Still bummed about this year's Emmy nominations? Me too. Of course, everyone knows that the Emmys represent a triumph of PR over quality, which is essentially one of the major problems with today's televised universe. The networks wonder why their viewerships are constantly eroding, and then they go and honor tired, unfunny shows like Will and Grace. But enough ranting. Let's wallow instead. Take a look at TV Guide's "Dream Ballot." It's the magazine's humble attempt to design the world's best Emmy race ever. For the most part, the picks seem fairly reasonable. Yeah, it's a bit too heavy on the Gilmore Girls (I detest that show), but aside from that, the Emmy voters could do themselves a solid and bone up for next year's nominations.
In the meantime, I'll humbly submit my dream ballot. I'm a bit behind on my trendy FX and HBO shows, but I'll try to do my best...
Apologies in advance for all misspellings. I'm too lazy to cross check with the IMDb this morning.
Lead Comedy Actor
Thomas Lennon, Reno 911!
Steve Carrell , The Office
Peter Gallagher, The OC
Zach Braff, Scrubs
Jason Bateman, Arrested Development
This is a tough category, only because there really aren't many good sitcoms out there, let alone male performances. I've had a hard time deciding whether The OC is a comedy or not, but I realized I laugh at the show more than I'm moved by it, so comedy it is! As such, Peter Gallagher deserves the recognition he so effortlessly works for. Adam Brody is solid too, but his performance this season was more caricatured and one-note than his breakout first year. Thomas Lennon is fab in Reno 911!, and Steve Carrell is the only thing that keeps The Office funny. As for the other two, Zach Braff is decent and Jason Bateman is probably the weakest cast member of Arrested Development, but hey, I gotta round out the category. Since Tony Shalhoub always seems to sneak in as a sixth nominee (WTF?), I suppose I could have offered up someone else too. So...uh...Matt LeBlanc! Kidding, KIDDING!
Lead Comedy Actress
Kerri Kenney, Reno 911!
Felicity Huffman, Desperate Housewives
Marcia Cross, Desperate Housewives
Jane Kazcmerickasdlkjfasdf, Malcom in the Middle
Mischa Barton, The OC
Okay, as you can see, I'm slightly f*cking with you. I really couldn't think of a fifth actress to fill out my list; so I chose Mischa, if only because she certainly makes me laugh. As for the others, Jane KazcPolishName deserves at least something -- box of chocolates? handy wipe? -- for spending the last several years blowing out her vocal chords. Maybe not an Emmy though. I'm a big Felicity Huffman fan (she deserves a retroactive award for SportsNight), and she does a wonderful, understated job on Housewives. The subtle shifts in her mannerisms and eyes really outclass her co-stars. But then again, she's not really that funny. Marcia Cross does a solid job as a woman on the verge, but the real winner here should be Kerri Kenney who manages to take the virtues of all the other fake-nominated women in my list and roll them into one hysterical performance.
By the way, props to the academy for ignoring Eva Longoria. She's one-note and shrewish. Well-snubbed.
Lead Drama Actor
Kiefer Sutherland, 24
James Spader, Boston Legal
Taye Diggs, Kevin Hill
Hugh Laurie, House
Noah Wyle, ER
To be honest, I haven't seen much of House or Boston Legal, but I like James Spader by default and Hugh Laurie only because he's not Martin Sheen. Kiefer was the backbone of 24 yet again, and Noah, well, we go way back - sentimental vote there. As for Taye, technically, we go way back also, but he really did clock in a completely overlooked season of great performances. Yeah, yeah, Kevin Hill's a chick show, but... just trust me.
Lead Drama Actress
I confess -- I'm completely at a loss here. I'll just steal TV Guide's noms:
Kristen Bell, Veronica Mars
Glenn Close, The Shield
Evangeline Lilly, Lost
Molly Parker, Deadwood
Joely Richardson, Nip/Tuck
Actually, I would not nominate Evangeline Lilly. Bitch can't act. Surely there should be a nod for Maggie Grace, the Meryl Streep of ABC... (again, kidding).
Supporting Comedy Actor
Will Arnett, Arrested Development
David Cross, Arrested Development
Jeremy Piven, Entourage
Jerry Ferrara, Entourage
Donald Faison, Scrubs
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Comments (21)
What's with all the Eva hating, B-Side? I feel like there's a story. William Devane shouldn't have been nominated for the sole fact that he inexplicably left for like half the season. WTF was that about?
1 of 21 | Posted by The Dogg Pound | Posted on July 16, 2005 1:51 PM
A bit off topic, but I need Big Brother advice so I of course come to the masters. Are the Saturday episodes of Big Brother worth watching, or is it a recap of this weeks shows?
2 of 21 | Posted by GNARKILL | Posted on July 16, 2005 2:08 PM
Gnarkill, you gotta watch the Big Brother episodes on Saturdays. It's always fun to see the food competitions and the build-up to the nomination ceremonies. By the way, Eric shall now be called The Leprechaun.
3 of 21 | Posted by The Dogg Pound | Posted on July 16, 2005 2:21 PM
you. don't. like. gilmore girls?! what kind of metrosexual are you???
