The girls stroll up to a bridge where Mizz Jay and a little Dutch boy await them. Mizz Jay lectures the chicas about Red Light Fashion Amsterdam. This community project involves taking brothels and turning them into fashion showrooms. This week's challenge splits the girls into teams and then encourages them to work together to model a designer's designs in a brothel window. The teams are as follows: Sheena and Marjorie, McKey and Sam, and Elina and a random Dutch grandma who happened to stroll into the shot.
"HALLO! I am so happy to be on your television show!"
"You're putting me with WHO?"
Mizz Jay emphasizes teamwork (rah-rah!) because this yet-to-be-named prize is the modeling motherlode. McKey and Sam get paired up with a designer who wants them to be dressed up like dolls.
And by "dolls" he really meant "the evil queen from Alice in Wonderland" and "that albino guy Powder."
Analeigh waxes poetic about how it's so fantastic that instead of women selling themselves in these windows, they're selling clothes. These two get decked out in some gorgeous, pouffed out gowns that look awesome but completely impractical. Then Analeigh reveals that these gowns are supposed to work double time and get tied into jackets so the girls can sit on the scooters. Initially I'm intrigued because anything to help a girl look more ladylike while straddling a large, vibrating object is a-okay in my book. But I'm immediately forced to sit down and eat my words when I catch a glimpse of Elina stuffed in the "jacket" version of this dress.
And by "eat my words," I mean "eat this giant human cannoli"
Sheena and Margie get stuck with a designer who looks like he shook up a couple of lava lamps and then let them explode all over some shapeless frocks made out of old tutus. Sheena gets so inspired that she decides that this might be a good time to shake up her makeup bag and let it explode all over her face.
Bindi? Single chicken pock? Zit? Don't ever say that ANTM doesn't ask the tough questions.
Analeigh gets into the window wearing platform heels that raise her up no less than nine inches. These shoes would put me at a horrendously scary 6'6" meaning I could look Michael Jordan straight in the eye. This thought is equally scary and awesome. But even though I tower over the majority of my girlfriends, I know I would be practically a midget in the modeling world. I can only imagine that Analeigh's got at least in inch or two on me and I'm very impressed that her head isn't busting through the ceiling.
Alas, the designers are not as impressed because they note that Analeigh struggles to find the light with her face. McKey and Sam interact directly with each other and utilize the designer's direction to act like dolls. Mizz Jay and the designers love love love. Marge spouts off some jazz about how she and Sheena are acting like punk rockers with lots of angst. Oh, angst you say? Yes, Margie, I know the feeling because I get it every single time that I watch you model your lameass hunchback pose. Sure, the designer loves that your movements are extreme, but seriously, can you maybe please throw a move in there every once in awhile that looks like you're modeling for a client other than the National Scoliosis Foundation? Which begs me to ask, why aren't the judges jumping down Margie's back for not mixing it up from week to week? All I want for Christmas is some consistency from this panel. The same designer that loves Quasimodo thinks that Sheena's too "feminine" for the dresses. My Dutch-to-English dictionary tells me that sometimes "feminine" really means "whore."
McKey and Sam walk away with the grand prize - round-trip tickets back to Holland to walk in multiple shows for next year's Amsterdam fashion week. Score! Meanwhile, the camera pans backwards for the first time to reveal that Mizz Jay put on little more than his underoos when he rolled out of bed. And while the Dutch remembered THEIR pants, it appears they also remembered to wake and bake because they are far too tickled by this almost-indecent exposure.
Case in point for why I always stick an extra change of clothes in my carry-on. You know, J. I. C.
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Comments (18)
Hard to call.
Elina: Probably not for the reasons you stated.
Marjorie: Could be. From the first minute they have been saying how she looks like a model and raving over her photos.
Analeigh: She had a rough start and some ups and downs earlier in the season.
McKey: Could be. Even when she wasn't taking fabulous pictures, they were commenting on how beautiful her face is. (I don't really see it, admittedly)
Sam: Doubtful. They have said several times that she doesn't look like a model.
So if we go off of that, Marjorie wins. I know you don't like her, but I do. Then again, I tend to root for the underdogs. When I look at all of them side by side though, I think Elina has the most potential.
1 of 18 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on November 5, 2008 1:55 AM
Sam, hunchback, and Analeigh in the top 3. I think S and A in the top 2 since they seem more CG. But who really know what Ty-Ty will come up with.
2 of 18 | Posted by kellyhp12 | Posted on November 5, 2008 1:55 AM
Ok I do know Amsterdam really well and the original challenge was fucking ridiculous. There is a train from Schipol airport to the centre ever 10 minutes absolute max so missing it isn't a big deal. Dam square is filled with Americans constantly, so they obviously don't have issues finding it and the Herengracht is then practically in a straight line from there. It's pretty cool though; I've never really seen an ANTM in a place I know well.
