Your Body is Your Temple. Work It.

antm5-17-06Sorry for the delay in my latest recap for America's Next Top Model. Various circumstances conspired to keep me from my recap, but that doesn't mean I didn't love this episode. As the weeks have gone by, we have pretty much seen how things were going to shake out. After Nnenna was eliminated, the only two girls that most of us thought worth of the prize were Joanie and Danielle. Sara just didn't have enough experience and Jade just doesn't have the demeanor to be a Cover Girl spokeswoman. All three have been taking great pictures and Joanie and Danielle have been almost scary in their consistency. Which of these girls have what it takes to be America's Next Top Model? Let's find out.

America's Next Top Model finales are always a crazy affair since they need to go through two eliminations and in between we get a full runway show and a couple of challenges. We started out the episode with a little reminiscing about the backgrounds of each of the characters. Danielle has simply been stunning from the beginning. Remember at the beginning of the season when she was arguing with that model of tolerance named Dani? I thought Danielle was going to into the ABG (angry black girl) and pull a Tiffany by the end of the season. Who expected that she would be the most grounded person out of the entire group?

Then we had Joanie, who has always had a little bit of that girl next door thing going for her. If that didn't allure you enough, than the though of her working amateur nights at strip clubs was enough to get the hear racing a little bit. Joanie's biggest problem was a snaggletooth so big it made you wonder if one of her grandparents was a saber-toothed tiger. I don't know why some people called it cute; mangled tooth were so over by Jewel's second album. That doesn't matter anymore because Joanie has a great set of pearly whites; her only problem is learning how to work with them.

And then there is Jade, who seems to piss off just about everybody. We loved the brash confidence and in your face attitude when Eva brought it to us, but for Jade, it just screams arrogance. I think it has to do with the fact that so much of what Jade does is simply for show. Whenever she opens her mouth, you feel like she is only telling you what you want to hear. In other words, she talks confident because she thinks that is what the judges want. When it comes time to back it up, more times than not she lets the smallest things get to her.

Perhaps some of you were thinking "Maybe I'll give Jade another chance" at the beginning of the show. I have my favorites, but for the interest of the competition, I do give everybody a clean slate. If Jade wasn't a bitch, I wouldn't let her past performance bring her down. That doesn't mean I wouldn't commence heavy drinking when she is done, but I would give her another chance. That being said, Jade took about thirty seconds to cast aside any good will that I had gathered for her.

While all of the girls were eating dinner, she started yelling like something was about to happen. Danielle jumped out of her chair, but then saw that there was nobody there. To tell you the truth, this is a solid practical joke, and you're not going to be in the final three of America's Next Top Model that often, so it makes sense to get in some good cuts while you can. All of the girls were on edge and it was a really a nice way to get their minds off of things. And let's be honest, Jade will probably do more dumb shit to make us hater her later in the hour. Joanie said that Jade's personality stank like a dirty diaper, which may be true, but at east she hasn't reached eighty year-old Russian levels of stinkiness yet.

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Comments (41)

G-Money Author Profile Page:

" Aren't you glad you won't ever have to see Nicole in a commercial again?" -- Five minutes after the show ended, I WAS THINKING THE EXACT SAME THING! Nicole is absolutely the WORST Top Model ever!

Danielle and Joanie were both wonderful young ladies. Danielle does have that extra something, a personable-ness that makes it easy to love and root for her. I hope we hear from her for years and years. Joanie, another genuine soul, came a long way. We'll be hearing from I'm positive that we'll be hearing from her as well.

All in all, it was a pretty decent cycle. I'm a totally straight guy, but ANTM is my secret guilty pleasure. Mainly because I am so in love with Ol' Fivehead, Ms. Bankable herself!!!

G-Money Author Profile Page:

Oh, I'm sorry Jade. Did I forget to mention you? Awwwwww, I'm SO sorry. Hmmm, what can I say about Jade? Hmmmmmm.....nothing.
Wait a minute, I know!

Seeya on "The Surreal Life"!!!

And what was that weird, off-rhythm, finger-snapping thing she was doing as she left? Jade, Jade, Jade. Quirky to the end. BTW, your confidence was not mistaken for arrogance. It was understood for what it was. A super-annoying sort of false confidence. She'll find work somewhere, I'm sure of that. We have not seen the last of this woman.

mizta Author Profile Page:

I liked both girls so it didn't really matter who wins so I'm quite happy. However when they showed all the pictures side by side, it really did show that Danielle had one look so I thought they were gonna go for Joanie. Oh didn't someone say that Joanie had one look last week? But when they showed the pix she really was more versatile than Danielle.