4 of 21 | Posted by doctor dan | Posted on July 16, 2005 3:00 PM
Jason Bateman weak? He's great on AD. Thanks for the tip Dogg Pound
5 of 21 | Posted by GNARKILL | Posted on July 16, 2005 3:49 PM
Finish your supporting drama actresses with either Grace "Boomer" Park or Katee "Starbuck" Sackhoff and bump Devane in favor of James "Baltar" Callis...all from Battlestar Galactica, of course.
Those three are as good as anybody on TV right now.
6 of 21 | Posted by Mike | Posted on July 16, 2005 4:03 PM
What, no Riding the Bus with my Sister nod for best comedy event??? What is happening to this world?
That blow-sie. Blyhte Danner could never have pulled that off...such a feat, such a cacophony of sound!
I am crestfallen. Perhaps there needs to be a new catagory created: Most Loud and Obnoxious Performance. Maybe there's a sequel: Pure Exhaust: Riding on the Bus with my Sister II.
BA!
7 of 21 | Posted by Helenann | Posted on July 17, 2005 2:42 AM
Thanks for the fake nod to Sarah Clarke! She totally deserves it merely for getting over her fear and poo-ing on the roof!
8 of 21 | Posted by Raychel | Posted on July 17, 2005 6:40 AM
Sorry..I meant Sarah Chalke...clarke was on 24, right? My bad.
9 of 21 | Posted by Raychel | Posted on July 17, 2005 6:41 AM
TV guide needs to get over Gilmore Girls and Vernoica Mars. They're decent shows, but there are several others that are MUCH more Emmy worthy. Is the guide run by teenage girls these days? I'm suprised they didn't include Smallville, for lords sake!
10 of 21 | Posted by Adam | Posted on July 17, 2005 5:24 PM
I agree with a lot of your choices, but what's with the Huff neglect? I think all the actors on that show should be nominated, and most of them were, save Paget Brewster.
11 of 21 | Posted by natasha | Posted on July 17, 2005 5:32 PM
I've never seen Huff. don't get HBO. But Paget is my girl. She throws a lovely party spread.
12 of 21 | Posted by B-Side | Posted on July 17, 2005 5:40 PM
So which is more worthless an Emmy or a Grammy ...damn all awards that end in a "y" are jokes. Especially tose latin grammies
I say we give all the emmies to the daytime TV soaps...The greatest actresses or ex playboy models ever
Is a soap opera actress considered an F-lister ..just below a jenna jameson and the pornstars
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13 of 21 | Posted by NickEpic | Posted on July 17, 2005 9:14 PM
It is a travesty that John C. McGinley has never been nominated for his role on Scrubs. Best. Comedy. Show. Ever.
14 of 21 | Posted by Estella | Posted on July 18, 2005 6:59 AM
Estella, I agree completely. John C. McGinley is the backbone of that show in many ways. I would also like to see Neil Flynn nominated as Janitor. He took a no-name character that was supposed to be a sort of background character in a few episodes and made him an integral part of the show.
On the drama side of things, I am upset that F/X shows didn't get more attention. Nip/Tuck should've been nominated, and Famke Janssen and Julian McMahon at least should have had acting nods. Rescue Me and Dennis Leary should have been nominated. The West Wing and Six Feet Under are tired out shows that have lost even some of their most staunch original fans. The F/X shows are far more deserving.
15 of 21 | Posted by Ashes | Posted on July 18, 2005 7:13 AM
i agree with Ashes.. Nip/Tuck and Rescue Me were totally snubbed.. especially Joely Richardson and Julian MacMahon.. boo. just for that i will boycott the Emmys.
16 of 21 | Posted by mariana | Posted on July 18, 2005 9:09 AM
BSG or Rescue Me for Outstanding Drama. No better show is on TV right now than either of those. 24 and The Shield come in a very close second.
17 of 21 | Posted by MODULUS | Posted on July 18, 2005 10:07 AM
I fully support any nomination for the show "Kevin Hill" simply because as fate would have it my brothers name is Kevin Hill. Granted he's not black, or a lawyer and doesnt have a gay sassy no nonsense nanny, but other than that, the show is spot on.
I hate John C. McGinley on Scrubs. Everything about him sucks. His character, his jokes, his over the top line readings. Terrible. The rest of the show is great though. Especially Zach Braff. SO Yes, I WOULD jizz all over him, but it would be done out of hate.
As for 24, I would like Louis Lombardi to win simply so I could hear his acceptance speech "Thith ith so amathing! I am thimply thocked!"
I think William Devanes makeup person should get a special award. That poor schlub had to keep track of a lot of flopsweat.
And no love for Behroooooooz?
18 of 21 | Posted by Eddiebosox | Posted on July 18, 2005 11:12 AM
good service
19 of 21 | Posted by Frank Johnson | Posted on July 18, 2005 9:19 PM
Props for remembering Mrs. Featherbottom's 'enchanting entrance'! I could not agree more. That may have been the hardest I've ever laughed in my life..
20 of 21 | Posted by Borski | Posted on July 19, 2005 5:55 AM
I'm totally feeling your Shohreh love. If you can name anyone else who is able to command such charisma, zeal, fear, and hottness with a simple, "Helleuww?" then give the Emmy to that person. Unfortch, I think Shohreh is the shoo-in for the Emmy.
Props to you for jumping on the Veronica bandwagon, though you should DEFINITELY check that shit out.
21 of 21 | Posted by rohin | Posted on July 19, 2005 9:31 AM