The selection show for America's Next Top Model was good, but there were way too many bitches to weed out. Now that we are down to a more manageable fourteen, we can move on to the more important tasks of makeovers, awkward poses, and three months full of Tyra, Janice, Nigel, and Nolé. Unlike American Idol, we put the hopes and dreams of our favorites in other people's hands. And although you can say that the judges know more than us because they, you know, work in fashion, I can't help but thing that they might have an off night one of these days and take down somebody who might be more deserving. But until I become famous and rename the show "J-Unit's Next Top Fantasy", I guess I will have to deal.
It was big news this year(well at least it was minor news) that the new cast would not be living in New York, but would instead be on the West coast. At first they tried to trick us by showing the girls coming up from a subway, but any idiot could see that it was a lot, and since the show is on UPN, it was probably Paramount, which is located on Melrose in Hollywood. I thought I would be very clever and add that into my post, but then Jay Manuel told the girls the same thing, and it kind of lost it's affect. I will say that Jay ripped off his I *heart* NY shirt for a I *heart* LA shirt, and anytime you mention loving LA, you have to mention Randy Newman.
The girls were very excited to learn that they were on a set and they were going to get to watch a movie being filmed. They either did a very good job being excited or are very stupid. OK, maybe stupid is too harsh, but were they blindfolded when they drove onto Paramount? Didn't they see the gates? And if they went in a secondary entrance, didn't they have a clue after seeing trailers and big buildings with names like "Stage 9"? Did they think they were hitting broadway? It's not like you get on the subway at Hollywood and Western and show up under the Paramount New York city lot. Maybe Les Moonves has a secret Batcave entrance that we don't know about?
Anyway, the girls saw the movie to be filmed, and it looked like some low budget action movie/police drama. And we knew it wasn't Starsky and Hutch 2 because the original was filmed on Santa Monica. A little bit of a closer inspection and we see that the police officers are actually none other than Nolé Merron, Nigel Barker, and Janice Dickinson dressed up. Poor Nolé looked like he was looking for the rest of the Village People, but Nigel and Janice looked like they were having fun. Janice even kicked her leg up, hoping to God that somebody would take a picture of her cooter, develop it, suppress the gag reflex, and post it on the internet. After Fred Durst, anything goes, right?
This little bit of make believe actually had a functional purpose. The fake police cruiser was going to be the main prop on the set, and the girls would be taking pictures pretending to be aliens taking over the city. Ooh, these are probably going to be pretty interesting pictures, right? Actually, it looked like they simply took the same hair and make up ideas from last year's roller skates challenge and applied them here. Only this time, the degree of difficulty was not that high, considering they weren't on the move or anything.
So maybe I was wrong. Nigel was taking the pictures himself, so you think that the girls would have been extra eager to do well. And then there was that whole "first impression, second chances" thing my mom was always talking to me about. Most of the girls actually did take advantage of this opportunity, and there were plenty of good pictures taken among the group.
Naima, who was trying to be punk as possible last week, tells us that she is a Trekkie, and I think to myself, she must be confusing Star Trek with Trainspotting and aliens for heroin addicts, but maybe that's just me. Perhaps she is a Trekkie. Makes me want to take that introduction to Klingon seminar and tell her my true love.
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Comments (23)
OMG...I can't believe it was Brandi over Brita. I guess the producers have to keep a rabblerouser around for ratings. Isn't that why Camille stayed so long?
Oh wait...Camille took good photos too. Hmm.
1 of 23 | Posted by karsh | Posted on March 10, 2005 4:05 AM
What a joke. Brandi should have been gone. I agree that Brita is HOT. She was one of my favorites. Honestly, who's going to put gap toothed Brandi on the cover of their magazine? If you ask me that should have been part of her makeover, fixing that gap. I was so mad at the end of that episode. I hope against all odds that Brandi doesn't change and the judges regret keeping her around.
Rick D.
