This week's ANTM/Hoolia co-sponsored lesson: You know you've been feeling guilty about your recaps when Top Model infiltrates your dreams. Yes Gasmii, I'm sad to admit that last night, I had my first (and let's pray to Tyra, my last) ANTM-related dream. I'll spare you the lame details because face it - everyone thinks their dreams are way more interesting than they anyone else does. But unfortunately it did NOT involve one sexy dripping wet Nigel Barker. It did involve Mizz Jay evaluating an outfit that I had on for a job interview and saying "Oh honey, you'd BEST not be thinking of wearing that!" and then spending an unreasonably long amount of time rolling up the sleeves on this cute cardigan sweater and then tying them up 3/4 style with a pretty ribbon. Then Tyra, Mr. Jay and I all went on the Today show where we were asked who we thought would take it all and dream-Hoolia said Elina would take the top prize. I'm not even sure if I'm consciously thinking that one, but clearly my subconscious had something to say and decided to do it by scaring the crap out of me by putting Tyra in my dreams. There's a sentence I never wanted to type. But, let's jump right in so I can attempt to crank this sucker out before my next nap/sleep for fear of drifting off to dreamland only to have mail lady Tyra barge in to give me a makeover. Instead, let's talk lots and lots about Nigel for hopes that he ravishes me up against the wall of a pool while I'm rocking some crazy eye makeup. Yes please!
Sweet Dreams Are Made Of These...
At the house, things have turned around for our little orphan Elina and she beams at the sight of last week's photo as the digital artwork. But alas, all can't be happy in Whoville. No no, Analeigh wallows out loud about the shock and terror of being in the bottom two when Hannah decides to put in her two cents - greatly infuriating Marjorie.
"What do you MEAN you can see Alaska from your house?!"
Turns out poor Hannah is tired of all the whining. Yeah dear, and I'm tired of hearing you talk about how your hometown library just ordered new computers that will have that new-fangled intranet that everyone keeps talking about to use the google. You can find out all sorts of fun things about yourself with the google, right?
Marjorie defends the pity party and I would be slightly more convinced if she wasn't dressed for a funeral. Damn, this new hair color is making her look so emo. Hannah's sick of all the peeps focusing on the negatives. Duly noted, H-Dog, but perhaps a window of time should be allowed since I'm pretty sure the trail of eco-friendly exhaust from the fierce bus is still lingering in the driveway.
Confusing Cliché Caveat: "You gotta pick up your beans and keep on rolling!" Hannah advises the girls. I'm pretty sure my handy Alaskan-English dictionary is useless on this one. My money's on the fact that Hannah just unintentionally (well, probably) morphed "You gotta roll with the punches" with "Don't spill the beans."
"I just can't believe that School House Rock never covered colloquialisms!"
Tyra Mail is back and better than ever with a photo even more ridiculous than the wannabe Trojan ad from a few weeks back. The shot makes me yearn for a special bonus panel at the end of the season where the other judges critique these Tyra Mail shots. Paulina would tell Tyra that she looks like there's not a thought in her brain, Mizz Jay would complain about slouchiness and lack of lines and Nigel would swoop in with the zinger.
"Love, the package says Special Delivery NOT Special Olympics."
Runway time! Mizz Jay pops up at a bowling alley to teach the girls all about runway walks. He hands them high-heeled bowling shoes that are very, very unique. I can't lie to you guys, I'm sort of not entirely hating them. Mizz Jay passes out heels to Isis while saying something about the number seven and so I'm thinking her shoes are size seven. I almost start to tear up at the reminder that a natural born male has smaller feet than my ginormous klodhoppers but a handy rewind tells me that Jay was just sending Isis to Lane 7. MAJOR SELF-ESTEEM CRISIS AVERTED!
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Comments (20)
My team has switched to Team Brittany. I think she'll be around for awhile, if not until the very end.
I did not see Isis going so soon. Truly sad that she ended up screwing up so badly when her modeling skills actually counted.
I would soooo take WetNigel. Imagining him peel himself out of a wetsuit is giving me the vapors. Good lawd that man is sexy.
1 of 20 | Posted by PixieGal262 | Posted on October 1, 2008 4:09 PM
I said it last week, and it still holds . . . why doesn't Isis relish this chance to be so girly--the suit didn't show, and couldn't she wear a towel around her waist till she submerged.
Somehow, I don't think it would be hard to pose for Nigel, I'd be thinking me some dreamy thoughts . . . kinky dirty wrong thoughts too. I don't think he likes Isis, and perhaps intimidated her. If she wasn't special, I don't think she would have made the cut, either, but I love her and wish her the best! Maybe Logo will pick her up and do a transition show or something . . . Nice hug they all gave her!
