Testimonials

We get some more George Clooney and he is a hot piece, but we suspect that glassy eyed fembot he has with him is his a beard. Either that or he is one seriously attainable celebrity.

So now we get a montage of Oscar moments. Oh, Oscar, we love that you are so meta. Oscar likes to celebrate itself as much as it does the winners. And these are quality moments indeed. Diddy, Cher, Miss Piggy. Academy icons. Perhaps Danity Kane will perform next year.

When it's over, Jon Stewart shills an iPhone for a few minutes and it seems unnecessary. And kinda gross. If he starts Swiffer Sweeping the stage and offering samples of Keebler Cookie's I'm outta here.

Why don't you blow Jobs while you're at it, man?

Steve Carrell and Anne Hathaway fake mess-up their animated feature presentation and it's also a bit embarrassing to watch.

Anne Hathaway mentions that 800 billion people are watching and this continues the ongoing debate we are having over Oscar viewership. We've heard one billion, hundreds of millions and now 800 billion. Can we get some Neilsens on this? Seriously all of these numbers sound outrageous. BS and I question whether or not hundreds of millions of people even have a television set?

Ratatouille wins best animated feature. They should just say "Pixar Movie" each year and be done with it. Gah.

Best make-up is up next. BS fast fowards past the first few moments, which he does all the time. I always bitch about it and this time he actually rewinds because he wants to see what turns out to be Katherine Heigl.

BS: Oh, I'm going back. I don't want to deny you the pleasure of seeing a bitch I'm gonna talk up.

IS: Whatever. She's painted up like a hooker. You can have 'er.

La Vie en Rose wins and it should for being able to make Marion Cotillard look busted. That girl is stunning.

And then. AND THEN. Poor Amy Adams has the misfortune of performing "Happy Working Song" from Enchanted. Now I loved Enchanted and I've loved Amy Adams since she knocked it out the park in Junebug, but when you're on a stage sola with no animated rodents, you look like an idiot singing that song. She could have at least had a Disney princess dress. She looked like a choir teacher in that get-up. I bet she ran off the stage in tears after that performance.

Call my agent and get me outta this dump.

BS: This could be a career stopper.

IS: Oh no! Oh no! I swear it worked in the movie. Oh, this is awkward.

BS: I'm gonna FF.

IS: No it's gonna get better. They're gonna add animals somewhere.

BS: If you consider those giant spinning circles behind her "better". Oh, look, they're blue. Oh, now they're orange!

Finally we agree to FF and put ourselves out of our misery, but continue the masochism when we kiss Michael Douglas and CZJ ass and show them both winning Oscars for some reason. This year's winners aren't enough. Let's celebrate past winners some more!!

The Rock presents Best Visual Effects.

BS: Where is the class and dignity this year?

IS: Indeed.

Golden Compass wins, if anyone cares.

Cate Blanchett does Art Direction. Sweeney Todd wins.

BS: Who fucking cares really?

IS: I think this is the conversation all 800 billion viewers are having right now.

And now an actor award! There's a montage of every best supporting actor ever winning, which we'd been anticipating for a while since it always seems to be right away.

IS: See. I knew it was coming.

BS: Well, yeah, obviously it was going to come at some point.

And despite it not being a slimming color, presenter Jennifer Hudson looks hotter in white than one might think she would.

Javier Bardem wins, as expected, and looks less hot without the Dorothy Hammill pageboy. He allegedly speaks both English and Spanish, but they both sound the same.

Somewhere in Tijuana, Dora the Explorer is wiping a tear from her cheek.

Then, because the Oscars are fraught with humor, we get a delightful little "Binoculars and Periscopes" montage. Then a ten second "Waking up from Bad Dream" montage. The Oscars are classy and whimsical! Big ups for Pee Wee Herman. He's up there with Diddy as Academy icon.

Keri Russell comes out to announce another song, looks gorgeous, but strings together the most boring hundred or so words ever, so I have no idea what she said. We watch five seconds of "Raise it up".

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Posted in Awards Shows by InternetSensation at 4:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)
Last Comment: Snarky on Feb 27, 2008 08:11 PM.