On this very special finale episode of ANTM, Tyra decides to give McKey a new signature pose. And that pose is called "The Hoolia" and it's supposed to represent my thoughts, feelings, and emotions about this cycle. Give it your best shot, McKey!
Only a 9.5 from the Russian judge? He's so stingy.
And then there were three... after a recap of Analeigh, McKey, and Sam's high and low lights, we jump straight into this week's Tyra Post. The producers must be going green because in an effort to recycle, they toss up the exact same clue as last season: "easy, breezy, beautiful" in the host country's language. Analeigh starts to examine the script and I'm reminded of one of the more amusing side effects of globalization - when English words don't get translated in another language for whatever reason. The lines are a lot of Dutch with some American catchphrases thrown in and it sounds like "uugen gaaten gloaten CLOSEUP?!" The E! Italia channel did the same thing for their commercials: "Il piu SEXY, il piu TRENDY... le ragazze de PLAYBOY!" For some reason, this tickles me, but maybe it's because I'm in desperate need of a vacation and I am homeawayfromhomesick for anything European. Of course the girls are nervous about the script and Sam guesses they won't get much shut eye tonight.
At the shoot, they're greeted by Jay, fresh off his latest stint on Broadway.
Jayseph and the Amazing Technicolor Polo!
As per ush, the shoot will involve filming a commercial as well as doing a print shoot. Whittles pops up out of a river boat to pimp whatever CG product she's whoring out this week. Backstage in hair and makeup, Whit continues to shell the product to our Cycle 11 finalsts talking about how AMAZING this lip gloss is because, like, it's totally not sticky! The girls politely laugh just to humor her. This reminds me of that day in high school before Thanksgiving Break where all the newly-minted college freshman came back and roamed the halls to chat up their former teachers and underclassmen friends. As a high schooler, you'd smile and act all excited and give them hugs, but deep down you'd think that it was a little pathetic and unnecessary. Then you would have the sweeping realization that inevitably, you would do the same thing next year anyway.
We get a quick run through of the premise of the commercial - three girls are on vacation, chilling on a boat that looks like a restaurant on rudders when they see a cute boy. After they all eye fuck the shit out of him, one of the girls goes over and kisses him. I know commercials are short and all, but this seems like quite a jump to the end. Hey, Holland, what's up with all this making out random strangers the second you see them? First, you want your joggers to kiss some hot guy in a cab. Now, mid-lunch, chicks just randomly go over to another guy to make out with him? I mean, I know sex sells and all, but perhaps a little plot wouldn't be too much to ask? Also, unless Northern and Southern Europe are opposites (much like the way water flushes the opposite direction in different hemispheres), my Mediterranean experience tells me that it would be the guy coming up to shove his tongue down the poor, innocent girl's throat. May I present exhibit A, or what I like to refer to as "That time my friend Rach got accosted in Nice by our aggressive waiter."
"You want the specials? Tonight, I offer un bisou francais"
Sam's up first and Jayseph and that elfin CG representative are glued to their directors chairs waiting for this bombshell to explode. Sam initially looks all over the place and acts a little too explanatorily enthusiastic for my liking but eventually churns out something pretty decent. Then, it's time for the kiss. She gets her panties in a bunch just like last week and has some choice words for her costar: "Dude, please don't have herpes." Ah, Sam. If this is getting you all hot and bothered, I can only assume that you've never gotten drunk enough to make out with a random. Your youthful innocence is equally touching and annoying.
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Comments (17)
Well, in a way it's a good thing that your recap was so damned late (snark), because I'm finally able to type and not burst out into uncontrollable sobbing...
A...aaa....annnnaaa...leeeee...!!! [sniff]
And yep, I pretty much tuned out the moment she was eliminated. And I'm also convinced that her commercial shoot was edited to look like a dud -- in all the weeks she's been on the show, she'd never once tanked a competition like that, so why start now?
So the whole season has been about making McKey seem feasible as a model. Who knows, maybe she is? My interest pretty much stops here.
