Welcome back for another exciting installment of Americas Next Top Model! Joining me for a night of ANTM, wine, Gossip Girl, more wine, and Thai (hookers) food is my girl Cakes, so there may be some reference to her being gay somewhere in here. This week is full of Bianca being nasty, Heather drop-kicking Asperger's in the face, and Twiggy meeting her Single White Female protégé. I don't know about you, but I are pumped, who wants to be on top?
It's okay little nymph, don't be scared.
The girls are all out on their mega-terrace practicing their walks. Could this be the standard walking episode that always falls about 3 episodes in? I think so! Kimberly is strutting around in a onesie while Bianca gives her advice. Just as I'm starting to wonder why the poster child for Mean, Bitchy, and Immature Girls Anonymous is giving advice she tells the camera that she's purposely giving Kimberly bad advice. Well, glad we cleared that up.
Inside the girls are putting makeup on Heather and they put her in a hot little outfit. She looks so cute and seems to already be coming out of her shell, yay! Unfortunately for the world, Bianca comes in as they're admiring her and tells Heather she looks like a prostitute. She then goes on to tell the camera that everyone gives Heather a pity-pull just because of her disability. Jesus fuck, Bianca, keep your mouth shut. She has a form of autism, the slightest bit of stress could send her into stereotypy or a screaming fit for crying out loud. Haven't you ever seen Mercury Rising?!
What did you just call me?
Tyra Mail! It says something about Top Models needing to have their stuff together, but for now they can all go crazy. What could that possibly mean? Do you think they are all going to go on heroin binges and have three-ways with the Jay's? Or maybe they're supposed to start breaking things? It is literally a mystery.
The girls know that they'll be walking because that's what always happens on episode 2. Saleisha is talking about how she is really excited for walking because it's one of her strengths. Bianca finds Saleisha really annoying because she thinks she knows everything. Ooh, Bianca, sorry to break it to you (or am I?) but about 99.99% of viewers think you're really annoying.
We see the Green Machine flying down the street, terrorizing the women and children of LA. They pull up at the "Fashion Madhouse" (is that a real place? I'm guessing not...) and Bianca and Kimberly walk in with their arms linked. Ugh, they would be friends.
They walk into the building which appears to be an abandoned asylum, complete with the flickering lamps hanging from the ceiling, gurneys left strewn all around the room and a token skull. The girls are all huddled together wondering what the crap is going on when a straightjacket bound gargantuan comes bursting through the door and starts banging into things. Sheesh, if you want some help just ask for it. The girls start screaming bloody murder and I'm pretty sure several of them shat themselves.
AAAAAAAHHHHHHH... oh fudge.
Mizz Jay comes hopping around the corner dressed to the nines in a nurse's uniform. So much for simple, stylish items, eh? I knew that country club sweater didn't stand a chance in your closet. That hairdo alone would get you nexted at panel in a heartbeat.
He tells the girls they're going to be walking for him. But wait, there's a twist! A spooky twist - they're walking in straightjackets! He gives them some BS about real models having to do ridiculous things while we see 3 photos of ludicrous runway gear. Give me a break, I'd put money on all three of those being pranks gone awry.
Do I make the joke about Middle Eastern designers incorporating torture devices? No. I shan't.
Victoria's talking to the camera about walking and says something about Yale. Wait, did she go to Yale?! I would have never known, silly Pach! Vikki, baby, just because you went to Yale does not mean you're qualified for everything. Case in point: she can't walk for shit.
The girls each take a turn going with nothing extraordinary. Lisa, Saleisha and Ambreal all rocked it, the rest were meh. I thought Heather does well but Mizz Jay felt is necessary to mock her. Tyra would SO not be happy with this; this is supposed to be an equal opportunity runway! He also calls out Bianca on having too much attitude in her hip pop.
Well, this is fitting.
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Comments (11)
You Rock, Pachita!!! Who knew you were just a young, missing angel child . . . LOVED THIS--so great!!!! There was one shot of Heather, I'm not sure when, but all the girls were cheering her on and she was so happy I, I . . . welled!!! I'm so happy the mood has changed and they're being kind!
