What's more fun than watching a bunch of model wannabes claw for survival in a cramped New York City suite? Watching them claw for survival in tiny Japanese cubby holes! This week's episode of America's Next Top Model took our plucky divas and transported them to the strange and foreign land of Japan where they did their best impersonation of a Sofia Coppola film (and for the record, I thought this show was infinitely more entertaining). Of course, any field trip to Japan would not be complete without a sendoff from UPN's promotional department. No, the women didn't receive complementary Smackdown T-shirts (at least, not yet). Instead they were paid a visit by Taye Diggs, who can presently be seen in Kevin Hill, which - oh by the way - airs directly after America's Next Top Model. Mmmmm.... UPN synergy. In other news, Scott Bakula just finished a stint on "Girlfriends" (he plays Sharif).
Before Taye or Japan could have their way with the ladies, important body-image conerns needed to be addressed. Specifically, Norelle noted that she wanted collagen, or as she calls it: "Colla- colla- collgin?" This declaration jumpstarted a round table discussion about which body parts each girl wanted — thighs, breasts, shoulders, brains. Oh wait, scratch that last one. It should be noted that Yaya only wanted a proper, respectable Kente hat that was NOT made of cheap fabric.
Apparently somewhere along the way Nicole cracked a joke or at least said something because the girls suddenly all marvelled at her personality - as in "Wow, you have a personality!" Nicole then confessed that she likes to keep her personalitly away from the judges because she doesn't want to act like a "tard" in front of the panel. Yeah, why show your personality when you're being judged on, you know, your personality?
Perfectly unafraid to showcase her personality was Yaya, who's made quite the inroads in the Pontification Sciences (or "Pontifi... Pontif... Pont-whaa?" as Norelle would say). "It's easy to sit back and get big headed," Yaya said big headedly. Little did she know that Tyra Banks would be prescribing her an overwrought metaphor to take care of that. But more on that later...
Anyway, the best Tyra mail of all time arrived with a cryptic message that simply read "Prepare to die." YES! The moment we've all been waiting for! Oh wait, it was only a coy tease, not the harbinger of a Tyra Banks slaughterfest. Sigh. The gals all gussied themselves up and headed to what appeared to be a Christian Publications Bookshop. No, seriously. It said that on the sign of the building. Alas, the Big Tent Revival I was momentarily excited for turned out to be a wrinkly acting diva slouched in a chair. Seeing this old bag scowl at the ladies made me wonder if the "prepare to die" note would preface some sort of beat down with pickled herring from Zabars. Instead of a bagel & lox inspired melee though, the woman (Sande Shurin - not related to Sandy Duncan) subjected the would-be models to a method-acting crash course. First they were ordered to close their eyes and access their emotional bodies, an excercise even Sande had to proclaim sounded "airy fairy." Of course, that caused Norelle to open her eyes and squeal "Fairies!! Yay!"
With the Sande Shurin acting seminar underway, the instructor then asked all the models what they saw when they reached their emotional bodies. Amanda burst into tears. Oh my god! Deep memories of sexual abuse? A dead sibling? A lost love? Actually, none of the above. Amanda just saw a rose. Doesn't sound sob-worthy, right? What if I told you it was a rose murdering another rose? Yeah, that's right. Who feels like a jackass now? Nicole meanwhile saw something "inappropriate" and out of embarrassment simply said that she saw nothing. I guess we all know who was thinking about some steamy rose-on-rose action.
All this airy fairy junk wasn't for naught as Sande informed everyone that they would be performing a death scene. Norelle quietly noted "I'm not a good die-er." Was she implying that she's tried before and it just didn't work out for her? Or is she just an idiot. I'll take my chances with the latter.
Anyway, as mentioned, Taye Diggs showed up to read through the death scenes. I couldn't help but feel badly for the guy as he politely smiled through his civic UPN duty. The producers meanwhile cooked up some tricky dialogue with more multi-syllabic words than you could shake a stick at. Was it me, or did this montage play out like the climactic scene in Soapdish?
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Comments (9)
Genius recap!
I can't wait till Tyra has finally had enough of YaYa's superior attitude and gets rid of her. I've had enough!
1 of 9 | Posted by B-Rock | Posted on November 23, 2004 6:03 AM
hold up, waits a minute, is that thing about Scott Bakula being on "Girlfriends" a joke or for reals? cuz I loved me some Golden 'Maya' Brooks from "Girlgriends" all guest starrin' up on "Star Trek: Enterprise"!
2 of 9 | Posted by Ananda Fan | Posted on November 23, 2004 9:05 AM
That was just a joke. Did someone from Girlfriends really guest on Enterprise?
3 of 9 | Posted by b-side | Posted on November 23, 2004 10:11 AM
I think that saddest part of what's her name leaving is she definitely takes the prettiest picture. I am starting a club for anyone who is smarter than Yaya and wants to let her know. It's going to be called the Yaya-sucks-club-and-it's-about-time-someone-tells-her Club. I can't believe her attitude. I was really hoping the part when she said "If I get sent home I'm going to have a talk with the judges" was foreshadowing, alas it was just a little UPN trickery...
4 of 9 | Posted by smithie | Posted on November 23, 2004 4:23 PM
4 reals, Golden Brooks (a.k.a. Maya on "Girlfriends") guest starred on "Enterprise." in da lil "Storm Front" miniseries in October where da Nazis had taken over America in some kinda alternate time zone. Miss Golden played a member of da resistance in Harlem. she was hellsa good!
5 of 9 | Posted by Ananda Fan | Posted on November 24, 2004 9:45 AM
Janice swallows everything!! LOVES IT!!
I too was not a fan of that certain Sophia Coppola movie.
As for Yaya and her humble pie? I heard she spat it out.
6 of 9 | Posted by jaded | Posted on November 26, 2004 12:17 PM
This is my first time ever to the site and I just had to read the ANTM recaps. Seeing that ANTM is my favorite show, I wasn't exactly laughing through the whole thing, but some parts were funny. I don't thing Norelle is stupid though, she's cute and adorable. I have my opinions on the girls of course and I just know too much on ANTM. I have my own site of course that has ANTM on it with some reviews and my own opinions on the show.
It's on the freewebs site so basically just put in the www then . then freewebs then . then com then /antmfan
This was my second favorite episode! It was hilarious..... especially Norelle and Eva. I was proud of Ann, I love it when she does well. I was also proud of Amanda. Yaya..... she's not one of my favorite girls, but she's ok. She should have been out instead of Nicole. Nicole was one of my favorites, but about the Yaya being out thing, I'm not even being bias. Yaya should have gone. Spitting out the product and you still stay?! And of course, about the whole Nicole not being memorable thing, I must say, of course Yaya's commercials were more memorable than Nicole's! Who wouldn't rememember her slow japanese and seriously, who would forget the girl who spat out the umeboshi? No one. Anyway, I cried when Nicole left because it was truly sad and unexpected (of course at the same time I was yelling at Yaya for taking out my Nicole!) Well, yeah, more is on my site if you want to go. Ummm..... ANTM rocks!
7 of 9 | Posted by Jasmin | Posted on November 27, 2004 3:07 AM
okay - Jasmin wins for greatest comment EVER!
8 of 9 | Posted by sinca | Posted on November 27, 2004 7:27 AM
I dated Miss Yaya...
She's hot but that attitude....
YUCK! Beauty is only skin deep!
9 of 9 | Posted by Miss Missy | Posted on December 1, 2004 11:28 AM