Testimonials

Jordan and Sasha are caring for 9 year old Sara and her two shitty dogs. I'm sorry, that's Shiatsu. No wait...Shih Tsu. My bad. Her parents say, "She looks nice now, but...good luck." Oh crap. But you know what? Sara turns out to be a pretty good kid. Why? MANNERS. Nice job by these parents.

Seriously, let us in or we will gnaw you to death all night.
What are you, cat people?

While two little girls scream and hit each other, the narrator says, "Divorced mom Leslie delivers her two daughters..." to which I finish the sentence and say, "from Sataaaan?" Yes. No wonder she's divorced, Satan's gay. If South Park has not deceived me. And I've got news for you: the older kid is not dealing with the divorce well. Let's check in!

Hannah and Abbey are given to Corey and Alicea, mostly because I'm guessing mom needs a break in the worst way. "You're in for a big surprise," she says, which is never the beginning of a good conversation. "They can fight. Physically." As opposed to psychically, which how cool would that be? It would be like pre-teen Carrie with Alicea and Cory getting killed by falling gym ceiling debris. I think I may have found my new screenplay!

Aww, look how sweet she is. Like an angel...if it's opposite day!

Mom continues, "You have to break it up, or someone will get hurt." Okay, these girls are like 6 and 8. The fact that they are WWF-ing each other for real is troublesome. The oldest one is an absolute monster and I'm thinking that perhaps dad leaving has caused her more inner turmoil than mommy is aware of. I mean, I've seen kids hit, but damn, this kid could take down Apollo Creed! What an absolute brat.

Alicea interviews that girls are so much more dramatic than boys. You would know, Alicea (as would I - we loves our drama!). Over at Sean and Kelsey's house, two vegetarian Hanson band members are being dropped off with their parakeets. Birds as pets freak me out, people. Do they even care about you the ways dogs do and the way cats don't?

Son of a bitch! Who let the Hanson kid out of his pod?

"We're the exact opposite," Kelsey says about the vegetarianism. The mother tells her that if they are having chicken, potatoes, and salad, the kids would just eat the salad and potatoes. At the grocery store, they know where the soy replacement "things" are. Wow, these pre-teens are a barrel of fun. I hope Alicea and Cory's little Satan girl kicks their collective asses. Kelsey mentions she doesn't eat fruits or vegetables (no kidding), so she's nervous about hosting veggies. If it were me, I'd serve them up baby something and tell them it was soy meat, then if they were bad, show them the package of "Bambi Burger" or "Thumper Tub Bacon" and then they'd know they were going to Vegan Hell. Did I mention I don't have kids?

Morgan and Daton get 10 year old Seth and his totally cool Golden Retrievers. Seth is like Daton, Junior. Morgan is taking forever to get ready and makes Seth and his mom wait until she's ready. Trust me, the eyeliner was worth the wait. The mom starts out with his favorite foods, "Fruit rollups, fruit snacks (does he actually like fruit?), and melted cheese and chips." Well, who doesn't?

"Those are all my favorite snacks as well," Morgan says. Morgan, spell "fruit" for us, would you?

The parents leave for work and we see Sasha sneaking off so she doesn't have to face her demons. Kelly's brood of hellions, 10, 7, and 6 tear up her yard - tearing up the new sod, throwing mud on everything including the fence, and Kelly just doesn't seem to know what to do. I think the first chapter I would turn to in the Kid Manual is "Discipline and How to Administer It." Time outs or paddles, you be the judge. The answer is paddles.

Tom Sawyer is going to kick your ass for this mess. Or he'll get someone to kick your ass

Asshat is staying home tomorrow, folks.

Back to Morgan and Daton Junior (the Daton she can control) as they head to the rock climbing wall, which honestly, is a great idea. Morgan interviews that Seth is like a "little buddy" (Gilligan?) and that he looks up to her like an older sister, "which is really cool." Except that you're a parent and it's not. "It's easier being nice with your kids, than all strict on them and telling them what they should and shouldn't do." Really? As a parent you shouldn't teach your kids right and wrong? Oh, please be barren.

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Posted in Baby Borrowers by DearCrabby at 12:21 AM | Permalink | Comments (10)
Last Comment: mandymax on Jul 24, 2008 05:40 AM.