Whitney thinks she would look fabulous on the cover of Vogue in a size 8-10 and vows that she'll be there one day, while Renee just comes back "Waitin' to see it. Waitin' to see it." Ugh! Why is she instigating this coversation?? It's not going to win her points with Tyra.
Later on, Whitney recounts the story to Diana, saying she felt like Renee was trying to say they weren't real models. Ghetto Diana and her jazz hands are not pleased by Mother Renee's words. Oooh, shit's gonna go down!
Or not. When we get back from commercial all seems to be forgotten as the girls wander into a studio where there are two men posing as mannequins. I would say they look ridiculous, but really, considering some of the regulars on this show (ahemManJayandMs.Jayahem), these two guys don't even approach ridiculous.
Basically
They claim to be identical twins but I don't think they look that much alike. Also, they look awfully short to be models. Well Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum explain to the girls that for today's challenge the girls will be broken into three groups of three. They will then have to assemble and dress themselves in their own mannequin display on the platforms provided. That "on the platform" part will prove to be important later. As usual, the challenge is sponsored by a corporation, but I'm not even going to mention the store's name. Ha!
Dionne, Renee and Sarah are one group and Dionne is not really pleased about that. Natasha, Jael and Whitney form another group, which leaves Diana, Brittany and Jaslene to make up the third threesome. They have 20 minutes starting... now! Madness! Girls grab clothing and argue. Dionne picks the outfits for her team while Sarah works on the display. Jaslene really wants to win a challenge. As time winds down, Sarah is clearly clueless about which outfit was assigned to her.
As the judging begins, Natasha tells Whitney, currently seated on the floor to get on the podium. But Whitney doesn't heed the Russian words of wisdom and Jael even shushes her. You don't make friends through shushing, Voldemort.
The tweedle twins judge Sarah, Renee and Dionne first. The display is cluttered, but the judges like that each girl's outfit compliments her skin and hair coloring. Brittany, Jaslene and Diana are criticized because even though the outfits look great on them individually, they don't look good together.
And this leaves Jael, Natasha and Whitney's display, "Aphrodity's Box [sic]." When the judges comment in the spelling, Natasha explains that "when you name something you can spell it as wrong or as right as you want." Sarah puts her finger on Natasha's qualities, calling her "the used car salesman of America's Next Top Model." So true!
The Wonder Twins think their display is clean and well put together. Unfortunately, they're sticklers for rules, and since Whitney is not actually on the podium, this team that would have won is now disqualified. Wah wah. To make matters worse, Whitney would have won the individual challenge. Ice burn!
Instead, Sarah gets the prize - the chance to go over her film with Jay at the next photo shoot and then take an extra 60 frames with his advice. Dionne is piiiiiissed, since she's the one that picked out the outfit, which is what the twins like so much in the first place. As Sarah rambles in excitement, Dionne, Renee and Whitney seethe.
Whitney acknowledges that she tends to tune Natasha out because she talks a lot. As the challenge wraps up, Natasha shows us that apparently "I told you so" is a big thing in Russia, while Whitney has no recourse.
Back at the house, Whitney, who is not pleased with losing the challenge and being chastised by Natasha, shit-talks her and her sketch marriage some more. But this time, Natasha overhears and tears ensue.
On the phone with her husband, Natasha wonders why the girls are picking on her now. Her husband sounds well meaning, but pretty clueless, and says he thought she was getting along with the other girls. Dude, hello! It's a house full of girls! They will turn on anyone without reason in a second! It's what we do.
This is when I start to feel really bad for Natasha, because she asks her husband if he understands how upset she is. She's not sure if she's explaining it properly or if he just doesn't care. He tells her to be tough, but she just cries and wipes her nose on a blanket. Top Model producers MUST know that the phone room is basically the crying room. They should really put a box of tissues in there.
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Comments (33)
Is Whitney a biaatch or what!? People always assume that the plus-sized models are all sweet and cuddly (like Toccara), but Whitney was NOT nice to Natasha this week...Anyways, Renee was right. Maybe not about plus-sized models never being on Vogue, but fact is, Whitney does not look like a model.
And Krank Mills! I love your recaps... because you share my adoration of Natasha. She's awesomely awesome. Her hair is fading though. I liked the black from her makeover, but its turning all brown. Blech.
Renee... I love her and I hate her. She is the prettiest of the bunch, and she tells it like it is... but sometimes she's unecessarily mean. The difference between Renee's bitchiness and Whitney's is that Renee is bitchy 100% of the time. Whitney was just a bitch because Natasha was right and Whitney didn't want to admit it.
