Dear Crabby,
I enjoy watching teen couples who are totally and completely in love 4-evah crash and burn and breakup. Am I a bad person?
-Couch Ass Groove
Dear Couch,
Yes, and enjoy hell. I will save you a seat! But no worries, it's a dry heat, like Phoenix. Also, I hope you taped the last episode of Baby Borrowers, you're going to get your fill of broken hearts! Score!
Crabby
Kids, I have to admit, I was sort of dreading this episode of Baby Borrowers. Let's be honest, no one likes teens, particularly teens themselves, if my youth was any indication. Teens watching teens has the opportunity to either be a total party hour or just a living hell, and I wasn't sure I really wanted to see it. It's sort of like watching one of those suspense movies that you know will work out in the end, but the middle is really, really uncomfortable for that guy who's wife found some other woman's panties in his suit pocket even though he really didn't do it, you know?
Teens in their natural state, comatose
Having said that, this episode was exceptionally satisfying if for no other reason than a teen parent gets to tell a real parent off on national TV. It was sweet.
We open this episode with the teen parents heading off to brunch for that much needed caffeine high and glucose injection. Jordan complains about them not making grits in Idaho. I bet they have hash browns, dude.
Then we hear Morgan say to Daton, "Sorry, I'm like, squishing you," and he says, "Right. Move." Rut-roh! Trouble in...well, not paradise. Candyland? Then they get into a snit about how he doesn't like people sitting too close to him when he eats (?) and how she tries too hard. You can tell he has already made his decision about breaking up with her, but instead of being an adult and saying he doesn't want to see her, he turns into a complete and utter jerk. Let's check in.
"I don't have to try too hard, like you," he says.
"I try to hard?" Keep up Morgan. "Like what?" Here we go.
"Too much makeup. You try to make yourself look better and it doesn't really make you look better." Uh Daton, let's talk about your perpetual bed-head, duuude. You're like Dennis the Menace on meth. He gets up and walks away, which is really nice especially since everyone at the table was listening in on the Bickersons. I love it when a meal is ruined by people who should never have been together in the first place. Really helps the digestion.
Yeah, that's the picture of someone who tries too hard.
Close your mouth, Morgan.
Morgan interviews, "This relationship is so unstable, I don't need someone bringing me down all the time." Is it me, or has she gained a lot of weight in the past few weeks? Must be all the baby weight.
Back in the neighborhood, the visiting teenagers are showing up without their parents and are just walking right into their houses. Great ad for ADT. And tasers. One badass teenager shows up riding a skateboard, with his guitar case, luggage, and his goth-black hair. Fight the man, my brother, until you go to college and become an accountant and pay taxes like the rest of us. Oh, and parents won't be monitoring the experiment this week. Too bad!
Talk about trying too hard!
Snowy, age 16, will be staying with Sasha and Jordan. She's actually more Sunny than Snowy, what with her pleasant disposition and store-bought red hair. She comes into her room, sees the unmade bed, and proclaims it a cute room. Is she on Xanax? She's waaay too happy to be a teenager. Code blue! She's the mole!
A nice teenager? Something ain't right here!
She interviews she's a very positive person and complainers "get on her nerves." She and I would never get along, especially on the highways. She jumps on her bed and falls asleep faster than my post-dinner dogs, one of which is snoring like a longshoreman as I type. And she's my princess!
Just another morning commute for Dear Crabby.
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Comments (4)
Crap! The whole teen parenting thing started getting less and less hilarious once the borrowed kids hit their tweens! How much fun can old people be???
1 of 4 | Posted by mandymax | Posted on July 30, 2008 6:08 AM
Great recap, Crabby! I laughed all over again. I LOOOOVE Breakfast Club. When I first saw that Penney's commercial, I thought they were remaking it and salivated a little bit, but a remake with today's crop of young actors would probably just piss me off anyway so its for the best.
It was great seeing Alicia and Cory vindicated with that Mom. That Sam kid is such a douche.
As much as I dislike Morgan and Daton, it was seriously uncomfortable listening to them and I felt really bad for their great kid being left alone to play servant with Morgan while she yammered on about how she was being a single parent and working and yada yada. Please bitch, its been a DAY. You've got a house you could never afford in the real world, you're being paid $100 for work that would normally pay half that for an 8 hr day, you're coming home to a kid that cleans of his own accord AND you don't have anyone telling you what a complete f*&%-up you really are. THIS IS NOT WHAT BEING A SINGLE PARENT IS REALLY LIKE.
Not that Austin is any great catch, but he is so much closer to being one than Kelly that I give him extra points. That girl is a complete nutcase and ruuude to boot. I'm pretty sure she hit him when they were on the bed and he said look what you're doing to me and the next shot had him holding her hands. Methinks the abuse comes from her, not him. And then she tries snuggling up to him like nothing had happened and obviously thought he was just going to melt all over her. When he didn't she just walks away. That is one cold bitch, right there. Austin should be VERY thankful that this happened because his life would be absolutely miserable with her. 'Course he'll probably change his mind and go back with her, poor kid.
2 of 4 | Posted by Splotchie | Posted on July 30, 2008 8:12 AM
Enjoyed the punking of Sam's mom.
Kelly is so my first wife. Part of it is her diet - way too much sugar and not enough anything else. For sure, Austin was holding her hands to keep her from slapping, punching and/or stabbing him (trust me).
Eddie - would you like to be adopted? I have a pool and an automatic dish waher.
I'm sure the teens were all coached to act up - at least at first.
I don't get the point of the old folks part, either. It isn't like the teens will ever have a choice about their parents getting older (unless you consider parentacide a "choice").
Great recap!
3 of 4 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on July 30, 2008 9:45 AM
DC,
Your recaps crack me up! I've laughed so much on every single "kid-stages" episode (can't say that happened last night). I can relate to what you're saying on so many levels and have to compliment your excellent writing, comments & photo captions, etc...
Well Done! :)
4 of 4 | Posted by lijjy | Posted on July 31, 2008 10:40 AM