Is America ready for its first plus-sized supermodel? Uh, no. That's what we learned in yet another gripping installment of America's Next Top Model. Yes, this week the Reubenesque run of Tocarra came to an inevitable halt as she was quietly erased from the group photo like so many failed models before her. It was a decision that Tyra Banks no doubt agonized over, seeing how she's lately become the resident Dr. Phil of the group. How much does Tyra care about her girls? A lot. In fact, the show kicked off with Tyra inexpliqueably bawling in bed about the fate of erstwhile model Cassie and her rampant bulimia. As she vented to a random woman that I'll assume was her mother (or maybe a transient drag queen), Tyra let us know that she cares, man. She really cares. It was a very Schindler's List moment as Tyra moaned that she could have done more to help. She could have done more! This gold ring - she could have sold it to pay for Cassie's therapy! This necklace - two more sessions. This pin - one more session. One more session!
While America's first plus-sized forehead model cried in her PJ's, the girls were up to their usual babbling in the apartment. Yaya found another opportunity to talk down to the girls when she asked a burping Ann if she ever thought the lo-carb thing might just be a gimmick. Yeah, because the modelling world is never linked to gimmicks. I wonder if she'll still be complaining two years from now when she'll be known as "Yaya - the girl from America's Next Top Model"? Not that it's gimmicky or anything... Meanwhile Eva had her own issues to deal with. She explained to the camera that people don't realize she has layers. What she didn't say was that those layers were annoyingness, loudness, and annoyingness again.
With life threatening to become dull and squalid in the apartment, the producers sent in some pep to get the girls off their booties. A curious knock came to the front door, and when Ann opened it, a mini pride parade waltzed in. Actually, it was just image specialists - an Emmy winning stylist (Rebecca Weinberg, coming straight from the trendiest Shabbat dinner EVER) - and two guys from a publicity firm whose name I did not deign to jot down. HA! Rebecca did a critical assesment of each girl's wardrobe while the two guys questioned the models and coached them on how to act in the spotlight.
As expected, Rebecca met resistance from Yaya who treated her Earth Mother garbs like they were artifacts from the 18th century. "If you're going to do a toothpaste ad, are you going to wear a dashiki," Rebecca asked. Depends. If it's Dashiki Toothpaste, I think the answer is yes. Side note: since when do supermodels line up for Aquafresh ads?
While the fashion disaster that was Rebecca Weinberg critiqued the aspiring models, Tocarra met with the two publicity guys. She started off by dropping a bombshell: "I am a full figured model." Good God Tocarra, we KNOW! You don't have to state it every episode.
Later, the gals headed to NYC's west side for a good ole fashioned steak dinner. Yaya dressed up for the occasion by putting her hair in some bizarre Grace Jones-ish 'do. Suddenly, while the girls were having what I'm sure was a charged intellectual conversation about the works of Sartre, forehead gigantism victim Tyra Banks joined the table. The girls all squealed with delight and fake hugs were had by all. Within moments, Tyra was mooching off the girls' plates and delivering another one of her vapid pep talks. As she discussed the challenges of being a black supermodel, Tyra explained "I have a lot working against me. You see, I'm an idiot and that does NOT help." Okay, well, she didn't say that last sentence but I think it still applies (says me, the guy not earning millions and without a hit TV show).
The next day, Nicole - sporting bizarre racoon eyes - played a little prank on the house when reading the Tyra mail. "We're going to Europe!" she shrieked with Eva and Ann, a spectacle that brought forth all the roommates like curious hamsters sniffing out cheese. When the joke was revealed about thirty seconds later, Yaya scoffed about the immaturity in the apartment. Yes, joking is SO middle school. No mature, self-respecting Nubian Queen would ever reduce herself to "humor", whatever that is.
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Comments (12)
Is it just me or Tocarra sound like Whitney from Amish in the City when she complain? Her diary sessions had that same whine!!
1 of 12 | Posted by mellymel | Posted on November 15, 2004 12:09 PM
mellymel,
I had the exact same thought.
2 of 12 | Posted by J-Unit | Posted on November 15, 2004 1:34 PM
same thought MellyMel.
tocarra was whiny as hell yet she outshined a lot of the other girls.
AMERICA IS NOT READY FOR A PLUS SIZED SUPER MODEL.
3 of 12 | Posted by chica_fabulous | Posted on November 15, 2004 7:22 PM
Tyra's Harpy-esque noshing session at the steak house is an old anorexic two birds with one stone trick. Taking a little bit from everybody's plate in lieu of ordering your own serves two purposes 1) it kills those persistent hunger pains and, more importantly, 2) it proves to those watching (in this case, america) that you DONT have an eating disorder. See! Im eating EVERYONE'S food! Im an incorrigible pig! This method allows one to eat abstemiously while fostering the illusion of gluttony.
4 of 12 | Posted by animadvert | Posted on November 15, 2004 9:10 PM
Man that whole tarantula recap made me laugh. I swear, they're just trying to insert some Fear Factor into the show. It was silly.
And the other part that made me laugh:
We then cut to the Kente hat crying in the corner.
5 of 12 | Posted by Genevieve | Posted on November 16, 2004 8:14 AM
Hi-larious recap. America is not ready for Tocarra but it would have been fun if she'd won.
ps. Who knew Coral had a last name? I thought she was coronated from birth Bitch Coral.
6 of 12 | Posted by America's Next Top Fan | Posted on November 16, 2004 10:45 AM
Is America ready for a plus sized supermodel? Good question. I would think the answer is sure, why not. But I come from the line of thinking that there are no supermodels anymore. Seriously, when was the last time you saw a supermodel on the cover of a mainstream magazine? It's all actresses now. We've already had plus sized model Emme hosting that make-over show on E! and I heard there are a lot of fat women in America that may need a beautiful role model. Let's face it, Tyra is a big sandwich and 10lbs away from being a plus sized model herself. I think the question is really are the gay men and old hags that run the fashion industry ready for a supersized model? That answer is obviously no. And that asswipe photog talking about Tocarra saying he did the best with what he was given. Was he kidding? I think Tocarra is really beautiful. I don't know why I am so in favor of her, I can't stand when she opens her mouth, but I definitely don't see what the judges are seeing. On a separate note, I couldn't believe Yaya this episode. She crazy...
7 of 12 | Posted by smithie | Posted on November 16, 2004 2:08 PM
Stop by Tocarras group!!! http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Toccara04/
8 of 12 | Posted by Manage | Posted on November 18, 2004 9:40 PM
Tocarra is hot. All those that are afraid to admit that a full figured queen like her was not the bomb. Stop hatin!! I wish I was coming home to someone that fine everyday!!
9 of 12 | Posted by Dee | Posted on November 21, 2004 11:52 AM
I think America is ready for a plus size model. Thin is definitely not in. Who wants to see boney anorexic women on the cover of a magazine or down the run way. That is not sexy at all. Real women have curves. You go Tocarra and I wish you much success.
10 of 12 | Posted by Benisha Newell | Posted on November 26, 2004 2:03 PM
Tocarra should have won... She's the bomb!!
11 of 12 | Posted by Timmy | Posted on November 28, 2004 4:32 PM
I know tocarra. She is really as sweet as she was on the show. And she really has been through a lot in life so I was very proud of her. And Tocarra really wanted to be a plus size model. she was originally about 40lbs lighter when she went to the gym with me but she stopped to gain weight so she could stay a plus size model. She is really beautiful and I wish all the best for her.
12 of 12 | Posted by Lamar | Posted on November 29, 2004 11:03 PM