Ah, what if.
Alright, Gasmii, I'm making my own executive decision to keep it short this week. I know most recappers generally don't give excuses as for why things are late because they think you guys don't care, but I actually have a hysterical and valid excuse so I'm putting it out there. I spent last weekend getting kicked out of Europe. Seriously. I've been traveling around sans proper paperwork for a good nine months or so and finally got screwed when an immigration officer decided to check out the stamps in my passport instead of just stamping and letting me in because I'm a cute, friendly American. I spent eight hours being fingerprinted and formally questioned while sharing a holding cell with a drug dealer from the Ivory Coast.
This seemed a little excessive, considering all I did was overstay a tourist visa and he was undoubtedly smuggling kilos of god knows what in places where the sun don't shine. Then I got shipped back to the US for free on an insanely sweet business class ticket. You can best believe I consumed all the wine and champagne I could (FYI - six mini bottles before I started to get dizzy) and enjoyed all eight hours sprawled out in my fully reclining bed, snuggled in my down comforter watching movies on my personal flat screen. It was the nicest business class you could ever imagine. Details spared to protect the guilty (me), but let's just say I'm bloody thrilled that we're not a colony anymore. You can read all the juicy details in my memoir, which will be titled "Between These Padded Walls of Birth and Death: My Life is Crazier Than Anything You Could Find In An Institution."
Anywho, I've since hopped another flight and managed to get back into Europe via a more permissive country, but all this drama and two transatlantic flights in three days have resulted in a severely jetlagged brain consisting of pure mush. This means I'm probably just about as smart and witty right now as most of the ANTM hopefuls which should make for an interesting recap. I apologize in advance for this week and promise to be back full force next week. I just need to crank this sucker out and get back to sleeping.
Let's get to the main event! Look's like Dominique's decided to take a little trip of her own... an ego trip, that is. She starts sassing all the girls in the limocab that hate her, saying now she's gonna be here for another week and Tyra loves her and apparently we the viewers just witnessed the best bottom two in ANTM history. Tyra better make sure she gets a lot of hair dye for Dominique's new do, since this girl is getting a ginormous head. Also, I'm going to go out on a limb and call bullshit on Dominique's supposedly heartfelt speech last week about how all she wants to do is be a role model for her daughter. Now, I don't have a baby girl (... that I know of), but I certainly wouldn't vote Dominique to be her role model. All she does is meddle and instigate drama and act like she's still stuck in high school.
The girls show up for runway practice at the firehouse. Mizz Jay tells them that they have 90 seconds to change into some sexy little fireman's outfits. Fatima can't get on her little heeled fireman boots on time, and Mizz Jay calls her out on it. Instead of fessing up to not being able to change quickly enough, she digs herself in deeper by claiming that the other heels look cuter. Mizz Jay is not pleased. For someone who claims to have so much invested in this competition, the girl is really dumb as rocks when it comes to some of her judgment calls.
Mizz Jay tells the girls to strut their stuff in front of some of FDNY's finest. Stacy-Ann's pretty pumped about walking in front of some hot cops: "Ohhhh wowwww a whole bunch of really cute firefighters like ahhh! Yay! So it was super super cool." Stacy-Ann's still not wowing me with her shots but she's keeping me laughing with her airheadedness. She's so unaware of it and I love it. Unfortunately, the firefighters weren't exactly what I'd call "really cute."
So not hot. Like, the total opposite of fire.
« Top Chef: All Work and No Play Gets Your Ass Sent Home | Main | Beauty and the Geek: Personally Yours »
Comments (15)
I just couldn't let it pass...those firemen weren't FDNY (they wear black turnout gear) but probably some NJ fire company or volly house. See!...I knew dating all those firemen would come in handy some day lol!
1 of 15 | Posted by sweetgotham | Posted on March 15, 2008 5:56 AM
As easy as it seems to lash out on panel and models, it should be easy to lash on out on the recap of this weeks ANTM.
It is lousy written, and we don't really have any business with the writer being jetlagged. Don't write if you are jetlagged...
I thought that the writer of the previous recaps was a lot funnier... I miss the humour that used to be in the recaps...
Anyway, go get some sleep and next week's recap can only be better, worse is not possible...
2 of 15 | Posted by photocat | Posted on March 15, 2008 5:56 AM
I disagree. The recap was fine and the story at the beginning made it even more entertaining. The only thing I wished you mentioned is how Tyra sang when she introduced the panel. She sounded so stupid and not funny at all. I'm sure Paulina was sitting there thinking "what the hell did I get myself into?" I also think Dominique is one of the ugliest, mannish people ANTM has ever had. She needs to stop with the "I'm high fashion" crap.
