Dear Crabby,
It's summertime. Where can I find my fix of obnoxious teens, fretful parents, and teething babies (followed by toddlers, pre-teens, teens, and finally the bain of every driver's existence, the elderly)?
-Couch Ass Groove
Dear Couch,
Check out Baby Borrowers on Wednesday nights, where all of that is rolled into one delicious hour!
Oh people, it's like an ice cream sandwich rolled into a Philly cheese steak deep fried like fish and chips, it's so good. Now unfortunately I missed the first 10 minutes of the show (I wish I could blame the DVR, but in reality, I forgot to set the DVR to tape it - there's a reality show in its own right). But let's meet the stupid teens that think playing house is all about romance and fun, and not about taking out the garbage, raising spoiled brats, bitter, seething resentment, and compromises to the point of nausea!
Jordan and Sasha have joined us from Texas and have been dating for a year. Both attend Texas Southern University and want to "prove to their parents that not all teens are irresponsible." Why don't you skip having a baby right now and focus on bringing their car back from the mall without any dents? Start small. The baby steps should be yours, morons.
Wow, your baby really matches...the carpet!
Daton and Morgan are 18 or 19 or whatever age their parents guestimated, and are the beach-bum surfing-skate-boarders who have been on and off dating for a year. Excellent base for bringing a human into the world, please procreate soon. Twenty bucks says these two end up being the swingers on the show and are the first ones who use the phrase, "Did we leave the baby at Whole Foods yesterday? Man, I got the munchies."
Kelly and Austin are both 18 and are from Georgia, so I'm sure they are brother and sister or cousins or at least hear banjo music at family events. They call themselves "preppy," but mostly they are "spineless" and "hormonal." I'll let you guess which teen is which. Kelly folds faster than a cheap chair, and Austin makes the consummate dumb-ass guy move that we will discuss later. Let's just say every man watching was like, "Dude, you did not just do that! Dude. Dude."
If you still sit on the counter to put on your makeup, you just
might be a redneck - uh, I mean, not ready to have a baby. And a redneck.
Cory & Alicea are 20 and 19 (doesn't that make him too old?) from Houston, Texas. Cory has earrings the baby is going to love to tear out of his lobes and Alicea made me add her name to my computer dictionary because Microsoft Word spells better than her mother. Both were raised by young, single mothers and want to be young parents so they can "better relate to them and grow up with them." Because if there is anything better than having 2 spoiled kids at home, it's having four. Alicea is a spoiled brat who **Spoiler Alert** is shocked to discover that having a baby suddenly makes it NOT ABOUT HER. Apparently she didn't relate well enough to her own young mother to know that.
Finally, we have Sean and Kelsey, who would make a great pair of Amish parents, probably because they are both from New Hampshire where we hear rumors they don't have cable, electricity, or any kind of fondness for Vermont. Bloody foliage! Kelsey wants Sean to see that having kids "isn't that hard" (I'm guessing her babysitting marathon was 3 hours at most) and Sean wants Kelsey to see that being a parent is a bitch-ass hard job that requires 24/7/365/70+ years of hard work, worry, and gas money/loans. Finally a teenager who has his head out of his ass, which I believe is probably a caption on one of his MySpace page pictures.
Grab a beer (unless you're on this show, then grab a Capri Sun), and let's see how this turns out!
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Comments (10)
Thank you, oh Dearest Crabby, for recapping this horrible show. I want to run screaming out of the room just from reading this, so I know I couldn't bear to watch it. And what is it with a baby suddenly being a hot accessory item like a pair of Prada shoes?
Honestly, I thought the whole thing was ridiculous back on "Friends" when Rachel got pregnant. You saw her by herself a lot more than with the baby... yeah, 'cause that's what single mothers do. Sheesh.
Babies = loud, need diaper changes, have to be fed, puke often. Cats = quiet, poop in a box, eat for themselves, puke only hairballs.
Hmmmmm...... I'll take the cat option please! :)
(No insult meant to any parents out there - I'm sure your kids are great.)
1 of 10 | Posted by teri00 | Posted on June 30, 2008 9:43 PM
That recap was hilarious.
2 of 10 | Posted by cuzimbtyful | Posted on June 30, 2008 11:56 PM
Okay, so I must say I love this show seeing as how I have a 13-month-old, and I KNEW this was going to be drama.
I love it, because at the end, those kids are going to appreciate their parents and all the hard work they put in (hopefully) and have an understanding of what parenthood is really like..not three days at a time, but FOREVER.
