This week on ANTM, drag queens hoot and holler, one of the girls gets a much needed lesson in personal hygeine, someone else gets called a racist, Dominique continues to refer to herself solely in the third person, Whitney does the splits, Tyra pulls a Winona, there's more lame kitchen drama, and Marvita admits that she's unsure of herself and starts to give up.
You heard it straight from the horse's mouth
This week opens up with the girls chilling at the house. Fatima is shocked (shocked!) that she was in the bottom two last week, so she starts practicing her runway walk. I love how there's a girl every season that thinks that like just because she's practicing and the other girls aren't that Tyra's gonna run right over with a cookie and whisk her along to the final two. This isn't junior high and no one's gonna inflate your grade with gratis homework points. Similarly, just because the other girls aren't practicing doesn't mean they'll be cut if they can still manage to rock their photo shoots.
Meanwhile, Dominique starts running Dominique's mouth to anyone and everyone unfortunate enough to be within earshot about Dominique's perseverance and Dominique's continued awesomeness. Whitney's peeved and starts to do some exaggerated impersonations. Uh oh, trouble's a'brewin.
In the bedroom, some of the other girls are chatting about the opposite sex and how super cool it is to hold hands with a guy but Marvita thinks that all boys have cooties. Right. Then, Aimee pulls out her Lisa Frank notebook and they all play MASH to figure out which celebrity hunk will be the babydaddy to their 999 rugrats. This is giving me flashbacks of my own junior high sleepovers. My friends and I actually played games where we'd "anonymously" write down who each other's best friend was and then read all of the answers out loud. Inevitably, at least one person wouldn't be chosen at all. When we got bored of that, we came up with craftier questions like who we'd eat first if we were stranded on a desert island without food. How's that for an elaborate way to indirectly call someone a porker? Honest to Tyra, this all happened. 11-year-old girls are bitches. And this was back in the mid 90s, so I can't imagine the heinous games girls today are playing. They're probably spending their post-kindergarten playdates plotting a smear campaign against Susie because she gave Billy a swallow of her Go-Gurt during snacktime AND because she's line leader again for the third week in a row. She just looks so smug when she holds her two fingers in the air signaling everyone to be quiet. Slut.
Oh no! It looks like there's been an outbreak of chicken pox in the Top Model house, or at least I'm sure that's what Katarzyna's hoping that that's what we-the-viewers believe...
"Clearasil makes calamine lotion, right?"
The girls all hop in their fabcab - check it out, this is seriously what it's called - and head over to a super sketchy warehouse in Brooklyn where they're greeted by Benny Ninja and the "world-famous" supermodel Vendela. I've never heard of this chick but that's not saying a lot considering she looks like she's about to go meet up with my mom for a few laps of speedwalking around the mall. Is anyone else noticing that Vendela looks like she stepped right out of a Gap ad with this outfit? I was expecting some fierce supermodel fashions like the kind Paulina wears. Oh well. Also, apparently all it takes to be a "world-famous" supermodel is to be featured on some Scandanavian lifestyle magazine that appears to be called Damanas.
Rhymes with bananas?
Vendela and Benny will be teaching them the three Cs - commercial, catalogue, and couture. This lesson consists of Benny Ninja showing one pose for each category and then it's time to dig in their claws and tear the girls to shreds. (Oh what? The meat challenge is over? Bad meat puns don't make sense this week? Noted.)
The bottom line here is that everyone starts skipping and popping up their heels and throwing their arms in the air. Some girls get showered in accolades while others get slammed. If there's a method to this madness, I'm not following. They're all equally ridiculous to me. The most interesting criticism comes when Benny Ninja tells Whitney that she looks like Anna Nicole. Ouch. Apparently Whitney's heard this multiple times since makeovers.
Trimspa baby!
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Comments (17)
I'm pretty sure Tyra menat it airs in over 120 countries. Or else that would be the stupidest ecaggeration ever made. Or mabye she's just not asinvolved in this show as she thought she was. But I'm sure that part would have been edited out if she ACTUALLY meant there are 120 different versions. Anyway, I now officially HATE Dominique because Dominique is a bitch and Dominique is arrogant and Dominique looks like a 400 year old man. I rest my case.
1 of 17 | Posted by meme_1226 | Posted on March 24, 2008 9:58 PM
I'm pretty sure Tyra menat it airs in over 120 countries. Or else that would be the stupidest ecaggeration ever made. Or mabye she's just not asinvolved in this show as she thought she was. But I'm sure that part would have been edited out if she ACTUALLY meant there are 120 different versions. Anyway, I now officially HATE Dominique because Dominique is a bitch and Dominique is arrogant and Dominique looks like a 400 year old man. I rest my case.
2 of 17 | Posted by meme_1226 | Posted on March 24, 2008 9:58 PM
Thanks for the recap. But a correction: Nigel said Aimee was a chameleon, not a comedian.
3 of 17 | Posted by aholic | Posted on March 24, 2008 10:05 PM
I missed this episode, unfortunately, but I HATE Dominique and Fatima. They are both just ugh. Puke city.
Love Claire and Whitney still. And Aimee.
Also, yes I totally DO know that Mr. Jay host's Canada's Next Top Model! Tricia Helfer used to host it and he was just a judge, but I guess she quit or something. It's not as full of drama as ANTM is though - probably because Tyra Blowhard isn't there.
4 of 17 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on March 24, 2008 11:54 PM
so...am i the only one that doesn't like whitney? she seems *blah* like the other whitney. no matter, we all know the fatties don't make it far anyway.