3 of 15 | Posted by leslie_pcc | Posted on March 15, 2008 7:14 AM
I also totally disagree. The recap was fine and very funny in parts. I don't write recaps, but I would imagine that they are not so easy to write. Give the girl a break!! Ugh, I cannot wait till Fatima goes home, but something tells me that since she looks like Iman, they are going to give her numerous chances. The other one I can't stand is the one that "looka likes a man" (Miss Swan). She told them that her face was the "money maker", uh, not so much....
4 of 15 | Posted by featherhead | Posted on March 15, 2008 8:46 AM
I thought the recap was fine. You and I agree on a lot of things about this show. The meat-wearing photo shot was dumb, and unneccessary. Tyra knows good and well she's never had to do anything as un-PC as that.
Dominique and Fatima make my blood boil. Either way, they won't win...they're not good enough.
5 of 15 | Posted by MrsBojangles | Posted on March 15, 2008 10:55 AM
I totally laughed at Tyra's "You should know better!" - because every contestant has to study each season and every season of her self-congratulatory show if they want to be a "real" model!
Great recap!
6 of 15 | Posted by VegasDarling | Posted on March 15, 2008 1:08 PM
i liked this recap and i laughed more than a few times-keep up the fine work even when you have serious jetlag -love claire and whitney-hate fatima-really ugly mouth and personality-looking forward to see what happens next week.
7 of 15 | Posted by yuds101 | Posted on March 15, 2008 9:59 PM
Seriously photocat? Who are you to insult someone that is volunteering their time to provie you entertainment? Have you ever had to write something aimed at amusing thousands of people (or more) about a topic they had already experienced? Hmmm...no?
You should go learn a lesson that most of us learned in 2nd grade..."If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."
8 of 15 | Posted by Anonymous | Posted on March 16, 2008 5:37 AM
Re 'not say something nice...' Unless, of course, you are writing said recaps LOL
9 of 15 | Posted by sweetgotham | Posted on March 16, 2008 9:03 AM
"She basically guaranteed me another week."
Isn't that guaranteed to EVERY girl who doesn't get eliminated?
I don't get why she thought she was so special! Please, the best bottom 2 in ANTM history? Somebody needs to send her @$$ home!
I know you had to make it quick and all, but I thought for sure you would mention how Dominique said that anytime she sees Whitney, she see "white trash". That made me wanna do a Queen Latifah (Scary Movie 3: shove my hand into the TV and bitchslap her @SS!)
That girl gots to go! And speaking of that, so does Fatima! Looks like Iman my @$$, that should be the reason they send her home, they don't need another Iman!
10 of 15 | Posted by memeteleholic | Posted on March 16, 2008 5:36 PM
memeteleholic - i was going to say the same thing! every girl gets another week when they're not the one to go home in the bottom two. Dominique made herself sound SO stupid when she said that. I really can't stand her, so I'm sure she and Fatima (who I also can't stand) will be around for awhile longer...they always keep around the annoying ones. The mean challenge was so disgusting and unnecessary. So they do a homeless challenge one week and then waste a ton of meat 2 weeks later? Makes no sense!!
11 of 15 | Posted by yankeesfan | Posted on March 17, 2008 8:44 AM
call me crazy, but I thought the recap was great! I agree with all, down with Dom and Fat, but alas, drama will follow, and they can bounce anytime. Fat doesn't have iman's statuesque body, more like mini iman . . .
Lauren should remove her head from her punk a**--even I could have walked better than that (in drag)!!!
Whit really has the momentum, good looks, good walk, sexy all around!!! Didn't know Katz was such a good walker either, she looked great on runway! They were quiet on Marv this week, but I think she's getting better and more high fashion, plus she's got much longer legs than Fat! Also, Katz picks 4 shoot were a nice variety--I honestly think she picked that way, but should have taken Whit instead of Amis!
12 of 15 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on March 17, 2008 10:57 AM
I'd do the fireman in the back, I mean, behind the smiling one . . .
13 of 15 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on March 17, 2008 11:01 AM
So, my daughter went to the open casting in NYC this weekend for the next season...how the HELL do they pick the girls?? I saw so many pretty/interesting girls that they turned away...and they have Dominique...ugly
Stacey ann...ugly...
okay, I know you don't have to be "pretty" but this is crazy!
Oh, and Fatima going on and on about being African...didn't she say she came to the states when she was 3 or something?
winner will be aimee.....
14 of 15 | Posted by melpadgett | Posted on March 19, 2008 9:10 AM
I know you were jet-lagged when you wrote this, but c'mon...
"Dominique misses a button in the middle of her sweater and thinks no one will notice..."
That was Fatima that missed her button. Considering how much you hate Dominique, I would think you wouldn't mix her up with Fatima, someone who looks nothing like D.
You mixed up Fatima and Marvita last week..I'm starting to notice a pattern here...
15 of 15 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on April 4, 2008 9:41 PM