"Pretty much," they say in unison. Oh, geez. Morgan interviews that Daton is her first "real long love," which I think she means time-wise, but maybe his feet are big, I didn't notice. But he also makes her feel bad about herself. There were also about 30 "likes" in her sentences, which is why I spared you from them.
Hey, Morgan, #$*&#*%&(W*@(#*&(*& and oh, I hate you.
"You go party and sit on your fat ass all day," he says. See?! I thought she'd gained weight. And what a mature way to fight. Eddie rubs his eyes. Twinkle your nose and you may be able to escape! They get into a back and forth which is totally embarrassing in front of new kid, and she tells him she used to like him but he's so randomly mean to her now, and he says, "It's because you're a bitch." Wow. They continue to fight and poor Eddie is just caught.
Oh, man, I hate my fake parents too!
Eddie interviews they remind him of his parents who got divorced when he was six, but he still remembers all the yelling and fighting. Poor kid. He hangs out in the back yard while the California surfers face the reality that the waves of love are no longer there, boo-yah.
"I'm through faking it," Morgan says. "You're immature."
"I'm not immature, I'm over you and I want to be away from you," Daton says. First sign you are immature? You say you aren't. "I just want to go back to San Diego and get away from you." Then go, the zoo needs you back. Throughout this, you can tell Morgan is really hurt and Daton is totally done. It is sort of sad, she's not a bad person, just a little loopy and lost.
Daton packs while Morgan watches, trying to talk to him to no avail. She interviews she doesn't want to marry him, have kids with him, live with him, or anything, except she totally does and if he apologized right now and proposed with a gumball machine ring she would totally say yes. Oh, Morgan, go to college and work it out there. I'm sure Upstairs Hollywood College will take you just like they took Dr. Nick.
"I'm so used to fighting with him all the time I don't even know what being in love is anymore," she says. Oh, teen drama and the bad dialogue that comes with it. I do not miss you at all. As Daton leaves the house, she says, "Nice knowing you." No it wasn't.
See ya, see ya, wouldn't wanna be ya!
You're immature, not me!
Morgan throws on some huge glasses to hide the fact she's crying (didn't work), and goes outside. She tells Daton she is going to stay to see the experiment through because she made a commitment (read: she doesn't want to be the one to end this), so Daton leaves. Damn! I owe about $50 in bets, I thought for sure she'd take off. So now Morgan is a single mom. Wow, poor Eddie. First his real parents, now his fake parents. Back to the therapist.
"If you think about it, is a relationship really worth it?" Morgan asks. "Like, I don't get it. Relationships suck." So does being out of nacho dip, but I don't put on sunglasses and cry on my porch. Well, not anymore.
Christ, no nacho dip? I'm...just...a...mess...
please, cameras, off!
OH MY GOD, how much do I hate JCPenney right now? A whole helluva lot, thanks to their commercial that rips off The Breakfast ClubM\. They are promoting their back-to-school clothes by showing kids in similar scenes from the movie while playing a new version of Simple Minds' "Don't You Forget About Me." The kids in this commercial weren't even born when that movie was popular! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK! The horror of seeing your high school movie mocked by today's youth. Damn you, Penney's marketing team, damn you to the bowels of hell!
Okay, back to Teen Parenting: Don't Do It! Kelsey and Sean are taking Renee on a tour of "downtown" Boise, which I'm sure is a thrill to Renee since she's lived there all of her life. Single mom Morgan is there with Eddie, but she's pulling a Jackie-O by wearing sunglasses and sitting away from him on the train. She cries through the whole thing. Well, she did go through a breakup and Daton was really mean, so how can you blame her? In real life, she'd be at the bottom of a tequila bottle while Eddie covered for her. You know, if she were old enough to by booze.
« Living Lohan: Coming Soon to a DVD Near You! | Main | Shear Genius: When Being A Drag Queen Would Come In Handy »
Comments (4)
Crap! The whole teen parenting thing started getting less and less hilarious once the borrowed kids hit their tweens! How much fun can old people be???
1 of 4 | Posted by mandymax | Posted on July 30, 2008 6:08 AM
Great recap, Crabby! I laughed all over again. I LOOOOVE Breakfast Club. When I first saw that Penney's commercial, I thought they were remaking it and salivated a little bit, but a remake with today's crop of young actors would probably just piss me off anyway so its for the best.
It was great seeing Alicia and Cory vindicated with that Mom. That Sam kid is such a douche.
As much as I dislike Morgan and Daton, it was seriously uncomfortable listening to them and I felt really bad for their great kid being left alone to play servant with Morgan while she yammered on about how she was being a single parent and working and yada yada. Please bitch, its been a DAY. You've got a house you could never afford in the real world, you're being paid $100 for work that would normally pay half that for an 8 hr day, you're coming home to a kid that cleans of his own accord AND you don't have anyone telling you what a complete f*&%-up you really are. THIS IS NOT WHAT BEING A SINGLE PARENT IS REALLY LIKE.
Not that Austin is any great catch, but he is so much closer to being one than Kelly that I give him extra points. That girl is a complete nutcase and ruuude to boot. I'm pretty sure she hit him when they were on the bed and he said look what you're doing to me and the next shot had him holding her hands. Methinks the abuse comes from her, not him. And then she tries snuggling up to him like nothing had happened and obviously thought he was just going to melt all over her. When he didn't she just walks away. That is one cold bitch, right there. Austin should be VERY thankful that this happened because his life would be absolutely miserable with her. 'Course he'll probably change his mind and go back with her, poor kid.
2 of 4 | Posted by Splotchie | Posted on July 30, 2008 8:12 AM
Enjoyed the punking of Sam's mom.
Kelly is so my first wife. Part of it is her diet - way too much sugar and not enough anything else. For sure, Austin was holding her hands to keep her from slapping, punching and/or stabbing him (trust me).
Eddie - would you like to be adopted? I have a pool and an automatic dish waher.
I'm sure the teens were all coached to act up - at least at first.
I don't get the point of the old folks part, either. It isn't like the teens will ever have a choice about their parents getting older (unless you consider parentacide a "choice").
Great recap!
3 of 4 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on July 30, 2008 9:45 AM
DC,
Your recaps crack me up! I've laughed so much on every single "kid-stages" episode (can't say that happened last night). I can relate to what you're saying on so many levels and have to compliment your excellent writing, comments & photo captions, etc...
Well Done! :)
4 of 4 | Posted by lijjy | Posted on July 31, 2008 10:40 AM