McKey, looking gorgeous in her makeup, initially putters through her lines while bouncing up and down more than Bobblehead Joe. Analeigh's up and I'm anxious to see how she's going to deliver after her A+ performance in the last commercial. But from the moment that little red light turns on, she goes completely blank. Her multiple takes are almost as horrendous as the blooper reel for Jack Donaghy's GE instructional video. My personal favorite is when she refers to the lip gloss as "WetSlacks." I'm sure that's exactly the kind of image Cover Girl wants out there! Jay looks genuinely disappointed that Analeigh's botching the shoot this badly. He eventually feeds her the lines one by one and finally, she exhibits some of the charm from her last shoot. When it comes time to film her kiss scene, the actor leans over and kisses her before the director gives the go ahead. See, THAT'S the Europe I know and love (to gripe about).

Oh and also! Looks like the Dutch have invented a time machine and been holding out on us! At least, that's what the fashion of this shoot implies.

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Come, look closer as we examine the posers in their natural habitat. The male of the species tries to update the "sweater tied around your shoulders" look while the female tries to bring back acid washed denim.

Now it's about TIME to go inside to shoot the print ad. For unknown reasons, Sam decides to channel Marjorie and hunchback it up, but she can't quite get it right. This results in Sam looking like she's tied up in an invisible straight jacket. She looks so awkward that I'm not even sure if this is the same girl we've been seeing all season. The director is not so pleased and would prefer if Sam could show some more original poses. Analeigh on the other hand can work her body but the director thinks she struggles with her face. I don't know what Willis is talking about, because I think Analeigh looks cute as a button and totally embodies the CG image. McKey, on the other hand, struggles to get a natural smile that doesn't make her look like the Joker. The director thinks she's staunchly in favor of Cocoa Puffs, but on the upside, that crazy, kooky attitude helps him get a variety of shots.

Back at the flat, Analeigh's on a mission to prove that if this ANTM thing doesn't work out for her, that she'll be all set for a career in acting. You see, the latest Tyra post warns the girls of their upcoming panel. Sam's all atwitter, no word from McKey, but Analeigh tucks herself into bed with a face fully made up with pancaked on foundation and mascaraed eyelashes. My pores feel suffocated just watching this scene. Meanwhile, interview-Analeigh voices over that she just wants this so bad (dramatic pause) and that when you want something so bad (more dramatic pause) you start to doubt yourself (throws hands into air for good measure). Hey, Analeigh? An Oscar might be a little out of reach, but after last week's teach from Paulina, I'm sure you'd be able to find an ad agency who'd think you're a shoo-in for an inhouse award.

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Does Tylenol need a spokesmodel? Because this girl's got "pounding headache" down flat.

At Panel Numero Uno, the guest judge is Addy Van Den Krommenacker, or, as I refer to him, Mr. Mouthful. Mr. Mouthful is a big effing deal in the Dutch fashion world, and the two girls that move on to the final two will be modeling his designs in a runway show.

First, Tyra treats us to the composite ad of all three girls:

Looks like McKey's the most natural kisser. For the individual evaluations, T-Money starts us off with Sam's shoot. Nigel notes that Sam was distracted by herself while Mizz Jay takes a cheap shot at Sam's Dutch pronunciation skills. Tyra and Mr. Mouthful actually feel that the accent was pretty good, but Mr. Mouthful did not find Sam at all convincing. As for the photo...

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Paulina grabs her thesaurus and hurls sugary sweet words at us - Adorable! Pretty! Charming! Mizz Jay thinks that the smile looks forced and T-Money agrees saying the smile isn't modelesque. Unfortunately, there's no tutorial here on what makes a modelesque smile, other than "go to a mirror and figure it out." Seriously, that's Tyra's advice.

Analeigh's commercial is filled with more pauses than I hit on the DVR while recapping an episode for you guys. Tyra painfully sings the word "paiiiinful!" in reaction to the take. Paulina demands to know what happened because usually Analeigh's such an inspired actress but this take sucked. Nigel nods his agreement.

