Our Super Sweet 13

topmodel9-21-05.jpgI have been anticipating the new season of America's Next Top Model for some time, and it couldn't have come on a better day. After lamenting all of the bad things that happened on Tuesday, everybody in the TVgasm offices, nay everybody in America, needed a pick me up. While some people were still hoping the find enjoyment out of some dirty box in a dirtier hole (we're not talking Janice Dickinson folks), a good portion of us were focusing on something entirely more entertaining. That's right, it was a TWO HOUR premiere episode of America's NextTop Model. I rarely ever get the privilege of recapping two hour premieres or finales, so that combined with my usual heightened state of arousal whenever Tyra enters the television screen makes it for one happy evening. It's so much stuff, I'll have to give it to you in two parts.

A lot of people have complained that a lot of the girls in the last few seasons of ANTM have not really been spectacular in the looks department. I tend to disagree, at least with the complaints. We are trying to find girls who will make for great television. Winning ANTM does not mean that the world will be forced to see that model everywhere they look. They still have to make it in the modeling industry to infect us any further than this show, so why do I care if they don't have a chance in hell of gracing the cover of Vogue? If you absolutely must find the next Kate Moss, do it the easy way. Buy some coke, find a trendy club, and hang out in the bathroom. After you send away Paris and her friends, somebody suitable will turn up.

Audition tapes are a given commodity these days in reality programming, and ANTM fits the bill. Personally, I really don't find these all that humorous. People record themselves and complain about: A) how nobody thought they were pretty when they were growing up B) how small their town is and how they want to experience new things C) how poor their family is and how it will change their life D) Some combination of the above. OK WE GET IT. It's not like they aren't going to all be catty bitches in the space of about 15 minutes. There was one good audition, and that was from Tyra herself, who sent along a fake audition tape. Hailing from Inglewood, she did a little dance and told Jay Alexander she'll show her a thing or two. Now that I think about it, Tyra's skit wasn't that funny either.

From the thousands and thousands of audition tapes that the producers receive, they whittle those numbers down to 36 semi-finalists who will be competing for one of the final thirteen slots for Cycle 5. As the girls start filing into LAX, I am already beginning to salivate. It is not that these girls are so gorgeous that I am getting hot and bothered. No, it's just that my anticipation is starting to grow now that we actually have heard some of these divas speak. So many people come from small towns and neighborhoods where they are all the most gorgeous people there. There are lots of people that we want to see go down, like Susanna. She says that she only has acquaintances, and no friends, but she doesn't care, well, OK, she sort of cares. She probably has no friends because she is one of those skinny bitches that always complains to her friends that she is too fat. They might like her, but DAMN, who can stand that shit all day?

This year the models are staying at the Beverly Hilton instead of at the Century Plaza in Century City. The Beverly Hilton is a nice place, but I would still say that the Beverly Hills Hotel and the Regent Beverly Wilshire are the cream of the crop, despite what Jay Manuel says. If you want to stay in Beverly Hills, the rooms are reasonable at the Hilton, and make sure that you check out Trader Vic's, a favorite destination for TVgasm Polynesian nights. (BTW, if you hate me talking about Los Angeles in recaps, DEAL WITH IT.)

Our Super Sweet 13 Sections:  1  |  2  |  3  |  4 

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Comments (44)

Papercuts!:

Oh come on, Kim is heart-stoppingly beautiful.

K:

I am hoping that ANTP can fill the void left in my life by BB6, although i dont know if i can give my heart and soul to a show only to have it ripped out and trampled upon by THE NERD HERD!

james woods:

Does anyone else think that Coryn is post-op?

carol:

J-Unit - Sara from cycle 2 is in last months cosmo. She is in one of those random pictures towards the back of the magazine. As soon as I saw the picture and figured out it was her, I thought of TVgasm.

Brenda:

Actually, that is Donovan McNabb's mom in the commercials. Only in the first year of the commercials did they use a fake mom. I'll be quiet now...

LyrikalJuse:

Kim and Sarah were soooo awkward walking down the runway. It was almost painful to watch...I don't think Kim will find her feminine side in time to come close to winning this competition. On top of that, she has the worst posture in the world. I know Tyra likes to mold girls that are rough around the edges, but I mean come on!

I can't stand Nicole already. I think she'll be cut early though, because she looks like she's 14.

