I guess I knew I was in trouble when I was rudely introduced to "Tyra Mail". Not nearly as cool as Survivor's "Tree Mail", Tyra Mail arrived in a garish pink envelope that made me wonder if this alternate postal service was headquartered in South Beach. Anyway, the Tyra Mail alerted the beehive of intellectually challenged models that they had to put on their Tyra Clothes, leave the Tyra Apartment, take a Tyra Cab, and go to the Tyra YWCA. I wonder - when Tyra Banks gets Tyra Mail, does she just call it... mail? Or maybe "Me Mail"?

At the YWCA, the gals met Jay Alexander, a cross-dressing runway maven who's sort of like the Phil Jackson of catwalks, except, whereas Phil Jackson has a legacy, Jay Alexander has, uh, makeup. As Jay pranced around and introduced last year's winner of the competition, wide-eyed Kirsti wondered why he was wearing dresses and stuff. "Why doesn't someone explain Jay?" she asked. This was followed with a Very Special Episode of America's Top Model called "Kirsti meets her first gay person."

While Kirsti marveled at the cultural oddity that was Jay, reigning Top Model (that most of America has never heard of, despite being "Top") Yoanna imparted her wise knowledge to the group. Focus on yourselves, she said, adding "You're so young." Yes, I remember when Yoanna was just a young pup in the world of modeling. My how the time has flown - since May.

After some more lame pep talk, Jay had the girls walk around with books on their heads. For his part, he changed into a strange black dress that left him looking less haute couture and more ho' couture. Seriously, he looked like one of those crackwhore bit players that populate The Sopranos from time to time. After the book balancing grew tiresome, Jay upped the stakes and had the ladies don massive headdresses which made me wonder if these women were training to be models or featured performers in the Las Vegas Showgirl Rodeo. Apparently the task was arduous, leading Jennipher to complain that the headdresses were the "most awfullest things to wear." Poor Jennipher. She was hoping that day would be funner, but it was the most baddest day ever. Actually, the most awfullest thing ever will be when she finds out that for all her life she's been misspelling her name.