Not missing Hannah, now if Clark can beat it, w/o the blonde hair she's not remotely pretty (on the outside, we all know her insides are like a burned out fireplace)
I wasn't a team Sheena, for the win, but I like her. I'm thinking your dream is right, and it might be Elina for the win. I also think Mckay has a shot. Joselyn for the top 3 too! Don't know about Cheese, but she's a contendah--really liked her shot here, the hands echoing the hair was too sweet. She's the one Nigel would do a naked shoot on, and she doesn't look a think like last years blonde, does she . . . too blah in your taste for women Nigel!!! I also like Marge, and Sam's okay, and that's like almost everyone, so may the best ANTM win!!!
2 of 20 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on October 1, 2008 4:47 PM
Just read my comment back: I am officially an idiot.
I meant to say I'm on Team Jocelyn. Damn black chicks looking the same...I should have known too because I had Brittany as my girl to go last week on Fantasy ANTM.
By the way, how many people think that Sheena will stay to the end just so she can be the first Asian model to win?
3 of 20 | Posted by PixieGal262 | Posted on October 1, 2008 7:07 PM
Late recap, but so funny. Hoolia's back...
Give me naked on a bed with Nigel any day. Swimming pool sex is definitely sexier said than done. Sorry, gotta take a second to compose myself now at the thought of either, anyway. Rowr.
I am liking Joslyn's and McKey's personalities, although this season I am finding that every new episode gives me a new girl to hate: Clark, Hannah, what's her name the first bitch who got eliminated, Elina... and don't get me started on Marjorie, since I have just seen tonight's episode, which should be tomorrow's recap. Right? Tomorrow, right, not next Wednesday? Sorry, had to try.
It was pretty obvious to everyone that Isis wouldn't win (there go the sales of Covergirl and Seventeen in the Bible Belt, otherwise) but I hope she will get to model for actual fashion designers who don't give a crap for the JC Penney crowd/are looking for shock value, although using transsexuals as models has probably already been done. Hell, given the fashion world's need to shock and entertain, someone is bound to have already used meth-addicted bow-legged transsexual parakeets as models. Or maybe that's what the girls will have to portray in the next photo shoot. Anyway, I wish Isis the best. Her godfather sounded like a cool guy, too, so I hope she's getting a lot of support.
And it happens to me all the time with the photos in this show, but I just couldn't see why the judges would be raving about this one and complaining about the next. The (ocular?) expressions all looked the same to me. I agree with Hoolia that basically it was the eye makeup that made the difference.
Anyway, I hope we can get rid of the following chaff: Clark (done!), Elina (fine, you can hate your mother, that doesn't make you a psycho; it's saying it cool as a cucumber in front of the cameras for a national TV show that makes you a psycho), Sheena (meh, I just can't get into her), and Marjorie (shut up shut up shut up I'm from Europe too and I can't stand listening to you either - by the way, this last will all make sense once you watch this week's episode.) Lauren Cheese and Samantha are kind of interchangeable, so I'll take one of them, but not both. That leaves me with McKey (and can she go back to plain Brittany now that the other two are gone?), Analeigh and Joslyn. Which of course means that none of them will win, since I like them...
Two more thoughts: the MLAACG ads with Whitney are cheesetastic, she still has the beauty pageant contestant delivery, and at least Jaslene got to tour a deserted Wal-Mart; Whit gets to ride her bike and stay home and bake cupcakes! And I was actually digging the Top Models in Action cheesy bit too, until I realized that they were all the same girls who had been in the Tyra Show, so I can't expect updates on some of my past favorites. Still, good to know what some of them are up to, even if it's not much. Although that thing about Toccara having a spread on Italian Vogue was pretty impressive...
4 of 20 | Posted by sayhuh | Posted on October 2, 2008 12:11 AM
I laughed out loud while reading this at work so much so that my boss asked what I was laughing at. Then I had to make something up.
Love your recaps!!
talk about dreams- Last night....me and Kenny from Road Rules challenge....
5 of 20 | Posted by LisaMay | Posted on October 2, 2008 6:37 AM
Pixiegal262 - I think Sheena will stick around for awhile, but I don't see her being the winner unless she really steps it up - Asian or not. I looove Joslyn, especially her attitude but I don't think her pictures are strong enough to win either.
Juddfan - Agreed - it was pretty clear that Nigel didn't like Isis for whatever reason - whether he was uncomfortable, or thought she shouldn't be in the contest in general - something put her on his bad side. That being said, I don't think she was stepping it up at the shoots. You're right, this was an absolute perfect shoot to rock the girliness since nothing else was visible.
sayhuh - In a perfect world, I'd have the recap up right away because I know I am always anxious to get my hands on the other recaps I read. But unfortunately I'm currently going through the hells of finding a job and since that's what will pay the bills, it's gotta be #1 priority. So unless you guys are planning to set up a paypal account to cover my utilities, it's just not gonna be up next-day anytime in the near future. But also, the Whitney Cover Girl ads are horrendously hysterical. I always forget about them when I'm writing the recap because I pull the screengrabs from a commercial-free edit. My favorite was this week's "It's all about ingredients. In life, in cooking, in makeup." I challenge you to find 3 more random things to mush together than life, cooking and makeup. Bravo, CG Ad dept.