5 of 17 | Posted by Niecy | Posted on March 25, 2008 7:41 AM
Dominique is so annoying! What the hell is wrong with her? Why the hell was Vendela so anti-Whitney? What did she mean she wasn't taking the competition seriously? Just because she did a splits? That challenge was dumb as hell from the get-go.
And the whole, Tyra stole Heather's shoes thing made absolutly no sense.
This show sometimes makes me want to slit my wrists...but I can't get enough!!
6 of 17 | Posted by MrsBojangles | Posted on March 25, 2008 8:31 AM
Wow. Arbitrary much? Let me get this straight: At the "posing" challenge, Whitney does the splits and all the "experts" (including Benny Ninja) whoop and holler their approval, and award the point to Whitney...but then at panel the judges decide Whitney isn't taking the competition seriously...because she did the splits.
Then, when they showed Katarzyna's photo, the judges praised it, using it as an example for the other girls of the right way to pose...but then, when ranking the girls, decide Kat's becoming boring.
As always, Tyra And Company are merely laying the groundwork to get rid of the girls they want gone. Whitney, we all know is doomed because she's "plus size," and those girls never make it past the middle of the season. I'm not sure why there's sudden negativity toward Kat.
And Dominique is black? Really? I find that way harder to believe than if they had finally 'fessed up she had once been a man.
Great recap!
7 of 17 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on March 25, 2008 8:31 AM
My boyfriend was rolling on the floor laughing at Dominique. Seriously, that girl is a complete joke - "You're racist because you don't like Dominique!" is basically what it boils down to. I don't care if she took a good picture this week, she needs to go.
Love love love Whitney (although that wasn't the best pic of her), and that was complete BS that Vendala was spewing. I bet she hates Whitney for the same reason Fatima does - people (especially boys) like Whitney better, in high school and now - has anyone else noticed Whitney always seems to be hanging out or laughing with the other girls, whereas Fatima sits in a corner and sulks?
Also, what the hell was the point of this shoot? I was watching an ANTM marathon and realized the photoshoots have gotten more ridiculous and more pointless as the series goes on. Remember in Cycle 5 where they had two girls wear the same outfit and compared them? AWESOME. Why can't they do that again.
And I fucking hate Saleisha's My Life...As a Covergirl. She does all these weird pauses after every three words, and it pisses me off.
8 of 17 | Posted by VegasDarling | Posted on March 25, 2008 8:48 AM
Excellent recap Hoolia. I'm really enjoying your writing and captions.
I agree with you about Whitney. She is one of the most fun to watch. I would love to see a plus-sized girl actually get to the end of this show. You'd think now that Tyra is plumping up that she'd be more willing to let that happen.
I have to take exception to one part of your recap. Vendela is and was an amazingly stunning woman. She was a super model in the super model hey day of Cindy Crawford, Paulina, Linda Evangelista, Naomi Campbell, etc.
You should check out her Sports Illustrated cover to get a sense of how big a deal she was.
9 of 17 | Posted by TinkerbellAPixie | Posted on March 25, 2008 9:00 AM
Ebonics...the worst thing that ever happened to the African-America community, or any community for that matter!
10 of 17 | Posted by 2funny2b4real | Posted on March 25, 2008 11:52 AM
Ebonics...the worst thing that ever happened to the African-American community, or any community for that matter!
11 of 17 | Posted by 2funny2b4real | Posted on March 25, 2008 11:52 AM
Ebonics...the worst thing that ever happened to the African-American community, or any community for that matter!
12 of 17 | Posted by 2funny2b4real | Posted on March 25, 2008 11:52 AM
If you choose to speak all ebonic-style
Not being funny....
Speaking poorly is not ebonics, nor is it being black or African-American (or even cool white american), it's just plain ignorant...like many a young lady on ANTM (nevertheless, see you next week for another recap, popcorn in hand...)
13 of 17 | Posted by 2funny2b4real | Posted on March 25, 2008 11:58 AM
o my god...
the horse's mouth caption....
i cant stop laughing... and i read it yesterday lol help
14 of 17 | Posted by angelbayyb | Posted on March 26, 2008 10:24 AM
2funny2b4real - I apologize if I offended you, definitely wasn't my intention. Surely, I can't be as much of an ignorant ass as the kid in my 10th grade English class who mistakenly referred to "ebonics" as "bubonics", right?
aholic - Good catch. Clearly I was a bit sleepy when I was proofreading.
tinkerbellapixie - I wasn't saying that Vendela wasn't gorgeous - just making the point that I had never heard of her and I thought it was comical that they used really cheesy magazines to highlight her "world-class" supermodelness instead of showing a clip, say, of the SI cover that you mentioned.
meme1226 - I figured that Tyra meant it aired in over 120 countries, but I'm still skeptical of that, too. Tyra needs to provide me a list of at least 121 countries that air any version of her show, and then we'll talk.
15 of 17 | Posted by Hoolia | Posted on March 26, 2008 11:08 AM
So that's three recaps in a row that you've written something absolutely stupid and I'm not even past the first page.
You've never heard of Vendela? Well then maybe you should pull your head out of your ass and Google her. I really hate when people who are ignorant of something act like there's nothing there to know.
Have you ever heard of Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue? Yea, bitch, look it up. Vendela's been on the cover more than once - a big honor in the modeling world...
This is the last recap I'll be reading of yours. You suck.
16 of 17 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on April 4, 2008 9:57 PM
"And Dominique is black? Really? I find that way harder to believe than if they had finally 'fessed up she had once been a man."
Cattyfan, you can't tell that Dominique's black? Maybe you should change your ID to Unobservantfan.
What else could Dominique possibly be with her BROWN skin? Or maybe you think black people can't have light eyes?? Hmm...
17 of 17 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on April 4, 2008 10:09 PM