I take a good long look at myself in the mirror and focus my energy. Ever since I was a little boy I've dreamt of blogging the Acadamy Awards...oh who am I kidding? I picked this shift up last minute cuz B-Side needed time off to "find himself" and he knew I wouldn't have a date. That said, I love TVGasm, I love the Oscars, and I love bingeing on alcohol, smokes, and ice cream, so let's do this!
Ladies and Gentelmen! Live from the Kodak Theater (and my unmade bed)! The 79th Annual Acadamy Awards!
5:00 The big night is kicked off with a 5 minute movie of all the nominees talking about their reactions to their nominations. I feel a sleep boogar forming in my right eye. I hope this snoozefest isn't a sign of things to come.
5:35 
Ellen comes out in a velvet suit. Ok, ok. We weren't expecting you to wear a dress, but the red velvet suit isn't really working for those thighs, girl. Still, at 49 she's in better shape than I was in the third grade, so no more thigh comments for the rest of the night. Ellen tells us how she dreamed of hosting the Oscars when she was a little kid. Childhood Dream #114 accomplished! Now she just has to be the first singing President and learn how to move things with her mind and she can die a happy woman. Wait, those were my dreams. Sorry. Tonight's show is going to be a little different from years past because this year, they are celebrating the nominees instead of the winners. Oooookay. This started with dull happy clips in a white room, I hope it ends with dramatic, drunken sobbing and angry belligerent calls to the loser's mothers in a padded room. Crossing my fingers...
I start to worry that Ellen is going to deliver a boring ass monologue instead of upping her hum-drum everyday comedy ante, but after making everyone feel welcome she lets a little snark run free, so I don't fast forward. It's the most international Oscars ever this year and Mexico has a record number of nominations. The audience goes wild.
The Oscars is the only place in the Country that you could brag about Mexico taking over without having an argument about rising health care costs and the downfall of the white Republican male. It's nice to put our nation's immigration argument to rest for the night, but if Pedro Almodovar comes out and starts bitching about US politics this year I'm torturing my maid when she comes to clean tomorrow. Ellen points out that at least the seat fillers are American. "No one can fill a seat like an American." Ok, fat joke. Ellen just dissed the majority of her talkshow audience in front of a billion people and I have to say I love the bitchy Ellen so far. Keep it coming, Ell. Feed the people.
She says it's nice to see such a diverse crowd in a time of such hate and discrimination. "If there weren't blacks, Jews, or gays, there would be no Oscars." LOL. "Or anyone named Oscar." I crack up and get up to pee. Is Oscar a black name, a Jew name or a gay name? Wow, that Ellen DeGenerous girl's crackin' me up and makin' me think. Are you sure this show's free?
In a TV Guide interview last week, Ellen said "There will be no dancing", so I was surprised when she did a big Hallelujah song and dance with a Gospel Choir. Either she had a change or heart, a shortage of jokes, or someone made her do it which is the option I'm leaning toward. Poor Ellen. She's not a circus animal. Wait, why am I feeling sorry for Ellen? She's a kagillionaire. Dance, monkey! When it's done she seals her monologue with an "I wouldn't want to follow that!" which doesn't sound funny on paper, but you know that Ellen girl. She's got a way about her. Overall a solid start. Nice work.
My best friend calls and agrees with me. "That shit was funny! And her thighs!" "OMG I KNOW!!!"
« Recap: Every Day Should Be Lauren and Heidi Day! | | Recap: I skipped the Oscars® for this? »
Comments (21)
Trust me, it was even worse on the east coast. Watching this from 8:30 pm to 12:15 am was no fun at all. However, calling in sick to work the next day because I was so sleep deprived was.
1 of 21 | Posted by LeslieAnne25![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
|
Posted on February 27, 2007 8:55 AM
Jennifer Hudson will regret wearing those gold wings....
The joke was that the last person on the "Dead" montage was actually alive when the show started.
Flippy - your recaps are always better than the shows you recap. Is that on purpose?
hb
2 of 21 | Posted by HoneyBunny![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
|
Posted on February 27, 2007 9:27 AM
Great Re-cap, but you missed two of the funniest parts of the show. 1.: Tom Hanks snarking facetiously at Chris Hanson after he asked him backstage about the "good times to come". Tom snapped "That's Right Chris!" in such a flippant and 'go f*%k yourself' kind of way it was spit-take worthy.
1. The whole bit between Clint Eastwood, Ellen and Steven Spielburg, when she went to get a picture with Clint and asked Steven to "take a better one". Priceless.
Loved the re-cap anywho and also love your Top Design dish. Fabu!
