For Your Consideration: Paris, Lindsay, and an Amputee - 
by J-Unit
Ahhh, the Teen Choice Awards. Some may call it a pathetic warmup for the MTV Video Music Awards and The Emmy's. I call it likely the most exciting thing you are going to see at the Universal Amphitheater this year. And although we are unlikely to get such memorable moments as Kobe Bryant's clenched fist of protest/defiance seen at the 2003 version, we have to at least comment on a few things that caught or attention. Fresh back from the end of another successful season of The Simple Life, Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie hosted the show, arriving in their pickup from the show. OK, who am I kidding? I neither watched this show nor realized it existed. I first heard that it happened after hearing about a Teen People party going on someplace near Sunset Plaza. Then I happened to notice huge swaths of hipsters, not yet of drinking age, heading towards Shelter. It must have been some night.
If it wasn't for Amish in the City, I might have been able to give you more than an after the fact summation of events, but you'll have to deal. Isn't it amazing how far Lindsay Lohan has come since last year? In 2003, she was practically unnoticed, and almost shy during her appearance. Three movies, several breast accusations, and a couple of nipple shots later, she is now all growed up, and introducing Wilmer Valderrama to some of the most sought after freckled parts in the world. Although we love Lindsay here at TVgasm, we do wish she would tone down that orange glow she sports during awards ceremonies. We are starting to think she is auditioning for a remake of Krippendorf's Tribe. In any case, Lindsay has capitalized on all her appeal to the tune of four Teen Choice awards, including the best Hissy Fit and Blush in a movie.
Another group of folks moving on up is the OC. A year ago, most people would have said Ben Who? Mischa What? and That Jew-fro kid. Now Ben McKenzie, Mischa Barton and Adam Brody are on top of the television world, or at least that of NewsCorp.
If you decide you are going to steal the show with all these big names around, you had better bring a pretty big trump card, perhaps an Oscar or Emmy nomination or Grammy win to highlight the truly glorious of the gliterrati. Or, you can just show up to accept the Courage Award after losing ninety percent of your left arm to a shark attack. Yes, Bethany Hamilton, who made headlines when a shark ripped her arm off during surfing, made an appearance to accept her huge surfboard award in a moment of almost unprecedented TV irony. I can only imagine what Jessica Simpson said after she got a load of her.
Before I get myself into trouble, here are the rest of the winners:
Movie: Choice Date Movie 50 First Dates
Movie: Comedy Shrek 2
Movie: Thriller The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Movie: Actor: Comedy Adam Sandler (50 First Dates)
Movie: Actress: Comedy Lindsay Lohan (Mean Girls)
TV Show: Drama/Action Adventure The O.C.
TV Show: Reality/Variety Punk'd
TV Show: Late Night Saturday Night Live
TV: Actor Drama/Action Adventure Adam Brody (The O.C.)
TV: Actress Drama/Action Adventure Jennifer Garner (Alias)
TV: Sidekick Sean Hayes (Will & Grace)
TV: Personality Ashton Kutcher (Punk'd)
Music: Single "Toxic" - Britney Spears
Music: Album Confessions - Usher
Music: R&B Artist Usher
Misc. Male Hottie Orlando Bloom
Misc: Comedian Adam Sandler
Choice Fresh Face: Ashlee Simpson
Movie: Hissy Fit Lindsay Lohan (Mean Girls)
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