The baby cries and she refuses to wake up. Maybe she's narcoleptic? "Alicea is Alicea," he says, quoting Aristotle. "It's either her way or no way, there's no getting around it." Are you sure? Because I'm pretty sure you can break up with her. Two and half years is a long time to be with someone so obnoxious, and I'm betting she ain't that good in bed, except for maybe the dirty talk. "I'll have to get through this baby thing on my own. I have two babies right now, one little one and one big one." He should have saved the poopy diaper and shoved it in her face. Just a suggestion for tomorrow.
Finally! We've found something she can do well!
Next morning, Alicea is already bitching about work, and maybe Cory will go for her?!?! If Cory is smart, he will totally jump at this chance to get away from her. Tell her you are going to work and you can be in Mexico by sundown, my friend. "I'll go to work and she can deal with the baby all day." This won't end well. Well, not for her, but for us it's a boon!
She's once again trying to figure out how to make baby cereal..."Do they mix it with milk?" she asks to Cory who totally and completely ignores her. Good for you, buddy. "ANSWER ME!" Oh, that'll work.
Karson's parents say she's not vested in doing anything. "Work doesn't matter to her, being there doesn't matter to her, Karson doesn't matter to her." She is a gem, that Alicea.
She keeps trying to ask Cory what to do and he takes the first step towards freedom, "I don't know, read the box." Boo-ya, in your face, beyotch. Unfortunately, she never made it past the Dick and Jane: So Very WASPy series in school, so reading directions really isn't going to work.
Back with Kelsey and Sean, the announcer says, "Kelsey has decided that the best way she can be a parent to Etta is to earn money working at a classic drive-thru diner." Wha-huh? Wha....wait. What?
"Hey mom! My boyfriend broke up with me, can we talk?"
"Just as soon as I finish roller-skating this order out to parking space #24! One banana split, coming up!"
Day three with the babies and the teens are off to some crazy baby class that gives me hives. It's "The Little Gym," which is like Bally's for Babies. This is going to suck. For the teens! The teacher is a cross between Raffi and Richard Simmons, and he keeps calling the babies bugs. As a single career woman, I see them more as leeches than bugs. "Help her understand that crawling motion," Raffi Simmons tells Sean. Because thousands of years of evolution skipped this baby and she won't be able to figure it out on her own?
Just keep repeating, "I'm a MAN, I'm a MAN, I'm a MAN!"
Kelly is loving life chasing Zachary all around. The motherly feeling "comforts her" and makes her feel "good about herself." Wow, her mom should have set a portion of her flex spending aside for therapy for Kelly.
Then Miley throws up, which Raffi says is normal. You know the rule, wait two hours after a bottle before bugging around the gym! Morgan makes sure the teacher's assistant knows Miley isn't her baby. Really? Because she's half Asian and half African American, so she does look like you, blondie.
Jordan comes home exhausted, but I think the fact they haven't been showing a lot of Sasha and Jordan is because they are very mature and treating this like a really important learning experience. Boooring. They probably sit quietly in the evening and read...books! No one wants to see any lessons learned! Let's see the bratty teens, not the mature ones.
Here's another surprise! The teens' own mothers are visiting! Those kids better start apologizing now, and saving up for some totally kick-ass Mother's Day present after seeing what goes into being a parent. Sean looks embarrassed his mom showed up, but only because she shoved a binky into his mouth. Just kidding. Sean already had one.
The doorbell rings at Jordan and Sasha's house, and he says, "God, who is this?" The angel of death? Come on, Jordan, how bad can it be, you're on reality TV. Oh, wait. Sasha sees her mother and starts screaming and jumping up and down, then she starts crying her eyes out, probably because she's so tired and can't remember who this lady is.
Morgan totally does not want to hug her mother but is happy to pass Miley to her mom. "How long are you here for?"
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Comments (5)
Oh, my God . . . I thought about watching this show, but I think if I did, I'd be smashing my TV screen trying to reach through it and smack these teens around. I'll stick to the recaps. You say what I'm sure I'd be thinking, anyway, and it's much safer for everyone this way.
1 of 5 | Posted by mandymax | Posted on July 9, 2008 5:56 AM
Yet again, DearestCrabby, I am impressed at your ability to recap this show, much less to even watch it. I bow to you. *bow*
:)
2 of 5 | Posted by teri00 | Posted on July 9, 2008 11:16 AM
I wanted to strangle Alicea when I was watching this. She is a waste of a human being. I am sure this show does not get American Idol type ratings, but if I knew just 20 people saw me acting like that I would be mortified. My friend suggested that they send Alicea to Iraq. That would be perfect for her. Get her out of here!
3 of 5 | Posted by ReeseWitherspoon | Posted on July 10, 2008 1:14 PM
Do you ever see those women at the store and think to yourself, "Damn, when did you stop caring?"
Yes, now you know.
I've been that woman. I had all four of my kids within six years and I think I wore a ponytail for most of the 90s.
Does anyone besides me think that the parents of these babies are drinking bong water or something? I picture Michael Keaton's face on "Mr. Mom" when the punkrock teen shows up at the door all, "Dude. I'm the BABYsitter..." and he slams the door in her face.
4 of 5 | Posted by TheVoiceofReason | Posted on July 11, 2008 7:41 AM
I am afraid that due to lack of feedback there won't be anymore recaps of Baby Borrowers...and that would be a tragedy! So better late than never, I'm posting to say thanks for this recap and keep up the good work my Dear Crabby!!
5 of 5 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on July 14, 2008 9:59 AM