Americas Next Top Model: Fun with Gargoyles!

gargoyle3.jpg

So, after last weeks pathetic attempt at a makeover episode, I set myself up for nothing this week. 'Pach, I'm worried sick, were you disappointed?' you ask? Actually I found it quite entertaining. After all, it had gargoyles, and I love those zany statues! Who else loved watching Gargoyles on Saturday mornings?! ... Just me? You are a bunch of dirty liars.

This week starts out with Janet driving all the girls nutso with her cleanliness. It's not really the cleanliness that bothers them as much as the fact that she's constantly nagging the other girls about it. Okay, Cakes and I deduced that Janet is definitely going home from the opening scene alone, who's with us? I've gotta say though, if that's the case, T-Bo is going to have some serious 'splaining to do.

Heather is outside with some of the other girls critiquing everyone and saying what they need to work on. Yeesh, wallflower no more, eh? Since when is she social, confident, and bitchy? Bianca asks her what she needs to change about herself and she says she needs to work on being comfortable in her body.

Tyra Mail!!! It says something about jumping forward and springing back and Chantal asks "is it really that time again?" Yes, Chantal, T-Bo sent Tyra Mail just to inform you that it's the autumnal equinox. It has absolutely nothing to do with the show or tomorrow's competition. Why don't you get a head start and go change all the clocks? Oh, and while you're at it, wake up, you fucking moron.

The next day they get together with Benny Ninja, wearing considerably less junk than the last time we saw him. Its time for the posing lesson! He tells them they'll be working on their posing during movement today, and what better way to do that than to hop around like idiots on a trampoline? The girls take turns going across the trampoline trying to pose at the apex of their jump. Ebony goofs off and all the girls laugh, could she be developing a personality? Here's hoping. Heather is horribly, horribly awkward. I think the best way to describe it is equal parts hilarious and HILARIOUS. At one point the camera shows Jenah rolling her eyes and I jump worse than when I saw Scream and my skittles spilled so everyone in the theater heard a steady stream of candy hitting the floor.

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Tell me that's not the scariest thing you've seen all day.

Back at the house, Jenah and Sarah streak through the house and jump into the pool. Is there a reason for this? No? Very well, moving on...

They pull up at an ice rink the next day and meet up with Jay1, a Seventeen Magazine editor that is not Atoosa Rubenstien (hereby dubbed Nontoosa) and.... Cycle 6 winner Danielle! Yay Danielle! I totally didn't even want you to win, but I am glad you finally managed to find a gig for yourself. Or does a cameo on the show you won not count? No, I don't think it does. Ah well. Heather is talking some more smack and Cakes and I are in agreement: homegirl definitely needs to stay IN the shell.

Jay has another surprise for them; today the girls will each be lifted on the ice by Olympian Lloyd Eisner (who?) and will be attempting to emote while in the air. Their ability to portray an emotion while moving will be judged by Jay1, Nontoosa and Danielle. The girls are told that the winner of today's challenge will get to be in a shoot for Seventeen Magazine alongside Danielle! So don't F it up, ladies.

Janet is up first and her emotion is anger. Or, as I like to call it...

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Downwind of post-taco flatulence.

Jenah has sorrow, Sarah anger, and Bianca joy. She gives a huge, beautiful smile and the judges love it.

Heather has anger, which I imagine is also felt by Lloyd because the guy CANNOT seem to pick her up. Remember when Heather said she was uncomfortable in her own body in the beginning? Yeah, now multiply that feeling by infinity and that's what we're watching. There are several scenes of failed attempts and when they finally get it we are laughing so hard wine is coming out of my nose and Cakes is doubled over on the floor. That could not possibly have been more difficult. When he finally gets her off the ground it looks as though he's holding someone in rigor.

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Hands down my new screensaver

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Comments (27)

T.Vo:

Pachita -- I just wanted to finally comment and let you know how much I enjoy your recaps -- I let myself take a break to read them in between replying to the 300+ emails I get a day for my main job, which involves an social networking company that rhymes with Spacehook. Jenah's face is my equivalent of the Boogeyman that haunts Molly's dreams in "Heroes."

LNNC92:

Great recap! Lloyd Eisler is a Canadian pairs figure skater. He was on that Fox show Skating with Celebrities where he was paired with Kristy Swanson. Sadly, I did watch that show...moving on... He and Kristy had an affair while Lloyd's wife was pregnant and now Lloyd and Kristy are married and have a baby of their own.

rayne888:

Ok, I haven't watched the show so I am temporarily avoiding the recap, but I saw the Gargoyles screencap and was psyched! I did love that show, I was so bummed when it was over. Ah yes, cross-species romances, nothing better than that! :)

RLR123:

I love your recaps they are hilarious! Team Lisa!

sweetblondie:

Hey 'Chita!