I hope they become best friends. LOL. And that dance they did was funny.

mizta Author Profile Page:

I forgot to mention Jade too. BITCH is crazy! I thought she was losing her mind there on her exit. She was laughing and snapping. I didn't get it.

stm007 Author Profile Page:

As much as I hated Jade, having her in the final two would have at least added drama. This year was very 'feel good' once it got to the final two because the girls were neck and neck and both pretty cool young women.

Loved me some Danielle, though. All the talk about her accent was ridiculous and kinda proved they had nothing else to critique. Once you've GOT a contract with a modelling company, they can take care of your accent. SO silly.

Glad Danielle isn't a tool like Nicole was.

bluesmith Author Profile Page:

Yay! Danielle took gorgeous pictures, but what endeared her to me the most was the fact that she was so damn funny! Finally, a winner that I was actually pulling for.

BSL Author Profile Page:

Oh J-Unit, you are so cute with your not being able to look and shouting out loud. Love that!

I am so ecstatic!! Truly, it was a win-win situation because they're so great but I love Danielle. And that final picture of the two of them says it all - Joanie looks awesome baring her legs but Danielle is basically wearing a sack and she still looks like a model.

"The highest plateau of me" has got to be the stupidest line of all time. Does she know what plateau means???

Stephen Bridges Author Profile Page:

I thought it was weird that they didn't call Jade out for using cue cards. But I was glad the bitch was gone. What an annoying ego maniac! She and Omarosa should have a show together.

Better yet...they should have a special edition of The Surreal Life only featuring sassy black girls who speak about themselves in third person...like Coral from the Real World, Zulema from Project Runway, Ciara from Sweet Sixteen and Cami from Laguna Beach.

alienlips Author Profile Page:

All I have to say about Jade is there was PLENTY of airbrushing that had to be done in that close up for the Cover Girl shoot. Glad she was taken down.

zevonia Author Profile Page:

I am so glad for Danielle. She really is lovely. It is good when a nice one who deserves it wins these things.
I think I spotted Jade in a commercial for something the other day. There were several young ladies in the ad but I don't remember what it was for now. A snack or a drink. Her hair was in the 'fro and dark as it was at the start of the show. I could be wrong but it certainly looked like Jade. She didn't speak so that was a good thing.
Anyway, yeah for Danielle!

jules Author Profile Page:

"After she said her poem, was she laughing or crying. I know I was laughing because it was all kind of stupid, but did Jade actually show some emotion?"
J-Unit - closed captioning said she was laughing. Proves she really is CRAAAZY!
Even though I was rooting for Joanie (she's from PA like me), I'm glad Danielle won, she is absolutely beautiful.
Can't wait for next season!

Ash Author Profile Page:

Okay, Tyra seriously looked awful on this episode? I mean her makeup and hair, and especially the outfits... it was almost like a drag queen!
I'm so so glad Danielle won, she is so funny and did great the whole season, can't wait to see her later!

stacyrocks Author Profile Page:

It was my dream final 2 and my fave won! Tyra broke my heart a little when she told Danielle how she hated her commercial. And Danielle stood there, taking it all in like a champ. She was awesome and she looked gorgeous at the final panel! I'm happy she won. I'll admit I teared up when she was announced the winner. Can't wait to hear what she sounds like next season for those My Life as a CoverGirl spots :)

Oh and I gotta comment on Joanie. That girl's got so much class. She was disappointed but there were no tears, no whining, just straight 'Best girl won'. You go Joanie! If she continues with modeling, she will be able to get work. She's a great model!

hvac Author Profile Page:

oh man, i literally WEPT when danielle won. i think she's my favorite top model winner ever.

Lisa Author Profile Page:

I was a little surprised that Danielle won, just because I thought their pictures were equally good all through the show, so I thought Danielle's accent would be the one negative thing that would make her come in second. Also, during the judges' comments while looking at the pictures, they said Joanie had many looks while Danielle had one... I guess that was a set up for Danielle winning. I think Joanie will be fine though.

Also, Jade is crazy. Finger-snapping, bad beat poetry, and maniacal laughing do not a top model make.

J-Unit, I was also disappointed in the fashion show. The runway looked so cool, but they had to walk for so long that they only got two outfits. I think they should switch back to a more traditional runway show next cycle, amped up a bit like the water one for Naima and Kahlen in cycle 4.

