The early returns are in, and it looks like most people believe that this season of America's Next Top Model features a cast that really can't compare with last year's. While I sort of agree with that statement, I didn't get into the show until a number of girls were already eliminated. And although I think the judges got off to a bad start by eliminating Brita, perhaps the hottest member of this cast, I am starting to see the potential in this group. While they aren't exactly blowing us away with their presence in person, I have to admit that many of them are taking great pictures.
So, what to do with that presence thing? Well, you not only have to look good in person, but you have to have a walk. And if you haven't figured out yet, the judges are thinking of one thing when they see people walk. Nothing less than fierce will do. Who do you call when you are trying to improve a walk. Why Ms. J. Alexander of course. The girls were called out to the Los Angeles Coliseum, home of the 1984 Olympics and home of the National Champion USC Trojans. Being in a rather ghetto part of Los Angeles, the girls wouldn't feel like they were too far away from their loft.
Ms. J, who greeted them in a cheerleader's outfit (and a male cheerleader's outfit to boot), had not one, but two tasks for the girls to help them with their walk. The first was simple enough - put on some chunky platform shoes and walk back and forth down the yard line. Some of the girls have some good talent in this area already, including Keenyah, Rebecca, and Brandi. Then there are the girls who aren't quite so natural, including Michelle ,who Ms. J said looked like she had spina bifida. It's hard for me to speak ill of somebody named Sarah, but you know that something is wrong whenever the show plays clown music when you are trying to walk.
The girls ran around the stadium for a little while before finding their shoes (all of them were in the same location), and got a change to take a look at their accessories. I am sure that some of them were thinking necklace, earrings, bracelets, hand bags. You know, the normal stuff. Instead the girls had to choose among things baseball bat, a golfing bag, a football, and a hockey stick. The key was that you have to take anything you are given, and make it look completely natural on you. Once again, Michelle and Sarah were the worst. Michelle looks really strange and awkward, but Sarah simply looked like she was miserable, and seemed to be oblivious to the fact that her walk lacked energy and took a long time to finish. If Sarah's walk was a party, I would be off in the corner watching two turtles do the nasty in their tank (that actually happened to me in Santa Monica once).
Last year, team "Pink Positive" won a lot of hearts with their upbeat attitudes and happy to be here approach to the game. This year, everybody is being very friendly. Sarah was getting runway tips from Keenya, and everybody is together taking turns at throwing poses. What we need is some animosity to make things interesting.
The Tyra mail came and told the girls to be ready for the next challenge at 6:45 AM. For a town that doesn't get anything done before 10 AM, this is a huge request. We sort of had an idea that it had something to do with runway because J. Alexander doesn't just show up for nothing. We just didn't know where the girls would be shipped off to and what the challenge would be. The destination turned out to be K-Mart, and the challenge was a runway battle, although it lacked much of the emotional depth and raw energy of that scene from Zoolander. To add a little more pressure, the girls would go head to head against each other to determine the Queen of the Strut.
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Comments (22)
Call the police! Arrest that seizure!
1 of 22 | Posted by B-Side | Posted on March 17, 2005 12:39 AM
Wow! I know if I were ever in need of medical assistance, I would really like that whole bunch around. Could a group of people do anything less when faced with an emergency? You could almost see their brains saying, "Um, like, what are we supposed to do now?" Rather amusing in a frightening kind of way.
2 of 22 | Posted by huh? | Posted on March 17, 2005 6:05 AM
Did anyone else notice that rebecca went to the hospital wearing a skimpy tank but came back wearing a gown? What happened to the childs clothes- or was that part of her challenge; have a seizure then runway walk to the waiting SUV in a hospital gown.
3 of 22 | Posted by curlypacks | Posted on March 17, 2005 6:41 AM
I screamed so loud and started laughing hysterically when Rebecca passed out. I don't know why I loved it so much, but I did. My phone rang immediately after they cut to the commercials after she hit the floor and I swore it was someone calling to talk about it. Turns out when you overzealously answer the phone laughing and saying, "OMG did you just see that? I LOVE AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL!" it sometimes ISN'T people calling about that... Oh well.
The worst part was when Tyra came up to the girls using her kindergarten voice, "Raise your hand if you were scared." Ugh, I wanted to stab myself. I hate when Tyra talks most of the time. Especially when she tries to act all serious when she hands out the photos at the end of the judging.
I agree that finally Michelle is starting to look like a model in the photos, but I can't get past her overwhelmingly manish look.
I was THRILLED to see Sarah leave. I had been waiting for them to realize that she didn't belong! I was also waiting for her to say that she was better than the other girls after her elimination. Did you notice that they managed to throw in footage of her writing in her journal before she left? Tyra said to leave immediately, not write in your journal and then go...
I personally love that Britney looks like a porn star all the time and can't help it. You know where she's headed after she gets cut! I'm trying to think of all the porn titles that play off of America's Next Top... This should keep me entertained for awhile.