2 of 23 | Posted by Rick D. | Posted on March 10, 2005 5:24 AM
So I missed last week and wouldn't forgive myself. But after seeing last night's ep, what's the point in ever watching again? These are some of the most busted girls ever to be on this show. I'd take Toccara as a cover girl over almost any of them. UV? Seriously? More like FAS (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome). And knocking Brita off the show was just... unexcusable. How many times in past seasons have they given a pretty in person girl anotehr chance after taking a bad photo?? It just makes no. sense.
3 of 23 | Posted by youcantmakeitup | Posted on March 10, 2005 6:35 AM
Was it just me or did Lluvy look like a corpse in some of her photos. Creepy.
I'm still not a big Michelle fan, especially not with the bleached blond hair. But it was commendable that she didn't complain during the bleaching process. I guess if she is bodyslammed on a regular basis, a little hairdye shouldn't be a big deal though.
I'm definitely NOT on the Sarah bandwagon. Maybe because she LOOKS like she's from Baltimore. Yes, maybe she can take some good photos, but her nose bothers me.
Tiffany looks a lot better with the longer hair, but she still comes across as a tad bit ghetto in her photos. Maybe she can work on it though. I can't wait for next week's episode with them walking the lines on the football field!
The other girls all looked hot and I love their makeovers. I can't really say anything bad about them, except that it was ridiculous for Keenyah & Noelle to show up with their hair like that. If the judges specifically had your hair done, why oh why would you EVER change it for the judging? And poor Kahlan, I love her but she did look a little Partridge Family for the judging!
I don't even know how much I can say about the Brandi situation. I don't like her look or her attitude. I'm not a fan of the gapped teeth, especially not on someone who is obviously a miserable person. I wish she would've gone home. I'm so pissed off that they sent Brita home instead of her. Brita was one of my favorites and I'm sure she could've taken some hot photos and dropped some weight (although clearly she is hot even if she isn't as skinny as the judges want).
I don't know if I can forgive the judges for keeping Brandi over Brita...hopefully Brandi will be off soon though.
Am I the only one that thinks Brandi and Brandy (the singer) have similar super spaced apart eyes?
4 of 23 | Posted by Catie | Posted on March 10, 2005 6:52 AM
BIG, BIG MISTAKE to vote Brita off instead of Brandi. I was very disappointed. So what is that saying to all those girls out there? That if you're "fat" (which she is not!!)for your height and old (25!) than you shouldn't even think about trying to become a model.
Brandi is a whining ghetto bitch.
Guess it is all about the ratings.
5 of 23 | Posted by jaimie | Posted on March 10, 2005 8:22 AM
seems like they enjoy keeping around the ones with the attitude...conflicts i guess? brandi looks pretty tore up. i think brita was probably the prettiest girl there. she looked so skinny in her after picture too. the judges obviously had their blinders on.
6 of 23 | Posted by wendy | Posted on March 10, 2005 8:23 AM
big mistake to let brita off. she was hot!
also, the classic line of the night was when jay was on the fake set and introducing the judges jay said "the always fabulous and beautiful model janice dickinson! the VERY handsome and talented super photographer nigel barker! ...and nole marin."
haha, poor nole. he looked like he wanted to cuddle his mini-dog right then and there!
7 of 23 | Posted by jash | Posted on March 10, 2005 9:02 AM
Ah, man! The "random homeless guy dancing to Hey Mama". That hurt me!
8 of 23 | Posted by Oaktree | Posted on March 10, 2005 9:15 AM
I can't wait until the judges realize Naima only has one look that she does at all times. I think Tyra will have to have a session with her about show me love, show me hate, show me sexy. I love when she does that, what a dumbass.
I was really surprised that they cut Brita, she definitely was pretty. I think Brandi is so strange looking. Her nose is almost inverted at the top, and the gapped teeth have to go...
I'm not in love with any of the girls and I think the only reason they didn't cut Michelle this time is because they almost burned her scalp off.