As to your theory, I always think that too, and I really thought, and prayed and wasted a clean needle in my Bianca voodoo doll, that she-bitch was toast with all her scathing diarys: Bad advice, Pity pull . . . ugly, ugly, ugly-- I so hope they cut her before makeovers and doom her to purple bangs faevah!!!
Not to defend Mizz J, but I think she imitates Heather so she can see her errors--he normally shows how it should be too, but they may not always show everything . . . I agree, seemed pointless . . .
Never got Kimberly, personality aside, she was another "her!? Who's she again?!" for me, nice to see her go . . . seems T-Bo likes close together eyes or something, or maybe she's got those nymph statues around her mirror and has let them get to her head! I've got a sweet spot for Ebony, and even if she doesn't make it here, I'd like to see her make a great effort!
Cool to see what Heather's been sketching, tells a lot about how she's pulliing this off . . . I thought Lisa's pose was way too "Look at my Brittney" but I still love huh. Gotta give props to Jennah--one of the best pix I've seen on the show . . .
1 of 11 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on October 5, 2007 3:15 PM
Is it just me, or do Jenah's teeth look really screwed up in her picture? It looks like she's trying to close her lips to hide buckteeth or something.
Go Heather and Victoria! Awesome recap Pachita!
2 of 11 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on October 5, 2007 10:33 PM
Since I've decided that Yale girl isn't going home next week I learned her name. So, Victoria's picture totally channeled some of Twiggy's really early pictures for me. The big eyes and weird twisted limbs. Totally Twiggy. And they can hardly say this one doesn't have personality... she doesn't just roll over and Twiggy's idiotic panel comments.
Heather is just... wow. There are a lot of girls this time around that I think actually look like models. Love you Caridee and the Trans-woman known as Jaslene, but you do NOT look like models.
3 of 11 | Posted by HereKittyKitty | Posted on October 6, 2007 9:11 AM
If Tyra is really trying to become the next Tyr-oprah, maybe she should not try to illuminate the difficulties of Heather's psychological disorder in the same episode that she reinforces all kinds of psychological disorder sterotypes--Psychiatric hospitals are like haunted houses with crazies attacking? Really?
On the other hand, I liked the straitjacketed runway, because it gave me hope that Bianca would trip, and, without use of her hands to break the fall, break all of her teeth and experience a Joanie-ish dentist visit.
Wow. This show really brings out my own violent psychological disorders!
4 of 11 | Posted by lagitha | Posted on October 6, 2007 9:34 AM
You're right Pachita, they do focus a lot on the girl who is going hom in the beginning, I noticed that like 2 cycles ago and i got really upset when they showed a lot of Brooke in the beginning because i knew she was going to be going home, and i liked her
5 of 11 | Posted by preppyboy | Posted on October 6, 2007 4:30 PM
HereKittyKitty - You are totally right! I thought the same thing while watching and even had it down in my notes! Maybe that's why Twigs likes her so much...
I agree, the asylum bit was very unnecessary. I hope Tyra reads our discussions and takes notes.
Juddfan - love!
6 of 11 | Posted by pachita | Posted on October 6, 2007 5:37 PM
What channel and time?
7 of 11 | Posted by sillage3 | Posted on October 8, 2007 11:38 AM
Maybe Tyra purposely mispronounced Asperger's because it's awkward to say...I mean seriously who names a disorder something that sounds like AssBurger?
8 of 11 | Posted by spreadhead | Posted on October 8, 2007 1:10 PM
Pachita,
Excellent recap...AS USUAL!! I was screaming when you talked about dancing around in your underwear drinking Carlo Rossi. Who did not do that at some point in their life?? Bianca is over the top, like Rosemary's baby, let's get rid of her, I think they think she spices up the show but she is so trailer park trashy that it is scary. The show is almost predictable...but keeps me coming back for more, mostly so I can read the recap! Otherwise there is really no point. Thanks!!
9 of 11 | Posted by jedaqueen | Posted on October 8, 2007 6:36 PM
sillage3 - it is on Wednesday nights at 8pm Eastern time on the CW!
10 of 11 | Posted by pachita | Posted on October 9, 2007 9:02 AM
thanks!!
11 of 11 | Posted by sillage3 | Posted on October 9, 2007 10:48 AM