Another awsome recap!

And I too LOVED Gargoyles on saturday morning! Did you also watch X-Men too? I would watch these with my son. *cough* excuse *cough*

In my day it was GI Joe, Transformers and Thundercats. LION-O, HOOOOOOO!

I'm giving Heather a pass this episode because she's been taking it and now she's dishing it out. But just the one pass...

LoLo:

I am SO sick of the editing on this show revealing who's getting the boot in the first 3 minutes. In the opening scene, when Janet posted the list of chores on the fridge, Victoria's name was on it. As in, Victoria hadn't been booted yet, and they used this scene out of chronological order just to set up a storyline for Janet's imminent doom. Maybe I need help for noticing things like that, but c'mon, editors!

And I agree, Jenah looks like a cave dweller in The Descent.

Great recap, Pachita!

murphena:

While I think that Janet did deserve to go home, several of these photos did not look at all "gargoyle-y" either but she was the only one that judges picked on about that. There's a total lack of inconsistency with the judges critiques.

pachita:

Thanks for the comments, guys!

Sweetblondie - it's like we're the same person! Throw in a little HeMan and SheRa and you've got my entire childhood lineup, no joke.

Lolo - WOW, great eye. I def did not notice that but will have to double check when I get home!!

I think I'll send a strongly worded letter to the Bo begging her to let me take over editing. A friend told me that there was some drama with the writers going on strike or something and that's why its so basic and formulaic, anyone else have any info on that?

Two Fives and a Ten:

Umm...first off, TEAM LISA! Loved her from the minute I saw her and she just rocks my world, strippa and all.

Secondly...screw Heather. I thought she was nice and I was all "Aww...asperger's!" but um, can we say bitch? I could not believe the BS that was flying out of her mouth at the speed of light describing the other girls. I would just have been like, "The judges lied. You're not pretty." and be done with her. Blech.

Jenah is so not as attractive as they're making her out to be---she's absolutely horrifying sometimes...and a little weird. She keeps talking about how "different" she is...but she's not. She's skinny, bleach blonde and bug-eyed. I've definitely seen that brand of model.


I had Janet called from the opening scene too..come on ANTM, throw me a curveball!

sigh, but i do love the recaps! : )

jayhawkanne:

Please, post that hilarious picture of Heather as many times as you want. Heck, I'm one of those people who still hasn't gotten enough of the Lisi face-plant pic from last season's Survivor! (If you can ever find a way to work it in, I'd certainly appreciate it!)

jayhawkanne:

Please, post that hilarious picture of Heather as many times as you want. Heck, I'm one of those people who still hasn't gotten enough of the Lisi face-plant pic from last season's Survivor! (If you can ever find a way to work it in, I'd certainly appreciate it!)

frog77:

Great recap Pachita!

I was real disappointed in the posing challenge on the ice. Have none of these girls ever seen actual ice skating? I didn't think any of them used their body enough, it was all in their face.

Also, Jenah's hair, yikes! Same thing happened to Brit's in the last cycle and they had to rip it out. I think they should stop giving weaves to girls who have no clew what to do with them!

blahblah:

Nice recap, Pachita. One nit-pick, though: you sure are fickle because I remember you being on Team I Don't Remember Lisa's Name Because She's Boring in the first couple recaps. Way to jump on board the Lisa train now that it's pulling away from the station.

Btw, horn-tooting time: I called Lisa as the strongest of the competitors from jump and predict her to win.

blahblah:

Oops, my apologies, Pachita. On second thought, I'm confusing you with another recapper-of-ANTM who-shall-not-be-named.

Team Lisa!!

Ok, carry on.

ny2duval:

Somebody please tell me how to post a screencap for this post...html, img..??? I have a great side by side screenshot for jenah...its all i can think of everytime i look at her

pachita:

ny2duval -

If you'd like, you can email it to me as a jpeg... it needs to be uploaded into the server and I can add it on to next weeks? I don't know that a picture can be put into the comments section...

preppyboy:

Lolo- I too noticed the victoria thing

Great recap pach, jenah's hair reminds me of amy winehouse's which is DISGUSTING

preppyboy:

Lolo- I too noticed the victoria thing

Great recap pach, jenah's hair reminds me of amy winehouse's which is DISGUSTING

p.q.:

i'm not an expert on Asperger's, but i do know that Heather's comments fit in with the poor social skills and inability to appreciate social context cues aspects of the disorder. i thought that she was being way too honest--because she may not realize that her comments could be perceived as bitchy--but i didn't think that she was trying to be mean. it seemed like someone was asking her questions and she was giving her honest opinion. she was certainly honest about what she thinks she needs to improve on, so i don't think she was being bitchy at all. it's hard to tell with the editing, but that's just my opinion.

someone really needs to give Jenah some advice on how to take care of her nappy weave. she looks like a junky. (that was me intentionally being bitchy, just to be clear)

oh, and as for gargoyles--i can't even tell you how much i love that show--and not just because the voices were actors from star trek tng. i still watch it on toondisney. what? it's a good show!

pachita:

Thanks p.q - that hadn't occurred to me about Heather, but does make sense...

