Well, we've gone far too long in this episode without some major conflict so let's put Elina and Sam together and see what they can stir up. Sam got the heebie-jeebies when some of the legit prostitutes were looking at her while she strolled down the canal. Elina asserts that there's no problem with prostitution. Moreover, Elina's got beef with anyone who doesn't believe that prostitution is acceptable. Three cheers for close-mindedness disguised as open-mindedness!

For the shoot, the girls get head out to a large body of water. They wonder if it's a lake or an ocean. Try the North Sea, girls. Little known Hoolia fact: I'm sort of a nerd about maps. I think they're pretty awesome. I like looking at them. No, seriously. I'd also call the girls ignorant for automatically assuming it's an ocean, but once upon a summer when I lived steps from the Mediterranean, I called it "the ocean" for three whole months. Now that I'm back in the homeland, I ask friends if we can skeddadle to Long Island or the Jersey shore to frolic in "the sea." I need to stop moving around so much because every time I get used to new customs, I'm back with the old again. See also: every time I attempt to open the wrong apartment door because I still count floors European style, as well as the two months after leaving England where I almost got run over every time I jaywalked because I looked right.

This week's shoot will be shipping-industry themed. Well, that's certainly a new one, Tyra. Since the Dutch have ruled the seas since the 16th century, the fashions will be themed from that era. McKey's up first and Jay is thrilled that McKey's finally breaking out of her shell. Sam struggles for a bit but looks like she ends up nailing a few shots. Sheena decides maybe nowsabout time to turn down the hooch.

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SPOILER ALERT! Next week's challenge will ask the girls to find one thing about this picture that doesn't say "Come fuck me immediately."

Oh, babe. I hope you didn't bother to adjust to European time because your flight out will be leaving tonight. Sure enough, Jay finds Sheena's actions completely lewd and I just know it's going to be sayonara, sweetheart. Elina ignores Jay's direction and undoubtedly secures her spot in the bottom two. If Sheena hadn't all but shown us her Britney, Elina would be flying back to the States along with her travel-buddy, her ego. McKey seethes that Elina's someone who is ugly on the inside so it doesn't matter how pretty she is on the outside. Analeigh passes with flying colors (and skirts) while Margie struggles with her angles. Jay gives her a cookie for taking constructive criticism without crying. Sad and pathetic, if you ask me. Hey Margie, here are some accolades for acting like a normal human being. There now, that wasn't so bad, was it?

Tyra says... it's time for some Amsterdamian judging! Ah, I see. Since she can't mimic an accent, she's going to start making up words. Fan-fucking-tastic. What new way to confuse her viewers will she think of next?

Elina, wearing Lauren's leftovers from last cycle, is up first:

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Nigel loves how high-fashion Elina looks. Twigalike disagrees because Elina's face is too strong and scary. Tyra says arrrr matey, you look like a pirate! Paulina modifies the assessment, saying that Elina's channeling a pirate with scurvy. Then Tyra reams Elina for not listening to Mr. Jay's direction. Uh oh...

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Paulina's impressed with the face and the clothes, but nothing else. Tyra echoes that Sheena's face is gorge and soft. Nigel criticizes that Sheena looks dull and is limply holding the rope. Which, for the record, dear Nigel, is not at all how I would hold your rope. Ahem. In other news, Hoolia doesn't think the face is any good in this shot. In fact, the whole thing kinda blows.

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Praise and compliments from everyone. Mizz Jay is impressed with how so many things in Analeigh's pictures are going in different directions - legs, hair, dress, arms. Twigalike loves how Analeigh's holding the rope with passion. Analeigh makes a pleased expression like she's just seen a litter of newborn puppies while the unspoken subtle jab at Sheena is not lost on her because she outwardly grimaces. Hoolia likey Analeigh's shot. A lot.

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America's Next Top Model: How Much Is That Hoochie In The Window? Sections:  1  |  2  |  3  |  4  |  5 

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Comments (18)

Snootchy Bootches:

Hard to call.

Elina: Probably not for the reasons you stated.

Marjorie: Could be. From the first minute they have been saying how she looks like a model and raving over her photos.

Analeigh: She had a rough start and some ups and downs earlier in the season.

McKey: Could be. Even when she wasn't taking fabulous pictures, they were commenting on how beautiful her face is. (I don't really see it, admittedly)

Sam: Doubtful. They have said several times that she doesn't look like a model.

