Life is funny sometimes. When I want to engage in self-abuse, I lock all the doors and make sure the drapes are closed. When TV wants to give itself a massive three hour handjob, they book a block of prime time on CBS. Oh, and they have musical numbers. Well so do I, but I at least have the decency to feel a sense of shame about it. So make the jump and watch TV go blind at the 2009 Emmy Awards.
OK let's try to refrain from making Nazi symbols with our legs tonight, k?
(Special thanks to Flipit for doing the screengrabs and captions for the actual awards ceremony on this one. Just so everyone knows, not only is he funny and talented, but he is a great son too.)
Okay, my apologies because I really meant to do this post right away and also combine it with a massive breakdown on the two hour red carpet show on E. Unfortunately I was watching Top Chef on Bravo before the red carpet thingee was supposed to start, and in a sheer genius counter-programming move Bravo was showing Training Day at the same time the E show was on, and honestly if I watched Ryan Seacrest, or as we like to call him, Tinkerbell, for two hours straight I would have completely bled out through my eyeballs even before Doctor Doogie started with the show tunes. So seeing as my attention was wandering, let me just fill you in on the stuff I saw and found remotely interesting.
It was really hot in LA when they are filming this. I know this because everybody is complaining about it, and Tink's sweating like those pictures from his last Rosie cruise were going to hit the internet at any moment.
And next up, Ricky Martin!
Speaking of the interweb, Tink is all about the tweeting tonight. He brings it up every chance he can because he's just that hip and cutting edge, and every time the camera cuts away he'd be scurrying over to hit that keyboard and give his followers another 144 characters of Tink magic. Too bad they keep cutting away, because typing on TV is always ratings magic. That's why closed captioning is on every show now. The cool factor. Helping deaf people is just a perk.
Jay Manuel and Ne Ne from Real Housewives of Atlanta were in the fashion skybox. Liberace's corpse must be rocking it tres casual tonight because Jay is wearing his jacket. Just kidding, he looks nice. He and Ne Ne are doing the fashion critiques for E tonight. The best part of their shtick? Every time Jay says a woman looks great, Ne Ne gets a look on her face like somebody just smeared poop on her upper lip, either that or that a production assistant just told her the craft service table is out of pork chops.
Dear E, I know you and Kathy Griffin haven't had the bestest of relationships in the past because Kathy has a history of acting up at these things and now that she is the queen of the Shemmys she's not going to work for all the half-empty boxes of wine left over after the show any more. That being said, I don't care if next year she is punching nuns in the baby makers on camera and you actually have to pay someone scale at this thing, supposedly that E stands for entertainment so hows about manning up and putting a little of it on the screen? Love Waffleboy.
Man Denzel Washington is just evil in this movie. It's such a change of pace but then again, maybe he's always been like this. I need to watch Remember the Titans again and make sure he wasn't peddling dope. Whoops! Sorry I was thinking that during a commercial, I swear and I turned the channel right back.
Willow from Buffy is on. Yes I know her name is (looks it up on Google) is Alyson Hannigan but let's be honest, if you know who she is the first thing that flashes through your mind is, "oh there's Willow from Buffy." Anyway, she had a kid six months ago and she looks great. They ask her what her secret is; I'm guessing she's spanxed to within an inch of her life under that dress. Willow tells us it's from breast feeding. Apparently her kid is literally sucking the life out of her. Well whatever works for you Willow.
Best way to keep thin? Adoption.
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Comments (7)
Well done, waffleboy, short, sweet and funny! I respectfully disagree with you regarding Dr. Horrible Doogie, I floved his video breaking in! Thanks to flipit, the pics and captions delivered as well. Do they even nominate reality shows from Bravo? Because that's where the best clips came from!
1 of 7 | Posted by valmommyt | Posted on September 22, 2009 4:48 PM
Okay, I disagree with the Buffy reference for Alyson Hannigan. She is and always will be the "This one time at band camp..." girl to me!
2 of 7 | Posted by brattygrl | Posted on September 22, 2009 11:54 PM
Great job waffleboy! Loved the "guess it's his turn" Mac/Barrymore comment. All the actresses are wearing glasses because they are all 68 years old but only look thirty due to botox, laser resurfacing, cheek implants, grinding, fillers, plumping, painting, etc.. Oh yeah Sigourney rocked the night. I gave her my best dressed award, she rocked that red dress and made me feel like a real slug in my plus size bath robe. She's old and still pulls it all together, good for her!
3 of 7 | Posted by soapboxx | Posted on September 23, 2009 4:39 AM
loved this!!!! =)
4 of 7 | Posted by angelbayyb | Posted on September 23, 2009 5:26 PM
"Willow tells us it's from breast feeding. Apparently her kid is literally sucking the life out of her."
Truer words were never spoken...that's why I'm a dog person. HILARIOUS! Great recap!
5 of 7 | Posted by dearcrabby | Posted on September 24, 2009 9:30 AM
I didn't watch the whole thing, but the funniest line I heard was in the opening song when he was saying that Joan from Mad Men's curves could turn a gay guy straight, then nevermind, I just saw Jon Hamm!!! That cracked me up!
6 of 7 | Posted by kloewent | Posted on September 24, 2009 1:47 PM
Hi everyone,
valmommyt, your very welcome and more then welcome to disagre with me respectfully or otherwise on Doctor Horrible. My main problem with it was I had just seen the musical like two days before and thanks to the fact that CBS was stopping for 6 minute commercial breaks every 20 minutes I was ready for the Emmys to be over at about 9:30. The truth be told it was a lot better then the average host bit they throw in that late at an award show.
brattygrl, good point of reference on Alyson H. The only reason I don't use it is because my first thought when I saw that in American Pie was, what? Willow put a flute up her hoo-haw?! If it works for you, more power to you.
soapboxx, hey as long as everyone is wearing glasses because of blind as bat issues I don't have a problem with them. It's just I've never gotten over Justine Bateman from Family Ties wearing glasses with window glass in them so people would think she was smart. By the way, Justine's glasses? So didn't work.
Sigourney Weaver has looked great for a long time. Pay attention Hollywood, if you don't try to look 25 forever you won't look like a surprised cat with a shaved face when you're 50.
angelbayyb, cool because I so loved your comment, thanks.
dearcrabby, thanks, glad you liked it. Good thing Tink doesn't have a lot of experience with kids or he could have told Willow at about what happens when that sweet little baby turns two and turn's Willow's house into a one year stand for the road cast of the Exorcist. There would have been mascara running down Hollywood Boulevard like the Jonestown flood.
kloewent, that was a funny bit. I think Neal Patrick Harris did a great job on that opening number, but then again I judge all of those against when Billy Crystal did them on the Oscars. When NPH was done, I had zero desire to hit random people in the street with a stick until my arms got tired, ergo awesome job Doogie!
7 of 7 | Posted by waffleboy09 | Posted on September 24, 2009 7:18 PM