The Fox Reality Awards were held last night in Hollywood, and those suckas let me, ChickBomb and our good friend and local hero Trisha in to make trouble. We were skeptical at first. Trisha took one look around the room and said "How can you tell who anyone is under all those layers of makeup? It's like a room of casserole faces."
Everyone was really nice, like they had no idea we were just going to come home and make fun of them with you. Hullo. Smarten up, reality stars! You will notice that there are zero pictures of Chickbomb in this article. Sorry, but she insists on maintaining her private life. Instead, you will get me, my eight chins, and Trisha. Let's get to it!
Hey, Trisha! Why so uncomfortable?
ChickBomb: The first reality star we find is Johnny Bananas from the Real World Key West. He's cute, and short and very, very drunk at 8:30 pm. We ask him what his dying words would be. He has a lot of trouble, but finally comes up with "Bananas cure erectile dysfunction." Then he amends his final words to be "You can't make a whore a housewife", which apparently is a reference to his ex-girlfriend, Lauren, of Beauty and The Geek, who is standing nearby. Have I mentioned that he is very, very drunk?
Woops. Forgot to clean my ears.
Flipit: I so love drunk straight guys. I have to add that Banana's friend was really tall and really hot. I kept taking pictures of him, which I think scared him. He was right to be afraid. I seriously considered following him home. There was this ice cream stand in the courtyard and when we all got a sample together, I pretended he bought it for me and put my head on his shoulder. Aw!
I'm kinda in love right now.
ChickBomb: We sort of start to make our way into the show...
Flipit: No I don't want to! We have to stand up in there and it's hot and this guy's staying out here with Bananas!...
ChickBomb: ...and all of the sudden a flash of pink hair streaks by us. "Perez, Perez!" Trisha is after him like a shot, but Flipit and I are too busy juggling cocktails, so we miss the photo op. Trisha yells at us about it for the rest of the night.
Flipit: As you all probably know by now, Perez has a big shiny black eye. Someone drew a cock on the wrong face. We asked everyone we could how he got the shiner, but no one knew. He kinda glanced over at my hot straight ice cream date and I almost blacked out the other eye. Hands off, biatch! Oh wait, just got a text from Nads! Perez' shiner was fake! He was at a Rolling Stone shoot before the awards and like the lazy bastard he is, he didn't wash his face. Love it. Good work, Nads!
ChickBomb: The good news is, Janelle, also from the Real World Key West, is a lot faster than we were, and she gets a pic with him on her fancy schmancy iPhone.
Thanks, Janelle! Call me!
ChickBomb: We stand around eating ice cream and talking with Janelle, Johnny Bananas and Zack from Key West. Janelle is beautiful. Zack is nice and cute and a little bit Hollywood, and we all have a crush on him now. But only one of us got his phone number. We'll let you figure out which one! Zack's producing a movie, and he talked forever about it and all I remember is that it has Dick Van Dyke and cookies in it and it's filming near the beach where I live.
Flipit: No comment, except that a sitcom with Dick Van Dyke and cookies sounds brilliant.
Come on now, tell me this isn't a wedding waiting to happen. Did I mention I've been single for WAY too long?
ChickBomb: Then Johnny Bananas gets kicked out of the awards for trying to take a picture with Mr. Belding from Saved By The Bell.
Flipit: You'd think Mr. Belding would have been a little more appreciative of the attention. I mean seriously, dude. You're Mr. Belding. Poor Bananas couldn't have been in the audience for more than five minutes. My ice cream wasn't even melted.
ChickBomb: I should also mention that the whole time, he is fighting with Janelle and she keeps warning him to never talk to her again. She also keeps circling back to tell him to make sure he knows to never talk to her again. It's like watching a Real World episode right before my eyes.
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Comments (18)
Oh my god, you met Jen. That is amazing.
1 of 18 | Posted by schoonie | Posted on October 3, 2007 7:38 PM
You met JEN?!?!?!? I'm so jenelous!
2 of 18 | Posted by firecat | Posted on October 3, 2007 9:15 PM
OMG!!!!... what great pics. You guys met everyone...even Amber. I'm so jealous. Glad you shared with us. Sounds like you guys had a blast... free drinks?
3 of 18 | Posted by chooch850 | Posted on October 4, 2007 1:23 AM
What great pics.... I'm so jealous. You guys got to meet everybody... even Amber. Thanks for sharing and Flipit honey, you look fabulous.... you and Zach have perfect teeth.
4 of 18 | Posted by chooch850 | Posted on October 4, 2007 1:28 AM
You made Trisha touch Dick? I would never touch Dick for you.
5 of 18 | Posted by Pegster | Posted on October 4, 2007 4:40 AM
Aw, thanks guys. Best reality TV showmance = Flipit + Nick
6 of 18 | Posted by Lime23 | Posted on October 4, 2007 5:34 AM
WTF? no pics of Dani???
i walk away from this site... never to return.