LisaMay - Glad I can make you LOL. Also, I would not be opposed to Kenny entering my dreams. As much as it pains me to say it, the hot semi-asshole thing totally gets me going...
And for the record, I've thought long and hard and I've decided I would choose pool Nigel. For sure.
6 of 20 | Posted by Hoolia | Posted on October 2, 2008 9:32 AM
OK, MissPissy1980'sCalledAndNeverWantedThatLook, Designer-we get it- Sam screwed up. But her hands on water photo was the best in my opinion.
I thought Isis would go further just for the sake of publicity. I wish her the very best but did think her photo wasn't as good as the others.
McKay, Cheese, and Elina are in my top 3 right now.
7 of 20 | Posted by mrsc | Posted on October 2, 2008 9:39 AM
I'm with PixieGal on the Tyra-Diggin-On-Sheena-Just-Cuz-She's-Asian-Like-BFF-Kimora thang. It's kin to the Tyra-Picked-Whitney-To-Placate-Her-Detractors-But-Should-Have-Backed-The-Lovely-Toccara-Instead thang.
Analeigh's hair is beginning to look unbecomingly JBF. I'm just saying.
Isis is brave and handled the mean girls with such grace, but really...the whole process seemed to have shrunk her as the show progressed. We need a good ol' drag queen who would ROCK that shit OUT.
The Top Models in Painstakingly Scripted Action commercials make me tear up a bit. Cuz they're kinda pathetic.
Hoolia: I look forward to your recaps because you give me a much-needed laugh right when I need one. Also, when I watch the show I giggle at the stuff I just KNOW you're going to rip. (i.e. Isis' convo with her godfather) I hope you find a really cool job that you love VERY soon, hon, and thanks for all that you do.
Last thing:
Nigel gives me lady wood.
8 of 20 | Posted by TheVoiceOfReason | Posted on October 2, 2008 10:24 AM
I'm with PixieGal on the Tyra-Diggin-On-Sheena-Just-Cuz-She's-Asian-Like-BFF-Kimora thang. It's kin to the Tyra-Picked-Whitney-To-Placate-Her-Detractors-But-Should-Have-Backed-The-Lovely-Toccara-Instead thang.
Analeigh's hair is beginning to look unbecomingly JBF. I'm just saying.
Isis is brave and handled the mean girls with such grace, but really...the whole process seemed to have shrunk her as the show progressed. We need a good ol' drag queen who would ROCK that shit OUT.
The Top Models in Painstakingly Scripted Action commercials make me tear up a bit. Cuz they're kinda pathetic.
Hoolia: I look forward to your recaps because you give me a much-needed laugh right when I need one. Also, when I watch the show I giggle at the stuff I just KNOW you're going to rip. (i.e. Isis' convo with her godfather) I hope you find a really cool job that you love VERY soon, hon, and thanks for all that you do.
Last thing:
Nigel gives me lady wood.
9 of 20 | Posted by TheVoiceOfReason | Posted on October 2, 2008 10:29 AM
Hoolia, great recap, except for one glaring error. The designer was not simply "disgusted" with Samantha's runway walk, he was, according to Tyra, "DIS. GUS. TED."
I. Love. When. Ty. Ra. E. Nun. Ci. Ates.
I'm still on Team Sheena. I think Lauren takes the bset pictures but think she'll make it pretty far be cast off to the side like other similarly pretty/blonde pretty girls from recent cycles (Anya, Joanie, Chantal) in favor of someone with a more different look.
I think Tyra's expectations for Isis standing out were a little unfounded. It seemed to me Tyra just assumed that since Isis is transgendered she was just going to scream GIRL and FEMININITY or something. But Isis wanted to fit in and just be a normal gal.
Also thanks to those who informed me about the fantasy game on the forums last week! I had Clark for all the negative stuff but looks like I was a week early!
10 of 20 | Posted by msu11y28 | Posted on October 2, 2008 11:25 AM
Hi, Hoolia, I hope you didn't take my little playful dig as a jab. I really appreciate your taking this time to make us all laugh and feel like we're dishing with our friends (since my stupid friends don't like to watch any of the same shows I do...) Best of luck with the job search. You can list all your readers in the references section!
11 of 20 | Posted by sayhuh | Posted on October 2, 2008 2:01 PM
mrsc - Agreed that designer man went way overboard. I mean, she had on fairly opaque leggings for chrissake. It's not like she pissed all over the garment or anything that would really "disgrace" him.