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America's Next Top Model: The McKey to Victory Sections:  1  |  2  |  3  |  4  |  5  |  6 

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Comments (17)

itchy:

Well, in a way it's a good thing that your recap was so damned late (snark), because I'm finally able to type and not burst out into uncontrollable sobbing...

A...aaa....annnnaaa...leeeee...!!! [sniff]

And yep, I pretty much tuned out the moment she was eliminated. And I'm also convinced that her commercial shoot was edited to look like a dud -- in all the weeks she's been on the show, she'd never once tanked a competition like that, so why start now?

So the whole season has been about making McKey seem feasible as a model. Who knows, maybe she is? My interest pretty much stops here.

And anyway, I really only watched this season because of the great recaps, I just like the way you (and other recappers) turns these shows out like the cheap hookers they are.

The plus side about being a male in Europe is that the women pretty much expect you to stick your tongue in their mouths first opportunity you get. They're resigned to it, and are usually pretty good about waiting patiently until you're done. (okay, just kidding!)

chibby:

omg. i was in a downtown los angeles parking lot and i saw Analeigh & Sam. I almost squealed! They seemed to be lost. Almost like they were going to a go see but it was early in the night so I suspect they were going to a bar or something. I wished I took a pic but I didn't.

Snootchy Bootches:

The Sam/McKey finale was the snoozer of all snoozefests. As soon as Analeigh was eliminated, I seriously almost turned off the tv. And the final fashion show? I thought they both sucked, to be honest. It was really bad.

That dress Tyra was wearing at the show was alright, but go back and look at it again. I was SO distracted by the bulge beneath the belt. It was like the belt was pushing the fat downward. It was not exactly flattering.

Speaking of unflattering dresses, am I the only one who thought the dresses that Sam and McKey wore to the final judging were horrible? They didn't fit either of them. Yuck.

And I am completely with you about southern Euro guys. A friend and I spent a week at a spa in Tuscany a few years ago. One night, we decided to go to the local nightclub. We were sitting there and a guy asked my friend to go dance. She did. Almost as soon as she got up, this really old guy (at least 70!) sat down next to me. Then he turned to me and put his hand right on my boob!! Just like that. The waiter (who was adorable and sweet) saw it happen and came over and told the guy to leave me alone. And get this... the waiter got in trouble for it!

Anyoldhoo, thanks for a season of great recaps and we'll see you on the next one!

pixielated:

I thought the only girls that looked like models this year were McKey, Lauren Brie, Marj, Elina and maybe one other, I don't remember.

I couldn't get past Analeigh's face. And what was with the hair they gave her for the commercial? Seventies much?

I just don't think Sam has the right teeth. That's why her smile didn't work.

One reason this season was dullsville was that the top three girls were really nice, sensible, and not into drama or bitchiness for the most part.

Didn't that mouthful guy design the clothes for the runway show? Pretty bad. It seems like the designer duds (not just his) in the Netherlands look cheap.

So, instead of two blondes or one woman of color, like usual, it came down to a brunette.

alex_w:

Completely share your sentiments on the whole should/n't I issue on whether to actually watch the runway battle. I did and it was just as boring and unsurprising as imagined by anyone else actually watching at that point. Poor Analeigh wuz robbed.

Thatswhatshesaid:

I'm pretty convinced that Analeigh was eliminated because she would have blown McKey out of the water on the runway walk. I felt they put McKey with Sam because she was easier to beat. That seems to be their M.O. Give their pick to win someone they can't lose against in the runway walk. Example: Natasha versus Jaslene. Did Natasha really have a chance?

itchy:

There's a person in the world with the name 'Jaslene'?

blahblah:

Most.Boring.ANTM.Finale(and season). EVER.

