Finale time, everyone! Forget Edward and Jacob -- are you Team BEN or Team Laura?
Or Team Wet Bikini Orgy?
Well after three months of torturing myself with Tyra Banks like the masochist I am, we have finally arrived at the season finale. It's down to BEN and Laura, and I think we all agree that this is BEN's to lose. Laura's a sweet girl who has taken some great pictures, but BEN has the model "it factor" in a way that Laura doesn't. That being said, if Laura pulls the upset, I won't mind too much because I actually like both finalists this cycle.
We begin the episode with Tyra's traditional summation of the finalists. She tells us that while both girls are great, BEN is a stoner and Laura is a hick. Also, Laura's dyslexia may really fuck her up in the second CoverGirl commercial left to shoot. Laura's first commercial wasn't really that much worse than BEN's, so I'll be surprised if there's a dramatic disparity between them. Honestly, I think the girls will perform about equally in the commercial and runway, but that BEN's "it factor" will cinch it for her.
The girls are in the limo, on their way from panel, gushing about how excited they are to be the final two. Both give us a similar spiel about how they never imagined they'd make it this far, and how everyone who knows them will be so shocked, etc etc. BEN also tells us that the competition has helped her learn who she is, and that she doesn't want to stop that process now. She's nervous that Laura is her competition, for she correctly notes that Laura is perfect CoverGirl/Seventeen material with her sweet charm. Laura, surprisingly, is not nearly as nervous, telling us that while BEN has pretty pictures, "personality-wise, she's not a whole lot of competition." Wow. And the gloves are off for the bull castrator!
Grandma Wanda Sue takes a break from knitting Laura some pasties to pose merrily for this picture.
Okay, if you're still awake, it's time for Tyra Mail! The girls receive scripts for the CoverGirl commercial, and Laura begins stressing out immediately while BEN is much calmer. The next morning, the girls meet Mr. Jay and Skeletor wearing Teyona's skin stretched over his bones. Nice try, asshole. Next time, try not to look like you got a face lift from a plastic surgeon who took a shot between each suture. Anyway, "Teyona" shills for CoverGirl a bit, and then gives the girls a horsey grin. Jay informs them that the plot of the commercial is that they're exploring a forest because that's a totally normal thing for a heavily made up teenage girl to be doing.
Nigel's there, and he's going to be taking the CoverGirl beauty shot of one girl while Mr. Jay does the commercial with the other girl. Laura gets in another uncharacteristicly catty prediction that BEN will fuck up her commercial, while BEN goes with Nigel for her beauty shot without making a similar remark. BEN tells us that she doesn't normally smile in her pictures so it was a bit weird to smile for the CoverGirl shot. However, she simply thought of a nice fattie and a dreamy smile flitted across her face. She looks great, and Nigel tells us that she did an awesome job. Meanwhile, Laura's shooting her commercial. And it's rough. Not epic, VampirErin rough. But pretty damn bad, with lots of stumbles and blank stares. However, she eventually gets it out, and Jay seems pretty happy with her last take.
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Comments (15)
The editing gives the impression that Laura and BEN never saw each other again after the winner was declared. It made me feel bad for Laura, but I'd like to think they did have a chance to say goodbye, otherwise it seems sad BEN didn't even give Laura a hug.
1 of 15 | Posted by WizeChiklet | Posted on November 22, 2009 7:02 PM
"Nigel asks Laura what she's thinking about, and she immediately replies "milkshakes." "
That whole sequence made me laugh because Nigel went on to say he thought she should be thinking about a boyfriend or something else emotional...but consider this. Boyfriends will come and go, however for models, a milkshake is unrequited love. They can only admire it from afar...or if they have one, they have to immediately let it go. That's way more emotional than the boyfriend du jour.
Who taught BEN her runway walk? It reminded me of B-grade movies when jack-booted Nazis stomp in to drag people off to concentration camps. Maybe it’s a memory related to how she got so thin… Speaking of which, BEN’s reveal of eating in the toilet stall is a big ol’ red flag of someone with both personality disorders and eating disorders.
I like both girls and wish them success, but hope they’re able to run far, far away from Tyra.
