Paulina feels like we're looking at Analeigh's future headshot for when she inevitably dives into the world of acting. Tyra thought Analeigh's film was really repetitive and Analeigh jumps in to her own defense. You see, every time Analeigh closed her lips, the photographer criticized her for being too sexy. Closed lips are sexy? Every second person on this planet (the ones with balls, not boobs) would beg to differ. Well, Tyra can't resist that bait and we get a "closed lips and sexy" vs. "closed lips and not sexy" tutorial. Of course, she's smiling with her eyes the entire time. Analeigh gives an enthusiastic nod and an "Ah, okay!" Smart girl, agree with the crazy

McKey's best take brings raves from the panel. Despite the awkward frozen Joker grin at the end of the shoot, Hoolia is shocked at the stellar improvement over the last commercial. Tyra concurs and thinks McKey does way better when memorizing instead of reading a teleprompter. Mr. Mouthful observes that McKey had quite a mouthful of words because she went too fast even though she looked great. Nigel is quite busy looking smoldering with crossed arms. Le sigh. I'm gonna miss you, Mr. Barker.

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As for the still shot, Paulina decides to pour a gallon of Morton into Analeigh's raw wound, saying that McKey's shot is a perfect example of how to smile without teeth and still look happy, shiny, and accessible. Nigel believes it's the first shot where any of the girls actually looks like a model. Mr. Mouthful likes how McKey looks naughty. Hoolia's not seeing that so much. Tyra takes the naughty and runs with it, saying McKey looks naughty sweet but sometimes she looks naughty crazy. Ah, Naughty Crazy. An old soul once told me that was my Indian name.

After some debating and deliberating, Tyra and her sleeves announce which girl is going home. McKey gets saved which is absolutely the right decision to be made. I never would have called this before this episode, but the girl really did deliver on camera. Analeigh and Sam step forward and tears are already running down Analeigh's face. She's got some of the strongest poses but the judges feel that her face is too soft, sweet, and commercial. Sam's also got the curse of the commercial, but the judges were disappointed that the commercialness didn't translate to a very commercial cosmetics ad. Shockingly (at least to me), Sam gets called and Analeigh gets sent home. RIDICULOUS! A Sam vs. McKey runway showdown would have been SO much more interesting. At this point in the episode, I had to resist the urge to tune out completely (how many of you actually did?) because McKey so clearly had this in the bag. Throwing up two fingers to flash the peace sign and after a last glimpse at that medallion of a peace sign necklace, Analeigh peaces out of Amsterdam.

Then it's just a hop, skip, and a jump over to the Seventeen photo shoot. Ms. Big Nose Editor is there to tell the girls they'll be shooting their cover. McKey is so psyched, she channels her inner boxer. I'm starting to think that maybe Paulina was right when she said that McKey looked too cartoon super villain.

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And we shall call her... Marsupial Woman!

I don't know what the wardrobe stylists of Seventeen think that the kids are wearing these days because all these clothes look like they come from the Limited Too for Adults line (which no, would not be the Limited). Sam thinks that she's a shoo-in because, "I was soooo Seventeen three months ago!"

And onto the runway show! The girls head inside to find this:

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Wow Jayseph, where's the hurdles, tire crawl and ropes course? Now that would be some must-see-TV. You know, for as much as Sam says "Dude," she really gets it right with her description: "There's mountains of pink whimsical magical Candy Land." Jay prefers to describe it as Willy-Wonka-Doctor-Seussian. He cautions the girls that it's a long, long walk. McKey would like to know whether they go up or down the hills. Sweetie, unless you're walking around the hills, I'm pretty sure you've gotta do both. But never fear, the paint is mixed with sand so the girls won't trip as long as they walk on their toes. Ah, if only these two were drinkers. Then they surely would have had lots of experience walking home from the bars, barefoot and en pointe, when the pain of heels becomes too unbearable because of blisters. God, I hate breaking in new shoes.

America's Next Top Model: The McKey to Victory Sections:  1  |  2  |  3  |  4  |  5  |  6 

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Comments (17)

itchy:

Well, in a way it's a good thing that your recap was so damned late (snark), because I'm finally able to type and not burst out into uncontrollable sobbing...

A...aaa....annnnaaa...leeeee...!!! [sniff]

And yep, I pretty much tuned out the moment she was eliminated. And I'm also convinced that her commercial shoot was edited to look like a dud -- in all the weeks she's been on the show, she'd never once tanked a competition like that, so why start now?

So the whole season has been about making McKey seem feasible as a model. Who knows, maybe she is? My interest pretty much stops here.

And anyway, I really only watched this season because of the great recaps, I just like the way you (and other recappers) turns these shows out like the cheap hookers they are.

The plus side about being a male in Europe is that the women pretty much expect you to stick your tongue in their mouths first opportunity you get. They're resigned to it, and are usually pretty good about waiting patiently until you're done. (okay, just kidding!)

chibby:

omg. i was in a downtown los angeles parking lot and i saw Analeigh & Sam. I almost squealed! They seemed to be lost. Almost like they were going to a go see but it was early in the night so I suspect they were going to a bar or something. I wished I took a pic but I didn't.

Snootchy Bootches:

The Sam/McKey finale was the snoozer of all snoozefests. As soon as Analeigh was eliminated, I seriously almost turned off the tv. And the final fashion show? I thought they both sucked, to be honest. It was really bad.

That dress Tyra was wearing at the show was alright, but go back and look at it again. I was SO distracted by the bulge beneath the belt. It was like the belt was pushing the fat downward. It was not exactly flattering.

Speaking of unflattering dresses, am I the only one who thought the dresses that Sam and McKey wore to the final judging were horrible? They didn't fit either of them. Yuck.

