TVgasm Recaps - Awards Shows: There She Is, Miss Bore-merica

| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 Next Page... ( Comments )

MissOK Every year, it seems like some alarmist article pops up, noting the ratings decay of one of America's most beloved institutions, The Miss America Pageant. Back in the day, this parade of evening gowns, swimwear, and vacuousness used to be a big deal, but now, well, no one seems to care. I personally hadn't seen the competition in over ten years, and in that time, it has managed to dissolve into nothingness first on NBC and then on ABC. Well, now the grandmommy of latter-day reality talent shows has moved to CMT, and for some odd reason, I felt compelled to watch this year. I don't know if it was a sense of blogger obligation or maybe a morbid curiosity to see how the "hip" new Vegas makeover would look, but I Tivoed this bad boy with hopes that I'd find a treasure trove of horrifying moments. Needless to say, if you thought the pun in this post's title was labored, it was nothing compared to the pageant.

The show began with a grandiose opening montage. You know the type: glorious footage of the pageant in its prime. Why look, there's... some woman! And there's another! And there's a lady from 1932! And there's Eleanor Roosevelt! And Hitler! And the Luftwaffe! Oh wait, this was the History Channel. Must have been sitting on the remote. Nevertheless, we had to suffer through an endless montage -- funny how Vanessa Williams never makes it into these things. But just when you thought you were watching the same old stodgy pageant, CMT turned the table on us. Grab a hold of your seat, Ethel. It's 2006! Time to get hip! And nothing says hip like a four year old Elvis remix song! Yes, as we then cut to footage of Las Vegas, that oh-so-wonderful "A Little Less Conversation" remix came on the soundtrack, which would have been cool had it not been used in every opening montage since 2002.

Anyway, we then moved inside the Aladdin Resort and Casino where an ever-so-hip audio problem threatened to undermine the very foundation of Miss America 2006. The female announcer tried to welcome us to the event, but instead, all we heard was a blaring feedback topped with a layer of scratchy audio. Fantastic. Maybe next year, the "hip makeover" can include one of those newfangled sound technicians the kids have been talking about so much.

Luckily for the organizers, the audio came back under control, which meant we could finally meet the lovely ladies who would be baring their Vaseline-covered teeth for us. All fifty of them. I'm not going to give a rundown of every single woman -- especially since half of them seemed to be of the same blonde-hair, communications-major mold. But there were some standouts.