3 of 21 | Posted by JSteele![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
|
Posted on February 27, 2007 9:46 AM
Word out on the blogosphere is that Eddie Murphy was a bit of a sore loser. Which is a shame (although I thought Arkin was better in his role but meh)
http://www.wnbc.com/news/11123861/detail.html
4 of 21 | Posted by Laurie![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
|
Posted on February 27, 2007 10:22 AM
Apparently, Jennifer Hudson regrets wearing those "gold wings", but Andre Leon Talley made her do it:
http://www.usmagazine.com/jennifer_hudson_1
5 of 21 | Posted by busybee68![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
|
Posted on February 27, 2007 12:48 PM
Oh, and Flipit, sorry to nitpick, but the % goes after the number...
6 of 21 | Posted by busybee68![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
|
Posted on February 27, 2007 12:51 PM
#5 busybee - thanks for the 411 on JenHud and the dress. I am so glad to find out she knew it was fugly but got pressured into it. And I am also happy that the secret is out - Andre you are NOT the foremost Diva of Fashion!
hb
7 of 21 | Posted by HoneyBunny![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
|
Posted on February 27, 2007 1:18 PM
Hilarious Flip, I couldn't keep my eyes open towards the end (past midnight out here!). You made it sound so much more fun than it was.
8 of 21 | Posted by photochild![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
|
Posted on February 27, 2007 1:29 PM
Flipit, great recap, but you left out some of the funniest parts...Ellen mingling with the crowd, loved when she gave Scorsese her script. Also Meryl Streep staring down Anne Hathaway (disgusting dress, btw) and Emily Blunt a la Miranda Priestly
Reese has definitely mastered the whole looking good is the best revenge thing, but I fear she's lost a little too much weight..or something...did anyone else notice how POINTY her chin looked when she was annoncing the best actor noms? How could you not?
9 of 21 | Posted by msu11y28![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
|
Posted on February 27, 2007 2:33 PM
HB, I just have a knack of picking shite shows to write about, what can I say? TY!
3 and 9 I know I left out some funnies, sorry. This was my first 4 hr. blog, I'm surprised it was even coherent. Plus I tend to write about the parts that annoy me, and Ellen kicked ass!
And Laurie and busybee, thanks for the gossip! Eddie Murphy is such a crybaby. "He planned on leaving to spend more time with his family". LOL. I would have killed to see what that night's "family time" was like!
Oh, and Busybee, thanks for the tip. That's what I get for being too lazy to type out "percent".
Thanks for the giggles, guys.
HEART
10 of 21 | Posted by Flipit![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
|
Posted on February 27, 2007 3:00 PM
D'ya think he would have "left to spend time with his family" had he actually WON???
11 of 21 | Posted by james_woods_rules![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
|
Posted on February 27, 2007 4:45 PM
Great recap Flipit, but you didn't like Happy Feet? A "karaoke homage to Greenpeace" is my kind of movie!
I thought Ellen did great and I liked the comedians' song too. I was also glad that Alan Arkin won. If Eddie wants to "spend time with his family" he should give Scary Spice a call.
12 of 21 | Posted by zoobabe![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
|
Posted on February 27, 2007 4:59 PM
13 of 21 | Posted by GIFFORDSAZ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
|
Posted on February 27, 2007 5:17 PM
Excellent point ZB.
Thanks for this Flipit. I missed the first two hours, so I was really glad to see the clips attached here (too lazy to look up on youtube myself).
14 of 21 | Posted by Ms. Tumnus![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
|
Posted on February 28, 2007 7:07 AM
Great recap. One comment: the 'trippy' dancers were a dance troop called, "Pilobolus". Extremely innovative... And should be known by tvgasm folks (aren't J-Unit and Bspot Dartmouth alums?), as it was started by Dartmouth students (and then alumni) as an outgrowth of a dance class in the early 1970's.
15 of 21 | Posted by rjfrankel![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
|
Posted on February 28, 2007 8:16 AM
#15 - rjfrankel...
not sure if you meant it as a joke but I love calling b-side Bspot!
hb
16 of 21 | Posted by HoneyBunny![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
|
Posted on February 28, 2007 10:44 AM
oops -- Nope, it was just a mistake... but it is funny. ;) I am a much older alum(nae), but I do like to frequent the site because of the Dartmouth connection. :)
17 of 21 | Posted by rjfrankel![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
|
Posted on February 28, 2007 11:04 AM
Flipit, can I please watch the Oscars with you next year? You write the best recaps, so much better than the show itself. Loved your references to Debbie Allen shitting herself, and Robert Downey Jr.
Next year, I'll bring snacks and whatever you want. I just want to sit with you and rip on them in person.
18 of 21 | Posted by may1![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
|
Posted on February 28, 2007 11:46 AM
Giff, I find old people confusion hilarious.
And Frankel, thanks for giving them credit, they were f in awesome. Dartmouth, huh? That's hot...
And May! I am holding you to that.
19 of 21 | Posted by Flipit![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
|
Posted on February 28, 2007 12:11 PM
I loved the recap!!!!!Excellent job!!!
20 of 21 | Posted by Rose18![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
|
Posted on February 28, 2007 1:49 PM
What commercial was your friend in?
21 of 21 | Posted by Buttafly94![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
|
Posted on March 3, 2007 2:00 AM