TheVoiceOfReason - What a lovely, encouraging note full of uplifting things to designed to get me out of my rut - both in life and on this couch. Mucho love and kisses to you. I'm glad I can provide a chuckle, and I totally know what you mean about watching shows and thinking about the recapper's going to say - I've always done that but I think it's only gotten worse since I started writing for the 'gasm! My roommates always laugh when they pause the DVR to go get a snack or something and my response is "OMG that would make an amazing screengrab."
msu11y28 - Sorry for my error. You are correct in assuming that Tyra enunciating is the best. thing. ever.
sayhuh - No worries, love, I didn't take it seriously and I guess I didn't make that clear enough. I'm glad you can feel online bonded to me through our love of crappy shows.
12 of 20 | Posted by Hoolia | Posted on October 2, 2008 2:22 PM
Great recap!
Anyway, I'm a little surprised about the comments saying that Nigel seems to have been uncomfortable with or disliked Isis. He was a model for years before becoming a photogragher so he's obviously been exposed to LGBT people. So I don't think that's what was his problem. To me he just seemed frustrated at not been able to draw Isis out during the shoots. I wish Isis the best of luck and she could still be a model if she so desires. I can understand how she just wanted to be herself and not be the "poster child" for any particular group. ANTM seems to do that with a lot of these girls (transgender person, or the lesbian, or the ghetto girl, or the plus-size model, or the girl who is legally blind, or the loud Latina) and it's unfair.
13 of 20 | Posted by mamatl | Posted on October 2, 2008 3:14 PM
I don't agree with some comments regarding Nigel being uncomfortable with or disliking Isis for being transgender. Remember he was a model for many years before becoming a photographer so he's obviously been exposed to many LGBT people through his being in the fashion industry for so long. I think it's just unfortunate they kept pushing Isis to be more than who she is. ANTM keeps doing this to these girls (typecasting them as the transgender person, or the lesbian, or the ghetto girl, or the plus-size model, or the girl who is legally blind, or the mixed but is confused about who she is girl) and it's not fair. But I guess that's just reality tv.
14 of 20 | Posted by mamatl | Posted on October 2, 2008 3:20 PM
I don't agree with some comments regarding Nigel being uncomfortable with or disliking Isis for being transgender. Remember he was a model for many years before becoming a photographer so he's obviously been exposed to many LGBT people through his being in the fashion industry for so long.
It's just sad they expected Isis to be more than who she is. ANTM does this to girls (typecasting them as the transgender person, the lesbian, the plus-size model, the legally blind girl, or the mixed and confused girl) and it's not fair. But I guess that's just reality tv.
15 of 20 | Posted by mamatl | Posted on October 2, 2008 3:23 PM
I'm so sorry for the multiple posts. I thought it kept being told my posts were too long. Oops! I feel stupid.
16 of 20 | Posted by mamatl | Posted on October 2, 2008 3:25 PM
Great recap Hoolia, as always!
I am still on Team Sheena because she still has a great attitude and is obviously taking this seriously. However, I don't think she'll win.
I think that Elina or McKey will win. If Tyra is looking for an Asian winner this year, Elina looks a little bit Asian to me - maybe it's the eyes. I think she's got a distinct look, for sure.
I'm over Marjorie. My faves are Elina, McKey and Sheena. I'm kind of meh on the rest, except I really dislike Clark.
17 of 20 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on October 3, 2008 10:18 PM
Great recap Hoolia, as always!
I am still on Team Sheena because she still has a great attitude and is obviously taking this seriously. However, I don't think she'll win.
I think that Elina or McKey will win. If Tyra is looking for an Asian winner this year, Elina looks a little bit Asian to me - maybe it's the eyes. I think she's got a distinct look, for sure.
I'm over Marjorie. My faves are Elina, McKey and Sheena. I'm kind of meh on the rest, except I really dislike Clark.
18 of 20 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on October 3, 2008 10:19 PM
I swear I only pressed post once...
19 of 20 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on October 4, 2008 12:36 AM
GAAAAAAH.
I. Don't. Under. Stand.
Why isn't anyone besides me on TEAM SAMANTHA? She takes fantastic photos, has a great personality, and is pretty to boot!
I'd take the naked shoot with Nigel any day. -swoons-
Marjori makes me angry.
I want to hurt Clark.
I love Lauren's photo this week! SHE ACTUALLY DID SOMETHING WITH HER HANDS and didn't attempt to "smile" like everyone else.
Gotta Say Annaleigh's rocked my world. Totally work as an add for Venus or Nair or something.
I am on the fence when it comes to Sheena. I just don't see her as a model. Not even a commercial one.
But as a member of Team Samantha, I have to declare her photo the best this week. My god. Her hands. And her hair. and her Face.
I have chills.
20 of 20 | Posted by Saueya | Posted on October 4, 2008 11:16 AM