As for Eva Pigford…all she’s done since being crowned ANTP is fail at being a soap opera actor. She was absolutely abominable on The Young and the Restless. (Yes…I watched.) Her idea of emoting is tipping her head to the side like her earrings are too heavy. And she has all the emotional range of a styrofoam cup.
The Meryl Streep picture? HILARIOUS!!!!! I’ll miss your recaps while we wait for Tyra to return with more idiotic made up words…
2 of 15 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on November 22, 2009 9:06 PM
If your 'straight' buddy used the 'word' smize, it's time to rethink your relationship.
Have to say, I'm laughing all the way through this recap...'tiny penis between Miss J's shoulder pads' indeed!
I'm wondering if Laura got the nice girl edit all along and was actually more of a bitch all season than my fave (Erin), who was at least honest about being an immature, self-absorbed bitch (i.e., a beautiful 18-year-old girl). I'm not unhappy about Laura losing because her face is just too weird for me.
The scene with BEN and her family explained everything about her. She wasn't just shy, she was cripplingly shy (probably extremely intelligent and hypersensitive too), and that's no doubt what kids responded to. She developed the dull slow-speaking thing as a protective shield. I've known people who were so shy they were unable to eat in front of others, so the bathroom thing doesn't surprise me.
And dyslexia may be a bitch, but that kind of shyness is a real handicap too.
Anyway, it continues to amaze me how dorky and even ugly she can look when she's not being photographed, and how beautiful she becomes in the photos. Really striking. It makes sense that she's able to do this -- I'm pretty shy myself, but put me in front of a microphone and I OWN the stage.
Happens when I'm typing too. ;-p
3 of 15 | Posted by itchy | Posted on November 23, 2009 1:18 AM
No surprise about BEN's win. I'm happy because she was my favorite from day one. I love the quirky ones, what can I say? But I would have been equally happy if Laura had one. I really liked her too despite the bitch edit she got in the finale. And let's face it... she probably got a contract offer before she left the building. Both of those girls will get lots of work and do well for themselves.
As far as the dress that BEN wore? Methinks someone was watching a bit too much Pretty in Pink. The prom dress in that movie looks like a direct inspiration. And I always hated that prom dress... even in the 80s when everything was ugly, that dress was FUGLY.
I'm surprised that you didn't mention in the recap about when the models were all standing on the runway in their bathing suits at the end. BEN totally put her elbow right in front of Laura's face and Laura had to push it down so that she would be visible. What is funny about that is that if it was anyone besides BEN that did it, I'd scream BITCH (a la Jade). But knowing her personality, I think it was just random movement.
Thanks for a great season!
4 of 15 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on November 23, 2009 2:27 AM
*sigh* That should read "...equally happy if Laura had WON." I wish we could edit our comments. :)
5 of 15 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on November 23, 2009 2:30 AM
Woo! Three comments in a row! I'm on a roll! :p
Forgot to mention about Teyona... I'm still bitter about her win. Seriously... wind in the face or whatever the EFF Tyra said? That girl is NOT pretty AT ALL. And she can't deliver the cover girl lines either. She just looks like she should be in the movie Brazil.
6 of 15 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on November 23, 2009 2:31 AM
Snootchy, ITA about Teyona. She screwed up "lash blast" this year, when explaining the makeup to BEN and Laura and she did it last year versus Alison (I rewatched some of Season 12 this weekend on Oxygen... yes, I have no life).
And, was it me, but when they did the individual photos of the cast prior to the theme song, I could hardly remember any of the girls? Then, when they did the theme song, I was like, "oh her?" With all the changes coming ahead for the next cycle, I hope the casting department gets replaced.
Eva Pigford, she has done some straight to DVD movies, other than the Y&R stint earlier this year. I know she's not a good actress, but neither is Ya-Ya (who was on All My Children and is now on Ugly Betty).
Lolo, I have to disagree about Whitney. If you compare her to Anya, she had way more personality. Anya could barely speak English and couldn't emote, but she could take a damn good picture and has gone on to have a more successful career (if the commercials during ANTM are to be believed.)
7 of 15 | Posted by slutty_whore | Posted on November 23, 2009 6:12 AM
Loved this season if for no other reason then the lack of tranniesque girls that could never get hired in the real world.