1 of 33 | Posted by shia0undan | Posted on April 2, 2007 10:56 AM
Oh yeah, and these RIDICULOUS challenges/photoshoot concepts need to stop. I want to watch some fashiony stuff, not this gimmicky crap anymore!
2 of 33 | Posted by shia0bundan | Posted on April 2, 2007 10:59 AM
Agreed Shia. I hate hate HATE these drag shoots. Do you think we will ever see a drag "king" on the cover of Vogue? Has anyone watched Australia's NTM on Vh1? Boring show, but the photo shoots are so much better because they are simple.
Funny recaps, Krank. I kind of thought that Diana looked like one of the Geico cavemen, but they're all hairy too so it counts just the same. Just creepy. Also, the lingo that Natasha learned was "What it do?" - which is a slang greeting, not "What a douche". Just trying to help your street cred. ;)
3 of 33 | Posted by buttercup
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Posted on April 2, 2007 11:16 AM
You can watch ANTM through the miracle of YouTube a day or two after the first airing because people upload it.
And I am soooo glad Diana is gone!
4 of 33 | Posted by DA.Darling | Posted on April 2, 2007 11:21 AM
Great recap, one of the better ANTM caps this season, kudos.
You also read my mind, the only reason Renee did so well this week is because she's ALREADY a dude. Der. I still hate her with a voracity that has no equal on this earth, though. Total see you next Tuesday.
Apparently, Diana was really edited and made to appear more quiet than she was. Shocking, I know. I read some interview she did for another site where she said a) she wasn't really trying to lose 10 pounds, she was joking about the fact that there was no food left in the house, b) when she said she was mad about what Renee had said to Whitney, she was saying she was mad about something a week before, and c) Renee and Whitney were joking back and forth about the whole plus sized thing. Go figure.
Oh yeah, and I don't know if it's been brought up around here, but did you guys see how that Indian fashion designer guy that's been on ANTM a few times is some kind of rapist/molester?
5 of 33 | Posted by brendahamLincoln | Posted on April 2, 2007 11:54 AM
I love my PUERTO RICAN SISTER! JASLENE!!!
SHE'S AWESOME!
HELLO KRISTIN IN COLUMBUS OHIO!
6 of 33 | Posted by Marty | Posted on April 2, 2007 12:50 PM
Krank Mills - you are awesome!!! The Ducky/Voldemort comparison cracked me up - thank you thank you (and I can't wait until the episode where she has to try to be a "spokesmodel" with that slurry, mush-mouth she's got).
The photo shoots on ANTM are SO ridiculous, and I can't think of one high fashion magazine that features anything like them - ManJay is always going on about how he is the amazing "art director" for the shoots - please, the concepts suck!!! - if he's having such a hard time coming up with "fresh ideas", they should hire someone else...his main "concept" appears to be making the "models" look as ugly as possible...
And finally, Natasha's baby??? It MUST be a cat or dog, because she has never mentioned it before or since (maybe it's edited out) - or maybe she's just not super annoying about always mentioning her kid...
7 of 33 | Posted by NolaO
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Posted on April 2, 2007 1:26 PM
so good to be a poster again, dont' know what happened there. Not liking this season as much as last, for whatever reason, but I do like Ducky and Nasty--I think Whitney is cute, and I've always thought Brittany was ugly, inside and out-but she takes great pix and it seems her's to lose. Renee is not so deliciously hateful as Melrose of last season. Never did like Sarah either, but she's been less annoying until she took that win without giving a call out for her girl Dionne--perhaps they could have shared that reward . . .
8 of 33 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on April 2, 2007 1:42 PM
couldn't agree more about the shoots either . . . aren't they supposed to be a top model, not a dead model or male model. And frankly, couldn't they give the girls more than 10 seconds on some of the challenges, yes it's fun to see them run about, but can they really do clothes and make up in 4 minutes or whatever!
Jaslene is very impressive too, in pictures, but too skinny . . . now that bear is gone, maybe there'll be more food in the house!
9 of 33 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on April 2, 2007 1:47 PM
I was thinking the same thing about Diana, she wasn't looking particulary pretty during this episode. Until the end, there was a time when the canera caught her looking strikingly beautiful, and I said WOW!THATS what they have been talking about! Nigel kept complimenting her body (huge calves!)and face.Oh well, she still looked uncomfortable and weird in the photo shoots. Seriously, I bet she would've been a great spokesmodel. ESPECIALLY comapred to Jaslene or Ducky.