And anyway, I really only watched this season because of the great recaps, I just like the way you (and other recappers) turns these shows out like the cheap hookers they are.
The plus side about being a male in Europe is that the women pretty much expect you to stick your tongue in their mouths first opportunity you get. They're resigned to it, and are usually pretty good about waiting patiently until you're done. (okay, just kidding!)
1 of 17 | Posted by itchy | Posted on November 28, 2008 11:54 PM
omg. i was in a downtown los angeles parking lot and i saw Analeigh & Sam. I almost squealed! They seemed to be lost. Almost like they were going to a go see but it was early in the night so I suspect they were going to a bar or something. I wished I took a pic but I didn't.
2 of 17 | Posted by chibby | Posted on November 29, 2008 2:51 AM
The Sam/McKey finale was the snoozer of all snoozefests. As soon as Analeigh was eliminated, I seriously almost turned off the tv. And the final fashion show? I thought they both sucked, to be honest. It was really bad.
That dress Tyra was wearing at the show was alright, but go back and look at it again. I was SO distracted by the bulge beneath the belt. It was like the belt was pushing the fat downward. It was not exactly flattering.
Speaking of unflattering dresses, am I the only one who thought the dresses that Sam and McKey wore to the final judging were horrible? They didn't fit either of them. Yuck.
And I am completely with you about southern Euro guys. A friend and I spent a week at a spa in Tuscany a few years ago. One night, we decided to go to the local nightclub. We were sitting there and a guy asked my friend to go dance. She did. Almost as soon as she got up, this really old guy (at least 70!) sat down next to me. Then he turned to me and put his hand right on my boob!! Just like that. The waiter (who was adorable and sweet) saw it happen and came over and told the guy to leave me alone. And get this... the waiter got in trouble for it!
Anyoldhoo, thanks for a season of great recaps and we'll see you on the next one!
3 of 17 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on November 29, 2008 9:45 AM
I thought the only girls that looked like models this year were McKey, Lauren Brie, Marj, Elina and maybe one other, I don't remember.
I couldn't get past Analeigh's face. And what was with the hair they gave her for the commercial? Seventies much?
I just don't think Sam has the right teeth. That's why her smile didn't work.
One reason this season was dullsville was that the top three girls were really nice, sensible, and not into drama or bitchiness for the most part.
Didn't that mouthful guy design the clothes for the runway show? Pretty bad. It seems like the designer duds (not just his) in the Netherlands look cheap.
So, instead of two blondes or one woman of color, like usual, it came down to a brunette.
4 of 17 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on November 29, 2008 1:34 PM
Completely share your sentiments on the whole should/n't I issue on whether to actually watch the runway battle. I did and it was just as boring and unsurprising as imagined by anyone else actually watching at that point. Poor Analeigh wuz robbed.
5 of 17 | Posted by alex_w | Posted on November 29, 2008 1:39 PM
I'm pretty convinced that Analeigh was eliminated because she would have blown McKey out of the water on the runway walk. I felt they put McKey with Sam because she was easier to beat. That seems to be their M.O. Give their pick to win someone they can't lose against in the runway walk. Example: Natasha versus Jaslene. Did Natasha really have a chance?
6 of 17 | Posted by Thatswhatshesaid | Posted on November 29, 2008 4:56 PM
There's a person in the world with the name 'Jaslene'?
7 of 17 | Posted by itchy | Posted on November 30, 2008 1:41 AM
Most.Boring.ANTM.Finale(and season). EVER.
I wasn't rooting for anyone after they eliminated...well, no one really. There were no models in the whole bunch. McKey is unattractive to me.
Analeigh would be cute post-nose job. Sam is cute. That's all.
After this season and fatty Whitney winning last season, I'm done watching this show.
Bye Hoolia and all. Decent ANTMs recap, even though I usually disagree with everything you say.
8 of 17 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on November 30, 2008 4:48 AM
Analeigh DID get robbed. I was appalled. But, it's Tyra. She's completely biased and the reasons for elimination are not even remotely consistent.
McKey won, hurrah. I don't care.
