Oh, yeah, they have to go to work. What I find interesting is how many moms tear out of there. Jordan looks out the window and says, "Morgan's going to work? Alright Morgan!" Now that's just damn embarrassing for Morgan. Luckily, she leaves the sink piled with dishes and has Eddie do them. I wish I had a teen to do light housework. The dogs won't, but it's not really their fault they don't have opposable thumbs. Maybe if I duct-taped their paws to the vacuum...?
Seriously, just follow yourself around the house,
that would really help out!
Morgan shows up at the coffee house where Daton worked, and let me assure you that the coffee shop was the first place he stopped before leaving town so he could trash on Morgan and ask foamy milk girl from the first episode out on a steamy date (get it? Foamy milk? Steamy?). Don't think he didn't! I'm sure everyone there hates Morgan without even knowing her. Hope she enjoys her chilly reception!
Morgan interviews some nonsensical stuff about being independent (living in a reality show house), raising a kid by herself (by having him do light housework, sans duct tape), and how she works hard for the money (so you'd better treat her right). "I'm doing everything a single parent does, and I'm doing good at it." She's also doing well, unlike San Diego public schools!
Asshat spent the night at Cory and Alicea's house, leaving David home alone when she went to work. Asshat interviews he needs to really focus on himself and not really David because of things going on with Kelly. Way to shove the kid to the side while you get on with your life. Much easier if you wait to have kids, just FYI. He makes David breakfast and proceeds to fall asleep on the sofa. It's like Asshat has gone narcoleptic on us, which is not very traditional southern. He should try falling victim to the vapors instead. I'll get the lacy handkerchief.
David continues to sit at the table of sadness; no water today. If there is one thing I know about kids (and it is only one thing), you do have to feed and water them regularly. That's why I have plants, they can take more abuse on that front and DCFS rarely gets involved (it did for my aloe plant, but she was a total bitch).
Morgan comes home to a spotless house! Eddie! Do you rent out? She says, "You cleaned!" then proceeds to ask Eddie what he did all day.
"Uh, cleaned," he says. No worries, Eddie, you'll get used to her slack-jawed ADD.
Over at Cory and Alicea's house..."When the hell is this kid's mom coming to get him?" Alicea asks.
"In like 5 minutes," Cory answers.
"I'm going to tell her all the shit he did." This is going to be fun!
'Nuff said.
I am Sam's mother, Eva, shows up and says, "How did you enjoy Sam?" I don't think Sam is the kind of kid who is enjoyed as much as he is endured. Like kids at a wedding, in restaurants, or in church. Or on the planet. Alicea tells Eva about I am Sam destroying her closet and Eva looks confused.
What's that sound? Oh, shitting hitting a fan.
"What?" she's surprised. "So where did it go from there?" They tell her about getting shot in the face. "This was his house, for three days," she says, as though it's there fault he was such an ass. Oh bitch, it's on. You cannot use that excuse. "He was acting according to his house."
"Does he do that in your house?" Cory asks.
"No," she says.
"Exactly," Cory says, "so why would he come do that to us?"
"He needs to know the rules," she says. Like I am Sam is going to listen.
"The rules don't matter to him," Alicea says. "You have to yell at him to get him to do anything."
Eva makes a smile/smirk/frown and closes her eyes, shakes her head, and arrogantly says, "No you don't."
"Well, in our situation while he was here, yeah you did," Alicea says. She's actually very composed. "It almost seems like you don't know your kid." Uh-oh. Cage match!
"I know my child." The video is about to differ, Eva.
"We're going by how he acted here...that shows to us that he lacked parenting," Alicea says. The gauntlet is thrown down! Alicea's weapon of choice: The Truth!
Icy silence. They are sizing each other up and my money is on Alicea to win in this fight, but it will go 15 rounds, mark my word. I'd pay HBO $59.95 to see it, too!
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Comments (4)
Crap! The whole teen parenting thing started getting less and less hilarious once the borrowed kids hit their tweens! How much fun can old people be???
1 of 4 | Posted by mandymax | Posted on July 30, 2008 6:08 AM
Great recap, Crabby! I laughed all over again. I LOOOOVE Breakfast Club. When I first saw that Penney's commercial, I thought they were remaking it and salivated a little bit, but a remake with today's crop of young actors would probably just piss me off anyway so its for the best.
It was great seeing Alicia and Cory vindicated with that Mom. That Sam kid is such a douche.
As much as I dislike Morgan and Daton, it was seriously uncomfortable listening to them and I felt really bad for their great kid being left alone to play servant with Morgan while she yammered on about how she was being a single parent and working and yada yada. Please bitch, its been a DAY. You've got a house you could never afford in the real world, you're being paid $100 for work that would normally pay half that for an 8 hr day, you're coming home to a kid that cleans of his own accord AND you don't have anyone telling you what a complete f*&%-up you really are. THIS IS NOT WHAT BEING A SINGLE PARENT IS REALLY LIKE.
Not that Austin is any great catch, but he is so much closer to being one than Kelly that I give him extra points. That girl is a complete nutcase and ruuude to boot. I'm pretty sure she hit him when they were on the bed and he said look what you're doing to me and the next shot had him holding her hands. Methinks the abuse comes from her, not him. And then she tries snuggling up to him like nothing had happened and obviously thought he was just going to melt all over her. When he didn't she just walks away. That is one cold bitch, right there. Austin should be VERY thankful that this happened because his life would be absolutely miserable with her. 'Course he'll probably change his mind and go back with her, poor kid.
2 of 4 | Posted by Splotchie | Posted on July 30, 2008 8:12 AM
Enjoyed the punking of Sam's mom.
Kelly is so my first wife. Part of it is her diet - way too much sugar and not enough anything else. For sure, Austin was holding her hands to keep her from slapping, punching and/or stabbing him (trust me).
Eddie - would you like to be adopted? I have a pool and an automatic dish waher.
I'm sure the teens were all coached to act up - at least at first.
I don't get the point of the old folks part, either. It isn't like the teens will ever have a choice about their parents getting older (unless you consider parentacide a "choice").
Great recap!
3 of 4 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on July 30, 2008 9:45 AM
DC,
Your recaps crack me up! I've laughed so much on every single "kid-stages" episode (can't say that happened last night). I can relate to what you're saying on so many levels and have to compliment your excellent writing, comments & photo captions, etc...
Well Done! :)
4 of 4 | Posted by lijjy | Posted on July 31, 2008 10:40 AM