Bre and Nik are the hottest I think.

omg:

MUST HAVE NEXT RECAP!!!!! NOW!!!!!!

please?

jess:

whew i am glad to here thats really donovan's mom in the soup commericals. i felt so gyped for a minute!!

jayneatomic:

Did anyone see the update show that aired tuesday night? It was interesting to see that girls that got kicked off kind of early were more successful than the girls who won. Like Brita(is that her name?) and Anne.

PixieGal:

My God, Coryn is definitely post-op.

Kim, there is a reason why people like you aren't models; no woman wants to look like you or be like you except maybe all those butch lesbians who read fashion magazines.

And Sarah...my god. Those are not Angelina Jolie lips. Those are Crazy Fish Lips; kinda like if Julia Roberts got waaaay too much collagen.

sg-dub:

yeah, jayneatomic, I was gonna say the same thing. It appeared to me that Brita was as successful, if not moreso, than winner Eva.

(and J-Unit had a conniption when she was cut first last year, so there's some comeuppance.)

BTW, Love the Wesleyan bust - See it's not all about LA references. Middletown, CT gets some mention too!

surfer rosa:

I love, love, love Kim, but that's probably because she's all boyish and I find that really attractive. I also like her style--I'd buy what she's selling.

Loved the Coryn/Sam the American Eagle comparison. Her eyebrows are terrifying.

And I have to disagree with your assessment of Diane. There's nothing sexy about her, and her face isn't pretty and her head is waaaaay too large. She's big, yes, but not sexy-big, just BIG. And I'm not anti-big girl--hell, I *am* a big girl--and I loved Toccarra and the other token plus-sized girl they had a couple of seasons back. I just don't find Diane's body attractive at all. She'd look better with a smaller waist and more of an hourglass shape.

Oh, and I totally miss Janice Dickinson. Yeah, she's part silicone and really coked out, but I absolutely loved her bitchy commentaries.

hater:

Hey PixieGal, who elected you the speaker for an entire gender? I think you would find that there are actually a lot of girls who find her look appealing. Lets put the homo-stereotypes to rest now so we dont have to listen to it all season, k? Oh and by the way, she is not butch. Let's not talk about what we don't understand.

Thanks!

America's Next Top Fan:

Finally, my annual fix is back. J-Unit YOU BETTA WORK!

The girls are beautiful this cycle. My faves are the lesbian, Hawk-eye Ebony and the girl who breaks her ankles in high heels. Oh, I forgot, I also liked the girl who was voted off. boo hoo.

KW:

sg-dub, what's your Wes connection? And yes, J-Unit, as an alum I loved the shout-out. Kim was the prettiest of all the butch lezzies back at school.

Trixie:

Good Lord...Diane is homelier than a bucket full of rectums. If my dog had a face like Sarah's, I'd shave its butt and make it walk backwards.. Coryn? I've seen better faces on iodine bottles. I hope they make the beauty queen, Cassandra cut her hair way short and die it white for the make overs. That'll learn her. I am betting Kim wins. Her face is perfect for modeling. She just needs to become a bit more feminine. Both Jay's can help her with that. I dont miss crackhead Janice. She was appalling.

Rick D.:

I like Nicole. I think she is very good looking, and for some reason I want her to be there for a long time. I also think Cassandra is very funny. She is having fun messing with some of the girl's heads. The whole psychotic conversation was hilarious.

Rick D.

Leah3t:

I thought that Kim was cool and once she got her makeup together she looked pretty good. Yes, Tyra does seem to have lost weight.

sg-dub:

KW -

If I told you my Wes connection, I'd have to kill you.

Actually, I went to college in CT and an Ex-gf went to Wesleyan so I had many nights there. Fascinating place, to say the least. War in Iraq? Deadly Hurricanes in the Gulf? Who cares man, we're not doing enough for Middletown's homeless and the athletic department isn't acknowledging Wiccan holidays!

There's more but I've said too much already. (I like phony intrigue!)

Coryn 2 Win:

Pixie Gal:
Yes i know tons of butch lesbians who read fashion magazines....seriously, level with us...are you retarded?

KW:

Tis a fascinating place. I think the kicker for me as a vistiting student was the giant banner in the dining hall reading "CUNT CLUB SEX TOYS 101". Mom loved it too!

sg-dub:

KW -

and the best part is that you still attended after seeing that. Give me a call sometime.

me:

i was at the taping of tyra's talk show yesterday and they did a segment with the girl who got kicked off ANTM this week...they said it will air next wednesday on the show...it would be worth it to watch for those of you who enjoy lots of 'jiggling'!

ali:

First of all--I miss Janice!!!

