I Never Seen a Season Finale Before

With all the shows premiering and wrapping up this week, we almost forgot about our favorite Amish experiment. Okay, our only Amish experiment. Amish In The City finished its tidy little season this week, providing moderate closure on the lives of our favorite city newbies. Unfortunately, none of the Amish folk proved to be bowling prodigies, and furthermore, none of the city kids accidentally "milked" a bull; but I guess not every Amish thing has to be a Kingpin reenactment. Still, the series had a pleasant season that mixed in enough petty squabbles with touchy-feely learning experiences that we actually felt both entertained and educated at the same time. Not bad, for a UPN show.

Unfortunately, for reality shows that follow The Real World prototype (sticking a bunch of people in house for six months and letting them deconstruct), final episodes are often anticlimactic. After a whole season of escalating bickering and personal attacks, everything seems to go out the window as everyone kisses and makes up. Damn you people for suddenly acting mature and thoughtful! I'm trying to watch a show here! I don't want to see Whitney getting along with Mose! I want to see them throwing Beano sticks at each other!

Oh well. I guess these people did have to live with each other. Then again, because these people did have to live with each other, you'd think they'd be civil and polite all along, you know, like any decent human being. Of course, not all of us are hard-wired like the committee of self-absorption that is Reese, Whitney, Nick and Megan; so we don't know what's it's like to actually be incapable of compromise or common courtesy.

Reese, who had spent the season taking the gay rights movement back about fifty years, spent the final show doing... well, nothing. I guess that's to be expected in the "nice" episode. He did finally have an overdue heart to heart with Kevan, which is just dandy, and he did babble about pursuing a career in art, but overall, this gay version of Norm MacDonald really ought to do us all a favor and go away for a very very long time. I swear, if I hear his buzzsaw voice one more time, I might throw a shoe at my TV (lightly, wouldn't want to break it after all).

Also raising my ire was Nick, who spent the whole season being too cool for everything. No matter what the activity, he always had a faux-tough guy response that usually had to do with Boston. Regarding spas: "I'm from Boston, we don't do that." Regarding manual labor: "I'm from Boston, we don't do that." Regarding maturity and respectful communication: "I'm from Boston, we don't do that." Listen, Nick. We got your head shot. You can stop auditioning. We know you're a "tough guy" from Boston.

Probably the best part of the finale for me was watching the crew hit up The Key Club in West Hollywood. In a random bit of staging, the club's talent booker pulled Nick and Mose into her private office/old trailer (don't ask) and asked questions about the East Coast music scene. Once again, Nick went into his usual routines of idiocy ("Music scene? W-w-what is that?? I don't do music scenes") which led the booker to call him an asshole. Fantastic. I'd been waiting all season for that.

Whitney and Megan kept things relatively low key in this episode also (again, this was supposed to be a sentimental, feel-good season finale, so there really wasn't a lot of room for idiocy). In a lame attempt to focus on their futures after leaving the house, we learned about Whitney's decision to become a nurse. Honestly, she's just about the worst person I'd ever want in my hospital room. I can just imagine it now. Lying in bed, struggling to breathe, my heart monitor going crazy, and Whitney just saying "What are you trying to say? You're weird. I don't like you. Stop moving your arms around so much. Why don't you breathe like a normal person?"

After the show, it appears as though Megan will be creating a lifetime of trauma for one very cute puppy. I mean, she won't beat her dog, and she certainly won't neglect him, but honestly, if I were a puppy and I had that scarecrow face coming at me every day, I'd probably run to the nearest pound.

I Never Seen a Season Finale Before Sections:  1  |  2  |  3 

« You Can't Please All the People All of the Time | Main | Reality Blurred: TVgasm Parties with Big Brother 5 Cast, Feels Mild Guilt »

Comments (3)

Nichole:

Did anyone ever notice that Nick never once removed his shirt? He never went swimming...didn't participate in the spa experience...while he worked on the farm he was content to perspire through his shirt. What is he trying to hide? Third nipple maybe?

Pat:

I did notice that about Nick. Which is kind of upsetting, because I thought he was adorable, even if he was a conceited ass.

Andra:

I'm sooo glad that Miriam decided to go for the wild child thing....after she put on that makeup and fixed herself up I thought she was sooo adorable! And you could see more of the "wild child" coming out in every episode!!! WE LOVE MIRIAM IN SC!!!!

34