"Go put all must stuff back or I will throw all your shit out the front door, I'm serious." She is, too. "Go pick up my shit, I'm dead serious," and she points the finger like a mom. Awesome! I am Sam raises his hands like he will when the cops finally pick him up for some pissant larceny charge when he's 15, but does it in a smart-ass way, smiling at the camera. Alicea follows him and says, "Don't touch my stuff or I will go through all of your stuff."
I'll knock the teen spirit right out of your body,
along with your soul you little dipwap, unless you pick up my camis, tout suite!
Picking up on the "Don't touch my stuff" sentence, I am Sam says, "Fine, I won't!" and starts walking away from the closet.
"PICK IT UP!" Alicea screams.
"But you said not to touch it." I hate teenagers.
Alicea, Cory, and I am Sam all start yelling at each other and Sam is being a total and complete dick. I hope he gets beaten up at school, because he is a total poseur. How proud his parents will be when they see what a moron they raised. Alicea says, "I think he's starting to figure out we won't f&%# around with his little games." I love the fact that Cory and Alicea are of one mind on this. "You are going to want to go home, " she says, "because I'm going to be a total bitch now." WOW! An Alicea I can finally get behind! Who knew? Unless someone does something better, she is my hero this episode. "We're going to make this a living hell for you," she finishes. Alicea? Wind beneath my wings, girl. Sam wets himself a little.
OhmygodhowcuteamIsocuteIcan'tbelieveit!
Kelsey and Sean return home with their perky little powerhouse, Renee, who is 14. Seriously, this girl is waaay too perky, plus she's sporting the Kennedy mouthful of teeth and they are as white as a KKK member. Damn! She's petite, cute, smart, and I'm guessing although she's super-nice, a lot of girls as school jealously hate her. She comes downstairs in the tightest of short shorts, and I'm sure Sean is like, "I bet she doesn't lick syrup off the ceiling!" Renee hands Kelsey and Sean the "Rules of Renee," which include 11pm bedtime and 2% milk. Aww, shucks, folks.
Snowy's bedtime is 10:30pm (sucks to be you!) and she's a "picky eater." Damn, I hate those! She also has to do the dishes as opposed to how I handle it, leaving them in the sink until they are piled sky high just like Morgan does. David is not allowed to drink, smoke, or do drugs, which I would have thought was a given, but okay, put that in the rule book. I am Sam is slurping down his soda (still, or is he like on his tenth one?) while they read that he's not supposed to have soda, he needs to set the table, and he needs to eat with the family around 6pm each day.
"Yeah, I don't know if that's going to happen," he snots. Why, because the think tank you are leading meets at the same time?
"That IS going to happen," Cory says. Done and done. I am Sam tells them he's going to go joy-riding. Alicea asks what that is.
"It's when you hotwire a car and drive off with it, even though you are underage." I've got news for you, you're not supposed to be hotwiring a car when you are "over" age either, dipshit. I know he's trying to be all tough, but you know this kid would cry himself to sleep if his grandmother yelled at him. Alicea's face is priceless, like she can't believe was a twit this kid is being. She's between rolling her eyes and cracking up.
"You know how to hotwire a car?" Alicea asks.
"I could if I wanted," he says. I doubt this kid could hotwire a potato for a 5th grade science lab. I bet his parents are moving right now, that's why they dumped him off. Don't look for a forwarding address, Sam, but if you do, start with something that has "Mexico" in it.
Way beyond I am Sam's capabilities
Daton and Morgan are totally getting into a big fight in front of Eddie. No, not in front of the good kid! "He really hates me," Morgan says, to which Daton answers, "I really do." Great parenting skills, involve the kid!
"So this is three years that have been wasted?" Eddie asks.
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Comments (4)
Crap! The whole teen parenting thing started getting less and less hilarious once the borrowed kids hit their tweens! How much fun can old people be???
1 of 4 | Posted by mandymax | Posted on July 30, 2008 6:08 AM
Great recap, Crabby! I laughed all over again. I LOOOOVE Breakfast Club. When I first saw that Penney's commercial, I thought they were remaking it and salivated a little bit, but a remake with today's crop of young actors would probably just piss me off anyway so its for the best.
It was great seeing Alicia and Cory vindicated with that Mom. That Sam kid is such a douche.
As much as I dislike Morgan and Daton, it was seriously uncomfortable listening to them and I felt really bad for their great kid being left alone to play servant with Morgan while she yammered on about how she was being a single parent and working and yada yada. Please bitch, its been a DAY. You've got a house you could never afford in the real world, you're being paid $100 for work that would normally pay half that for an 8 hr day, you're coming home to a kid that cleans of his own accord AND you don't have anyone telling you what a complete f*&%-up you really are. THIS IS NOT WHAT BEING A SINGLE PARENT IS REALLY LIKE.
Not that Austin is any great catch, but he is so much closer to being one than Kelly that I give him extra points. That girl is a complete nutcase and ruuude to boot. I'm pretty sure she hit him when they were on the bed and he said look what you're doing to me and the next shot had him holding her hands. Methinks the abuse comes from her, not him. And then she tries snuggling up to him like nothing had happened and obviously thought he was just going to melt all over her. When he didn't she just walks away. That is one cold bitch, right there. Austin should be VERY thankful that this happened because his life would be absolutely miserable with her. 'Course he'll probably change his mind and go back with her, poor kid.
2 of 4 | Posted by Splotchie | Posted on July 30, 2008 8:12 AM
Enjoyed the punking of Sam's mom.
Kelly is so my first wife. Part of it is her diet - way too much sugar and not enough anything else. For sure, Austin was holding her hands to keep her from slapping, punching and/or stabbing him (trust me).
Eddie - would you like to be adopted? I have a pool and an automatic dish waher.
I'm sure the teens were all coached to act up - at least at first.
I don't get the point of the old folks part, either. It isn't like the teens will ever have a choice about their parents getting older (unless you consider parentacide a "choice").
Great recap!
3 of 4 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on July 30, 2008 9:45 AM
DC,
Your recaps crack me up! I've laughed so much on every single "kid-stages" episode (can't say that happened last night). I can relate to what you're saying on so many levels and have to compliment your excellent writing, comments & photo captions, etc...
Well Done! :)
4 of 4 | Posted by lijjy | Posted on July 31, 2008 10:40 AM