I think Coryn looks like a weird version of Rebecca Romijn--she needs eyebrow wax asap though, it was funny when Tyra said it at the end! They are just ridiculous!

To me, Kim looks like a cute boy and that's ok but she has a very strange body.

How come nobody mentioned Cassandra's comment-"You know how sociopaths can murder people because they have no emotions?-that's like me except I don't kill anyone"---hello psycho, who says stuff like that? on TV???? I can't wait until next week whey they chop her hair!!!

jash:

i thought i would miss janice too, but twiggy is like a nice older DRUNK british lady. all in all, a riot.

in the recap of whats up with last cycle's models, it was fun to see brittney, and it was interesting to see how well brita was doing.

i am strangely attracted to kim. she had something that appeals to the straights and the gays evidently.

bark4mebaby:

Well i accidently stumbled onto this site and i have to say i am so addicted. I have to say my favorite models are Kim and Cassandra. Kim cuz she's so darn cute and Cassandra cuz well who doesn't love a psycho. I don't think she's top model material but i hope they keep her awhile for the entertainment factor. Thinks for the great recap and i can't wait for the 2nd half.

Tootie:

That Lisa girl from LA? She looks like a 75 year old Gina Gershon. That's not a compliment.

Oh, and I saw Mercedes in a Sears commercial. Classy!

IMissNole:

After Lisa wasted her one-on-one by asking Tyra what it was like to work with Will Smith, I was SURE she was O-U-T.

Besides, when did Tyra work with Will Smith?

carol:

Tyra worked with Will back on "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air." She played Jackie Ames, who ever that was, but she was on for a couple of episodes. This was all back in '93.

thomas:

She was on Fresh Prince of Bel Air, remember?

IMissNole:

No, I don't remember, but I'm glad you guys do!


And I heart Kim.
If I were to date a girl, it would be someone that looked like her-- pretty, but with a distinctly masculine edge.

SapphoSexual:

Amen to "Hater" & and "Sg-db"!!!!I definitely sense childhood head trauma seeping into PixieGals posting. I am a cute lesbo, clothes pony, and a whore for fashion mags. I am currently lifting the September Vogue for upper arm definition. Why don't you two give me a call sometime. Wes is a hot school but, Purchase & SL have some cuties too, mmmkay!

sgw:

SapphoSexual -

Does it matter that I'm a straight dude?

SapphoSexual:

Ooooh, a straight dude with a sense of humor. Hmm, let me think on this a minute... Yeah, not so much. But you can still buy me drinks and wish....

angst in my pants:

kim is sex.
kyle is cute, cassandra is strange, and even though sarah is a mess, i think she will improve....good luck to her.
wesleyan is where its at.
xx

lefty lover:

How fucking dare you? Billie joe from green day is so fucking amazing, how can you fucking compare that lesbian to him? He is naturally hott, and that "model" is a piece of shit. In other words, Billie is God, don't fucking touch him.

Kimberly:

TVgasm, I am able to turn my worst days upside down when I see side-by-side comparisons of reality stars. The eagle from The Muppets! I haven't thought of him in years.

And Kyle certainly looks like good ol' J. Simpson. I kept thinking she could be her body double, you know, for when Jess doesn't want to be photographed all drunk outside of Spider Club.

Bretley:

Tell us how you really feel, lefty lover.

Well PixieGal is a PixieBitch. I think Kim is attractive & definetly model material. And she is so not butch.

Susanna - not runway material, her walk and her body is weird.

Coryn - pluck the eyebrows just a bit.

And again, enough with the homophobia!!! "That lesbian" Puhleaze!!! Breeders!!!

lefty lover:

Genevieve, i don't have a problem with gay people. I have a really big problem with people degrading a god.

Rrobert:

I think that the best girls on the show are Bre w/ her big curly hair and pretty face. Coryn, she's just pretty. Diane w/ her really fierce face. Lisa, who takes amazing photos but just a little arrogant, & Nik, who has a unique beauty and can take great photos but she's a little quiet.

Heyhey:

Coryn needs to pluck her eyebrows to be perpendicular to her tearducts, as well as rounding the edges slightly when she does so. She'll look fine after that.

joseph:

omg i love americas next top modle go eva she rocks and tyra banks is hotttttt!!!!!!!!

gina:

I love kim I hope she wins

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