So if we go off of that, Marjorie wins. I know you don't like her, but I do. Then again, I tend to root for the underdogs. When I look at all of them side by side though, I think Elina has the most potential.

kellyhp12:

Sam, hunchback, and Analeigh in the top 3. I think S and A in the top 2 since they seem more CG. But who really know what Ty-Ty will come up with.

xmissparanoidx:

Ok I do know Amsterdam really well and the original challenge was fucking ridiculous. There is a train from Schipol airport to the centre ever 10 minutes absolute max so missing it isn't a big deal. Dam square is filled with Americans constantly, so they obviously don't have issues finding it and the Herengracht is then practically in a straight line from there. It's pretty cool though; I've never really seen an ANTM in a place I know well.

I really like Elina and even her being a bit annoying isn't changing this. I'm sure in person I would hate her, but she is a really interesting looking model. Of course she isn't CG though so she'd get second place absolute best. We should hopefully have a 'breaking down' episode (though we were supposed to have had it already but that died a death). Marjorie can go, McKey isn't very interesting and has stupid hair, Sam is looking really good in photos recently and Analeigh isn't well rounded enough, though maybe her jedi CG skills will see her through.

LAjane:

Thank the lord someone else is irritated with Marjorie. All she ever does is squeak and shake and stutter. Grow some balls little girl, and stop acting like such a whiner! (Okay, so maybe I have some anger about her).

I'm guessing McKey, Elina, and Analeigh for the top three. I actually like Elina despite the fact that she's kinda bitchy, but I don't get McKey at all. The first thing I thought when I saw her outfit was that she'd get called out for looking so ridiculous, not that she'd be praised by the panel of crazies (except for Nigel, who is possibly the only normalish one there. And the most delicious, obviously).

jenday23:

Wow, I don't know.

I just LOVE, LOVE Mickey's face (I refuse to humor names that are spelled stupidly). I just don't see her as cover girl. Remember her commercial?

I do really like Marjorie's face and Elina's face in photos, but both of them were horrible in the commercials, too.


That leaves Sam and Analeigh. I think they will do best in the go-sees. I think Analeigh is gorgeous, but her face just is not modely enough (angles).

So, I guess that leaves Same. Hmmm, how did I end up with her? I don't even like her!

Hoolia:

Snootchy Bootches - The judges have loved her since the beginning, but I just can't see her EVER being relaxed enough to come off as anything resembling natural on a CG commercial. Let's also remember her horrendous walk - that might be enough to sink her even if she gets to the final two.

kellyhp12 - I'm not seeing Sam for the final three. I think she's a little too plain Jane for the judges.

xmissparanoidx - So fun to see them go through a city you know well - that's how I felt when they were in Rome last cycle. I absolutely agree with your assessment of Elina - I think I could stand her for about two seconds if I ever actually met her, but it's hard to deny her potential in photos.

LAjane - So glad someone's finally speaking up about their dislike of Marjorie! I hope she bites it big time on the go-sees tonight.

JenDay23 - McKey's face is remarkable and I agree that Sam and Analeigh are going to do the best on go-sees. I just can't see Sam winning it all though even with her recent good pictures...

BRaps:

I agree with LAJane's top 3. I think Sam will probably go next, then Hunchback. The judges think McKey is gorgeous, but I don't think she'll do well in the final CG shoot. Analeigh is pretty and perky but not exceptionally model-y, which reminds me of the runner-ups in cycles 1 (Shannon), 6 (Joanie) and 9 (Chantal). To me Elina is the most beautiful and the easy choice for the win, but I'm thrown by the Mizz Jay comment.

rubinia:

Don't get me wrong, I had a good time in Amsterdam and would love to go back (Heineken Museum=best museum I visited in my year of studying art in Europe!), but...is it really THAT much of a fashion capital? Paris, Milan, London, sure, but Amsterdam?

itchy:

Ah Amsterdam..site of my seven-year starving-artist stretch...hoe gaat het met je?

It's, like, almost impossible not to get to Amsterdam from the airport, since in order to get pretty much anywhere else, you have to go to Centraal Station (Central, get it?)

And Dam Square is straight down the fucking street. It's a two minute stroll. And the moment you walk out the train station door, there are signs pointing you thataway. It's another five minutes from there to the Herengracht, they ought to have made them walk. Driving in Amsterdam is the worst anyway.

Just to give a bit of perspective of how silly that 'challenge' was.

I'd say it's a tossup between Analeigh and McKee. Analeigh because she just has the awesome freshness about her. And McKee because she has the most modelish face of them all.

Oh, and Elina's a hypocrit. How can you be a PETA person and be pro-prostitution? What? Women aren't as worthy as animals? WTF? The women in those windows are miserable. (I lived right up the street from the district for a long time...it's seriously disturbing to witness. And I consider myself a freethinker who really can't give a shit what people do in their private lives).

Then again, I quit smoking dope in Amsterdam. So I'm kind of perverse that way.

J-Mo:

Hooooolia! Awesome job! But I am so sad and heartbroken over the dissolution of Team Sheena... I was hoping for a ho to win this cycle, and now I find I can't care about any of the others.