InNYC Author Profile Page:

I was happy both Danielle and Joanie made it to the final two; they deserved to be there. However, this episode reminded me of the elimination round when Mollie Sue and Jade were the bottom two contestants. Based on everything we saw on that episode, Jade deserved to go home. Compared to Mollie Sue, Jade’s photos were sub-par and she was absolutely dreadful in her “commercial” – she didn’t even speak in one of her takes! The judges/Producers choice of Jade over Mollie Sue was a blatant example of their choosing entertainment for television over talent and the show’s namesake.
Based on what we saw during the finale, I question their choice of Danielle over Joanie. The judges themselves said (and we as viewers could see) that Joanie was more of a chameleon in front of the camera, providing very diverse looks – where as Danielle seemed to have one particular look – a very beautiful look - but still, as they went through her “book”, her face had almost the same expression in each shot. Diversity and being able to “mix it up” is key in modeling, and characteristic of most successful models.
In regard to the other challenge, all season the judges have been talking about Danielle’s combination of accent and “ghetto-speak”. Not a marketable combination for a spokesmodel. Joanie wasn’t phenomenal as a spokesmodel, but comparatively, she was better than Danielle. Yes, Danielle said she would take classes and work on it, but the point of this competition isn’t what you’re going to do, it’s what you’re already bringing to the table, and how you’ve grown throughout this competition.
I’ve been watching ANTM since the first season, but I think this is going to be my last.
I never found myself rooting for any one particular girl this season, and based on previous seasons, I was surprised that most of the contestants were even chosen for the competition.
I suspect the Producers have decided to choose commerce over art – which makes me question the name of the show, is this really America’s Next Top Model?

G-Money Author Profile Page:

InNYC:

It appears that Joanie was your favorite and you seem to be extremely disappointed in her not winning. Speaking from experience, that shouldn't be enough to force you to stop watching.

Last cycle, I was EXTREMELY perplexed and marginally annoyed by the choice of Nicole. I won't list all the reasons here. But you know what? The beauty of this medium called television is that time marches on. Next cycle is probably already in the can. Soon you will be introduced to a whole new crew of girls and past disappointments will fade.

My unsolicited recommendation? Enjoy it for what it is: Entertainment. Junk food for the brain!

k37744 Author Profile Page:

did anyone go out and buy covergirl cosmetics because naima or nicole told them to?

didn't think so. i think the phrase "spokesmodel" only applies to star search.

i'm so damn happy danielle won i might just brave the next season.

buttercup Author Profile Page:

Tyra Banks really drives me crazy sometimes. I know she is a woman who wants to wear many hats, but diction coach is not one of them. You don't just "lose" an accent, and you don't just turn it on and off. National newscasters take diction lessons for that kind of thing - to gain a more standardized accent.

I am so glad that Danielle was not penalized for her accent in the end. They bought Joanie new teeth, why couldn't they get Danielle a coach if the problem was so unbearable?

I'm usually not so serious, but that bugged me the whole season.

Leah3t Author Profile Page:

what a great season. I really enjoyed all the eps and I am SO HAPPY with the winner. This makes up for the last two seasons when I almost swore I'd stop watching because I hated the winners so much. The person who really needed a voice coach is nicole. she needs instructions on how to talk with any affect. hope i never have to see her on my tv screen again.

humminbird Author Profile Page:

buttercup (#19) - i completely agree with everything you said. enough about danielle's accent already.

joanie and jade were on power 105 this morning (ny station) and i missed most of it--but basically jade was going on and on about how she had no idea the editors were going to make this season "the jade show" but she's happy they did and how bitter joanie is, and joanie was denying being bitter and saying the show made fun of jade thru-out the whole season--which jade denied, of course. she's so clueless.

AbbyAnn Author Profile Page:

Most of the past contestants, even the past winners, aren't exactly dominating the industry. Some will have okay careers as models, and there might end up being a small handful from the course of the entire series with truly good careers. It will be interesting to see if Joanie and Danielle, the best top 2 they've ever had, can get into that upper echelon.

Bauer's Sweetheart Author Profile Page:

I thought Tyra was BRILLIANT when she demostrated for Danielle how an accent can totally change the way you express yourself and people perceive you - she went from like OMG, totally valley girl to the MAX, then to just the right touch of soul, and then to a slurred and sloppy countrified drawl. I love how Tyra understands her business so well, she knows what it takes to succeed and she is sincere in wanting to help the girls on her show understand the complexities of the business of well.