I really like Elina and even her being a bit annoying isn't changing this. I'm sure in person I would hate her, but she is a really interesting looking model. Of course she isn't CG though so she'd get second place absolute best. We should hopefully have a 'breaking down' episode (though we were supposed to have had it already but that died a death). Marjorie can go, McKey isn't very interesting and has stupid hair, Sam is looking really good in photos recently and Analeigh isn't well rounded enough, though maybe her jedi CG skills will see her through.
3 of 18 | Posted by xmissparanoidx | Posted on November 5, 2008 2:17 AM
Thank the lord someone else is irritated with Marjorie. All she ever does is squeak and shake and stutter. Grow some balls little girl, and stop acting like such a whiner! (Okay, so maybe I have some anger about her).
I'm guessing McKey, Elina, and Analeigh for the top three. I actually like Elina despite the fact that she's kinda bitchy, but I don't get McKey at all. The first thing I thought when I saw her outfit was that she'd get called out for looking so ridiculous, not that she'd be praised by the panel of crazies (except for Nigel, who is possibly the only normalish one there. And the most delicious, obviously).
4 of 18 | Posted by LAjane | Posted on November 5, 2008 6:22 AM
Wow, I don't know.
I just LOVE, LOVE Mickey's face (I refuse to humor names that are spelled stupidly). I just don't see her as cover girl. Remember her commercial?
I do really like Marjorie's face and Elina's face in photos, but both of them were horrible in the commercials, too.
That leaves Sam and Analeigh. I think they will do best in the go-sees. I think Analeigh is gorgeous, but her face just is not modely enough (angles).
So, I guess that leaves Same. Hmmm, how did I end up with her? I don't even like her!
5 of 18 | Posted by jenday23 | Posted on November 5, 2008 7:54 AM
Snootchy Bootches - The judges have loved her since the beginning, but I just can't see her EVER being relaxed enough to come off as anything resembling natural on a CG commercial. Let's also remember her horrendous walk - that might be enough to sink her even if she gets to the final two.
kellyhp12 - I'm not seeing Sam for the final three. I think she's a little too plain Jane for the judges.
xmissparanoidx - So fun to see them go through a city you know well - that's how I felt when they were in Rome last cycle. I absolutely agree with your assessment of Elina - I think I could stand her for about two seconds if I ever actually met her, but it's hard to deny her potential in photos.
LAjane - So glad someone's finally speaking up about their dislike of Marjorie! I hope she bites it big time on the go-sees tonight.
JenDay23 - McKey's face is remarkable and I agree that Sam and Analeigh are going to do the best on go-sees. I just can't see Sam winning it all though even with her recent good pictures...
6 of 18 | Posted by Hoolia | Posted on November 5, 2008 9:34 AM
I agree with LAJane's top 3. I think Sam will probably go next, then Hunchback. The judges think McKey is gorgeous, but I don't think she'll do well in the final CG shoot. Analeigh is pretty and perky but not exceptionally model-y, which reminds me of the runner-ups in cycles 1 (Shannon), 6 (Joanie) and 9 (Chantal). To me Elina is the most beautiful and the easy choice for the win, but I'm thrown by the Mizz Jay comment.
7 of 18 | Posted by BRaps | Posted on November 5, 2008 9:53 AM
Don't get me wrong, I had a good time in Amsterdam and would love to go back (Heineken Museum=best museum I visited in my year of studying art in Europe!), but...is it really THAT much of a fashion capital? Paris, Milan, London, sure, but Amsterdam?
8 of 18 | Posted by rubinia | Posted on November 5, 2008 10:37 AM
Ah Amsterdam..site of my seven-year starving-artist stretch...hoe gaat het met je?
It's, like, almost impossible not to get to Amsterdam from the airport, since in order to get pretty much anywhere else, you have to go to Centraal Station (Central, get it?)
And Dam Square is straight down the fucking street. It's a two minute stroll. And the moment you walk out the train station door, there are signs pointing you thataway. It's another five minutes from there to the Herengracht, they ought to have made them walk. Driving in Amsterdam is the worst anyway.
Just to give a bit of perspective of how silly that 'challenge' was.
I'd say it's a tossup between Analeigh and McKee. Analeigh because she just has the awesome freshness about her. And McKee because she has the most modelish face of them all.
Oh, and Elina's a hypocrit. How can you be a PETA person and be pro-prostitution? What? Women aren't as worthy as animals? WTF? The women in those windows are miserable. (I lived right up the street from the district for a long time...it's seriously disturbing to witness. And I consider myself a freethinker who really can't give a shit what people do in their private lives).
Then again, I quit smoking dope in Amsterdam. So I'm kind of perverse that way.
9 of 18 | Posted by itchy | Posted on November 5, 2008 10:45 AM
Hooooolia! Awesome job! But I am so sad and heartbroken over the dissolution of Team Sheena... I was hoping for a ho to win this cycle, and now I find I can't care about any of the others.
I've never been to Amsterdam, but if they have a vodka museum, well, let's just say that's good enough for me to want to go. Do they have an, er... um... weed museum there, too? Cuz I'm really into botany is why I'm asking, you know. Just saying.
