this week, LoLo. This was a really meh episode, except for the worrying about BEN. Now about BEN, when people were wondering if her weirdness was real or just an act, I wanted to say she reminded me a lot of this 10-year-old girl I know, who sounds like a total stoner and acts really spacey a lot of the time, and yet is smart and - yes - strangely mature, so I think she exaggerated it a little in the beginning (not even the kid I know would take a wheelbarrow to school), but otherwise sounded and acted too much like the real girl I know to be a fake. And didn't I mention this girl's cadence in her voice and patterns of speech kinda make her sound like stoners do? I guess I'm projecting onto BEN the fact that I like this kid and sometimes worry about her when I see her being awkward around other people in school and hope they will treat her well, so GO BEN! I don't even know if the CoverGirl commercial is going to be that much of a stumbling block; I paid more attention this week, and I still didn't see Teyonna's "My life as a covergirl" commercials anywhere. I guess if I cared a little more, I could find out on the internet why that is. But no, I don't care enough.
I don't know who will make it to her own Vegas hooker trading card, LoLo, but something tells me you think that out of these girls, VampirErin is your bet for who will star in the Showgirls remake...
3 of 7 | Posted by sayhuh | Posted on October 11, 2009 11:52 PM
Yeah, I'm on the fence about BEN too. On the one hand, she may just be slow, which passes for maturity, since a lot of being a kid is trying to do it all too quickly. On the other hand, she might be the gifted (high IQ) type, which explains the otherworldly part.
Either way, she hasn't been all that attractive lately --looks like she's lost a lot of weight. Like that Brittany skeleton chick -- very creepy.
It's interesting that they often group her with VampirErin, who is the only other girl of the bunch who'd make a convincing model.
Hilarious recap Lolo, laughed the whole way through.
Oh yeah, I really can't stand that Benny Ninja clown. He's a stereotype. I remember meeting guys like that way back in the early 80s, they were all over the clubs then. BN's just another horse in Tyra's stable.
4 of 7 | Posted by itchy | Posted on October 12, 2009 12:36 AM
neigh, itchy, neigh!!! Personally, I can't hate Benny for his association with the T--one thing that I think her highness (no, not BEN-sillies) does right is pay props to people who helped her starting out by featuring them on the show.
How did I miss that song you're referring to, Lo, oh yeah, coz I'm seldom even watching on the countdown, and probably in the kitchen reloading to get ready for Top Chef . . .
The more they go on, the more I think Laura's the one to beat, with VE and BEN in the top three with her. She's too charming, it's impossible not to love Wanda Sue's grand-daughter!
I could see Rae doing fitness modeling, and poor Brittney--funny how some girls gain weight when the concept of kraft services is introduced . . . hope she's not suffering with an eating disorder--it's just sooo wrong. I still say, and will always say, that designers should be designing clothes for models that resemble real humans and not praying mantii. When one of those Hill's chicks dons an outfit from someone's line, and T-lo run them side by side, they look like before and afters, and that's just wrong . . . is it me . . . c'mon Tyra, there's your challenge, make them design clothes for Cindy Crawford at the thinnest . . .
erg, guess I've been pent up this weekend . . .
Thanks so much for the recap, Lo, and excellent observation's on the edit.
5 of 7 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on October 12, 2009 10:53 AM
I think we're all missing the point here:
LoLo admitted she went to a NKOTB concert last year!
But seriously. LoLo, you are brill and I am only watching this season to better savor your recap artistry. Maybe you can start watching MELROSE PLACE so I can get one person to comment that damn blog!
Besos mojados,
LLB
Real Housewives of Atlanta
Melrose Place
P.S. to the twat who keeps Spamming the Gasm: If you don't cut that shit out, you won't need a "Tall Partner" because I will break you in half.
6 of 7 | Posted by leia labiblia | Posted on October 12, 2009 8:03 PM
LoLo, I love you! I just discovered your recaps and I had to back up to read all of this season's recaps! I thought I was the only one that couldn't stand Tyra's endless self-love and manipulation of the contest to get the winner to be whoever she thinks will somehow help HER (like that tranny wreck Jaslene). Somehow she's so awful that I now love Miss Jay and Benny Ninja. God help me. She's a little Oprah and I couldn't hate Oprah more if I tried...
Ol' Googly Eyes got lucky. And I'm glad. I've been waiting for the classic Mean Girl Ashley to get her shitty karma back and go home. They really gave it to her, didn't they? Hell yeah.
Your comments on Rae's disdain for her child crack me up. I was watching reruns of cycle 8 over the weekend and heard Renee doing her CG commercial and actually said "when I had my son I thought my life was over..." Wow. I'm glad I'm not HER kid. Good to know there's another useless, self-indulgent party mom out there leaving her kid at grandma's while she heads her redneck ass to the local bar for some Red Dog, cigs and pool.
I only kinda' like Erin b/c she's exactly what I'm going to look like when my white hairs take over (which will surely happen by my 30th birthday). I guess I'll have to learn how to smize...barf
I'm rooting for Laura. I love that country bumpkin, right down to her might-have-been-cool-in-1991 Wanda Sue outfit.
Not an ounce of drama in that girl. Just like my girls Caridee & Joanie.
7 of 7 | Posted by wickedpod | Posted on October 13, 2009 10:56 PM