Tati Author Profile Page:

Everyone made some really good points, and whether you favored one girl or the other, they both did very well throughout the season so I'm glad that it came down to those 2. I do admit to leaning towards Joanie as my choice, if pressed to make one. Aftr watching this finale, however, I do feel they ultimately made the right choice. By picking Danielle, they're giving her an extra boost that she can surely benefit from; now ANTM can provide (& pay for) a vocal coach for her. Surely she could do this on her own, but maybe this way, it's not solely at her own expense. I have a feeling that Joanie will do just fine on her own.

Glad to see Jade not make it into the top 2!! Weren't we all? I was actually worried there for a minute considering how much of a fuss they were making about Danielle's speech. I realized after the commercial shoot that the problem lies more in Danielle not pronouncing her words very well versus her having a southern accent. You can have an accent, although not a very heavy one, and still be understandable speaking English. For example, Heide Klum - the famous German Victoria's Secret model who is now married to Seal - speaks very well, yet her accent is obvious. It's safe to assume, however, that she had to practice her English for awhile to get to that point. Danielle will only have to work on not slurring her speech so much as well as toning down her accent a bit. She does not need to learn another language so she will do just fine. At least the judges recognized the fact that it was silly to eliminate Danielle based on her speech considering IT WAS THERE FROM THE BEGINNING when they picked the top 20!!!...J-Unit, yes I am SO GLAD I will not have to see Nicole in a commercial again! AMEN!

spatula Author Profile Page:

As bad as Nicole was in her commercials, I would much rather listen to her's than Naima's. Naima was an automaton trying to sell lipgloss.
And the minute I saw that runway I thought to myself that the only reason they keep getting longer and more complex is so that the producers finally have a shot of a model falling. Last year's water runway was cool, but also slippery. This one was not only extra long, with twists and turns, but they had to add the flower petals for the slip factor.

JJ Author Profile Page:

I loved Joanie, but Im still happy w/danielle. i think that joanie may go on to be more succesful, but both girls will go very far

Aries Author Profile Page:

Is Jade illiterate? Serious question, not being bitchy. J-Unit touched upon it in the recap a little but it was something that struck me while watching Jade prepare for the CG shoot and then seeing her actual performance. She never said the exact words from the script, even though Jay told them that they would have to repeat the lines verbatim. Jade kept improvising and making up her own script. At first I thought she was being a pain, as usual. But when they made up the cue cards and Jade STILL wouldn't say the lines, it dawned on me that maybe she wouldn't say the lines because she couldn't. Jade seemed inordinately stressed when they were first given the scripts, and she kept making up her own lines even after Jay expressed his impatience and told her to stick to the script. Knowing how much was at stake, even someone as deluded as Jade would have straightened up and said the lines, provided she had the ability to do so in the first place.

I know it's farfetched to think someone could make it on to a reality show without being able to read, what with all the contracts and so forth. But if Fantasia became the American Idol, it's possible Jade could have gotten as far as she did too. Plus if Jade's illiterate, it would explain her bad attitude, which serves as a defense mechanism. It might also explain why she's the 'undiscovered supermodel' since if she wasn't able to read the scripts for commercials, etc. that would have cut out of lot of work for which she might have been eligible.

derder Author Profile Page:

I think it is absolutely possible that Jade is illiterate. And it certainly looked that way. Although it is also possible she has ADD and just can't follow simple commands and direction (that was my first thought, anyway).

kategal Author Profile Page:

Honestly, I am happy Danielle won...she is stunning. I would have been happy if Joanie won, too because she really did work hard the entire season and never really messed up.

I have to disagree with a statement that was made by someone who indicated that they felt Tyra is harder on black girls. I feel the exact opposite. I felt that this season, particularly, most of the challenges were almost designed around it being inevitable that a black girl would win (eg...the runway show in the black church...the krunk dancing challenge)...and the black girls DID win those challenges. I was annoyed the entire season by that. Also, the super high heel runway walk--many girls fell over and looked like they were hurt but Tyra laughed at the white girls but jumped out of her seat to help Danielle. She just seemed more compassionate towards the black girls in my opinion. Either way, I feel Danielle deserved to win.

mcsquared65 Author Profile Page:

I am thrilled to never see a Nicole commercial again!! Every time I see her mouse like face and hear that awful voice that sounds like she can't close her mouth I get pissed all over again that Nikki didn't win >:(

And I just loved Miss Tyra's impression of how you can still talk ghetto and be a model...the girl is talented.

tj Author Profile Page:

I really liked both girls and I went in thinking that I wouldn't care who won, but Joanie was robbed! I think she's a much better model when you compare the two.

