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On this very special finale episode of ANTM, Tyra decides to give McKey a new signature pose. And that pose is called "The Hoolia" and it's supposed to represent my thoughts, feelings, and emotions about this cycle. Give it your best shot, McKey!
Ah, Gasmii, don't you just love technology? Especially the kind of technology that makes your computer crap out on you during the best, most interesting, most exciting (read: boozy) episode of ANTM this season? My apologies, kiddos. I'm gonna keep this week's ep to a wee-cap because really, do you need me to hammer home anymore that Marjorie gets nervous and Sam struggles to look like a model and Nigel is drop dead sexy? I'm pretty sure you've got all of those messages loud and clear by now. Instead, I'm gonna try a bit of a different format which will hit the main, hysterical points on the head. This way, I can save my energy and snark for tonight's finaaaaale and barring another crash of my hard drive, I promise to have that to you in a more timely manner than I've been posting lately. In fact, if not, I'll make arrangements to have a special gift sent instead...
This week, ANTM flits over to Europe. Which obviously means lots and lots of nudity. Unfortunately, Nigel stays dressed while Mizz Jay's the one to disrobe. Twice.
It's been awhile, Gasmii, but I'm back and ready for action. A ginormous grazie to LoLo for helping me out two weeks ago while I was rearranging my life - how awesome was her recap? Love and kisses, LoLo, I owe ya. Last week's mid-season recap show was lame as usual, offering no insight into these ladies whatsoever. It seems like the story editors agree with me and no one can get it up for this season. In fact, you can tell they're trying to make something salacious out of nothing because this episode has all the signs of a good night out: uncoordinated dancing, puking, awkward disrobing, and unintentional nudity. But even though we've got all of the pieces, the puzzle's not together. I'm left with only a bad hangover and nothing worth retelling to my friends over brunch.
Hey everyone! Your regularly scheduled America's Next Top Model recapper, Hoolia, is out kicking ass interviewing for jobs that actually pay, so I'll be subbing in for her this week. I'll do my best to live up to the quality you expect from her, so without further ado, let's bring on the vapidness!
"Honk honk! Oh man, this shit's off the hizzle at the strip club!"
Continue reading "America's Next Top Model: America's Next Top Model: The Surfer Dope Chick Wipes Out" »So at this point, I'm pretty sure a higher being is keeping me from getting these recaps done on time. And no, it's not my local bartender. No, the greater force this week was my own idiot self when I locked myself out of my apartment for an entire afternoon with nothing on me except for a dying ipod. That's kind of a lie because it's not even my apartment since I'm busy training to be a Professional Couch Surfer. So I have no idea where the super's apartment even is and my hostesses aren't due back for another four hours. Fan-fucking-tastic. Did I piss off Tyra? Is this bad karma for making fun of her? I don't know, but I feel like the ANTM gods out there have something against me.
This week's ANTM/Hoolia co-sponsored lesson: You know you've been feeling guilty about your recaps when Top Model infiltrates your dreams. Yes Gasmii, I'm sad to admit that last night, I had my first (and let's pray to Tyra, my last) ANTM-related dream. I'll spare you the lame details because face it - everyone thinks their dreams are way more interesting than they anyone else does. But unfortunately it did NOT involve one sexy dripping wet Nigel Barker. It did involve Mizz Jay evaluating an outfit that I had on for a job interview and saying "Oh honey, you'd BEST not be thinking of wearing that!" and then spending an unreasonably long amount of time rolling up the sleeves on this cute cardigan sweater and then tying them up 3/4 style with a pretty ribbon. Then Tyra, Mr. Jay and I all went on the Today show where we were asked who we thought would take it all and dream-Hoolia said Elina would take the top prize. I'm not even sure if I'm consciously thinking that one, but clearly my subconscious had something to say and decided to do it by scaring the crap out of me by putting Tyra in my dreams. There's a sentence I never wanted to type. But, let's jump right in so I can attempt to crank this sucker out before my next nap/sleep for fear of drifting off to dreamland only to have mail lady Tyra barge in to give me a makeover. Instead, let's talk lots and lots about Nigel for hopes that he ravishes me up against the wall of a pool while I'm rocking some crazy eye makeup. Yes please!
On this week's ANTM, we get all the usual makeover goodness (and hideousness), plus a bonus performance!
In this week's episode of ANTM, there's a lot of bickering and bitching, a lot of people sticking their noses where they don't belong, and a lot of accusations fly about everything from racism to fake tatas. It's all in a day's work!