However, I want to punch Alicea and Sean both in the face every time their faces come up onscreen. Alicea wasn't even really trying to feed him. Maybe Karson's different from my son, but my son is picky with eating, and I'm sure with his teething, he's not going to lunge for the spoon. It actually needs to be INSERTED into his mouth, not waved in front of his face. And I hate that Sean was trying to exacerbate the problem and make the baby scream more and cause more issues to turn his girlfriend off. Do you not realize you're screwing with a human life to prove a point? Not nice, and the baby will do it all on her own, thankyouverymuch.
However, I'd like to whack all the parents upside the head too. I don't care if I'm across the street. There is no way I would leave complete teenage STRANGERS to take care of my son. No emotional attachment, so they don't really care. Maybe it's because my son had a heart defect that needed to be repaired at five months, but I'm worried about leaving my son alone with my husband, much less teenagers we don't know.
I need a break, but not THAT bad.
3 of 10 | Posted by narcissistic | Posted on July 1, 2008 5:07 AM
DC, I was so excited to see that someone was recapping this show!!! No one at work is watching it and I had to talk about it with somebody. God, that Alicea is one selfish B. And whatsherface who wouldn't wear the pregnancy belly, it was going to be for what, 18 hours?? I think her paycheck should be docked for that.
4 of 10 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on July 1, 2008 6:11 AM
I thought the show (and your recap) was great. Of course, most of the (selfish) people that most SHOULD watch it (potential parents; those who have parents but don't respect them; blind/deaf people) probably WON'T.
My youngest is in college, but I well remember the day my wife left me alone all day with our first baby. I thought I could watch both the baby and all the football on TV. I was a Marine sergeant, what's so complicated, right? What a quick course in mom appreciation THAT was! I never again resented her "getting" to stay home with the baby while I "had" to go to work with my buddies.
I agree that there is NO WAY I'd leave my child with these genetic mistakes.
I wish I'd had a wise, patient mentor like Miley's dad back then.
5 of 10 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on July 1, 2008 8:26 AM
fire@will:
"most of the (selfish) people that most SHOULD watch it (...; blind/deaf people) probably WON'T" What, blind/deaf people are selfish and don't make responsible parents? Surely that came out wrong.
Crabby, great recap! I wanted to string up Alicea for checking out after a the mom held herself in check as well as she did. And Kelly...How desperate must that Austin be to put up with that sort of childish narcissim. She can't possibly be that good in bed [much too selfish] so what could possibly lead to such pussywhippedness.
And don't even get me started on Sean. What a prick. He sees how much the baby likes him then trashs her while rubbing his hands together crowing about how his evil plan of manipulation against Kelsey is working superbly. She deserves better than being saddled with him for the father of her child, that's for sure. She doesn't need a baby right now, but she never needs one with him. Maybe this show will teach her that at the very least.
6 of 10 | Posted by Splotchie | Posted on July 2, 2008 2:33 PM
Not that it matters, but Daton seems a little gay to me. Maybe that's why there relationship is in the crapper.
Alicea is a dumb, selfish c*nt plain and simple. Her mom had her early and now she wants to have a kid early? To quote Julie Roberts in PRETTY WOMAN: "Big mistake. Huge!" Someone give that girl a hysterectomy pronto. Okay? Okay.
7 of 10 | Posted by ReeseWitherspoon | Posted on July 3, 2008 8:25 AM
Well this was just hilarious. I haven't seen the show, but maybe I don't really want to...?
I'm pretty sure that teens aren't the only ones who can be persuaded that child rearing is awful. I'm afraid one episode of this and I will never want to have babies.
8 of 10 | Posted by hollywood sucker | Posted on July 3, 2008 9:51 AM
Crabby:
EXCELLENT recap. For a non-parent, you really seem to "get" it!
I've taped every epi so far for my three teenage sons, but then after watching them, I can't see the "reality" in this reality show. Teens with cul-de-sac homes, stainless appliances, granite countertops, jobs that start at 9 am, make-up, decent hair, AND a maid service? (The teen twits aren't cleaning that house, folks. No way.) Puh-leeze. No one with a crying baby, a job, and a spotless house has time to flat-iron her hair. No one.
9 of 10 | Posted by TheVoiceOfReason | Posted on July 11, 2008 7:23 AM
I keep forgetting to watch this show and after reading the recap, I programed the DVR.
Mama broke her foot when I was six. My sister was 3 and my brother wasn't even walking yet. Daddy took a few days off and he called the phone company before lunch the first day to put the phone on the wall. He couldn't keep my brother from playing with the phone beside the couch. :>)
He also told Mama that he would never again ask what she had been doing all day.
He kept that promise.
10 of 10 | Posted by Gertrude | Posted on July 16, 2008 10:13 AM