It seems like I am starting a lot of my posts with apologies these days. I am going to have to apologize once again. I'm sorry that I wasn't able to come up with a humorous Constantine mashup for the front page. It's not like you don't have a lot to choose from. Now that I am feeling very contrite, I can say that I am very happy to tell you that America's Next Top Model is as good as ever. What sort of glamorous story do we have in store this week? Flesh eating bacteria, of course! But these girls are so rational and down to earth, so I am sure nobody will freak out. Really.
Last week, poor Lluvy had to hear something that nobody going through this process wants to hear, i.e., that she had taken the absolute worst picture in the history of America's Next Top Model. Hey, I don't particularly blame Lluvy, with all of those scales and whatnot blocking her face, she had one of the more difficult pictures to pull off. That being said, there are only a few ways that you can live with a face like that: 1) paper bag 2) doggystyle 3) a bottle of Bacardi 151. Unfortunately, none of those methods really translate into the modeling world, so I think Lluvy has a tough road ahead of her. The judges keep on saying that she has an "interesting" face, which must be some sort of high fashion code word for "butterface". I report, you decide.
There is another option for Lluvy. She could always find somebody else in the house that is even less secure about her looks, and let the other girls get to her before they cone and get Lluvy. I don't know if that is her plan, but it is clear that the other girls haven't really taken a huge liking to Michelle. I am not sure if they are jealous because she looked so mannish coming in, and has been taking some great shots. Perhaps they really don't like lesbians, or female wrestlers. Whatever it is, the girls always seem like they are ready to gang up on her.
Take this week for example. Michelle has a breakout on her face. It looks like it might be a few pimples, but it is definitely looking pretty bad, and there are some splotches that seem infected. Right away, the girls were ready to give their opinion on what might be wrong. Keenya wondered if perhaps Michelle worshipped the devil, but clearly she didn't see all of the nuance involved. When Noelle heard about Michelle's problem, she thought that perhaps Michelle was hurting herself for attention. Brittany told her a little spooge on the face does wonders for the complexion. She didn't actually say that aloud, but just take a look at her. That skin is not from Neutragena alone.
The information session for this week was going to be at the the Makeup Artist Designory (as a little aside, if you are going to propose to B-side, his history with makeup artists is not good). This old guy named Paul Thompson walked in and started giving them a lesson. Maybe it was just me, but it was quite obvious that the guy was just Jay Manuel with a bunch of makeup on. The beard on the guy was so heavy that you expected he might be hiding something. Even if it wasn't Jay Manuel dressed up, hearing one word come out of his mouth would have at least tipped you off a little bit. I also saw last season's episode where Jay Manuel did some drag, and this guy was strangely similar.
Once Jay revealed himself, he let them all know that they were going to be doing each other's makeup as if they were preparing for a go-see. Go-sees are a model visits a client or designer so that person can meet hem face to face. The point of the exercise was to get a look that was clean and fresh. It was an easy enough exercise, except for Michelle. Not only did she not know how to do her makeup, but she was really starting to freak everybody out. She was paired with Lluvy and Tiffany, and they were both very nice when it came to trying to hide Michelle's newfound blemishes, which Kahlen was no describing as scabies, but we all know what scabies are really about. Lluvy finally got something to be happy about, as Jay said that her face was what everybody would want when they went to see a designer. Yes, I am only talking about the makeup.
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Comments (21)
ok - total ANTM fanatic here - and tonite i finally found the perfect companion show and im hooked - showdog moms/dads on bravo. barking supermodels, barking showdog moms...it works. set the tivo.
1 of 21 | Posted by modelfan | Posted on March 31, 2005 1:07 AM
You know that's the SINGAPOREAN government's Skin Centre web page, right?
Not that Singapore would be behind the times, medically, I'm just saying it might be worth mentioning.
2 of 21 | Posted by Some dumbass nitpicker with too much time on his hands | Posted on March 31, 2005 6:02 AM
Am I the only one who thinks that Michelle looks terrible with her fake blond hair?
The first thing that she should do to feel better about herself is get back to her natural color! (I was hoping her scabs would have something to do with the peroxide dye eating her face but no such luck.)
3 of 21 | Posted by Liz | Posted on March 31, 2005 7:05 AM
I can't even believe you just referenced the Delia's catalog.
4 of 21 | Posted by Catie | Posted on March 31, 2005 7:16 AM
I love your posts on this show J-Unit.
5 of 21 | Posted by America's Next Top Fan | Posted on March 31, 2005 8:13 AM
Brittany was awesome this week, I'd have never guessed she had that kind of range! I'm still picking Lluvy to win... She's indestructable, kinda like Peeps ;)
6 of 21 | Posted by Chargerfan | Posted on March 31, 2005 8:37 AM
Good job, J!