I confirmed my suspicions that the judges drink the crazy juice when they said that Michelle is ethereal. If there is one think that boxy butch chic is not, it's ethereal...
9 of 23 | Posted by smithie | Posted on March 10, 2005 12:34 PM
one of the girls looks like maya rudolph from SNL. i dont know her name though...
10 of 23 | Posted by wendy | Posted on March 10, 2005 12:54 PM
No mention of the woman titled a "weavologist?"
11 of 23 | Posted by sg-dub | Posted on March 10, 2005 1:38 PM
Tiffany had by far the best makeover in my book. She is damn hot now with that hair.
And I have to agree with Tyra that Lluvy looks like a new Shelly Duvall. Except, I don't think that's a compliment.
Also, that girl Christina - she's hot, if you consider hot the divine lovechild of Celine Dion and an alien.
12 of 23 | Posted by B-Side | Posted on March 10, 2005 2:16 PM
Yes, totally Shelly Duvall in The Shining!
Was Christina the one that Jay said was hot, but has zero sex appeal?
13 of 23 | Posted by Catie | Posted on March 10, 2005 5:04 PM
After the whole Brita "fat" thing, it makes me wonder why people are bashing "fat actress" for making fun of eating disorders. Shouldn't they look at shows that young people are watching (I am guessing there are quite a number of guys watching ANTM) that are saying that a girl that is almost 5'10" and 138 pounds is overweight?
Thanks for the great recaps - they make the work day enjoyable.
14 of 23 | Posted by jmportia | Posted on March 10, 2005 6:27 PM
What was up with the coming attraction that showed someone revealing a secret and then also (maybe that same person) collapsing during the judging? Any thoughts on what the hell that is?
15 of 23 | Posted by Scott | Posted on March 11, 2005 7:13 AM
I didn't think the Shelly Duvall comment was a compliment either. Hello? Olive Oyl?
I agree they didn't cut Michelle after burning her head. I think maybe that's why they kept Brandi too, since they just shaved her head. Does anyone else think a pink two-tone afro is pretty far from the "fierce" they were giving her?
16 of 23 | Posted by Kirby | Posted on March 11, 2005 7:44 AM
http://www.tvgasm.com/images/antm/season4/ny_alien.jpg
Okay, I didn't watch the show, but that pic reminds me of the movie Liquid Sky. Or maybe being an extra from A Flock of Seagulls video.
17 of 23 | Posted by British | Posted on March 11, 2005 7:47 AM
How many girls in America woke up with eating disorders the next morning? Doesn't Tyra have some camp where girls can go in the summer to gain self esteem? Nice job blowing all of that self confidence they gained.
Tiffany did look a-maze-ing after that make over. Now I understand why the judges kept her.
18 of 23 | Posted by Betsy | Posted on March 11, 2005 8:05 AM
And furthermore....isn't Tyra bigger than the average model? So it's okay for Tyrant but not for other girls? What's up with that?
19 of 23 | Posted by Betsy | Posted on March 11, 2005 8:07 AM
I think Lluvy looks like a cross between a burn victim and Petey (the dog) from the Little Rascals.
20 of 23 | Posted by EJ | Posted on March 11, 2005 9:26 PM
I know who faints in the next episode! Don't click this link unless you want to know & see pictures! http://www.livejournal.com/community/ohnotheydidnt/1343796.html?#cutid1
21 of 23 | Posted by Catie | Posted on March 12, 2005 8:18 PM
Why Brita?! She was my favorite! She is so beautiful! Brandi seems like an ungreatful you - know - what. When I first saw the new cast photos, I thought that Tyra picked some freaky looking girls. Not many of them are really gorgeous they're just kind of odd looking, especially Brandi (shudder).
22 of 23 | Posted by mrs. b | Posted on March 13, 2005 5:59 AM
I am interested in an ANTM makeover. Who should I contact?
23 of 23 | Posted by ELLE | Posted on March 15, 2005 9:15 AM