They are so sweet and grateful and when the girl comes up she gets cut off and she's so bashful and submissive about it. It's cute. Jon Stewart ad libs a joke about how that guy is so arrogant and it really is funny. And after the commercial, they bring back the girl from "Once" and we agree that they must have fucked up technically because they never do that.
Then Jon Stewart calls Cameron Diaz "talented and beautiful". I would say annoying and used-up, but whatevs. They're practically synonyms.
Best Bad Actress in a Horror Face
"There Will Be Blood" wins for cinematography, which was arguably the best thing about that movie.
Hillary Swank presents the montage for the people who died, but she awkwardly says "those whose work is done". It sounds pretty idiotic and we love this expression. Throughout the whole montage BS can't get enough as each person comes up.
BS: Your work. Done. Your work. Done. Your work, too. Is done. Your work is done.
Then at the end we realize they dissed Brad Renfro and we are a little sad. But, thank god we remembered to discuss Babs's tie that year!
Amy Adams's presentation is really awkward, which is sad since she clearly can't recover from that grim performance earlier. And because I am such an awesome journalist, I have no idea what this award is for.
Oh God make it stop.
IS: Watching her makes me uncomfortable.
BS: She's losing a lot of cred.
Atonement wins and we boo. At least I have no idea what they one.
Soldiers in Iraq present documentary short subject. And, support the troops and all, but it's weird to suddenly be in Baghdad. It takes away from the nominees. Not that I've been paying attention since the last actor award.
The most awkward woman ever walks onstage with the biggest open mouth and gangly monkey arms to accept this award. We are both shallow and find it hard to look at her, so we FF, though I'm sure they did a good, important short film.
Now that's a face for short film production.
Taxi to the Dark Side wins best Documentary Feature.
Harrison Ford announces Original Screenplay.
Diablo Cody wins, no surprise there. My friend emailed me tonight and described her as a cross between Dita von Teese and Carnie Wilson. Ladies and gentlemen, I think we have a winner.
Diablo Grody
Helen Mirren announces Best Actor, looking far less hot than last year.
I want George Clooney to win. I loved that final scene in Michael Clayton they show, but everyone knows it's all but been handed to DDL. We both try to appreciate Tommy Lee Jones's performance but get really distracted by the fact that the scene apparently takes place in what seems to be an S&M sex club. (WTF, can someone explain this??) Daniel Day Lewis wins as expected. I was so so into him in Gangs of New York, but he has lost the hotness. And he's so actor-y in his speech. Gah. I think he recites a limerick.
Director montages begin as we gear up for the second to last award.
IS: Wow. There's a lot of bad haircuts in there.
BS: Wow. There's a lot of actors in there.
I found mine more revelatory.
Martin Scorcese announces Best Director. Joel and Ethan Coen. No surprises there either. And I continue to watch these two with a little bit of a nerd-crush. Especially when they tell the audience that when they were eleven years old they made a movie on Super 8 called, "Henry Kissinger: Man on the Go". Eleven year olds making a movie about Henry Kissinger? And it's jauntily called "Man on the Go"??? Where is this movie? They should make a remake of that immediately. Insta-classic.
Denzel announces "No Country for Old Men" as best picture winner and now the Coens have overstayed their welcome because they have nothing else to say at their third award of the evening, so we are free to make catty comments about the Oscar statue handers.
BS: Who is that haggard bitch? They got a really tarty presenter.
But hold up, who is producer Scott Rudin and why is he telling "his partner" that without him the Oscar statue would be "hardware"? Is that a gay sex joke? We don't get it, but we're done. It's over and we're tired and can't be bothered to speculate.
BS: This was lackluster, Jon Stewart. I want Ellen DeGeneres back.
IS: I want tears. That's really all I wanted were tears!!!
And....End scene.
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Comments (5)
I haven't finished reading your recap, but you heard bad things about Once???! I must say, it was one of the best movies that I saw when it was realeased, plus the soundtrack is amazing. If any of those Enchanted songs had won over "Falling Slowly", someone would have been killed. As for Glen Hansgard and Markete Herglova dating, I'm gonna have to check that out.
1 of 5 | Posted by lalia | Posted on February 26, 2008 9:05 PM
Thanks so much for this recap, love it! I was late to my Oscar party so I came in just as Bardem was leaving the stage....guess I didn't miss much. But don't worry, it only took about half an hour to get as drunk as everyone else.
I love Cheno (Kristen Chenoweth), although honestly based on this telecast I can't tell why Enchanted made more than $250.00. I knew I couldn't go watch it after seeing that there were rats in it. Ugh. But I digress.
I have the ultimate respect for our men and women in the military, honestly I do. But, when that first soldier in Iraq started speaking, my entire drunken Oscar party said--in unison--"Don't ask, don't tell, girlfriend!". Nothing funnier.
My last comment: Colin Farrell, call me. Please. I'm a hot Black woman too. I'll sign over all the porno distribution rights, I promise. Please..??
2 of 5 | Posted by Snarky | Posted on February 26, 2008 10:48 PM
"Then Jon Stewart calls Cameron Diaz "talented and beautiful". I would say annoying and used-up, but whatevs."
Laughed my ass off when I read that!!! I kept wondering how did some of those people get in there? Seriously? Is there any sane film lover who was actually excited to see Jessica Alba? Really? Please. Show me this person.
I have to agree with you on the Tommy Lee Jones clip. I kept thinking, "What is going on and where the hell are they?" It was quite distracting. Who chose that clip?
And Snarky, I totally agree with you about that one soldier. She betta fight!
3 of 5 | Posted by ReeseWitherspoon | Posted on February 27, 2008 6:11 AM
funniest recap EVER.EVER.
There were so many random "celebrities", like Miley Cyrus, Cameron Diaz and Katherine Heigel...why were THEY presenters??!!
John Travolta looked like he was wearing a black bathing cap!
Whenever I see Beautiful Frankie I try to think of who he reminds me of, and I have to thanks you, yes, he is Penelope Cruz's twin sister!
Oh, and I love Jon Stewart, but he had, like, ONE joke that made me laugh out loud. it was just lame all around. I should have just NOT watched it and just read the recap instead!!
4 of 5 | Posted by melpadgett | Posted on February 27, 2008 11:20 AM
Melpadgett--
"John Travolta looked like he was wearing a black bathing cap!".
You owe me a new keyboard, 'cause I just spit up my Sprite on it from that.
I had been trying to come up with words to describe that hair, and was at a loss. Well done!
5 of 5 | Posted by Snarky | Posted on February 27, 2008 8:11 PM