10 of 33 | Posted by sweetleaf
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Posted on April 2, 2007 2:19 PM
SO glad Diana is gone. She wasn't pretty & she was annoying. Her "just 'cause" reasoning was hilarious, though. Most of these girls probably just wanted to be on tv, including Diana. It's not like any of the past winners have gone on to find a lot of success, so what was she supposed to say "I want to put in all of this hard work so that one day I can get a guest spot on a crappy UPN show just like Eva"?
I really hope Natasha seriously has a kid. I know it's unlikely & she probably was talking to a pet, but a girl can dream. And I agree with buttercup, Natasha was saying "What it do, shorty?" but "What a douche" wouldn't been 100 times funnier.
11 of 33 | Posted by gillian
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Posted on April 2, 2007 2:29 PM
oops, I meant would've.
12 of 33 | Posted by gillian
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Posted on April 2, 2007 2:32 PM
Someone should check Jaslene's DNA. I think she's a man, or at the very least a hermaphrodite.
KH
demanding an investigation!
13 of 33 | Posted by katieshole | Posted on April 2, 2007 3:19 PM
I looked at some of the videos on the ANTM website and a lot of the girls that have gotten kicked off say that Renee is for the most part a nice person and she just got cast the role of the b!tch. They say she has her bad moments but she really isn't as bad as the show makes her out to be. And the discussion about plus sized models on vogue - Diana says Renee' was mocking what other people think about plus sized models and they edited that part out.
14 of 33 | Posted by melissa | Posted on April 2, 2007 3:49 PM
great recap again.
Sarah.is.not.attractive. Every time she made that stretched, awful "Surprised face" i got the shivers.
I dont understand why whitney's photos are so so-so. Whenver they inverview her she looks so pretty but the pics arent waht I expect.
Natasha has stolen my heart- she really is cute and makes me laugh every ep.i would probably HATE living with her, but whatever.
15 of 33 | Posted by Leah3t
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Posted on April 2, 2007 8:16 PM
I'm now on the Natasha train.. she is just straight up adorable.
I can't believe they're actually making fun of her b/c she's taking their crits but making them positive.
What is she supposed to do when they give her a crit? Tell them to F- Off and give them the finger??
I swear I want someone to just punch the judges and try to get their egos back to a manageable size.
As for Renee.. I actually liked her photo but damn if she isn't just ugly as sin. Probably why her photo came out so well.
Jaslene wows me as well with her photos. She really knows how to bring it. Her photo totally blew me away.
And I actually liked Jael's photo. I thought it was cute and fun.
Whitney needs to go next. Every single one of her photos have sucked ass so far. She's just not good enough AT ALL.
One crit for you Krank. Your writing it great, but you still need more pics from the show.
I don't care if you have to take a digital photo with a camera.. you need more photos in your recaps.
16 of 33 | Posted by Shollia
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Posted on April 2, 2007 9:58 PM
Poor Diana "...Battling forest fires" LOL, you're so funny!
17 of 33 | Posted by SGM | Posted on April 2, 2007 11:09 PM
is it just me, or is it totally depressing that a size 8/10 is a PLUS size?!
18 of 33 | Posted by tulip618
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Posted on April 3, 2007 8:14 AM
#17 - My DVR normally records but for whatever reason last week, the channel guide wasn't working so the DVR didn't know ANTM was playing. SO frustrating, but I'm so dependent on it!
And yes, #20 incredibly depressing that 8/10 is plus sized!
19 of 33 | Posted by kmills | Posted on April 3, 2007 8:24 AM
Does anyone remember when the models used to have to dress themselves in designer clothes? What is with the Sears outfits?!? AND - Dionne is basically wearing the same tank top in this weeks' challenge as she wore when the panel called her a girl in the mall.
20 of 33 | Posted by fashionista | Posted on April 3, 2007 10:41 AM
Fashionista! So true, though I didn't see all the earlier cycles, really Sears!? Harrummph! Do they really need a reality show to be a catalogue model . . . and I notice Krank didn't even mention the brand--good one!
As to Tivo, used to love it, now I hate it! But I have noticed, if you've got a seperate cable box, and you use it's remote to change channels, Tivo doesn't always know what channel its on and tapes the wrong stuff--also, many times, if I'm on the right channel, and I want to tape, but I want Tivo to title it right, when I choose the same channel on the Tivo remote, it goes to one less, even though the display stays right--VERY IRKSOME!!!