I love your writing, keep up the awes and prit and gorge work!
love, J-Mo :)
10 of 18 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on November 5, 2008 10:57 AM
I loved the recap, Hoolia. You had some very funny stuff there. Grabbing Nigel's rope: add that to the ever-expanding list of yummy Nigel fantasies you keep presenting us girls with.
I hope McKey wins (can't we go back to calling her Brittany now?) I expect the final 3 will be her, Analeigh and Marjorie. I wish Marj would come up with other poses, but I like her photos. Her commercials would be utterly excruciating, though.
Hey, J-Mo, don't forget that Amsterdam is also home to the Sex Museum... Funny thing is, I don't remember that much of what it was like inside, but I do remember how all those pylons around the canals looked like penises for days afterwards.
11 of 18 | Posted by sayhuh | Posted on November 5, 2008 2:42 PM
Was any one else bothered by McKey's comment? You know, about UKRAINE being in RUSSIA? What a moron!
12 of 18 | Posted by alex_w | Posted on November 5, 2008 3:14 PM
Alex - yes, that bothered me very much.
I don't care who wins. I cannot stand Sam - she is extremely annoying and naive. McKey is alright, but she seems like she jumps on Sam's bandwagon a lot. And she's kind of dumb. And I hate, hate, HATE her stupid haircut.
I think Marjorie has potential as an haute couture model, but as a CoverGirl? Not so much. Plus, she would be a nightmare to film.
Analeigh - I just don't really think she's that pretty. I don't see model - I see a normal girl.
Elina, at the beginning of the season, struck me as being very open-minded, but her recent comments and the behind the scenes stuff from the recap episode have made me dislike her. That being said, I think she takes great shots.
I can't see any of these girls being able to do both CG and high fashion stuff, quite honestly. Maybe McKey, but her commercial was just...urgh.
I'm betting on a McKey win, but maybe Analeigh or Majorie (or even Elina) will pull through.
13 of 18 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on November 5, 2008 4:54 PM
Elina looks a lot like Jill Goodacre. No?
14 of 18 | Posted by dani2526 | Posted on November 5, 2008 8:22 PM
I completely felt sorry for Sheena because sometimes it seemed like she couldn't help how people saw her - and even when she tried not to be hoochie, the judges called her on it anyway. It didn't help that she seemed so clueless about looking lewd in her pictures ... that, ultimately, was her undoing. I'm sad to see her go because she was a nice person.
I personally can't stand Analeigh. She has a toddler face that looks remotely okay with a truckload of makeup on but that's about it. Hoolia, you mentioned randomly that she looked like a Dutch grandma, but didn't say much more than that. Was that just a passing thought or do you have more to say on Analeigh's looks?
As for whom I want to win now, either Sam or McKey. Sam's random bluntness and honesty about how she feels is very genuine - I could totally get along with her. I don't know if she's good enough to be a model, though. McKey, on the other hand, has SUCH a gorgeous face, but her skills on camera aren't the greatest. So it's really a toss up here. I just REALLY hope that Analeigh doesn't win. Her face pisses me off.
Marjorie, I just figure her nerves will do her in. I doubt she can really change such a deeply ingrained doubt of her self by the next episode.
15 of 18 | Posted by archeteuthys | Posted on November 6, 2008 12:54 AM
I'm thinking final 3 must be McKey, Analeigh & hopefully Sam rather than Margie the Hunchback. Kind of a lame final 3? This season seems a bit off for some reason. I don't feel a strong "like" of anyone remaining. I'm wondering if McKey is the model that Miss Jay references, she has a beautiful face that gets lost behind that God-awful haircut (what was Ty-Ty's team thinking on that one?!) We really haven't seen much of McKey at all, so I'm also wondering if they've "edited down" to make her the least obvious winner?
Thanks for the recap Hoolia, I always look forward to your post!
16 of 18 | Posted by Yur Mom | Posted on November 6, 2008 9:08 AM
I would think miss J's comment was referring to elina, she's seemed the most obvious front runner, but I'm thinking Yurmom might be right about Mckey, as she's got the most cover girl face, tho she was so weak pose-wise in the beginning .. . .I'm thinking Ana will take it coz of her winning commercial, I don't see her or Sam as high fashion models, but if any of you watch PR, those models look about the caliber of these girls, very few I've seen on there are even pretty. Both girls keep improving which I also like. Don't know what their plan is for Marge, but I bet she'll be in a Cover girl spotlight moment next season, did anyone see the one on Kat from last season, she was f'in flamin' in those shots, whodda thunk!!!!
Seems not many of the winners keep modeling . . . anywho, missed the new epi coz of sports but hope to catch it over the weekend! Kisses, hool!
17 of 18 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on November 7, 2008 12:33 PM
hey J-Mo,
there is totally a pot museum in Amsterdam, but it's kind of boring. The coffee shops are much more interesting. ;)
The porn museum, while somewhat disturbing at times, is far more worth the trouble.
love,
h4b
18 of 18 | Posted by here4beer | Posted on November 7, 2008 9:47 PM