And you just BLEW. MY. MIND. They still play Gargoyles?!?! Consider it recorded. :)

ny2duval:

Hey pachita I couldn't find you email address on the site anywhere so I sent it to the staff address requesting a forward to you.

reckless_saturn_11:

Pachita:

You missed a killer movie this past weekend on the one and only Sci Fi network. A group of Nazis reanimated stone gargoyles to fight in World War 2. it rocked.

madpuppy:

I, too, was disappointed this week at how it only took about 2 minutes to figure out who was going home.

However, I do have to give props to the editors for the fake-out from episode one- I was fully prepared to have Ebony be the bitch queen of the series, and am surprised at how show and nice she seems to be.

They totally faked us out with Bianca.

juddfan:

At last I have seen the blessed episode (f*n Tivo (and not T.Vo the recapper--u rule!)

Well, I did have a heads up that Miss Janet of the white undies was toast this week, and yep, couldn'ta missed it from the start . . . . . lame guys, I liked her, but she was too short and guess not too great on the faking it for posing . . . She never really did shine like she did at the first interview with the Kitty kat wax and swift spank on T-bo. (possibly my favorite ANTM moment evah!)

Thanks for another joyous recap, Patch--had to read it b4 I started work, ugh! I too, have a drawer of crotchless panties for laundry day . . . hmmm . . . these wonder twin moments have to stop!!!!!! or not!

Much love to you and Cakes, and frankly, the poses were not very Gargoyle . . . don't they crouch all the time, do they ever stand and jazzersize!? I was thinking more psuedo doggie style poses than stand up and catch wind . . .

I also agree with PQ on the Heather rant--I found it fun to hear her go at it, but, in a sense, it was her observations, fairly constructive, and dead-on to me! Go Heather, Lisa, and Ebony!!!!

kelsianna:

So I'm guessing that a lot of viewers of America's Next Top Model have no clue as to what Aspergers is.
I've have cared for children and adults all along the autism spectrum.
The fact that Heather has been strong and brave enough to even come on the show fascinates me.
Having Aspergers is as if your brain has no filters. Any thoughts will come out, good, bad, mundane. There is no scale or perception. She won't know what she's saying is bitchy. To her it's just honesty. And physically she's amazing. People suffering on the autism spectrum struggle with their motor neuron capabilties. I know sufferers who can't even open a bottle of soda so for her to attempt an ice skating or trampoline challenge just blows me away.
Big up the gorgeous and fascinating Heather.

Anonymous:

So I'm guessing that a lot of viewers of America's Next Top Model have no clue as to what Aspergers is.
I've have cared for children and adults all along the autism spectrum.
The fact that Heather has been strong and brave enough to even come on the show fascinates me.
Having Aspergers is as if your brain has no filters. Any thoughts will come out, good, bad, mundane. There is no scale or perception. She won't know what she's saying is bitchy. To her it's just honesty. And physically she's amazing. People suffering on the autism spectrum struggle with their motor neuron capabilties. I know sufferers who can't even open a bottle of soda so for her to attempt an ice skating or trampoline challenge just blows me away.
Big up the gorgeous and fascinating Heather.

georgiababe:

Lloyd Eisler is a Canadian pairs figure skater. He and his (skating) partner Isabelle Brasseur went on to perform some of the most inventive and dangerous stunts in the history of ice-skating. They are always a thrill to watch - I've seen them at Stars on Ice three times. He strikes me as being a bit of a douchebag though - and his horrendous facial hair only backs that up.

Go Lisa and Heather and Ebony! I hate Bianca's voice - I hope she crashes and burns. Same for Jenah -she is so bug-eyed and creepy. Chantal is stuck up and annoying. Ambreal and Sarah I like, but they are forgettable. Saleisha is okay, but she just isn't my favorite.

And woot for Gargoyles! I too watched that show all the time when I was younger - my brother and I used to play Gargoyles (where we pretended we were them) and with Gargoyle action figures and Barbies all the time (my Barbies were neighbours with his Gargoyles - it was a good time).

Great recap!

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