PDS
7 of 18 | Posted by poor, dead shannon | Posted on October 4, 2007 5:47 AM
flipit... you are beautiful!
great photos!
"Pegster:
You made Trisha touch Dick? I would never touch Dick for you."
i would never touch dick for you either... ewe
8 of 18 | Posted by bluebee | Posted on October 4, 2007 5:50 AM
flipit... you are beautiful!
great photos!
"Pegster:
You made Trisha touch Dick? I would never touch Dick for you."
i would never touch dick for you either... ewe
9 of 18 | Posted by bluebee | Posted on October 4, 2007 5:52 AM
damn... sorry for the double post
10 of 18 | Posted by bluebee | Posted on October 4, 2007 5:54 AM
Those pics are awesome. I love that you closed out with Sanjaya and Sanjayette...
11 of 18 | Posted by John Bender | Posted on October 4, 2007 6:55 AM
What, no pictures of my crush, Dr. Andy, the bestest bachelor of them all?
12 of 18 | Posted by Katrina Patina | Posted on October 4, 2007 8:38 AM
That was so great. Loved all the pics.Flipit, you and Chickbomb are so crazy. Was it my imagination or does Dick's girlfriend look like Jen? I love that you took a pic with Nick but not Dani! LOL!!
Love you!
13 of 18 | Posted by CheriesTake | Posted on October 4, 2007 9:59 AM
I seriously thought the pic of Britney guy was Heidi when I first scrolled down. LOL!
14 of 18 | Posted by kittygasm | Posted on October 4, 2007 10:03 AM
holla! poor, dead, shannon, you are not going to believe me, but when i was on the way home i was cracking up at myself for only getting a pic of nick and then i thought, shit, president team dani is gonna beat my ass. sorry! but she looked really gorgeous, if that helps. truth be told, standing next to that hot twig would've doubled my size. f her. give me the huge old dude from the bunny ranch any day!!
lime, thanks for the well wishes! psyched for ai to start again so i can hear from you more. miss ya. and pegster, leo stopped by and asked me to tell you to stop following him.
LOVE
15 of 18 | Posted by Anonymous | Posted on October 4, 2007 12:11 PM
my goodness, that night seemed like a whirl wind.
I am so happy you are getting out and about in the name of TVGasm...... you rock.
i wish you could have met jared from kid antion, now that would have been totally the shit.
16 of 18 | Posted by reasontobe | Posted on October 4, 2007 3:58 PM
flipit, i had no idea you were such a looker!!!!
meee-ow.
17 of 18 | Posted by k37744 | Posted on October 8, 2007 9:25 AM
My dear darling Flipit, I caught a glimpse of your Q*bert head on the Awards last night (and was that the anonymous ChickBomb shown with you), and your amazing one line of who's the ambulance for (paraphrasing because I was all aflutter seeing you on the tube). In fact the tidbit of you reminded me of the glimpses of One Night in Paris shots sans the night vision! You minx! You're smile is infectious as always, but speaking of infectious...
You were so right about Chris Cracker being weird, he gives gay people a bad name! You should have kicked him in his Raisinets and told him to man up sissy boy! It so sad when such shameless harlotry is rewarded with celebrity, but speaking of harlotry...
Nick and Danielle, whores, showmance, romance, blomance! Does Dr Douche really get a cut anytime someone says showmance? That little bitch made a ton last night! =0P But speaking of bitches...
Donny Bonadouchey and Jonny Fairplaywithmecausenoonlikesme will of course win the bestest fight next year. I hope someone sues Jonny for smashing that camera with parts flying, you should have been there and dropped to the floor yelling "My eye, My eye, She's my little one eyed one eyed, she's the little one I love", but speaking of the one I love...
Mary Murphy is certainly not it! LORD have mercy, what program is she from, So You Think You Can Be Annoying? Lock, stock and barrel, someone needs to duct tape that yap shut but me thinks there is not enough duct tape in Cali to cover that project! Someone will have to get the boys from Build It Bigger on the job! But speaking of on the job...
I can't believe Mike Rowe is not even nominated for any awards, best voice over, dirtiest host, most likely to sell a Ford to a Chevy lover...what the hell! But speaking of hell...
Evel Dick has got to be the luckiest asshole living right now! He's got the devil on his shoulder! A whole new category for POS's like him and Cracker, Most Undeserving Celebrity Status. I'm relatively sure he wishes he had an evel dick, maybe he should have a sit down with Smiling Bob about the positive effects of Enzyte!
This is where I will close my comments to you dear friend...you've done yourself proud again and I love reading everything you write! Kisses...Muah!
18 of 18 | Posted by quidam | Posted on October 14, 2007 5:26 PM