Another nurse hands out a "simulation baby," which gives me hives, and tells them that it will imitate a real baby including crying, needing it's diaper changed, and learning the phrase, "trust fund." It finally hits Morgan as you see her mouth the words "Oh my God." Oh my God indeed, teen mom. Babies stop the surfing and skateboarding very quickly, my dear. Then these dolls start crying and my dogs run from the room in a panic. I'm close behind them.
One of the nurses says she's, "Very impressed with Kelsey, she's very instinctual with the way she held the baby." Yes, please encourage her to become a teen mom, moron. We need more of them. Sasha and Jordan were actually pretty good and respectful towards each other. Daton is also extolled as a potentially good dad at the same time Morgan says, "She's a brat," about the fake crying baby in Daton's arms. Tony Hawk would be so disappointed in you.
Back at the house, Kelly is acting like a spoiled brat about the belly - it's ugly, it's heavy, it hurt. Yes, just like pregnancy, Mrs. Cleaver. At least you can take that thing off instead of having a baby elbow in your bladder for 7 months. "I was not about to walk out the door with that." She said she didn't think Austin would really go. Oh, that's just his first step out the door, sister.
Austin walks back in the house and tries to snuggle with Kelly who turns her back on him. "Don't touch me," she says. Get used to that comment, Austin. Then she throws this all-out hissy fit like she's twelve years old and does that whole "if you don't know why I'm mad why should I tell you" bullshit that makes every feminist watching cringe. And renew her birth control prescription. Kelly slams the door for good measure.
The parents arrive home to find a roomful of baby gear including a baby crib (Morgan: "We have to put it together?") and toys (Daton: "Toys!"). All Morgan wanted to do was take a nap. Oh, kiss those goodbye too. Jordan tells Sasha to go take a nap and he'll put everything together. Smartest guy ever. Kelly whines about Austin leaving her behind, "I cried and cried and cried some more." Her parents did a nice job raising a strong woman. Well, what can you do when cousins mate? Do I hear banjo?
Austin apologizes for laughing at Kelly and voices over, "When she gets upset, her emotions get out of control. Reality goes right out the window." You know what will probably help that? Getting pregnant. It usually levels women's emotions out. "You've got to learn to suck it up and kind of lose your manhood." Wow. He learns fast. And so early. Most men take a few more years to become that whipped. Then he tells her he's looking to her to be his "teacher" with this since he's never been around kids. Nice save. They hug and he puts on the fat suit. Wow, he really gets into this losing his manhood thing!
"I'm going to play with these boobs all day!"
The teens all hang out together (Kelly sans belly because Austin still has dibs on it) and barbeque prior to the babies descending on them like frogs from the sky!
The next morning, fretful and crazy for doing this, parents show up to hand their children over to these dimwits to learn what it's like to deal with a baby for real. Or at least for 3 days. Hope they are getting some kind of college fund set up for participating in this!
Oh my God, I just saw a commercial for an ABC Family movie called The Secret Life of an American Teenager where some bonehead teen gets pregnant (seriously, people, am I the only one who is sick of this whole teen pregnancy fad? Pregnancy-Pacts in Massachusetts, skanky Spears pushing 'em out, and now ABC Family?). However, I'm more horrified by the fact that in this movie, the mother is played by 80s John-Hughes movie idol MOLLY RINGWALD! She's playing a woman who is about to become a grandmother!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She's my contemporary! THE HORROR! People, where's my stylist? My hair has gone gray overnight (again)!
Wow, she's not Pretty in Bloat, that's for damn sure.
Goodbye, my youth, it was a good ride while it lasted.
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Comments (10)
Thank you, oh Dearest Crabby, for recapping this horrible show. I want to run screaming out of the room just from reading this, so I know I couldn't bear to watch it. And what is it with a baby suddenly being a hot accessory item like a pair of Prada shoes?
Honestly, I thought the whole thing was ridiculous back on "Friends" when Rachel got pregnant. You saw her by herself a lot more than with the baby... yeah, 'cause that's what single mothers do. Sheesh.
Babies = loud, need diaper changes, have to be fed, puke often. Cats = quiet, poop in a box, eat for themselves, puke only hairballs.
Hmmmmm...... I'll take the cat option please! :)
(No insult meant to any parents out there - I'm sure your kids are great.)
1 of 10 | Posted by teri00 | Posted on June 30, 2008 9:43 PM
That recap was hilarious.
2 of 10 | Posted by cuzimbtyful | Posted on June 30, 2008 11:56 PM
Okay, so I must say I love this show seeing as how I have a 13-month-old, and I KNEW this was going to be drama.
I love it, because at the end, those kids are going to appreciate their parents and all the hard work they put in (hopefully) and have an understanding of what parenthood is really like..not three days at a time, but FOREVER.
