Kelly and Asshat are in bed together and she wants him to go away. Does that house not have somewhere else where she can sleep? A guest room? A sofa? The back porch? She tries to push him out of the bed saying, "Go now!" Then she goes absolutely batshit crazy about how she was alone and needs some quiet time and he needs to get out of there now. It's like she's channeling that evil pre-teen from last week!
Calling all exorcists, stat!
Goth David sits at the table, alone, drinking a glass of bubble-less water (so sad), with his hair in his face, hands together as though he's praying and/or about to play the harmonica. No wonder he owns guns! "You think that they're fighting about you," he says. Uh, they aren't. They probably don't even remember your name, much like your real parents. In the background you hear Kelly hysterically scream "GO AWAAAAY! I ASKED YOU NICELY NOW PLEASE LEAVE!"
Why do all my parents hate me?
Asshat has her arms pinned down like a true southern gentleman and she keeps screaming at the top of her lungs, "I asked for my space," and he's yelling, "Look what you've done to me," and so on, and so on until she screams, "I HATE YOU NOW GET THE F&@* OUT!" Ah, young love. Asshat, put your shirt back on and save that look for your Match.com ad. David rubs his hair into his face.
Seems borderline abusive...or is it just traditional southern? Hard to tell.
It's dark and David interviews he hasn't been in the house in like 5 hours. Kelly is an awesome mom. Asshat says he's going to stay at one of the other people's houses but David can stay there, he's sure "it's safe." I'm not! Didn't you read? BAT. SHIT. CRAZY. Asshat looks even more exhausted than before. Oh no - Kelly comes out of the house. Perhaps the Midol has kicked in. She kneels down and hugs Asshat and apologizes. How many pills did she take?
I'm sorry I'm a f*#^$&% loon. Can you forgive me, again and
again and again and again...
Asshat won't hug back. Stay strong, dude! "You think that's going to make it okay?" he asks. Yes, I believe she actually does. You're lucky she didn't bring out chocolate chip cookies. She's crying.
Also? Guys? Get a good look at this, because this is how crazy women act. Like cats!
Vicious cat or your next girlfriend? Trick question, they are the same!
"It's all I can say. It's all I know how to say." Well, that and "GO AWAY!"
"Thank you for saying you're sorry," he says. I hope he follows that with, "But I'm gay now, so your wiles will not work on me!" Instead, he says, "I'm really confused. I've never doubted in my mind I loved you," perhaps he doubted that in his foot? "but I am not sure if you and I are supposed to be together." Oh-oh-oh! My hand is raised, Mr. Kotter! I know the answer! Oh-oh-oh! "I will always be there for you, but I need to think about things." Sniff. Kelly stands up and walks back into the house. Happy happy family time is over! Better to figure this out now than when more assets are involved; then it just gets messy.
The next morning, Eddie, David, and I am Sam go into Alicea and Cory's bedroom and begin to shoot them with Nerf-type balls. Now knowing what we do about David and his claim to owning guns, I'd be crapping myself silly if I saw him come through the door and point something gun-like at me. Now Cory is a big guy which you don't really realize until he jumps out of bed and starts after those kids. Alicea is right behind him.
Cory interviews, "I don't think there is any getting through to Sam. Who does that kind of stuff? He's real violent." A good characteristic in any teenager. Cory picks up his bike and throws it in the yard. I wish he would have backed over it with the car, that would have been hilarious. Especially if I am Sam had been on it!
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Comments (4)
Crap! The whole teen parenting thing started getting less and less hilarious once the borrowed kids hit their tweens! How much fun can old people be???
1 of 4 | Posted by mandymax | Posted on July 30, 2008 6:08 AM
Great recap, Crabby! I laughed all over again. I LOOOOVE Breakfast Club. When I first saw that Penney's commercial, I thought they were remaking it and salivated a little bit, but a remake with today's crop of young actors would probably just piss me off anyway so its for the best.
It was great seeing Alicia and Cory vindicated with that Mom. That Sam kid is such a douche.
As much as I dislike Morgan and Daton, it was seriously uncomfortable listening to them and I felt really bad for their great kid being left alone to play servant with Morgan while she yammered on about how she was being a single parent and working and yada yada. Please bitch, its been a DAY. You've got a house you could never afford in the real world, you're being paid $100 for work that would normally pay half that for an 8 hr day, you're coming home to a kid that cleans of his own accord AND you don't have anyone telling you what a complete f*&%-up you really are. THIS IS NOT WHAT BEING A SINGLE PARENT IS REALLY LIKE.
Not that Austin is any great catch, but he is so much closer to being one than Kelly that I give him extra points. That girl is a complete nutcase and ruuude to boot. I'm pretty sure she hit him when they were on the bed and he said look what you're doing to me and the next shot had him holding her hands. Methinks the abuse comes from her, not him. And then she tries snuggling up to him like nothing had happened and obviously thought he was just going to melt all over her. When he didn't she just walks away. That is one cold bitch, right there. Austin should be VERY thankful that this happened because his life would be absolutely miserable with her. 'Course he'll probably change his mind and go back with her, poor kid.
2 of 4 | Posted by Splotchie | Posted on July 30, 2008 8:12 AM
Enjoyed the punking of Sam's mom.
Kelly is so my first wife. Part of it is her diet - way too much sugar and not enough anything else. For sure, Austin was holding her hands to keep her from slapping, punching and/or stabbing him (trust me).
Eddie - would you like to be adopted? I have a pool and an automatic dish waher.
I'm sure the teens were all coached to act up - at least at first.
I don't get the point of the old folks part, either. It isn't like the teens will ever have a choice about their parents getting older (unless you consider parentacide a "choice").
Great recap!
3 of 4 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on July 30, 2008 9:45 AM
DC,
Your recaps crack me up! I've laughed so much on every single "kid-stages" episode (can't say that happened last night). I can relate to what you're saying on so many levels and have to compliment your excellent writing, comments & photo captions, etc...
Well Done! :)
4 of 4 | Posted by lijjy | Posted on July 31, 2008 10:40 AM