I think my favorites now are Rebecca, Naima, and Keenyah. Noelle looks a little too normal for me, but she needs to stay since she obviously has the dirt on the other girls. And I'm occasionally a Lluvy fan, when she isn't looking like a corpse.
4 of 22 | Posted by Catie | Posted on March 17, 2005 6:45 AM
Holy shit, B-Side, your comment is funniest thing I've read all week.
Can't. Stop. Laughing.
I'll be yelling "Arrest that siezure!" for the rest of the day.
5 of 22 | Posted by Papercuts! | Posted on March 17, 2005 7:05 AM
Yeah i'm just generally getting tired of tyra banks altogether.. they have her standing higher than all the competitors, giving her a 'god like' presence.. and every time she talks, it just sounds so scripted... ugh damn you tyra...
6 of 22 | Posted by RavinBoi | Posted on March 17, 2005 2:45 PM
I don't know if 1 800 flowers will really run that ad but doesn't the guy look like he's wearing a 1 800 flowers dress?
7 of 22 | Posted by Leah3t | Posted on March 17, 2005 2:45 PM
Um, not that this is nice to say, but, has anyone else noticed that Tyra has gotten a little hefty? Not hefty in the regular person sense, but hefty in the "I model undies" sense? I'm going to hell. *sigh*
8 of 22 | Posted by courtneymay | Posted on March 17, 2005 2:50 PM
why did they make Rebecca wear that nasty hospital P.J's back to the house? I really don' see why the heck. She had her jeans on but not the top? That really bugged me Do they make
all people in the U.S wear them home? I read a noval set in the U.S and the characters did too.
I'm from Ontario
I would love some insight on this
9 of 22 | Posted by Lynne | Posted on March 17, 2005 3:28 PM
Lynne, I've never known anyone who was in the hospital who left wearing the gown. In fact, most hospitals would never let a patient keep the gown because they are cloth and are washed and reused. I would imagine that she stayed in the gown only for dramatic effect on camera.
10 of 22 | Posted by SusieQ | Posted on March 17, 2005 3:40 PM
porn titles-
"Inside America's Next Top Model"
"ANTM: Cycle YOU"
"America's Next Porn Model"
-you know it is only a matter of time until one of the girls from any of the cycles shows up in a porn.
11 of 22 | Posted by moonman | Posted on March 17, 2005 7:02 PM
LMAO moonman.....only a man would think of those ....
12 of 22 | Posted by mystikay | Posted on March 18, 2005 5:25 AM
Poor girl... I hope she's alright.
13 of 22 | Posted by visibleh20 | Posted on March 18, 2005 7:28 AM
My wife speculated that the EMTs/ER docs probably cut her cute little tanktop right off. Since she ended up putting a jacket on over it, I don't think she was trying to play the sympathy card (and hi, it's not like she needed to reiterate "I passed the f*Ck out" to THAT bunch), but it's pretty lame of the production crew that followed her out there to not do a better job of helping her out.
14 of 22 | Posted by J.Hoge | Posted on March 18, 2005 10:03 AM
the look on the horrible, horrible Nole's face is fantastic.
15 of 22 | Posted by The Player | Posted on March 18, 2005 10:54 AM
I could just watch that video over & over.
Although was that really a seizure? I think she just fainted.
16 of 22 | Posted by Genevieve | Posted on March 18, 2005 12:43 PM
Yea that scared tha shyt out of me when her eyes rolled up in tha back of her head like that and she hit tha floor all hard not one of them antm hoes ran to help and Tyra's lil thing she said "raise ur hands if u were scared" lol wut tha hell was that their not in kindergarten and i think rebecca escaped from tha hosptital she was out a lil too soon and they would not have let her wear tha hospital gown home
17 of 22 | Posted by Honegurl | Posted on March 19, 2005 4:58 PM
Im a neurology resident and that was no seizure. She fainted (she said as much when she was talking about the vagus nerve). It's called vasovagal syncope and it's the same thing that happens when people faint at the sight of blood, needles, etc. She was probably just stressed out at the situation.
18 of 22 | Posted by Lukewarm Fusion | Posted on March 20, 2005 6:23 PM
It was probably the best thing I ever saw. I imaginge that's what it's like when someone drops dead right in front of you. I probably would have peed a little if I was there...
I wonder if Michelle is pissed that Rebecca stole the limelight from her "coming out" episode...
Good stuff...
19 of 22 | Posted by smithie | Posted on March 21, 2005 3:15 PM
Rebecca fainting was very scary... Did you notice her eyes roll to the back of her head?... OMG!
20 of 22 | Posted by couchpotato | Posted on March 23, 2005 7:41 AM
my girlfriend is trying to figure out who made naima's purple shirt with white buttons she wore in the 1800 flowers photo shoot - does anyone know?
21 of 22 | Posted by chris | Posted on March 23, 2005 2:42 PM
naima is soo pretty!she is my fav contestant=D
i love the hair
22 of 22 | Posted by Katie | Posted on March 24, 2005 3:37 PM