I love your three options for Lluvy-too funny.
Keep up the good work!
7 of 21 | Posted by joslyn | Posted on March 31, 2005 8:40 AM
Michelle's blonde hair is so HORRENDOUS. As soon as they did it I was like, WTF???? No one looks good with that yellow blonde hair thing going on, I don't care where you are from or how much you have had to drink. Plus, Michelle really needs to stop crying. Must every season have a cryer? So, where is this frozen yogurt place with the hot chicks?
8 of 21 | Posted by Rainy | Posted on March 31, 2005 8:46 AM
I still think Naima kicks ass. She is by far the best one of the group. Maybe not the best looking but I think she has the best personality and she always wins the challenges. I just love a girl who can pull off a mohawk. And I really don't think Michelle is even pretty at all. She looks like an ugly tom boy, not a model.
9 of 21 | Posted by yourmom | Posted on March 31, 2005 8:52 AM
You're right to think its odd to see someone in black face. I was in Ohio a few years ago at Halloween. There was a costume party in the hotel bar and out came a 6'4" Rastafarian. I was stunned to see that it was a white guy in makeup about my shade and a wig. He seemed nervous to actually encounter a black person. And well he should be. There are white people in the Caribbean.
10 of 21 | Posted by Lady J | Posted on March 31, 2005 9:59 AM
i cant believe you spelled the name of delias with the proper capitalisation!
yes i do believe michelle is awful to look at, but her pictures come out damn good. i dont understand how these girls can be so damn average/not hot through the show, yet look stunning in photos.
11 of 21 | Posted by jash | Posted on March 31, 2005 10:16 AM
I don't watch ANTM but when I saw the previews for it the first thing that came to mind was another reality tv show had been afflicted with...SCABIES! Argh! Thank goodness it was just a flesh eating bacteria. Whew. Close one.
12 of 21 | Posted by mountain girl | Posted on March 31, 2005 10:31 AM
Is anyone else getting that delicious eczema ad to on this page...its delicious!
13 of 21 | Posted by madeyoulaugh | Posted on March 31, 2005 12:55 PM
Michele didn't look that bad.
Here a better picture.
http://www.usul.net/film/images/baron.jpg
14 of 21 | Posted by Eddiebosox | Posted on March 31, 2005 1:13 PM
Ugh, yes!
I think a guy at my work has eczema. I call him The Reptile. I started calling him this when were in a meeting (only 3 of us) and he PICKED A SCALE OFF OF HIS ARM AND FLICKED IT ONTO THE CARPET! I seriously dry heaved right in the meeting. The VP I was sitting next to had no reaction, until I did the dry heave. The Reptile had been sitting across from us, I don't know how he could have missed it.
I seriously avoid ANYTHING he touches now and if he goes near my desk, I throw out any open drinks that were there. I can't risk having a scale floating in my water. Yuck.
15 of 21 | Posted by Catie | Posted on March 31, 2005 1:16 PM
Catie you crack me up.
16 of 21 | Posted by yourmom | Posted on March 31, 2005 2:13 PM
I got to remember not to scroll down when at the homepage. Those Constantine pics are giving me the creeps. Please, I beg you no more Constantine related things. Please, please, please, I beg you. Think of the children...Why won't you think of the children.
17 of 21 | Posted by khaled | Posted on March 31, 2005 2:28 PM
OMG! I'm busting a gut at Catie's comments!!
18 of 21 | Posted by couchpotato | Posted on March 31, 2005 3:07 PM
I just went back and found the entry I wrote about it right after it happened- http://www.livejournal.com/users/luckycate/2807.html It was really awful. For awhile I chronicled my run-ins with him, but I've stopped. He thinks we're friends now because I gave him a pen. I would rather die than take the pen back, of course I gave it to him.
19 of 21 | Posted by Catie | Posted on March 31, 2005 3:18 PM
Two things, because I have a moment to share: once, my mom told me I had impetigo, but all I had was a little redness on the corner of my lips. She said kids get it a lot and it is very contagious. Looking at Michelle's face I would say I did not have the impetigo. Her face made me puke a little in my mouth. If she doesn't go home this week I am never watching the show again.
Two: Wasn't there a clip earlier in the season of Hawiian girl at her "parents" house and there were two adults standing in the background? It was a really nice house. I'm confused and I think someone is full of shite...
PS That sigapore website is wrong on so many levels...
20 of 21 | Posted by smithie | Posted on April 4, 2005 5:01 PM
Wheres the Niama picture at??
21 of 21 | Posted by WHY | Posted on April 5, 2005 9:23 PM