I've never been to Amsterdam, but if they have a vodka museum, well, let's just say that's good enough for me to want to go. Do they have an, er... um... weed museum there, too? Cuz I'm really into botany is why I'm asking, you know. Just saying.

I love your writing, keep up the awes and prit and gorge work!

love, J-Mo :)

sayhuh:

I loved the recap, Hoolia. You had some very funny stuff there. Grabbing Nigel's rope: add that to the ever-expanding list of yummy Nigel fantasies you keep presenting us girls with.

I hope McKey wins (can't we go back to calling her Brittany now?) I expect the final 3 will be her, Analeigh and Marjorie. I wish Marj would come up with other poses, but I like her photos. Her commercials would be utterly excruciating, though.

Hey, J-Mo, don't forget that Amsterdam is also home to the Sex Museum... Funny thing is, I don't remember that much of what it was like inside, but I do remember how all those pylons around the canals looked like penises for days afterwards.

alex_w:

Was any one else bothered by McKey's comment? You know, about UKRAINE being in RUSSIA? What a moron!

georgiababe:

Alex - yes, that bothered me very much.

I don't care who wins. I cannot stand Sam - she is extremely annoying and naive. McKey is alright, but she seems like she jumps on Sam's bandwagon a lot. And she's kind of dumb. And I hate, hate, HATE her stupid haircut.

I think Marjorie has potential as an haute couture model, but as a CoverGirl? Not so much. Plus, she would be a nightmare to film.

Analeigh - I just don't really think she's that pretty. I don't see model - I see a normal girl.

Elina, at the beginning of the season, struck me as being very open-minded, but her recent comments and the behind the scenes stuff from the recap episode have made me dislike her. That being said, I think she takes great shots.

I can't see any of these girls being able to do both CG and high fashion stuff, quite honestly. Maybe McKey, but her commercial was just...urgh.

I'm betting on a McKey win, but maybe Analeigh or Majorie (or even Elina) will pull through.

dani2526:

Elina looks a lot like Jill Goodacre. No?

archeteuthys:

I completely felt sorry for Sheena because sometimes it seemed like she couldn't help how people saw her - and even when she tried not to be hoochie, the judges called her on it anyway. It didn't help that she seemed so clueless about looking lewd in her pictures ... that, ultimately, was her undoing. I'm sad to see her go because she was a nice person.

I personally can't stand Analeigh. She has a toddler face that looks remotely okay with a truckload of makeup on but that's about it. Hoolia, you mentioned randomly that she looked like a Dutch grandma, but didn't say much more than that. Was that just a passing thought or do you have more to say on Analeigh's looks?

As for whom I want to win now, either Sam or McKey. Sam's random bluntness and honesty about how she feels is very genuine - I could totally get along with her. I don't know if she's good enough to be a model, though. McKey, on the other hand, has SUCH a gorgeous face, but her skills on camera aren't the greatest. So it's really a toss up here. I just REALLY hope that Analeigh doesn't win. Her face pisses me off.

Marjorie, I just figure her nerves will do her in. I doubt she can really change such a deeply ingrained doubt of her self by the next episode.

Yur Mom:

I'm thinking final 3 must be McKey, Analeigh & hopefully Sam rather than Margie the Hunchback. Kind of a lame final 3? This season seems a bit off for some reason. I don't feel a strong "like" of anyone remaining. I'm wondering if McKey is the model that Miss Jay references, she has a beautiful face that gets lost behind that God-awful haircut (what was Ty-Ty's team thinking on that one?!) We really haven't seen much of McKey at all, so I'm also wondering if they've "edited down" to make her the least obvious winner?
Thanks for the recap Hoolia, I always look forward to your post!

juddfan:

I would think miss J's comment was referring to elina, she's seemed the most obvious front runner, but I'm thinking Yurmom might be right about Mckey, as she's got the most cover girl face, tho she was so weak pose-wise in the beginning .. . .I'm thinking Ana will take it coz of her winning commercial, I don't see her or Sam as high fashion models, but if any of you watch PR, those models look about the caliber of these girls, very few I've seen on there are even pretty. Both girls keep improving which I also like. Don't know what their plan is for Marge, but I bet she'll be in a Cover girl spotlight moment next season, did anyone see the one on Kat from last season, she was f'in flamin' in those shots, whodda thunk!!!!

Seems not many of the winners keep modeling . . . anywho, missed the new epi coz of sports but hope to catch it over the weekend! Kisses, hool!

here4beer:

hey J-Mo,
there is totally a pot museum in Amsterdam, but it's kind of boring. The coffee shops are much more interesting. ;)

The porn museum, while somewhat disturbing at times, is far more worth the trouble.

love,
h4b

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