However, I want to punch Alicea and Sean both in the face every time their faces come up onscreen. Alicea wasn't even really trying to feed him. Maybe Karson's different from my son, but my son is picky with eating, and I'm sure with his teething, he's not going to lunge for the spoon. It actually needs to be INSERTED into his mouth, not waved in front of his face. And I hate that Sean was trying to exacerbate the problem and make the baby scream more and cause more issues to turn his girlfriend off. Do you not realize you're screwing with a human life to prove a point? Not nice, and the baby will do it all on her own, thankyouverymuch.
However, I'd like to whack all the parents upside the head too. I don't care if I'm across the street. There is no way I would leave complete teenage STRANGERS to take care of my son. No emotional attachment, so they don't really care. Maybe it's because my son had a heart defect that needed to be repaired at five months, but I'm worried about leaving my son alone with my husband, much less teenagers we don't know.
I need a break, but not THAT bad.
3 of 10 | Posted by narcissistic | Posted on July 1, 2008 5:07 AM
DC, I was so excited to see that someone was recapping this show!!! No one at work is watching it and I had to talk about it with somebody. God, that Alicea is one selfish B. And whatsherface who wouldn't wear the pregnancy belly, it was going to be for what, 18 hours?? I think her paycheck should be docked for that.
4 of 10 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on July 1, 2008 6:11 AM
I thought the show (and your recap) was great. Of course, most of the (selfish) people that most SHOULD watch it (potential parents; those who have parents but don't respect them; blind/deaf people) probably WON'T.
My youngest is in college, but I well remember the day my wife left me alone all day with our first baby. I thought I could watch both the baby and all the football on TV. I was a Marine sergeant, what's so complicated, right? What a quick course in mom appreciation THAT was! I never again resented her "getting" to stay home with the baby while I "had" to go to work with my buddies.
I agree that there is NO WAY I'd leave my child with these genetic mistakes.
I wish I'd had a wise, patient mentor like Miley's dad back then.
5 of 10 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on July 1, 2008 8:26 AM
fire@will:
"most of the (selfish) people that most SHOULD watch it (...; blind/deaf people) probably WON'T" What, blind/deaf people are selfish and don't make responsible parents? Surely that came out wrong.
Crabby, great recap! I wanted to string up Alicea for checking out after a the mom held herself in check as well as she did. And Kelly...How desperate must that Austin be to put up with that sort of childish narcissim. She can't possibly be that good in bed [much too selfish] so what could possibly lead to such pussywhippedness.
And don't even get me started on Sean. What a prick. He sees how much the baby likes him then trashs her while rubbing his hands together crowing about how his evil plan of manipulation against Kelsey is working superbly. She deserves better than being saddled with him for the father of her child, that's for sure. She doesn't need a baby right now, but she never needs one with him. Maybe this show will teach her that at the very least.
6 of 10 | Posted by Splotchie | Posted on July 2, 2008 2:33 PM
Not that it matters, but Daton seems a little gay to me. Maybe that's why there relationship is in the crapper.
Alicea is a dumb, selfish c*nt plain and simple. Her mom had her early and now she wants to have a kid early? To quote Julie Roberts in PRETTY WOMAN: "Big mistake. Huge!" Someone give that girl a hysterectomy pronto. Okay? Okay.
7 of 10 | Posted by ReeseWitherspoon | Posted on July 3, 2008 8:25 AM
Well this was just hilarious. I haven't seen the show, but maybe I don't really want to...?
I'm pretty sure that teens aren't the only ones who can be persuaded that child rearing is awful. I'm afraid one episode of this and I will never want to have babies.
8 of 10 | Posted by hollywood sucker | Posted on July 3, 2008 9:51 AM
Crabby:
EXCELLENT recap. For a non-parent, you really seem to "get" it!
I've taped every epi so far for my three teenage sons, but then after watching them, I can't see the "reality" in this reality show. Teens with cul-de-sac homes, stainless appliances, granite countertops, jobs that start at 9 am, make-up, decent hair, AND a maid service? (The teen twits aren't cleaning that house, folks. No way.) Puh-leeze. No one with a crying baby, a job, and a spotless house has time to flat-iron her hair. No one.
9 of 10 | Posted by TheVoiceOfReason | Posted on July 11, 2008 7:23 AM
I keep forgetting to watch this show and after reading the recap, I programed the DVR.
Mama broke her foot when I was six. My sister was 3 and my brother wasn't even walking yet. Daddy took a few days off and he called the phone company before lunch the first day to put the phone on the wall. He couldn't keep my brother from playing with the phone beside the couch. :>)
He also told Mama that he would never again ask what she had been doing all day.
He kept that promise.
10 of 10 | Posted by Gertrude | Posted on July 16, 2008 10:13 AM