Testimonials

Back to Kelsey in the bathroom, crying her eyes out because she wants her mama or baa-baa or nuck-nuck whatever. Etta's mom says she remembers times when she's been sick and you know what, the baby still has to be fed, and bathed, and changed, you know, like real life. It's not like faking cramps to skip swim practice, this actually counts. Kelsey caved faster than I thought she would. Have her put on the pregnancy suit so she can go back to dreaming about how wonderful having a baby is. So much easier than the real thing. "It's a cop out," Etta's mom says.

It's the first day of work for these teens and for some "it's the first time they've ever been employed." The hell you say? Are you freaking kidding me, that some of these losers have never had a job? NEVER? Well, that would explain why a lot of kids show up at my office for interviews in sloppy clothes, chipped fingernails, bed head, no resume, and "Unemployed and Lovin' It" captions on their pictures on MySpace.com. (Those are all true, by the way). Parents, make your kids get a job at some greasy dive so they can appreciate what crappy work is really like. Oh, who am I kidding? They will never get a job what with your open pocketbooks.

Wow, he's graduated to twins!
They'll look great as trim for gloves!

Austin is working at a feed and pet store that clearly sells ferrets, very big in Boise I'm guessing. Jordan earns his money at a veterinary clinic where he is pulling maggots from a rabbit's...ass...? What the? Oh, bunny, what did you eat? "I never thought I'd be pulling maggots from a rabbit's butt on the first day." Yes, Jordan, that really is a day three assignment. Daton is employed at a coffee shop, which actually sort of fits him, and the trainer of foamy milk seems much nicer than Morgan and is probably Daton's next girl friend. And Alicea? Spending 8 glorious hours working at a lumber yard. I say glorious because it is for us. She, on the other hand, is one lazy bitch who finds no joy in, well, breathing. Particularly sawdust. She yawns. Okay, that goes on a little too long. We get it: You're bored. Subtle.

Am I getting more boredom across to you? No? Wider? Wider?

A guy at the lumber yard is trying to show her how to nail pieces of wood together with an automatic nailer. This is going to be way harder than cereal, I can tell right now. She's working with sheet metal and wood, and she's barely wearing two camis and a belly button ring (or that's fuzz). Hope she had her tetanus shot! Please let this end with her getting a nail to the temple! Please! "Oh, wow," the guys says, "That's way off." And we all know how well she takes constructive criticism.

If you hit me on the back real hard, my face will stick like this!

"My first day at work sucks," she says. I get the feeling every first day of hers sucks. Can you imagine if she won the lotto? "Trying to cash this oversized check at the bank sucks! The teller sucks! All this money is heavy and it sucks!"

Awesome, she just did the eye roll. This girl is so stupid, where does she go to school? The admissions officers should be fired. Oh wait, I just checked...the big news on her school's website? A theater production about a frog that dreams of flying and a crane that dreams of swimming. Wait, is that early Shakespeare? Them's kids is smarte. Cory, stick to the chicks from Texas State.

"I'd say about 50-50 she's going to quit. Or get fired," her trainer says. But...isn't that always the case? Fifty-fifty either way? "If I were her supervisor, I would have fired her by now." Fire her anyway, she probably doesn't remember who her supervisor is.

"This job can kiss my ass," she says to her trainer. That will be hard with your head so far up it.

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Posted in Baby Borrowers by DearCrabby at 1:09 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)
Last Comment: wintersux on Jul 14, 2008 09:59 AM.