He tells her that he fell in love with her for who she was, and he still loves her, to which she responds, "Then you do all this lovey-dovey shit," which if he didn't she'd be complaining about too. "You're always kissing me all the time, touching me all the time....ugh! I can't stand it." And if he didn't, she'd think he was having an affair. Have they been here a month? Seems like Kelly's PMSing like she did with the pregnancy belly. "I'm sorry if that hurts your feelings, I'm just telling you the truth." If you don't like to be touched and kissed all the time, you may want to reconsider having kids. Little ones are like sloths and you are their tree. "We're not married and I don't want to be married." ZOINKS! When did this happen?
"Are you serious?" he says, genuinely shocked. "Who was the one who -"
"Shut the f#*& up!" she says, drawing an infinity symbol into the driveway (?). I hate you to infinity?
"It's decided. Once this experiment is over, we're done," he says. Back to the frat house with you, southern boy.
The narrator tells us it's the middle of the night and the parents' worst nightmare is about to come true! They're pregnant for real? Daton's come back? They've had scales installed in their bathrooms? What could it be? "Their teenagers are sneaking out." Yeah, in Boise. Call us when you're done elk-tipping. I really shouldn't trash on Boisians. They are probably nice people outside of the unauthorized militia meetings.
Would have made a bigger impact if they had set it on fire.
Just ask my brother!
The teens decide to roll the neighborhood. I'm sure it will be a big secret who did it: Snowy. Actually, David, Eddie, and I am Sam all run through the neighborhood squeezing the Charmin' all over the newly planted trees which are only like 6 feet tall. Way to make a statement, dweebs. There are kids in Africa without toilet paper.
You T.P. like a wuss, dude.
"OH HELL NO," we hear in the background. It's Will Smith doing a guest appearance! Oh, it's just Jordan, putting on his shirt and desperately needing to pull up his pants; my compliments to Sasha! She and Snowy are cracking up, which you really should do when this happens because it is totally funny. "I'm going to get a belt and beat all y'alls ass!" he says. Finally, corporal punishment comes to the neighborhood!
One can of whoop-ass coming up, bitches!
Snowy says, "Jordan did show a lot of maturity...he was out there, disciplining the kids." Way to stick it to your home boys, Snowy. By the way, Snowy is my porn name, just like everyone else who owned a white hamster.
Eddie tears up the stairs as Jordan comes by Morgan's house and tells her Eddie rolled the street. Morgan says, "My kid?" Oh hell to the no! And she take out all of her aggression towards Daton on Eddie as she runs upstairs, yanks his sorry ass out of bed, drags him downstairs so fast she runs into the camera guy, and almost tosses him down the stairs to clean up his mess.
I'm transferring my aggression from Daton to you, pissant!
Alicea interviews that Morgan turned into a mother, "Like that," she snaps her fingers. Yes, but a mother what?
Kelly gets pissed at David who is sitting in the driveway, and tells him to get inside. He doesn't move, in typical teen form. She finally gets right into his face, and with the voice that cracks like it does when women try to keep from crying at work, says, "I've had a bad day and if you would go inside, that would be great." She will smack you if you don't get up. His face gets serious and you'd better believe that boy gets his ass in the house.
Happy happy family time ensues the next day as Renee does not seem thrilled with the steak that Kelsey and Sean want to get, and David is awkwardly hanging around with Asshat. Asshat interviews that it is awkward going through a breakup with a goth teen hanging around. Amen to that, brother. "As a teen son he's confused by his teen parents." He tries to show David how to grill and Kelly comes out and back-seat drives to Asshat's grilling. Oh, let the nagging begin/continue.
Morgan calls her mommy to apologize for being such a dumbass the last time she saw her, and tells her that she broke up with Daton. She tries to tell her mom she's committed...to the experiment. Her mom says she's proud of her. Awww.
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Comments (4)
Crap! The whole teen parenting thing started getting less and less hilarious once the borrowed kids hit their tweens! How much fun can old people be???
1 of 4 | Posted by mandymax | Posted on July 30, 2008 6:08 AM
Great recap, Crabby! I laughed all over again. I LOOOOVE Breakfast Club. When I first saw that Penney's commercial, I thought they were remaking it and salivated a little bit, but a remake with today's crop of young actors would probably just piss me off anyway so its for the best.
It was great seeing Alicia and Cory vindicated with that Mom. That Sam kid is such a douche.
As much as I dislike Morgan and Daton, it was seriously uncomfortable listening to them and I felt really bad for their great kid being left alone to play servant with Morgan while she yammered on about how she was being a single parent and working and yada yada. Please bitch, its been a DAY. You've got a house you could never afford in the real world, you're being paid $100 for work that would normally pay half that for an 8 hr day, you're coming home to a kid that cleans of his own accord AND you don't have anyone telling you what a complete f*&%-up you really are. THIS IS NOT WHAT BEING A SINGLE PARENT IS REALLY LIKE.
Not that Austin is any great catch, but he is so much closer to being one than Kelly that I give him extra points. That girl is a complete nutcase and ruuude to boot. I'm pretty sure she hit him when they were on the bed and he said look what you're doing to me and the next shot had him holding her hands. Methinks the abuse comes from her, not him. And then she tries snuggling up to him like nothing had happened and obviously thought he was just going to melt all over her. When he didn't she just walks away. That is one cold bitch, right there. Austin should be VERY thankful that this happened because his life would be absolutely miserable with her. 'Course he'll probably change his mind and go back with her, poor kid.
2 of 4 | Posted by Splotchie | Posted on July 30, 2008 8:12 AM
Enjoyed the punking of Sam's mom.
Kelly is so my first wife. Part of it is her diet - way too much sugar and not enough anything else. For sure, Austin was holding her hands to keep her from slapping, punching and/or stabbing him (trust me).
Eddie - would you like to be adopted? I have a pool and an automatic dish waher.
I'm sure the teens were all coached to act up - at least at first.
I don't get the point of the old folks part, either. It isn't like the teens will ever have a choice about their parents getting older (unless you consider parentacide a "choice").
Great recap!
3 of 4 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on July 30, 2008 9:45 AM
DC,
Your recaps crack me up! I've laughed so much on every single "kid-stages" episode (can't say that happened last night). I can relate to what you're saying on so many levels and have to compliment your excellent writing, comments & photo captions, etc...
Well Done! :)
4 of 4 | Posted by lijjy | Posted on July 31, 2008 10:40 AM