21 of 33 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on April 3, 2007 12:04 PM
I'm pretty sure I remember there being a Kmart walk-off a couple of cycles ago...so the sears thing isn't that surprising.
I was pretty sure that Natasha and her husband had some kinky "adult-baby" themed sex-play thing going on... i.e. he was the "baby". Of course...you all are right, it was probably just a cat. *wink* *wink*
*waves hello to the other poster named gillian. small world*
22 of 33 | Posted by gillian | Posted on April 3, 2007 12:24 PM
Diana and Whitney are NOT size 8's. Maybe 18's...not 8's.
23 of 33 | Posted by majiksparkle | Posted on April 3, 2007 1:13 PM
Yeah, the gimmicky photoshoots are annoying, but this one wasn't nearly as bad as last season's wobbly runway. I think that's one of the worst ideas for a photoshoot in Top Model history.
24 of 33 | Posted by tito
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Posted on April 3, 2007 1:36 PM
As ridiculous as the shoots themselves are, I think the most absurd part is that Tyra takes her own photo in the theme of the shoot each week that's shown before panel. She even has her own gallery on the Top Model website. RI-DIC!
And majiksparkle, I believe them as 8/10s... Don't forget the distorted reality of 0's all around them.
25 of 33 | Posted by kmills
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Posted on April 3, 2007 1:43 PM
I am so onboard with the Natasha lovin! I think you hit it right on the head though, she is completely playing by the "rules" of ANTM, i think she has studied all of the old cycles and has comitted to memory all of the (often conflicting) rules of modeling that Tyra, the Jay's and various guests have put forth. She totally has a kid too, but, has seen all the 'mom's' in past cycles get booted so she keep's it on the DL. Rock it till the end my little Russian cosmo-nut!
26 of 33 | Posted by sargemike | Posted on April 3, 2007 1:49 PM
HAHAHAH ok... ok I see where this came from, and maybe this has been said, but Dionne was teaching Natasha to say "what it do"... not "what a douche."
oh man, I almost died when I read that. unintentional humor is awesome.
27 of 33 | Posted by Mallory | Posted on April 3, 2007 2:38 PM
Love it Gillian!!! Wonder if he had time to don some depends and a pacifier . . .
Actually, I got the impression she's not the mother of the "baby" and doesn't really know the "baby"--didn't she say, I feel like I live with strangers or something . . .
I know nothing of woman's sizes, but I do think anything next to a Jaslene 0 is going to look bigger (even if they are closer to the average body size and type)
28 of 33 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on April 3, 2007 2:47 PM
I would pin Diana as a size 10/12 and Whitney as a 12-16. It's hard to tell against those other size 00 girls though. You'd have to get a real woman in there to compare.
I do think that Natasha has a real baby. I think I remember when she first auditioned that Tyra was really surprised that both Renee and Natasha were married and had children. But maybe I'm remembering inaccurately...
Yay Natasha! She has become my favorite this week. I can't stand anybody else.
~Georgia~
29 of 33 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on April 3, 2007 4:20 PM
Krank--
loved the last line of your recap. so necessary!
Everyone-
Dont you all think it's time Tyra stepped down? This show needs new blood. I wish Giselle would host it because she's as dumb as Tyra but not mean. Tyra seems to think a Sports Illustrated cover is the equivalent of a Masters from Oxford.
NYW
30 of 33 | Posted by NYWord | Posted on April 3, 2007 6:13 PM
Pfftt.. Tyra would never step down.. why? B/c then how would she talk about herself and remind us all just how fabulous she thinks she is! *barfs*
31 of 33 | Posted by Shollia
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Posted on April 3, 2007 9:10 PM
I wish Tyra would step down. I can't stand the woman. She's so bloody full of herself. She and panel are contradictory, biased and really not that good at anything. And Tyra takes everything and turns it around to be about her. SHUT UP WOMAN!! NOBODY CARES!
32 of 33 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on April 3, 2007 10:12 PM
I have to respectfully disagree. Some of them (Jazlene) are extremely skinny. But Whitney and Diana have a LOT of fat on them. I wear a 4--they are not two sizes larger than me. 8's still look thin.
Maybe if they only wear clothes that are vanity sized, sure.
33 of 33 | Posted by Jessica | Posted on April 4, 2007 8:17 AM