Thanks for the great recaps Hoolia, hopefully you'll be back next season!
9 of 17 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on November 30, 2008 5:12 PM
If Tyra was actually smart and not so crazy, she would have crowned Analeigh as ANTM. She was the only truly likeable one. McKey is not a pretty girl, in my opinion. But then again, I'm not a model on a CW show. So congrats, I guess.
10 of 17 | Posted by heygirl | Posted on November 30, 2008 6:10 PM
I too quite watching after Analeigh was elimanated.
Loved the video of Nigel at the end of this recap!!! I did not know he was that pretty with hair!
11 of 17 | Posted by LisaMay | Posted on December 1, 2008 6:41 AM
itchy - Interesting theory about Analeigh's commercial being edited, but I really think she screwed this one up on her own. I was surprised, too, but maybe she was extra rattled after having her BFF go home last week.
Snootchy Bootches - The dresses the girls were wearing in judging definitely reminded me of Barbie dresses - the color, the fabric, the sparkle... it was all there. I did however love love love the neckline on Sam's - exquirshite champagne lace, in the words of Mizz Jay.
Pixielated - There definitely wasn't nearly enough drama!
Thatswhatshesaid - I think the Anya vs Whitney runway matchup was fair. Also, I've been meaning to comment on your recaps for weeks - love them, even though Grey's is sucking, and love your pen name even more!
LisaMay - Glad you enjoyed that Nigel video - I burst out laughing when I found it!
12 of 17 | Posted by Hoolia | Posted on December 1, 2008 9:07 AM
Hoolia: Before I get attacked, I want to clarify that I'm not recapping Grey's. There's someone else named "That's What She Said" as well. When I decided on my username, I didn't know there was already a similiar name in use. So now there are two of us, although my name runs all together with no punctuation "Thatswhatshesaid". I've actually been thinking about changing mine b/c I'm sure that other person was first since they recap for the site.
13 of 17 | Posted by Thatswhatshesaid | Posted on December 1, 2008 10:13 AM
Hey Hoolia, and goodbye till next time--I still can't wait to watch this train wreck, so I don't imagine I'll stop watching, maybe ever . . . so sad for me.
I agree with Pixie on the most modelesque, I would've called them out from that bunch too in the beginning. Sam and Ana were total surprises to me for how high they got. I did like Ana, but I think her face is one of the least modelesque, but for me, when they show the shoot results, it's clear who will take it, and clearly that Mckey shot was the winner!!! I don't get people saying she's not pretty, or modelesque--it's all in the bone structure, and tho she's a tad manly, I dig, and she's so nice and not fake, I really hope she doesn't go down the Whit road, into fake, faker, fakest fakery!!!! I ask myself, "why hate the fakers so" . . . and I may never know, but once I declared that Jordin Sparks a C word for being such a fake little bitch, I know there's somethin' a brewin' in that bad and dark place that allows me to hate youngsters . . . so sad . . . oh well, at least there's a place for me to go on and on about it!!!!
LOVE to all you posters and you Hoolia, this was a bit duller than most, but I did like the close competition between the top group from 6 or so up.
for myself, I prefer the Nigel of today, yes he was a handsome bloke, but today his is just yumaliscous!!!
Also, kuddo's to Sam, I may not have seen her coming, but she grew a ton, and that no makeup shot will remain in my top ten forever! Best of luck to you , Dude!
14 of 17 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on December 1, 2008 1:45 PM
lolzcat!! -Snort-
This cycle was a bore - you knew they wanted McWhatever to win. Maybe next cycle we will get something good.
15 of 17 | Posted by RazzBeth | Posted on December 1, 2008 3:43 PM
Maybe we can replace McKey with her cat, which is actually cute, rather than a modelesque supervillain.
16 of 17 | Posted by LAjane | Posted on December 1, 2008 6:39 PM
Maybe next season can be ANTM All Stars.. if Survivor can do it, so can this train wreck.
17 of 17 | Posted by slutty_whore | Posted on December 2, 2008 6:57 AM