I wonder if this has anything to do with the Nicole backlash... (you know, not going with the fan favorite).

fycin Author Profile Page:

I really liked Joanie but I'm especially glad Danielle won. It seems to be that whoever does the runway best wins. When it was Nicole vs. Nik, I thought Nik was clearly the better model in the challenges, but Nicole really rocked the runway. So glad I don't have to hear her again:

This is my life? As a Cover girl? I use Lash Exact mascara? It's really great?

My thought on Jade was that she's probably severely dyslexic. But don't you think she would have used that for one of her many excuses?

Shollia Author Profile Page:

God yes I am happy that I never have to see Nicole's crooked ass smile on my tv ever again.
She was freakin horrible in her commercials.

As for Danielle winning.. YAY! Although I would be cheering if Joanie had won it as well. They were both just awesome.
Hell I was wishing there would be a twist and they both would be declared the winners b/c they're just THAT good.

Saw on ET last night, they were talking about Tyra and Danielle posing for pics and Danielle talked a little bit.. and whatever vocal coach they got for her is working wonders!!
She still has an accent, but definitely not as prominant as it was.

G-Money Author Profile Page:

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Guess what that was?

Proctor & Gamble stock after Nicole started doing commercials for Cover Girl...

(rimshot goes here)

aidde Author Profile Page:

i like both of them so i wasnt too worry about who was going to win. i really enjoy watching this show but they seriously need to get some better cameras. if laguna beach can get them, top model should be able to, especially now that they are on the cw.


ps can someone post the lineup for the cw schedule?

J Unit Author Profile Page:

I think they should switch back to a more traditional runway show next cycle, amped up a bit like the water one for Naima and Kahlen in cycle 4.

Lisa,

EXACTLY what I was thinking. That fourth cycle runway was the definition of fierce. :I guess since they couldn't make a huge specatacle in London (the runway show actually took place in Los Angeles because the London bombings occurred during shooting), I guess they really wanted to go big.

I have to disagree with a statement that was made by someone who indicated that they felt Tyra is harder on black girls.

I have to disagree with your statement. I don't think there were any challenges that favored black girls. There was nothing inherent in the church runway show that favored any skin color; they could have been twilring on the beach and the results would have been the same.

The krump dancing didn't require any sort of skill that couldn't be acquired in any cheesy club across the land.

Besides, Jade won both of those challenges. Maybe you believe she identifies herself as black and urban but was rased by a new age caucasian mother. You may have a point, but I don't think you've actually proved anything.

Libra Lady Author Profile Page:

I liked the final two. Glad Danielle won. She has a striking look, and she seemed always laid back and funny. I did get mad when Tyra constantly probed her about her accent. How in the hell could she change 20 yrs. of an accent overnight. Anyway, Joanie was pretty and classy too. How ironic the two that had dental work, reach the final two.

antebellum Author Profile Page:

I was sort of rooting for Joanie, but I can't complain about Danielle winning either. I like both of them, but I also think a blonde girl should win sometime.

And call me crazy, but I actually think Jade's CoverGirl ad picture was the best. Sorry, but she looked quite pretty.

georgiababe Author Profile Page:

I'm kind of ticked that Danielle won. Don't get me wrong, I know she's talented, but I was really rooting for Joanie. I mean, she's overcome a lot of pain to get here (closing a gap just doesn't compare - sorry) and I would have loved to see her get it, especially because I can't understand a thing that Danielle says. I have to give her props though, because she sounded a lot better in her commercial than she usually does, but I still wish that Joanie would've won. I'm not too angry though, not like I would've been had Jade won. I have such bad luck with top model. My favorite always comes in second (Kahlen, Nik) and it makes me mad. I was so pissed last year that Nicole won that I was actually swearing at the TV. Danielle isn't a bad choice, I was just rooting for Joanie. Oh well. She'll do fine anyway.
On another note, I'm sad that America's Next Top Model is over. That means that Canada's Next Top Model (blech) is premiering in a week or so. I'll probably watch it anyway, since Jay Manuel (who I believe is a native Canadian) is supposed to be making a guest appearance, but *sigh* it'll just be another American knock-off that sucks *cough* Canadian Idol *cough*. However, there is someone from my teeny-tiny hometown of Sherwood Park that is a finalist, so I'll watch it to support her I guess. Too bad I won't have hilarious recaps though. *sigh*

TinkerbellAPixie Author Profile Page:

I was a Joanie fan all along too. Though, like everyone else I can't complain at Danielle winning. Girl overcame those awful shoes and that food poisoning thing. You have to admit they were two of the nicest girls. Danielle stayed by Joanie's side through her dental ordeal.

As for Nicole, I actually liked her last season, not as much as Nik. But this year - ugh. When did her eyebrows get so out of control?

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