And I am completely with you about southern Euro guys. A friend and I spent a week at a spa in Tuscany a few years ago. One night, we decided to go to the local nightclub. We were sitting there and a guy asked my friend to go dance. She did. Almost as soon as she got up, this really old guy (at least 70!) sat down next to me. Then he turned to me and put his hand right on my boob!! Just like that. The waiter (who was adorable and sweet) saw it happen and came over and told the guy to leave me alone. And get this... the waiter got in trouble for it!

Anyoldhoo, thanks for a season of great recaps and we'll see you on the next one!

pixielated:

I thought the only girls that looked like models this year were McKey, Lauren Brie, Marj, Elina and maybe one other, I don't remember.

I couldn't get past Analeigh's face. And what was with the hair they gave her for the commercial? Seventies much?

I just don't think Sam has the right teeth. That's why her smile didn't work.

One reason this season was dullsville was that the top three girls were really nice, sensible, and not into drama or bitchiness for the most part.

Didn't that mouthful guy design the clothes for the runway show? Pretty bad. It seems like the designer duds (not just his) in the Netherlands look cheap.

So, instead of two blondes or one woman of color, like usual, it came down to a brunette.

alex_w:

Completely share your sentiments on the whole should/n't I issue on whether to actually watch the runway battle. I did and it was just as boring and unsurprising as imagined by anyone else actually watching at that point. Poor Analeigh wuz robbed.

Thatswhatshesaid:

I'm pretty convinced that Analeigh was eliminated because she would have blown McKey out of the water on the runway walk. I felt they put McKey with Sam because she was easier to beat. That seems to be their M.O. Give their pick to win someone they can't lose against in the runway walk. Example: Natasha versus Jaslene. Did Natasha really have a chance?

itchy:

There's a person in the world with the name 'Jaslene'?

blahblah:

Most.Boring.ANTM.Finale(and season). EVER.

I wasn't rooting for anyone after they eliminated...well, no one really. There were no models in the whole bunch. McKey is unattractive to me.

Analeigh would be cute post-nose job. Sam is cute. That's all.

After this season and fatty Whitney winning last season, I'm done watching this show.

Bye Hoolia and all. Decent ANTMs recap, even though I usually disagree with everything you say.

georgiababe:

Analeigh DID get robbed. I was appalled. But, it's Tyra. She's completely biased and the reasons for elimination are not even remotely consistent.

McKey won, hurrah. I don't care.

Thanks for the great recaps Hoolia, hopefully you'll be back next season!

heygirl:

If Tyra was actually smart and not so crazy, she would have crowned Analeigh as ANTM. She was the only truly likeable one. McKey is not a pretty girl, in my opinion. But then again, I'm not a model on a CW show. So congrats, I guess.

LisaMay:

I too quite watching after Analeigh was elimanated.

Loved the video of Nigel at the end of this recap!!! I did not know he was that pretty with hair!

Hoolia:

itchy - Interesting theory about Analeigh's commercial being edited, but I really think she screwed this one up on her own. I was surprised, too, but maybe she was extra rattled after having her BFF go home last week.

Snootchy Bootches - The dresses the girls were wearing in judging definitely reminded me of Barbie dresses - the color, the fabric, the sparkle... it was all there. I did however love love love the neckline on Sam's - exquirshite champagne lace, in the words of Mizz Jay.

Pixielated - There definitely wasn't nearly enough drama!

Thatswhatshesaid - I think the Anya vs Whitney runway matchup was fair. Also, I've been meaning to comment on your recaps for weeks - love them, even though Grey's is sucking, and love your pen name even more!

LisaMay - Glad you enjoyed that Nigel video - I burst out laughing when I found it!

Thatswhatshesaid:

Hoolia: Before I get attacked, I want to clarify that I'm not recapping Grey's. There's someone else named "That's What She Said" as well. When I decided on my username, I didn't know there was already a similiar name in use. So now there are two of us, although my name runs all together with no punctuation "Thatswhatshesaid". I've actually been thinking about changing mine b/c I'm sure that other person was first since they recap for the site.

juddfan:

Hey Hoolia, and goodbye till next time--I still can't wait to watch this train wreck, so I don't imagine I'll stop watching, maybe ever . . . so sad for me.

I agree with Pixie on the most modelesque, I would've called them out from that bunch too in the beginning. Sam and Ana were total surprises to me for how high they got. I did like Ana, but I think her face is one of the least modelesque, but for me, when they show the shoot results, it's clear who will take it, and clearly that Mckey shot was the winner!!! I don't get people saying she's not pretty, or modelesque--it's all in the bone structure, and tho she's a tad manly, I dig, and she's so nice and not fake, I really hope she doesn't go down the Whit road, into fake, faker, fakest fakery!!!! I ask myself, "why hate the fakers so" . . . and I may never know, but once I declared that Jordin Sparks a C word for being such a fake little bitch, I know there's somethin' a brewin' in that bad and dark place that allows me to hate youngsters . . . so sad . . . oh well, at least there's a place for me to go on and on about it!!!!

LOVE to all you posters and you Hoolia, this was a bit duller than most, but I did like the close competition between the top group from 6 or so up.

for myself, I prefer the Nigel of today, yes he was a handsome bloke, but today his is just yumaliscous!!!

Also, kuddo's to Sam, I may not have seen her coming, but she grew a ton, and that no makeup shot will remain in my top ten forever! Best of luck to you , Dude!

RazzBeth:

lolzcat!! -Snort-

This cycle was a bore - you knew they wanted McWhatever to win. Maybe next cycle we will get something good.

LAjane:

Maybe we can replace McKey with her cat, which is actually cute, rather than a modelesque supervillain.

slutty_whore:

Maybe next season can be ANTM All Stars.. if Survivor can do it, so can this train wreck.

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