WARNING TO THE AMISH: THE FOLLOWING ARTICLE MAY CONTAIN "CITY LIFE" SPOILERS

Very exciting news!! There is a brand new network on my TV...it is called the UPN.

I have no clue how long it has been there. On that channel it used to be WTN, the White Trash Network filled with NASCAR, WWE, COPS re-runs etc. But, now it seems to have changed to a network that airs silly, mindless and downright stupid shows....just my type.

So let us dig in.

On tonight’s season premiere of AMISH IN THE CITY, the UPN provides a unique look into the Amish journey of discovery, known as rumspringa, as a group of 5 young Amish adults leave their spiritually devout, rural communities to experience life in the big city, with six aspiring actors....sorry, "roommates" from Hollywood.

WIN YOUR VERY OWN BEANO STICK IN TVGASM's 1st GIVEAWAY!

Oh happy day! I finally have my very own Beano Stick!! After hunting down what I believe to be the greatest find in my life. I have decided to share the Beano Stick secrets with you.

The Beano stick, it turns out, is an age-old folk toy known as a gee-haw whimmy diddle. (It's also called a hooey stick, whammy doodle or voodoo stick.) The "whimmy" is the notched stick with the propeller, the "diddle" is the rubbing stick, and "gee" and "haw" are commands for "right" and "left," used to guide plow-pulling horses.

Ok, so Mose didn't invent it. But what should you do if you want a Beano Stick of your very own and dont want to wait for shipping?!

Find out how to make your own Beano Stick after the jump.

It's been awhile since we posted here about Amish in the City, but let me assure you that we have not given up on this show. TVgasm is fully behind the happenings of the Rumspringa Crew vs. spoiled city kids. And although UPN has had some trouble keeping some of the episodes moving, there has been plenty of bitching, whining, and crying to last a long time. If you are just joining us, there are a few things you should know about the show. As you might expect, most of the city kids are spoiled and aren't that open-minded. Fortunately, the Amish are so caught up learning about the existence of such exotic things as parking meters that they don't really seem to care. Oh yeah, and don't forget all of that hot, young, Amish ass.

There is a difference between writing a clever, snarky TVGasm post & writing a post filled with loathing and distain. This is one of the key reasons I have not been posting on AMISH IN THE CITY these past few weeks.

Certainly, plenty has happened. You have Amish kids experiencing things for the first time (about 12 times per episode). Then there is Whitney comparing herself to the Amish cause she has never done certain things before (Like said "No" to a deep-fried, double cheeseburger with sugar syrup). Just last week we saw Ariel pet a fish to death, twisted bitch. Hell, we have even bore witness to Mose in mid chisel of his new invention....a wooden heart with a stick poking out of it...OHHH WHAT WILL IT BECOME!?

So, with all this and more happening, why have I not been able to post?

Whenever I try to post on what has happened, I tend to get caught up in my distain for these three douche-bags:

Jase was a terribly annoying man in the Big Brother house, but he was annoying in a way that didn't hurt anyone and made for good TV. These three vultures of cultures, however, are completely evil. I have proof that they eat puppies and microwave babies after the jump.

Faithful TVGasm reader Kate pointed us to the IMDB entry for Ariel, the vegan star of Amish in the City. She notes that Ariel has an interesting credit. It's one that made us wonder if Ariel has a secret we do not know about. Since we like to keep TVGasm family friendly, I won't mention the title by name, but be assured that the entry in question could only be categorized as "adult entertainment". Now, porn stars often have many aliases, and this may be a simple typo on the part of somebody at imdb, or perhaps it was a practical joke from some disgruntled worker from the show. Whatever it is, TVGasm feels we owe it to our readers to investigate.

With all the shows premiering and wrapping up this week, we almost forgot about our favorite Amish experiment. Okay, our only Amish experiment. Amish In The City finished its tidy little season this week, providing moderate closure on the lives of our favorite city newbies. Unfortunately, none of the Amish folk proved to be bowling prodigies, and furthermore, none of the city kids accidentally "milked" a bull; but I guess not every Amish thing has to be a Kingpin reenactment. Still, the series had a pleasant season that mixed in enough petty squabbles with touchy-feely learning experiences that we actually felt both entertained and educated at the same time. Not bad, for a UPN show.