Still, at 5'7'' I would hardly call BEN a midget model. She is just a tad shorter then usual. Isn't that how tall Kate Moss is? I loved BEN but I'm not sure I'm glad she won. It seems that the runner ups tend to have better careers then the winners...
I do believe that whoever slathered on the mascara for their covergirl photoshoots ought to be fired. The poor girls could barely keep their eyes open. I have never seen pix of either BEN or Laura with such tiny looking eyes before.
Still -- great recapping season lolo!! I can't wait to read whatever it is you will recap next.
8 of 15 | Posted by ohralphie | Posted on November 23, 2009 7:43 AM
I've heard that Kate Moss is 5'6", actually. And Marisa Miller is obviously incredibly successful and she's only an inch taller than Nicole.
Loved both girls, but I'm actually almost disappointed that Laura won, for the same reason that ohralphie said - I feel like they often pick the girl that doesn't deserve it as much (ie Caridee over Melrose, Whitney over Anya, Teyona over Allison) because the runner up does do better. I felt like Laura would benefit more from a CoverGirl contract than Nicole would, simply because I just don't think she can do high fashion the way that Nicole can.
All in all, I'm happy with the final two and I wish both girls much success.
Great recaps this whole season LoLo, I love to hate Tyra right along with you and I hope that we'll see you recapping again next season!
9 of 15 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on November 23, 2009 10:27 AM
I am so happy she won...her covergirl pic is incredible...i have a big thing for red heads...
but when she isn't in front of the camera, she looks dorky...and that is what attracts me to her even more...she is a little rough at first (still really cute though), but when she cleans up...omg...
10 of 15 | Posted by pappy44 | Posted on November 23, 2009 12:45 PM
Lolo, it is ABSOLUTELY amazing how you managed to reference Death Becomes Her in your recap!
11 of 15 | Posted by kara | Posted on November 24, 2009 11:17 AM
OMG Lolo--that paragraph at the top of pg three had me howling . . . too funny!!! I honestly can't believe smize is a word, I mean seriously, are we sure Tyra didn't steal it from the streets . . . hmmm . . .
I thought they both did well, I was a tad surprised by some of Laura's diary's but not too much. In the end, I wasn't 100%--till they said signature walk for that zombie sashay-until then I thought it could go either way . . .
Maybe that was VE I saw with the skillful veil lift, and I thought it was Laura, but overall, I thought Laura kicked butt on the runway, and i can't believe they let fabulous BEN walk in the final catwalk without ever telling her about her shoulders--FAIL!!!!
I assume they brought back old models to save money, and also to ship 'em back home together on one plane . . .
I hate when shows end, because, sniff, I miss you all, and you most of all, LoLo!
PS. practicing not eating . . . hilarious!!!
12 of 15 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on November 24, 2009 5:56 PM
lol ty LoLo!!!
and thnx tyra for showing us hawaii... the fashion capital for haute couture... hip hop hola to help the girls move... jumping off cliffs to help them pose and for lots of contradictions. lol
omg, so is laura nice or not? i mean last episode, it was like WHAT! where did that come from, girlfriend turned on the nasty... lol
i hope nicole can do it... bloody hell, 13 cycles and we still dont have a successful winner.. then you see russia's top model and she has walked for dolce, gucci blah blah and done campaigns.
anyway i watch fashion TV and i see alot of USA models working it in europe...
how come tyra doesnt find any of these models??? insstead she finds that girl from her audience... bitchy whats her face... wow that is MODEL!
maybe cuz tyra has a warped sense of models.. and she is stuck in the past.
anyway, i should not think too much about this and just watch this trash show for what it is...tyra + crazy = tv show
13 of 15 | Posted by loopygorilla | Posted on November 25, 2009 5:23 AM
OMG im gonna miss this recap... im getting withdrawals already.
TY LoLo... see you soon and dont forget to SMIZEE!!!!
14 of 15 | Posted by loopygorilla | Posted on November 25, 2009 5:26 AM
i recognized the pink dress BEN wore to panel immediately. its andies prom dress from pretty in pink!
15 of 15 | Posted by rainbodragon | Posted on November 25, 2009 12:47 PM