I wasn't rooting for anyone after they eliminated...well, no one really. There were no models in the whole bunch. McKey is unattractive to me.

Analeigh would be cute post-nose job. Sam is cute. That's all.

After this season and fatty Whitney winning last season, I'm done watching this show.

Bye Hoolia and all. Decent ANTMs recap, even though I usually disagree with everything you say.

georgiababe:

Analeigh DID get robbed. I was appalled. But, it's Tyra. She's completely biased and the reasons for elimination are not even remotely consistent.

McKey won, hurrah. I don't care.

Thanks for the great recaps Hoolia, hopefully you'll be back next season!

heygirl:

If Tyra was actually smart and not so crazy, she would have crowned Analeigh as ANTM. She was the only truly likeable one. McKey is not a pretty girl, in my opinion. But then again, I'm not a model on a CW show. So congrats, I guess.

LisaMay:

I too quite watching after Analeigh was elimanated.

Loved the video of Nigel at the end of this recap!!! I did not know he was that pretty with hair!

Hoolia:

itchy - Interesting theory about Analeigh's commercial being edited, but I really think she screwed this one up on her own. I was surprised, too, but maybe she was extra rattled after having her BFF go home last week.

Snootchy Bootches - The dresses the girls were wearing in judging definitely reminded me of Barbie dresses - the color, the fabric, the sparkle... it was all there. I did however love love love the neckline on Sam's - exquirshite champagne lace, in the words of Mizz Jay.

Pixielated - There definitely wasn't nearly enough drama!

Thatswhatshesaid - I think the Anya vs Whitney runway matchup was fair. Also, I've been meaning to comment on your recaps for weeks - love them, even though Grey's is sucking, and love your pen name even more!

LisaMay - Glad you enjoyed that Nigel video - I burst out laughing when I found it!

Thatswhatshesaid:

Hoolia: Before I get attacked, I want to clarify that I'm not recapping Grey's. There's someone else named "That's What She Said" as well. When I decided on my username, I didn't know there was already a similiar name in use. So now there are two of us, although my name runs all together with no punctuation "Thatswhatshesaid". I've actually been thinking about changing mine b/c I'm sure that other person was first since they recap for the site.

juddfan:

Hey Hoolia, and goodbye till next time--I still can't wait to watch this train wreck, so I don't imagine I'll stop watching, maybe ever . . . so sad for me.

I agree with Pixie on the most modelesque, I would've called them out from that bunch too in the beginning. Sam and Ana were total surprises to me for how high they got. I did like Ana, but I think her face is one of the least modelesque, but for me, when they show the shoot results, it's clear who will take it, and clearly that Mckey shot was the winner!!! I don't get people saying she's not pretty, or modelesque--it's all in the bone structure, and tho she's a tad manly, I dig, and she's so nice and not fake, I really hope she doesn't go down the Whit road, into fake, faker, fakest fakery!!!! I ask myself, "why hate the fakers so" . . . and I may never know, but once I declared that Jordin Sparks a C word for being such a fake little bitch, I know there's somethin' a brewin' in that bad and dark place that allows me to hate youngsters . . . so sad . . . oh well, at least there's a place for me to go on and on about it!!!!

LOVE to all you posters and you Hoolia, this was a bit duller than most, but I did like the close competition between the top group from 6 or so up.

for myself, I prefer the Nigel of today, yes he was a handsome bloke, but today his is just yumaliscous!!!

Also, kuddo's to Sam, I may not have seen her coming, but she grew a ton, and that no makeup shot will remain in my top ten forever! Best of luck to you , Dude!

RazzBeth:

lolzcat!! -Snort-

This cycle was a bore - you knew they wanted McWhatever to win. Maybe next cycle we will get something good.

LAjane:

Maybe we can replace McKey with her cat, which is actually cute, rather than a modelesque supervillain.

slutty_whore:

Maybe next season can be ANTM All Stars.. if Survivor can do it, so can this train wreck.

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